You're married?!?!!

[Silverluna]

Causing a stir...

Gosh...It seems we as Literoticans have quite a diverse opinion about this. It's not just limited to fjords, vanilla coke, and politics (yucky).

 

[WhiteRose]

whats the problem of just flirting with someone if you're married?

if there is little likelyhood of an actual encounter, then where is the harm of coming on to someone?

What's the problem with being upfront about your marital status?

Whether you flirt or come on to other people outside your relationship or not is between you and your SO (are you open about your flirtations with your partner? If not, how honest are you being with him/her? If you can't communicate with your SO, why are you with him/her?) If your SO doesn't mind your flirting, then go for it, but be honest with those you're coming on to.

its fun and it does well for one's self-esteem.

What you do affects others as well. You'd not be the only person in either relationship.

 

[Guest]

Re: Causing a stir...

Gosh...It seems we as Literoticans have quite a diverse opinion about this. It's not just limited to fjords, vanilla coke, and politics (yucky).

Please I beg of you don't start on fjords! Next thing you know we'll have Dilly(if I may call him Dilly) and Greyface here. Please the silence on fjords must continue in this thread.

 

[WhiteRose]

*hits wrong button*

 

[Silverluna]

Re: Re: Causing a stir...

Please I beg of you don't start on fjords! Next thing you know we'll have Dilly(if I may call him Dilly) and Greyface here. Please the silence on fjords must continue in this thread.

Argh.....i sowwy....

 

[Suzi]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

I knovv JU5T hovv you feel 5ilver! I am a single stay at home mom, vvith tvvo kids and no social life to speak of. I get online and I 5VVEAR that the married ones home in on me! Maybe it's cuz they figure out I LOVE fuckin'/lovin' and think I am hard-up. VVho knovvs! I DO get just as pissed vvhen I find out (or any other facts they have conveniently left out!)

 

[Firesprite]

Everything you said in your post was about YOU. Maybe you don't know how the other person is starting to feel about you. Just because you're only flirting doesn't always mean the other person doesn't feel more and they could end up getting very hurt. Maybe they're looking for something that you aren't ready to give them, only they don't understand why because you haven't been honest with them, so they're thinking, "There's a chance." How fair is that to them?

I don't intend to start an argument, but how can someone post about someone else and still be telling the truth? Yes, my post was about me, because that is the only position I can post from.

I appreciate your opinion in the rest of the post, and yes that is a valid point.

 

[Silverluna]

catfight!

ROoooooWWWrr....hisss...meow!

 

[Firesprite]

Re: catfight!

ROoooooWWWrr....hisss...meow!

I've no intention of doing that! slinks off

 

[Silverluna]

Re: Re: catfight!

I've no intention of doing that! slinks off

Well your AV suggests otherwise...^_^

 

[freefall]

Fidelity

Silverluna,

I must ask why you asked guys to confess their marital status? Do you fantasize that only men stray?

I am quite proud that I heve never been unfaithful to anyone with whom I was in relationship. That slipped one evening when a partner said unexpectedly, "My husband never does that to me."

I've learned to ignore the "you're so big" or "you're the best" talk that women think is obligatory, but "my husband" uttered en flagrante dliecto caused a wave of overwhelming guilt that still lingers years later.

I've never been unfaithful, but I helped someone else to be, so it's a toucy subject.

We're all sinners, but only a few of us can manage to forgive. My problem is forgetting.

FF

 

[Firesprite]

Re: Re: Re: catfight!

Well your AV suggests otherwise...^_^

That it does, but this time I'm going to take my spritely self off.

 

[WhiteRose]

I don't intend to start an argument, but how can someone post about someone else and still be telling the truth? Yes, my post was about me, because that is the only position I can post from.

I appreciate your opinion in the rest of the post, and yes that is a valid point.

Sorry, Firesprite, I was away tending to RL and just saw your post. I didn't mean that you should talk about someone else, I just meant that it sounded like the other person (whoever he/she may be) in your flirting relationship was being lost in your flirting fun, and that if they aren't fully aware of why you won't go past a certain point, they could start to develop stronger feelings toward you and end up hurt just because they didn't know the facts.

 

[The Dipsomaniac]

Everything you said in your post was about YOU. Maybe you don't know how the other person is starting to feel about you. Just because you're only flirting doesn't always mean the other person doesn't feel more and they could end up getting very hurt. Maybe they're looking for something that you aren't ready to give them, only they don't understand why because you haven't been honest with them, so they're thinking, "There's a chance." How fair is that to them?

I dont think it should be necessarily up to the married person to have to bring it up... if the other party is concerned about that, then they should ask the question. Now if the married person were to lie about it, well that is just NOT being fair...
But i dont think its necessary to make it a statement first. Its your duty as a chattee to ask pertinent questions to people you might want to get to know better! Hopefully everyone will answer them honestly!

DM

 

[WhiteRose]

The situation I was in didn't even happen online. I was dating this guy for four months IRL. When we first met I had asked him if he lived alone (coming from California, it was very rare that a guy his age would own his own home and not have roommates at least, but the market is much different here in Colorado). He told me he lived alone. During the four months we were together, not once did he or his friends (who I spent time with) ever tell me he was married. Was I supposed to ask specifically if he was married?

There were no indications of a female ever having lived in his house, it's not like I didn't have access to the house. She'd moved all her stuff out. He only told me after she moved back to town because he didn't want me coming over or calling because she'd find out about me. Not that he wanted to stop seeing me at all. He just didn't want HER finding out. Um...

And of course I'd asked him about his previous relationships, and he told me about them, but kind of left out the one little detail about his WIFE.

So there I was wasting four months of my life on some jerk who didn't think it important enough to tell me he wasn't really free. And yet, I still expect people to be honest. I don't know why. Lying by omission is still lying to me.

 

[Joe Adcock]

Is it true about the big lie?

Does it really go down more easily than the small ones? I think many men who conceal their marital status to a lover must be able to actually put reality out of their minds for much of their time together. A capacity to consistently obtain physical and emotional pleasures under false pretenses would also seem to be a symptom of serious problems with self-esteem, as nothing acquired so duplicitously can really inspire pride or comfort in its usurper. In fact, it seems of a piece with other sociopathic behaviors, such as arson or serial murder.

Personally, I am happily married, but both my wife and I have come to enjoy being with other partners very much, either alone or together, in a "lifestyle" context. I don't appreciate being castigated for this choice any more than a "normal" person likes being seduced with false promises, so I tend to gravitate toward partners that actually LIKE married men, or at least don't regard them with disdain, and concealing my marital status is not a good way to find such people.

And who really wants to go to bed with someone dull-witted enough to be fooled about your marital status? I like the smart boys and girls, and they know a married man when they see one.

 

[WhiteRose]

Re: Is it true about the big lie?

And who really wants to go to bed with someone dull-witted enough to be fooled about your marital status? I like the smart boys and girls, and they know a married man when they see one.

I see. Personally, I prefer sleeping with men.

 

[Joe Adcock]

Re: Re: Is it true about the big lie?

I see. Personally, I prefer sleeping with men.

That's a piss-cheap semantic gag. No points for jerking your knee at me.

 

[WhiteRose]

Re: Re: Re: Is it true about the big lie?

That's a piss-cheap semantic gag. No points for jerking your knee at me.

Well, I could have resorted to name calling as you did, but that would have been childish. Sorry, I'm not here to impress you by earning points. I have better things to do.

Have a nice life.

*exits thread*

 

[Joe Adcock]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Is it true about the big lie?

Well, I could have resorted to name calling as you did, but that would have been childish. Sorry, I'm not here to impress you by earning points. I have better things to do.

Have a nice life.

*exits thread*

I haven't called you any names, really, have I? I characterized your reply without mercy, but thought I'd left you out of it.

Let's correct that oversight, so you can be mad at something more worthwhile:

O, thou Maud!
Fell she-beast!
Queen of the Harpies!

("Tell them about our son, George, tell them about our son!")

 

[nzwookie]

WELL FUCK ME DEAD !!!!!!!

And to think all this started over a simple (and one time only)oversite.......The lines are drawn in the sand and slings and arrows are flying......Aint it good to be alive



For the record.....I AM MARRIED !!

And everybody I have ever flirted with knows this.....Bar 1 little hiccup.......Which has been dealt with and apologised profusely for, and forgiven..........Thank you Sweetie

 

[penguindance]

Re: Is it true about the big lie?

 

[SailorC272002]

Suprisingly active thread. Seems to be a very volatile issue. As a result of the ranting here I have updated my profile to make it clear my status. Probably means no more PM's from women my daughters age. But, maybe a few more from more experienced woman looking for a different perspective from a more experienced man. We will see.