Yours....

[Rayven101]

just thought I would share this and see what people thought - Feedback most welcome!


The primal heat raises his head;
I can see the beast behind your eyes
your nostrils flare as my scent fills your mind.

You slowly pace around me,
Sizing me up as your prey.
Your muscles tense with anticipation,
you hand finds the small of my neck
as you hold me in place.

Your gaze catches mine;
can you see the hunger in my eyes?
Can you feel my wildness waiting to be released?
Only you can do that,
only you can quench my thirst for pleasure

My tongue flicks against my lips.
An open invitation to take what
is already yours….

Rayven

 

[wildride4urfun]

Simply amazing...I can feel the passion as I read this....made my heart skip a beat!!!

 

[Rayven101]

Simply amazing...I can feel the passion as I read this....made my heart skip a beat!!!

Thank you I am so glad you enjoyed it. Have a beautiful evening

 

[nerk]

you make stalking sound so suggestively sensual.

lucky for you i distracted myself with alliteration.

very beautiful poem.

 

[Rayven101]

you make stalking sound so suggestively sensual.

lucky for you i distracted myself with alliteration.

very beautiful poem.

Thank you...and stalking and being stalked can be sensual I enjoyed writing this one.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thank you...and stalking and being stalked can be sensual I enjoyed writing this one.

spoken by someone who has never been stalked I would presume ..... it's bloody terrifying

 

[Rayven101]

spoken by someone who has never been stalked I would presume ..... it's bloody terrifying

You are right it is terrifying; in this piece I was referring to a different type of stalking. I am sorry you went through that if you are speaking from experience. And I do know what it is to be terrified. A place that I will never allow myself to be ever again.

This was written from a very primal side of myself, waitng for Him. My desire for the Wild one.

Rayven

 

[wildride4urfun]

You are right it is terrifying; in this piece I was referring to a different type of stalking. I am sorry you went through that if you are speaking from experience. And I do know what it is to be terrified. A place that I will never allow myself to be ever again.

This was written from a very primal side of myself, waitng for Him. My desire for the Wild one.

Rayven

You rang he he he

 

[UnderYourSpell]

just thought I would share this and see what people thought - Feedback most welcome!


The primal heat raises his head,
I can see the beast behind your eyes
Your nostrils flare as my scent fills your mind.

You slowly pace around me,
Sizing me up as your prey.
Your muscles tense with anticipation,
You hand finds the small of my neck
As you hold me in place.

Your gaze catches mine,
Can you see the hunger in my eyes?
Can you feel my wildness waiting to be released?
Only you can do that,
Only you can quench my thirst for pleasure

My tongue flicks against my lips.
An open invitation to take what
Is already yours….



Rayven

ok if it's critique your wanting I would cut out the capital letters at the beginning of each line


My tongue flicks against my lips.
an invitation to take what
is already yours….

do you see how that flows better?

typo line 5 second stanza but that's a minor nit pick

second and third stanzas I would cut a bit

You slowly pace
sizing me up as your prey
muscles tense with anticipation,
your hand finds the small of my neck
to hold me in place.

Your gaze catches mine,
can you see the hunger in my eyes,
feel my wildness awaiting release?
Only you can do that,
quench my thirst for pleasure.

 

[Rayven101]

ok if it's critique your wanting I would cut out the capital letters at the beginning of each line


My tongue flicks against my lips.
an invitation to take what
is already yours….

do you see how that flows better?

typo line 5 second stanza but that's a minor nit pick

second and third stanzas I would cut a bit

You slowly pace
sizing me up as your prey
muscles tense with anticipation,
your hand finds the small of my neck
to hold me in place.

Your gaze catches mine,
can you see the hunger in my eyes,
feel my wildness awaiting release?
Only you can do that,
quench my thirst for pleasure.

Yes thank you!! I am always not sure about the capital letters.It does flow better. I will have to play with the stanzas, perhaps create another one.

Rayven

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Yes thank you!! I am always not sure about the capital letters.It does flow better. I will have to play with the stanzas, perhaps create another one.

Rayven

oh please do create more an more that's all any poet can do

 

[Rayven101]

oh please do create more an more that's all any poet can do

so very true, and I have been feeling inspired to write again I love your little witch in your signature Blessings to you!

Rayven

 

[UnderYourSpell]

so very true, and I have been feeling inspired to write again I love your little witch in your signature Blessings to you!

Rayven

My little witch used to be animated as my avatar until Lit changed it's rules and after taking it off for something else I couldn't put it back again!