Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
pcarp said:And we all know that every thing on Wikipedia is 100% correct. Well I guess you have the answers to the origin of all life if you have read Wikipedia. Why waste your time asking questions on this forum?
pcarp said:Nuff said. But you go for it MoBiGuy.
WHEN you find a girlfriend, you be up front and honest with her as soon as you feel that emotional attraction. And WHEN you have that conversation, you come back here and tell us how fast she stopped taking your calls.
There are a lot of more important things to share than the fact that you have fantasies about things you haven't and may never do, but what do we know?
Now, my last question for this thread: If you don't want to at least listen to the answers you get in this thread, then why did you bother to ask? Sounds to me that you got all pumped up with yourself and wanted to show the world what a great person you are (or at least think you are). You weren't prepared to learn that some people think you are not only wrong but bordering
silverwhiser said:ok, biguy: ultimately, if you wind up in a relationship with someone, i fully agree with you that disclosure is important. however, as you think about such things, consider that it may be a boyfriend to whom you'll have to disclose this. :>
while pcarp is nominally right that wikis aren't 100% factual, the broader point that you're making makes sense to me.
[shrug]
softbuzz said:I really need to be more discerning about the threads I respond to.
Some of them are just not worth the aggravation.
i would submit that you've misread me. since you're self-describing as bi, would it not make sense that there's also the possibility you might be in a relationship with a man?
ed
Hey all,
This is a bit of a follow-up to my "Should I tell her" thread I posted a year ago. I have reached the decision that whenever I find a girlfiend, and we get the point of falling in love, then I personally think I should tell her that I am bisexual virgin. While several people view this as being a bad idea, I also found a bunch more positive support. My heart tells me that is the right thing to do, I mean, it's a pretty big secret to keep from yourself. Also, having seen my parent's relationship destroyed by mistrust and lack of communication, it would make sense that I don't wish to follow that same path.
With that said, I still feel a bit uneasy telling my future girlfriend that I am bi. More so the whole "when should I do it?" and "how would it affect our relationship?"
First off, I don't want to make it seem like I am making a pass to sleep with other men since I wouldn't feel guilty because she knows that I am into them. To me, it's more about the honesty aspect than the sexual one. It doesn't mean that if she wants to experience it, I wouldn't say I wouldn't, but I don't want to cheat on her. I've seen how destructive cheating can be, and I don't want to put her through it, even if she gives me permission. Of course, with that said, I definately wouldn't mind if she invites a gay friend over for a show. I know contradictions, but isn't that true with everybody.
I'm also afraid of the emotional backlash if I do this. I mean, she might go apeshit on me, and drag my name through the dirt to hurt me. Or the fact that she might attempt to make herself more man-like to embrace my desires. I don't want a woman acting butch to make me attracted to her
So, with that said, I would like to see what you all would do?
Also, I think you should understand that all these folks have tried to give you some solid advice and you should appreciate that, if you don't like what they say..... let it go.... I think they all have a lot more experience than you. Even the bankrobbing comparison, while really strange had good intentions.
Where exactly did I say that? Does illiteracy run in your family or what? I guess when intelligence fails, you just resort to name calling?
I'm not stressing about anything really. Hell, with the rate of my social development, I probably be dead long before I even have sex with anybody. But, I still like to get a second opinion on many things.
However, let's put things in a bit of perspection. I don't consider myself bi-curious or straight, but curious. Personally, I think that is a load of shit! The defination of bisexuality is a romantic or sexual attraction or behavior towards men and women. Within that defination, I am technically bisexual, because I am attracted in both men and women. No where does the statement on Wikipedia says that I have fuck a guy or girl to make sure, because I know that I am attracted to both.
And, as for the getting nervous/sick thing that softbuzz brought up, I view it this way, you are going to be nervous either way.
I have read all of the responses to your initial request for suggestions as to what you should do about this big question in your life. I think you responded to some very sane balanced comments with arguement that doesn't support your interest in being bisexual. It strikes me that you are truly pre gay, and once you try it, you will forget about women altogether. You say that "when we get the point of falling in love, then I personally think I should tell her that I am bisexual virgin" You mean to tell me YOU will really be on the vertge of falling in love with a woman, or you feel SHE will be on the verge of falling in love with you and you want to tell her you are a bisexual virgin???? I mean let me get this straight (no pun intended) You have said that you watch gay porn and you are attracted to men....... then go for that..... stop fooling yourself that you really want a "relationship" with a woman..
Exquisition said:Missouri - have you had sex with a girl? If you don't mind me asking?
I have to edit down your post, because I mostly felt it was just rambling about inane stuff, and the fact you didn't space your paragraphs make it very hard to read. Also, it's just want too long, especially since you could've put simply "I don't think you are bi, I think you are pre-gay, and just in denial".
Now, let me drill little holes in your theory. Yes, I watch gay porn, so what! Hell, there are women on here who watch male to male pornography. Porn isn't a definate on your sexuality. Hell, I started a thread about it a while back. As for who I am attracted to, I know damn well that I am attracted to men AND women. Hell, I think about eating a girl's pussy and fucking, as well as doing things with a guy.
True, I have run scenerios in my head about the subject and even question myself. But, I always have wondering eye on the ladies, and I find them attractive. The same with men. And I am pretty sure that when I sleep with a woman, I will definately enjoy it. Same with another man.
There are different levels of bisexuality. I mean, some guys are more into just cocks and oral sex, while others want to be just tops or bottoms, and, again, others consider themselves versatile
The reason I have to defend myself is because people don't seem to want to believe you can be bisexual and a virgin. Hell, if I identify myself straight or gay, this wouldn't be a fucking issue. All it makes you sound like is a bisexual hater, though sounds like had a encounter.
I don't mind, and yes, I am. Rather pathetic, huh?
I have read all of the responses to your initial request for suggestions as to what you should do about this big question in your life. I think you responded to some very sane balanced comments with arguement that doesn't support your interest in being bisexual. It strikes me that you are truly pre gay, and once you try it, you will forget about women altogether. You say that "when we get the point of falling in love, then I personally think I should tell her that I am bisexual virgin" You mean to tell me YOU will really be on the vertge of falling in love with a woman, or you feel SHE will be on the verge of falling in love with you and you want to tell her you are a bisexual virgin???? I mean let me get this straight (no pun intended) You have said that you watch gay porn and you are attracted to men....... then go for that..... stop fooling yourself that you really want a "relationship" with a woman.
I had an incredible love relationship with a wonderful beautiful woman, but she was so sexually experienced that if I didn't pretty much get it up on my own, she couldn't be bothered to put a lot of effort into getting me up and into it. She thought since I was not getting hard really quick, like all her other lovers, that I must be gay. I had a good woman friend tell me that since she had heard from this woman, our bedroom problems.... that perhaps I should try making love with a man. That idea repulsed me. Now, I had bi-sexual fantasies, that mostly had to do with oral sex. In other words .... sucking cock...... Fast forward ten years and I meet a couple that, as it turns out, the man is bi. His wife recruited me into a threesome with them. She did this by calling me into their bed one morning, ( I had stayed overnight in the other room after a party and in the middle of the night, she came in and gave me a blowjob) when I went into their room, she was sitting in between his legs and slowly sucking his cock, out to the tip and then really slowly going down the shaft till he had almost all of him in her mouth and throat...... an incredible sight..... His cock was big and hard and I lay there next to them watching....... since I was naked and I was now hard, he reached over and took my cock in his big warm hand..... I came immediately. Long story short, the three of us became lovers. He and I do not kiss, or fuck. He wanted to try it and do him and we did, I didn't care for it.....can't explain that.... just didn't work for me. I'd rather do that with a woman.
The idea that your fantasy of male to male sex could not be all you hoped it would be, plays out in that scenario. I tried something and didn't care for it. I have only done it once and have no plans to do it any more..... I get to suck his cock, share doing that with her, and she gets two to play with.... a perfect arrangement and very satisfying. We get together, even to this date and have good fun. (By the way, I recently mentioned to her that I wished I would have offered to suck him that morning and I always regretted I did not). It was months before we did a 69 and got that out of the way...... His is the only one I have ever had, and it is awesome.
With all that said..... I did have a woman friend who would come around and play with me occasionally. (I was not active with my couple at this time) She had a real hang up about catching stds and wouldn't open mouth kiss or let me lick her pussy at all..... It became a problem for me.....We were in my hot tub one day and she said she had a second clit. I asked her where and she pointed to the place above her two front teeth....... I commented, I know that you mean, I have sucked cock before, and I know how good it can be. She acted very shocked about this and asked if I wasn't worried about contracting some disease and I told her that the one man I had ever been with was clean and we had always done bloot tests before activity........ She left that day and I didn't hear from her for several months. I assumed that she was no longer interested in playing with me She did get back in touch, started coming over again, she had amazing breasts and she loved dragging them over my face, so how could I resist. I decided that she needed to know that I had other little kinks and told her that I would like to cum on her tits and then lick my cum off of them......I told her since I DID in fact like to suck cock that it didn't bother me to eat my own cum...... She came over, we used a toy to fuck her with, I fingered her to about five orgasms and then she stroked me and I came on her tits.... then I licked them up...... thats the last time I ever saw her.......I would imagine that she told people that I am gay and like to lick my own cum..... who cares?
If anyone ever was to imply that I am gay and I discovered they knew her, I would quite honestly say that I told her this to get rid of her. It worked.
I just guess you don't want to hear anyone tell you that until you try it, you simply do not know..... There is a thread here called "Men, have you sucked a cock today"? I suggest you read it and if it turns you on like it does a lot of the guys on it.... then you should find a man and try it before you go telling some poor lady who might be falling in love with you that you are a bisexual virgin. I personally think you are more gay than bi, because you so vigorously defend you right to "declare" you are bi. Try it and see if it fits.
Best of Luck.
Also, I think you should understand that all these folks have tried to give you some solid advice and you should appreciate that, if you don't like what they say..... let it go.... I think they all have a lot more experience than you. Even the bankrobbing comparison, while really strange had good intentions.
Missouri - as the saying goes "Don't die wondering." You owe it to yourself to find out who and what you are IMO - and all the books, porn and thoughts running through your mind, gay or straight won't subsitute for experience and reality.
I'm in my 40;s and was abused by by mother which has had a profound affect on my sexuality. I;m only just beginning to comprehend and understand this. Right now, I don;t know if I;m coming or going when it comes to my sexuality. One thing I do accept, though, is that for me to even BE on this board is a testament to my curiosity which can;t be denied. Everyone's journey is as unique as their fingerprint and the 'advice' profered by those whether it comes from a desire to help or sermonise is no substitute for your own reality and experience.
You mention that you started a similar thread over a year ago - that suggests to me that you are stuck in a loop. It's not easy - but ask yourself this, will you be starting a similar thread in a year's time asking the same sort of question?
Sometimes, it's better to quiet the mind and take control of your own destiny but it;s your life. Do what;s right for you and only you.
njlauren said:My take on it would be he shouldn't be so eager to broadcast it to a potential love interest, not because it isn't the right thing to do per se, but because he obviously doesn't know what he is, whether he even is bi or if he is like some guys, get off on the idea of having sex with a man but when push comes to shove, so to speak, finds out he isn't interested.
njlauren said:Missouri guy, it is okay to call yourself bi if you want, labels are all self made, but I think you need to explore it to really find what you need and what you are. It would be kind of silly to tell a gal you are bi and then find out it is all fantasy for you, jerk off material, until you know what you need you can't really say what you are.
njlauren said:I just wanted to let you know that announcing you are bi before you actually explore bi sex, might be very premature,that's all, and why go through the drama of 'coming out' if in the end it is only fantasy?
Huh? Life pervades practically every aspect of life, not sex. If you can not function at work because of your sex life, sexual orientation, sexual perversions, sexual limitations, sexual disfunction or sexual anything else then you have issues way beyond trying to decide if you are straight, bi, gay, celibate, a sexual or just plain freaky. If you forget to call mom on her birthday because you are preoccupied with sex that is one thing but if sex saturates your every waking moment you have issues.Exquisition said:Your sexuality pervades practically every other aspect of life.
Excellent advice (and said by many already), but he won't like it...or accept it. For some reason it seems he has a need to be accepted for being something that at this point he really isn't sure he is.
Huh? Life pervades practically every aspect of life, not sex. If you can not function at work because of your sex life, sexual orientation, sexual perversions, sexual limitations, sexual disfunction or sexual anything else then you have issues way beyond trying to decide if you are straight, bi, gay, celibate, a sexual or just plain freaky. If you forget to call mom on her birthday because you are preoccupied with sex that is one thing but if sex saturates your every waking moment you have issues.
Look at all the single people you work around. Do you KNOW what their sexual orientation is? No. Does it pervade your every moment with them? Does it affect (or is it effect?) your dealing with them, wondering? "Gee is she gay or straight? Does he go home to a guy or a gal friend?" How does your sexual orientation pervade your daily routine? It is what it is. Are you different at the grocery store if you are gay? Does being bi cause you to buy less pasta and more vegetables? Can you tell the orientation of the guy bagging your groceries by the way he handles your bell peppers?
The only way sex "pervades" any aspect of life is the anticipation of getting some, but your "sexuality" does not alter your daily routine in life. Some of you seem to believe that this world revolves around your "sexuality". How does being bi, gay or straight make every aspect of your life any different from the people who fit into one of the other categories? If you aren't sleeping with me, I couldn't care what your sexuality is, and if you aren't sleeping with me, then you have no need to know what my sexuality is. And if I haven't ever slept with another guy (or girl) and I have such a strong desire to do so that it really does affect and pervade my every waking moment to the degree of not being able to function normally as a person (and I am past the teenage years), then I need to either get laid or seek professional help.
Joe, he doesn't want "advice" if it differs from his own idea of what must be correct. He is only looking for someone to hold his hand and give him the strength to accomplish a goal that he has no idea when or if it will occur.
As you and others have pointed out he is worried about something that may not occur since, as you put it, he is probably "pre gay", an option I never considered.
There are way too many "I told my significant other" threads that end poorly that I stand by my original advice but who cares since this immature uh....person from Missouri isn't reading my posts anymore anyway.
If thoughts of sex or sexuality cause you to have trouble with daily functioning, then yes, it is a problem, in the DSM things like being gay or BD/SM or crossdressing or fetishes are not considered problems unless they interfere with normal functioning, and you are correct.
Excellent advice (and said by many already), but he won't like it...or accept it. For some reason it seems he has a need to be accepted for being something that at this point he really isn't sure he is.
Huh? Life pervades practically every aspect of life, not sex. If you can not function at work because of your sex life, sexual orientation, sexual perversions, sexual limitations, sexual disfunction or sexual anything else then you have issues way beyond trying to decide if you are straight, bi, gay, celibate, a sexual or just plain freaky. If you forget to call mom on her birthday because you are preoccupied with sex that is one thing but if sex saturates your every waking moment you have issues.
Look at all the single people you work around. Do you KNOW what their sexual orientation is? No. Does it pervade your every moment with them? Does it affect (or is it effect?) your dealing with them, wondering? "Gee is she gay or straight? Does he go home to a guy or a gal friend?" How does your sexual orientation pervade your daily routine? It is what it is. Are you different at the grocery store if you are gay? Does being bi cause you to buy less pasta and more vegetables? Can you tell the orientation of the guy bagging your groceries by the way he handles your bell peppers?
The only way sex "pervades" any aspect of life is the anticipation of getting some, but your "sexuality" does not alter your daily routine in life. Some of you seem to believe that this world revolves around your "sexuality". How does being bi, gay or straight make every aspect of your life any different from the people who fit into one of the other categories? If you aren't sleeping with me, I couldn't care what your sexuality is, and if you aren't sleeping with me, then you have no need to know what my sexuality is. And if I haven't ever slept with another guy (or girl) and I have such a strong desire to do so that it really does affect and pervade my every waking moment to the degree of not being able to function normally as a person (and I am past the teenage years), then I need to either get laid or seek professional help.
You're an arrogant prick. Nuff said. Some advice - when someone is obviously asking for help on something sensitive either stfu or be helpful. If your life and sexuality is so secure, fantastic, but please don't come on threads like this sermonising and spouting your BS as though you're somehow the fount of all knowledge and wisdom on the subject. there;s a lot to be said for being a little humble and empathetic sometimes.
From burying the hatchet to jumping on the bandwagon..... Way to go dude.
But on to the main topic here. How do you tell her? Try being upfront and honest. Don't just throw it out there though, try to be subtle yet honest. If you two are out and you see her checking a dude out, give your honest opinion on him. If she asks you tell her the truth. IMHO your relationship is kind of stuck until you can be honest with her. If she is going to freak out about it then she wasn't the right one for you now was she? But you can't carry the relationship forward until you know if your being Bi is a deal breaker for her.
Hey all,
This is a bit of a follow-up to my "Should I tell her" thread I posted a year ago. I have reached the decision that whenever I find a girlfiend, and we get the point of falling in love, then I personally think I should tell her that I am bisexual virgin. While several people view this as being a bad idea, I also found a bunch more positive support. My heart tells me that is the right thing to do, I mean, it's a pretty big secret to keep from yourself. Also, having seen my parent's relationship destroyed by mistrust and lack of communication, it would make sense that I don't wish to follow that same path.
With that said, I still feel a bit uneasy telling my future girlfriend that I am bi. More so the whole "when should I do it?" and "how would it affect our relationship?"
First off, I don't want to make it seem like I am making a pass to sleep with other men since I wouldn't feel guilty because she knows that I am into them. To me, it's more about the honesty aspect than the sexual one. It doesn't mean that if she wants to experience it, I wouldn't say I wouldn't, but I don't want to cheat on her. I've seen how destructive cheating can be, and I don't want to put her through it, even if she gives me permission. Of course, with that said, I definately wouldn't mind if she invites a gay friend over for a show. I know contradictions, but isn't that true with everybody.
I'm also afraid of the emotional backlash if I do this. I mean, she might go apeshit on me, and drag my name through the dirt to hurt me. Or the fact that she might attempt to make herself more man-like to embrace my desires. I don't want a woman acting butch to make me attracted to her
So, with that said, I would like to see what you all would do?
I would be honest about it, but maybe try and find someone that is open minded. Maybe a women thats bi as well. Thing of all the fun the two of you could have with others!!!
Hey all,
This is a bit of a follow-up to my "Should I tell her" thread I posted a year ago. I have reached the decision that whenever I find a girlfiend, and we get the point of falling in love, then I personally think I should tell her that I am bisexual virgin. While several people view this as being a bad idea, I also found a bunch more positive support. My heart tells me that is the right thing to do, I mean, it's a pretty big secret to keep from yourself. Also, having seen my parent's relationship destroyed by mistrust and lack of communication, it would make sense that I don't wish to follow that same path.
With that said, I still feel a bit uneasy telling my future girlfriend that I am bi. More so the whole "when should I do it?" and "how would it affect our relationship?"
First off, I don't want to make it seem like I am making a pass to sleep with other men since I wouldn't feel guilty because she knows that I am into them. To me, it's more about the honesty aspect than the sexual one. It doesn't mean that if she wants to experience it, I wouldn't say I wouldn't, but I don't want to cheat on her. I've seen how destructive cheating can be, and I don't want to put her through it, even if she gives me permission. Of course, with that said, I definately wouldn't mind if she invites a gay friend over for a show. I know contradictions, but isn't that true with everybody.
I'm also afraid of the emotional backlash if I do this. I mean, she might go apeshit on me, and drag my name through the dirt to hurt me. Or the fact that she might attempt to make herself more man-like to embrace my desires. I don't want a woman acting butch to make me attracted to her
So, with that said, I would like to see what you all would do?