Honest Opinions, Please

[_Lynn_]

I sent an email because it was easier to do that instead of trying to figure out how to turn my IMs on. lol

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[Addicted2Writing]

* Please ensure you have switched on your Private Messages. Go to User CP (top left of this page), click on Edit Options (in the left hand column), and then tick Enable Private Messaging in the second box down. Make sure that the next box down (Receive Private Messages only from Buddies and Moderators) is NOT ticked. Finally click Save Changes at the bottom of that page.

Thank you Lynn

 

[_Lynn_]

Thank you Lynn

You're welcome.

 

[robertreams]

almost anything is e-book worthy. you should see the crap there. Some of the books are less than 2000 words; and sooo bad. However, don't think you are going to sell much merely because you are on e books. You still need big time promotion.

 

[sr71plt]

Having been in mainstream publishing for a couple of decades before the e-book revolution, I can say that, surprisingly enough, this isn't true of e-books. E-books pretty much sell themselves by listing them at several on-line publishers--and do so just about as well as they would if you put a lot of effort into promoting them.

 

[robertreams]

Well, jbj and others. There may be a few grammar uses I might disagtrree with, such as an over use of 'that' and 'and'. But in twenty-two pragraphs, I saw few punctuation errors so serious that I would call the author 'ignorant of punctuaton."

 

[Addicted2Writing]

thanks robert

Robert...Again, your comment of my multiple use of 'and' ... and 'that' is what I needed to know.

But can you be specific with grammar uses? Just one example will do.

Every one of yalls critiques are helpful and will be implemented. But being rude about it as jbj was is not.

Well, jbj and others. There may be a few grammar uses I might disagtrree with, such as an over use of 'that' and 'and'. But in twenty-two pragraphs, I saw few punctuation errors so serious that I would call the author 'ignorant of punctuaton."

 

[walkerlong]

I wasn't really drawn into the story. I think because there was a lot of telling and no showing. The mother's stroke, which ought to be this huge emotional thing, was just kinda mentioned. We don't see the father crying alone in his room - we hear about it second hand. Show me that this family is desperate. Make me feel the desperation with them.

 

[Addicted2Writing]

@ Walkerlong...

I wasn't really drawn into the story. I think because there was a lot of telling and no showing. The mother's stroke, which ought to be this huge emotional thing, was just kinda mentioned. We don't see the father crying alone in his room - we hear about it second hand. Show me that this family is desperate. Make me feel the desperation with them.

That was my main concern about the first chapter -- that it was boring and was emotionless, not to mention wanting to have the reader want to continue to read. That's how I decide if an ebook is one that I want to continue to read.

Thank you for your honest opinion.

 

[Bert_Fegg]

By and large I thought it was well written. There were a couple of things that stood out to me though - Not sure this is the kind of criticism you wanted, but:

a horse like they use in gymnastics;

I found the wording incongruous with the rest of the story. Forgive me if I can't quite find the words I'm looking for, but the phrase seemed more appropriate for a conversation than a narrative.

"I am pleased you were able to find my family's tartan colors," he said, though he had yet to smile.

No Scotsman will ever refer to his "tartan colours" It's just his tartan. Also strictly speaking it's his clan's tartan, not his family's, so he'd be unlikely to refer to it as anything other that "The MacDougall tartan" or "My tartan"

There was one other thing, but I can't remember what it was. All in all I Liked the story though. I'll definitely carry on reading. Nice work

 

[Addicted2Writing]

@Bert

By and large I thought it was well written. There were a couple of things that stood out to me though - Not sure this is the kind of criticism you wanted, but...

I might have Scottish ancestry but I am FAR from being a Scot. lol

And yes, what you pointed out regarding the family tartan colors is also what I'm looking for. I want it as authentic as possible, and a 'true Scot' would know my faux pas.

Thank you!

NOTE: One thing I never explained with the dialogue between Hamish and Gayle is that when I was in Scotland, understanding their accent was VERY difficult because it is so heavy with the 'rolling R's.' Altho it's sexy as hell, I will admit, it is still hard to grasp, especially if they talk really fast.

Same as Brits. I dated a Brit off and on for 3 years, and even then I had to have him repeat what he said several times. lol

Thank you for your time.

Jean

 

[elfin_odalisque]

A2W, JBJ talks nonsense but if you are going to publish on Kindle you should get a good copy editor to review your story. It costs but helps sales and there are a bundle of typos that need cleaning up.

My issue is with content. The plot is not plausible. Domestic servants - US or otherwise - cannot work in the UK unless they have worked for their employer abroad for at least twelve months. With that she can have a six month employment visa.This isn't the case and she is illegal - probably picked up at border control in UK.

If you scrap the employment contract and just have her as a visitor supported by the laird, it works. Just keep the BDSM contracts private.

Virgin Atlantic (not Virgin Airlines) doesn't fly to Baltimore. Your six and a half hours is a dream world. Seven hours plus is the shortest US-UK flight. From BWI you are looking at a minimum 0f 13 to 16 hours with at least two stopovers.

Throwing bags around disappeared years ago. They all get put in metal pods and conveyed into the hold.

You have taken on a difficult issue and, whilst I love your plot and writing, you don't seem to have considered the difficulties they face if they want to get married.

 

[JonB1969]

Yes, I know it's rated high, etc., but I am bit of a perfectionist, and if people are going to be paying for an e-book I want it perfect (or as perfect as possible). Yes, I am confident in my writing. It is not a matter of getting strangers to confirm it's good enough. As I've just said, I want it perfect. Thus asking for constructive criticism -- so I can make it better.

I hate to burst your bubble, but you will be working on your writing a long time if you want to make it perfect. Nobody's writing is perfect, or their wouldn't be any need for editors on this site.

I've been writing for a long time, and have 11 published ebooks under my belt so far, and I can tell you from experience that you can work on a manuscript for a long time and still not make it perfect.

So try instead for "as perfect as I can live with."

It sucks but seriously, perfect does not exist. Good exists. Natural talent for writing exists. But the perfect manuscript does not exist. Because just as soon as you thing you have written the perfect story, along comes some troll or idiot or what have that has absolutely no taste for writing whatsoever to tear you down. So make it as good as you can live with without obsession.

 

[sr71plt]

It sucks but seriously, perfect does not exist. Good exists. Natural talent for writing exists. But the perfect manuscript does not exist. Because just as soon as you thing you have written the perfect story, along comes some troll or idiot or what have that has absolutely no taste for writing whatsoever to tear you down. So make it as good as you can live with without obsession.

Let's be honest (to go with the thread title). There are a lot of legitimate, non-troll reasons why there is no perfect copy. I've been copyediting for the mainstream publishers for two decades and, no matter how many times something is copyedited, there are still mistakes in it--and trolls and idiots have had no part in that.

 

[Addicted2Writing]

..........

"If you scrap the employment contract and just have her as a visitor supported by the laird, it works. Just keep the BDSM contracts private." I had no clue! Excellent point. Thank you!

And I flown from Dulles non-stop to London, which was just over 6 hours (plus the 5 hour time difference). I'd fly out 7PM and arrive 6:30ish AM. I hadn't considered Edinburgh would be a little farther. I've made a note of that.

And marrying ... now, if I answered anything about that I'd give away my plot, wouldn't I?

Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[Addicted2Writing]

sr71 & JonB

I hate to burst your bubble, but you will be working on your writing a long time if you want to make it perfect. Nobody's writing is perfect, or their wouldn't be any need for editors on this site.

I've been writing for a long time, and have 11 published ebooks under my belt so far, and I can tell you from experience that you can work on a manuscript for a long time and still not make it perfect. So try instead for "as perfect as I can live with."............

Well, being a perfectionist is one of my faults, I will admit. I always do the best I can but I still get backlash for whatever reason. I am a delicate flower! lol So I will take your advice and write "the best I can live with."

I do feel better. Thank you.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

"If you scrap the employment contract and just have her as a visitor supported by the laird, it works. Just keep the BDSM contracts private." I had no clue! Excellent point. Thank you!

And I flown from Dulles non-stop to London, which was just over 6 hours (plus the 5 hour time difference). I'd fly out 7PM and arrive 6:30ish AM. I hadn't considered Edinburgh would be a little farther. I've made a note of that.

And marrying ... now, if I answered anything about that I'd give away my plot, wouldn't I?

Thank you for your thoughts.

Thank you for your kind response.

Although I've flown it many times, I googled it to check and the shortest flight quoted by any airline Dulles-London is quoted at 7hr30. The problem you have on timings is connections. BWI doesn't fly to London, let alone Edinburgh, so you have to allow for stopovers which mean both delay and change of airline.

I like your story and you said you and Scooter were bosom buddies so good luck to you both.

 

[Addicted2Writing]

elfin...

... if I do decide to publish as ebook I will change it. The funny thing is I'm so picky on minute details that I even google earthed the drive from edinburgh to tentsmuir to describe the scenery. So to mess up on local info like airport and flying time is quite embarrassing.

And Scooter is no longer my editor/co author, I'm sad to say. He was my muse, and the story will really suffer...it already has (please don't ask). But I've found a new editor, tho the essence of Hamish as a Scot will greatly diminish.

Thanks for the kick in the butt.

 

[sr71plt]

I would hope, though, that you spend a lot more time creating a story than in pinning down minutia--unless, of course, your target audience is the anal retentive. It's fiction. You're allowed to make things up as long as they don't defy the natural laws (and in fantasy you can do even that) or stretch the believability too much of readers who aren't seriously anal retentive.

 

[walkerlong]

I would hope, though, that you spend a lot more time creating a story than in pinning down minutia--unless, of course, your target audience is the anal retentive. It's fiction. You're allowed to make things up as long as they don't defy the natural laws (and in fantasy you can do even that) or stretch the believability too much of readers who aren't seriously anal retentive.

I have to agree with that. Readers will overlook almost anything if they are engaged in a good story.

 

[lovecraft68]

I have to agree with that. Readers will overlook almost anything if they are engaged in a good story.

Especially when they are reading one handed.

 

[Addicted2Writing]

sr...walkerlong...lovecraft...

I will have to keep that in mind re: the minute details. That is one of my issues.

I try so hard to give the reader what a room looks like, the feel of a view that I go overboard--and promptly drown. I have to remember to allow the reader something to the imagination.

lovecraft: Ewww, but so true! lol

Again, your thoughts are appreciated.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

addicted . . .
----------------------
So sorry to hear about you and Scooter. You sounded like a great pair. Haven't read many more chapters yet but think you'd do well to keep the Scottish laird a prominent theme. It's great for us 'wanna have ancestry' types.

In response to some comments here, you don't write simple stroke fantasy but quite detailed erotica. Your character development and scene placement are great.

sr is a great editor but often confuses his pedantry with the Chicago Manual of Style with the need to be roughly right with the details.

 

[sr71plt]

Nothing I've commented on here has been about the Chicago Manual of Style. It's been about what is needed to write fiction, which isn't covered in the CMS. Elfin, who hasn't posted any fiction to Literotica for nearly a decade was just being seriously anal retentive here in picking at her understanding of the details. Plane schedules and routes change all of the time. Literary license gives an author a great deal of latitude in not having to satisfy the views of the zanily anal retentive like Elfin on what they think the "facts" are/should be/need to be to in a story.

In receiving advice, one really should look to the source. Go look at Elfin's moldering story list on Literotica when deciding whether she has any standing in telling you how/what you should write to Literotica.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

ELFIN blasts my wares and posts this: "What d'you mean, he does nothing, Emma." The older woman shook her long blonde hair in utter amazement and the look of shock in her sapphire blue-eyes made her attractive younger neighbor smile back across the kitchen table.

Shouldn't a question end with a question mark?

Looks like she's a fool for adverbs and static verbs, too.