Appealing?

sammyIammy said:

Hey TX
Glad to hear you're getting some mental health catch up time. We'll keep your spot warm and well-cared for Couldn't see the mani pedi pic by the way...maybe it's on my end

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txconfidential said:

Y'all are so sweet.

I've received quite a few PMs asking if all is well and if the PMs got the better of me and chased me away.

So I feel compelled to respond. No, the PMs I referred to earlier have not chased me away. I'm just spending time on some things I've been neglecting recently - my house, my work and my mind.

I'll be back as time and organizational sanity permit (we probably don't want to wait for full sanity ) - just need to sort and order some things on my end.

In the meantime, I'll share the results of my mani-pedi with you. Yes, I know... ya'll probably couldn't care less. But I really liked the neutral color. After the wild green and bold sparkly red... it was time.

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Tx, it's only been a weekend, lol, I know that you have a life outside of Lit, you take care of what you need to and I'll be patient.
You have lovely toes by the way...

txconfidential said:

Ha ha, Sam! Is the post above better? Please do keep my spot warm, I would appreciate that.

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HBH619 said:

Lovely work. Money well spent Tx.

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DonQuixoteindfw said:

Tx, it's only been a weekend, lol, I know that you have a life outside of Lit, you take care of what you need to and I'll be patient.
You have lovely toes by the way...

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sammyIammy said:

Oh it's warm baby

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txconfidential said:

I know, right? Maybe some just miss me terribly. (probably not) Or maybe some like to be champions, in the chivalrous sense. (a possibility) And maybe I've been spoiling y'all with such frequent accessibility. (hmmmmm ) Wonder if I should remember that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" .

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Well speaking for myself, while I would love to see and speak to you each and every day (even if it's only seeing images of you and reading what thoughts you care to share with us), I would be afraid that you would soon become bored with someone as simple as I, and so I'm satisfied with what access I can get. But I still think you are an intrigueing, and oh so lovely woman.

txconfidential said:

Y'all are so sweet.

I've received quite a few PMs asking if all is well and if the PMs got the better of me and chased me away.

So I feel compelled to respond. No, the PMs I referred to earlier have not chased me away. I'm just spending time on some things I've been neglecting recently - my house, my work and my mind.

I'll be back as time and organizational sanity permit (we probably don't want to wait for full sanity ) - just need to sort and order some things on my end.

In the meantime, I'll share the results of my mani-pedi with you. Yes, I know... ya'll probably couldn't care less. But I really liked the neutral color. After the wild green and bold sparkly red... it was time.

​

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txconfidential said:

Y'all are so sweet.

I've received quite a few PMs asking if all is well and if the PMs got the better of me and chased me away.

So I feel compelled to respond. No, the PMs I referred to earlier have not chased me away. I'm just spending time on some things I've been neglecting recently - my house, my work and my mind.

I'll be back as time and organizational sanity permit (we probably don't want to wait for full sanity ) - just need to sort and order some things on my end.

In the meantime, I'll share the results of my mani-pedi with you. Yes, I know... ya'll probably couldn't care less. But I really liked the neutral color. After the wild green and bold sparkly red... it was time.

​

Click to expand...

txconfidential said:

Y'all are so sweet.

I've received quite a few PMs asking if all is well and if the PMs got the better of me and chased me away.

So I feel compelled to respond. No, the PMs I referred to earlier have not chased me away. I'm just spending time on some things I've been neglecting recently - my house, my work and my mind.

I'll be back as time and organizational sanity permit (we probably don't want to wait for full sanity ) - just need to sort and order some things on my end.

In the meantime, I'll share the results of my mani-pedi with you. Yes, I know... ya'll probably couldn't care less. But I really liked the neutral color. After the wild green and bold sparkly red... it was time.

​

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txconfidential said:

As you may have gathered, there’s a lot going on in my life right now. Note: when I say “life” I mean Real Life (RL) and Lit Life (LL). But what has been consuming my thoughts lately is the part of my life where RL & LL intersect.

Okay, here’s the deal.

It’s no secret that I’ve connected with a few people here on lit on a personal level. It’s no secret that a couple of people have captivated me in a way that transcend Lit and touch me in real life. And it’s no secret that I’ve had the pleasure of connecting with one of them intimately back in January. (And if you’ve been following my thread with more than a passing interest, you’re probably already aware that I was with Malerotica.)

What isn’t as obvious – and what came as quite a surprise to me – is that we have remained close, despite the distance separating us. I didn’t anticipate that this would happen.

You see, when we first connected, we were both married and planned on staying that way. Well, that hasn’t changed for him (and I would never want it to), but we all know it has changed for me. So, what started out as a perfect arrangement for two married people seeking to fill a void in their lives has grown… more complex.

Why complex? Because my situation changed and my marriage is ending. And when my marriage ends, I know that (when the time is right) I’ll open myself up to exploring and experiencing a new love in my life. And I know that the time for me to do that has not come.

Why am I waiting? Because I’m sure that who I am now is not who I will be once the dust settles. Well, at core, of course I’ll be the same. But right now my needs and my focus have to be on me. I have to put so much energy into sorting out our (me and my husband) lives, into making sure he has the care and support he needs from his family, into my career, and into me. While “me” should be highest priority, I’ve developed a pattern of putting “me” off until everything else is taken care of. But I’m realizing that there is no point in time when everything else will be “taken care of” and so I need to break that pattern. Until I do, I run the risk of losing myself again… that’s why I’m waiting.

But I don’t want to continue living without some intimacy in my life. So, for now… I’m happy with connecting with Mal. But what I’m not happy with is the weird dynamic with him that I’ve created here on the thread.

You see, he views this as my space and he is reluctant to intrude upon it, even though I’ve invited him here and encouraged him to post. When I asked him why, he explained that, given the connection we’ve established through Lit, it’s clear that Lit is an excellent way to find someone. And so he doesn’t want to ruin any chance of me connecting with someone else – someone who is a great match and can give me more than he is able to give.

Yet I still invited him to participate. Heck, if any of you are going to be smitten with me down the road in real life, you’ll already know all of this anyway, right? And besides that, I SUCK at keeping my own secrets – too much work and angst. (But I’m great at keeping others’ secrets, so dish! ) Also, knowing me, if I fell for someone who wasn’t on Lit, I’d probably bring him here anyway. Besides, f he discovered this on his own, I’d have a lot of ‘splainin to do!

Anyway, Mal took up my invitation… twice. And I feel bad because both times, he ended up deleting his posts. The first time, he deleted it because he thought he had gone to far. The second time was because I had let him know I wasn’t comfortable with what he revealed in his post. Don’t get me wrong – I loved the post, it just revealed a bit more than I was comfortable with. Much like when I posted about my youthful theater hijinx (I LOVED that post, too and deleted it myself).

Now, normally, I wouldn't mention any of this, and it wouldn't be on anyone’s radar. But, since I mentioned the 2 PMs I got that icked me out (I’m now thinking they could have been from the same person, with different accounts. ) But I didn’t want anyone to associate his deleted posts with the St Paddy’s Day Ickiness (that is now the official thread term – the acronym is SPDI).

Anyway, I don’t know if he will post here again or not. I love seeing him here, but I think he has decided that it’s best for me, for him, and for any potential suitors (when the time comes) that he doesn’t.

So there you have it. A peek behind the curtain.

So why am I posting all of this? Duh! Have you read the thread? If you have, then you know that I sort through my feelings in writing. And – while I could easily have left this as the freeform, convoluted ramblings in my journal… I decided to share it because it’s an integral part of what I have made this thread – a record of my rediscovery. That being said – it seems it would be better for me to do that on my own blog or website, but that’s a conversation for another day.

xoxo

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Tx,
Well said, I applaud your courage and honesty, and I do envy Malerotica for his association with you. You are one very special lady, and when you are ready, I know that you will make some lucky man extremely happy. I know that I'm looking forward to seeing more posts from you, because while I do love the pictures that you post, I also love seeing the way your mind works through your text posts too. Just remember in both R/l and in L/l there is plenty of wildlife in the woods, and this is one teddybear who would love to hear your convoluted ramblings in person.

txconfidential said:

Okay.... who guessed I was nekkid when I took my mani pedi pic?

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txconfidential said:

Okay.... who guessed I was nekkid when I took my mani pedi pic?

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I do love your toes...

txconfidential said:

Okay.... who guessed I was nekkid when I took my mani pedi pic?

Click to expand...

txconfidential said:

Okay.... who guessed I was nekkid when I took my mani pedi pic?

Click to expand...

txconfidential said:

Okay.... who guessed I was nekkid when I took my mani pedi pic?

Click to expand...