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Guest
Guest
I thought I would begin spying on this nice community, after a certain man came to visit our criminal department, earlier this week.
You see, ______ (edited to protect the party shooting accusations), came into our offices the other day with a little complaint about this joint. I was sitting back in a chair, talking to a few of the guys down at the police department, eating a jelly donut and drinking some seriously watered down coffee, when a certain man walked in the door. He looked frantic. He came in and was irate. The man was screaming about the Constitution and the 1st Amendment, and some death threat he received.
I sat down to talk to him to try and see what all this mess was about. I offered him a cup of stale old coffee and listened to his story.
The man said to me, Mr. Prosecutor, I have received a death threat. If the man didn't look so whacked out I might have taken this more seriously. Instead I decided to sit back and listen. This should be good, I thought to myself.
What he proceeded to tell me was one of the most amusing stories I've heard in my line of work. The man in all earnesty began the following tale.
"You see, Mr. Prosecutor, there is this online porn board."
My eyebrows raised and I had to suppress a grin that was naturally crawling over my face. Instead, I simply nodded my head and tried to demonstrate that I was incredibly intrigued.
He continued, "I was trying to discuss the 1992 Riots and then there is this man, this man who came on the board and threatened my life."
Even better, I thought to myself. "So, what is this man's name, sir?" I naturally inquired.
"His name is paganangel."
I was able to control the sudden urge I felt to spew my coffee right into his face. I just continued listening and pullled out a piece of paper to act as if I was writing down all the details furiously.
"Do you know the name or whereabouts of this person?" I asked, innocently.
He responded by shaking his head and saying, "No, but I can show you the site. I can show you the things he said to me."
I informed him that wasn't necessary at the time. I began asking him some questions:
"Do you know where this man lives? Do you know how old he is? Do you have any other details of this man?"
He simply shook his head.
"Does he know your name? Has he had any other contact with you? Has there been discord before between the two of you?"
Once again, he answered no.
Well, this was too good. I had a man in here, that looked as if he had been camped at his home non-stop for 20 days. He looked like the kind of guy who had room walls decorated with old Life magazine photos and maps that indicated his plans for governmental overthrow. But, the best was the fact that he was telling me about death threats he received from a man who didn't know his name, didn't know his occupation, didn't know where he lived, had absolutely no identifying features about him whatsoever. Not only this, he had no contact information about this man whatsoever. This truly had to be one of the greatest things I had heard in my life.
I simply told him that we would look into it. I got the name of the website, Literotica.com. I told him that we would do a thorough search into this man paganangel.
He seemed a bit appeased and left my office.
I called him back today to tell him that paganangel had been arrested. Unfortunately, a woman by the name of lilminx had hired a bail bondsman named Marxist to come pay for the release. Marxist had told paganangel that he better not try and leave the country before his criminal prosecution for death threats on porn boards (the official charge, one we've had to press numerous times in the last few months). Marxist also lined up a bounty hunter, just in case this would not work out. Some kickass woman named Mischka.
Well, I just thought you would all like to know that we're on top of it folks. Justice will be served.
By the way, I called our county psychiatrist and sent them over to _______ (edited to protect the accuser) house to make sure that he was not a threat to himself or the community. He weirded me out a bit.
I'm just glad to have found such an entertaining community. These stories are better than the night life and the life of a DA in Vegas. You should be proud.
You see, ______ (edited to protect the party shooting accusations), came into our offices the other day with a little complaint about this joint. I was sitting back in a chair, talking to a few of the guys down at the police department, eating a jelly donut and drinking some seriously watered down coffee, when a certain man walked in the door. He looked frantic. He came in and was irate. The man was screaming about the Constitution and the 1st Amendment, and some death threat he received.
I sat down to talk to him to try and see what all this mess was about. I offered him a cup of stale old coffee and listened to his story.
The man said to me, Mr. Prosecutor, I have received a death threat. If the man didn't look so whacked out I might have taken this more seriously. Instead I decided to sit back and listen. This should be good, I thought to myself.
What he proceeded to tell me was one of the most amusing stories I've heard in my line of work. The man in all earnesty began the following tale.
"You see, Mr. Prosecutor, there is this online porn board."
My eyebrows raised and I had to suppress a grin that was naturally crawling over my face. Instead, I simply nodded my head and tried to demonstrate that I was incredibly intrigued.
He continued, "I was trying to discuss the 1992 Riots and then there is this man, this man who came on the board and threatened my life."
Even better, I thought to myself. "So, what is this man's name, sir?" I naturally inquired.
"His name is paganangel."
I was able to control the sudden urge I felt to spew my coffee right into his face. I just continued listening and pullled out a piece of paper to act as if I was writing down all the details furiously.
"Do you know the name or whereabouts of this person?" I asked, innocently.
He responded by shaking his head and saying, "No, but I can show you the site. I can show you the things he said to me."
I informed him that wasn't necessary at the time. I began asking him some questions:
"Do you know where this man lives? Do you know how old he is? Do you have any other details of this man?"
He simply shook his head.
"Does he know your name? Has he had any other contact with you? Has there been discord before between the two of you?"
Once again, he answered no.
Well, this was too good. I had a man in here, that looked as if he had been camped at his home non-stop for 20 days. He looked like the kind of guy who had room walls decorated with old Life magazine photos and maps that indicated his plans for governmental overthrow. But, the best was the fact that he was telling me about death threats he received from a man who didn't know his name, didn't know his occupation, didn't know where he lived, had absolutely no identifying features about him whatsoever. Not only this, he had no contact information about this man whatsoever. This truly had to be one of the greatest things I had heard in my life.
I simply told him that we would look into it. I got the name of the website, Literotica.com. I told him that we would do a thorough search into this man paganangel.
He seemed a bit appeased and left my office.
I called him back today to tell him that paganangel had been arrested. Unfortunately, a woman by the name of lilminx had hired a bail bondsman named Marxist to come pay for the release. Marxist had told paganangel that he better not try and leave the country before his criminal prosecution for death threats on porn boards (the official charge, one we've had to press numerous times in the last few months). Marxist also lined up a bounty hunter, just in case this would not work out. Some kickass woman named Mischka.
Well, I just thought you would all like to know that we're on top of it folks. Justice will be served.
By the way, I called our county psychiatrist and sent them over to _______ (edited to protect the accuser) house to make sure that he was not a threat to himself or the community. He weirded me out a bit.
I'm just glad to have found such an entertaining community. These stories are better than the night life and the life of a DA in Vegas. You should be proud.
