So I am an off and on lurker, and may have missed this thread already happening.
Anyway, the Internet is a place to brag, exaggerate and just generally say things that probably wouldn't work at a dinner party. So honesty, and only honesty, in this thread. We all have that head-shaking "well fuck." moment, and it's time to put the burden down. And also laugh about it because it's funny now that it isn't happening. And also because if you don't laugh about it then you have to think about it and that's just uncomfortable.
To start, and this is entirely true, here's a story fit for Halloween but also that should probably not be told around a campfire. Or ever.
I was about 23 when my girlfriend at the time decided that we should have a threesome, and sure I was nervous and excited, but also it was with her best friend and also my ex. Already, as an adult™, I can look back and see bad things on the horizon. I can't pretend that I would have any idea how bad it was going to get though.
Boring opener short, my girlfriend wanted a threesome and my ex always kinda had a thing for her so after jumping bars one night we ended up back at my apartment, drank heavily, and joked and laughed a lot. Everyone was still excited and completely convinced that this was totally OK and not a bad idea at all. So in comes the first suggestion from my ex that we play strip poker (because for everyone who's been in similar situations, you know that the first time young pre-planned threesomes happen everyone wants to get naked but has no idea how to get that part started so someone suggests a game. there's a rule about that somewhere).
So the game happens, and more boring details aside, my ex is going down on me and fingering my girlfriend while we make out. So far, I've decided that God really does get around to reading all those letters he gets.
That's when it happens. My ex comes up from blowing me and kinda nudges my girlfriend out of the way for a kiss. I (because I'm very smart and really good at women) pretend that doesn't happen at all, kinda kiss her back, catch the worst look I've ever seen from my girlfriend and, of all things, shrug. A real shrug btw, like in a cartoon and complete with a half smile.
Now I'm getting a really angry hand job from my ex, squinty-eye'd pecks on the lips from my girlfriend, and I'm honestly pretty sure that my ex was performing an amateur hysterectomy on my girlfriend. Nobody stops doing what they're doing. Everyone at this point has made the conscious decision that a) this is happening come hell or high water and b) that everything would be fine if I hadn't screwed things up.
My girlfriend looks me dead in the eyes and says "Don't stop." and of course I'm an idiot so my first thought is, "OK, sure, I'm not doing anything anyway." My ex takes this as her queue to really jack hammer my girlfriend, and my girlfriend keeps her eyes locked with mine as though she doesn't notice anything happening. This is not sexy. There is nothing sexy happening, and I have two girls naked and hands everywhere. Also I am way too dumb to fix this situation. I am convinced that everything will be fine and don't want to stop.
So this goes on for a really terrible amount of time when my girlfriend starts pretending to come (I say to myself as an adult™. realizing that wasn't actually happening) and I look at her and say "Yeah, come baby." Because of that whole idiot thing I was telling you about.
So, and really, here's where everything turns into a Monet; I think the whole thing is hot (because naked girls) and come hard, my ex keeps tugging even harder (obviously indicating that she thought it was hot too, of course) and my girlfriend catches a small drop right in her eye. She screams, my ex slaps me and they run in an almost synchronized fashion into the bathroom together where the tribunal begins discussing my fate.
Skipping more boring details, I become single, I can't tell my friends about my first threesome and God is laughing himself blind.
So, what's your thing you promised you wouldn't tell anyone?
Anyway, the Internet is a place to brag, exaggerate and just generally say things that probably wouldn't work at a dinner party. So honesty, and only honesty, in this thread. We all have that head-shaking "well fuck." moment, and it's time to put the burden down. And also laugh about it because it's funny now that it isn't happening. And also because if you don't laugh about it then you have to think about it and that's just uncomfortable.
To start, and this is entirely true, here's a story fit for Halloween but also that should probably not be told around a campfire. Or ever.
I was about 23 when my girlfriend at the time decided that we should have a threesome, and sure I was nervous and excited, but also it was with her best friend and also my ex. Already, as an adult™, I can look back and see bad things on the horizon. I can't pretend that I would have any idea how bad it was going to get though.
Boring opener short, my girlfriend wanted a threesome and my ex always kinda had a thing for her so after jumping bars one night we ended up back at my apartment, drank heavily, and joked and laughed a lot. Everyone was still excited and completely convinced that this was totally OK and not a bad idea at all. So in comes the first suggestion from my ex that we play strip poker (because for everyone who's been in similar situations, you know that the first time young pre-planned threesomes happen everyone wants to get naked but has no idea how to get that part started so someone suggests a game. there's a rule about that somewhere).
So the game happens, and more boring details aside, my ex is going down on me and fingering my girlfriend while we make out. So far, I've decided that God really does get around to reading all those letters he gets.
That's when it happens. My ex comes up from blowing me and kinda nudges my girlfriend out of the way for a kiss. I (because I'm very smart and really good at women) pretend that doesn't happen at all, kinda kiss her back, catch the worst look I've ever seen from my girlfriend and, of all things, shrug. A real shrug btw, like in a cartoon and complete with a half smile.
Now I'm getting a really angry hand job from my ex, squinty-eye'd pecks on the lips from my girlfriend, and I'm honestly pretty sure that my ex was performing an amateur hysterectomy on my girlfriend. Nobody stops doing what they're doing. Everyone at this point has made the conscious decision that a) this is happening come hell or high water and b) that everything would be fine if I hadn't screwed things up.
My girlfriend looks me dead in the eyes and says "Don't stop." and of course I'm an idiot so my first thought is, "OK, sure, I'm not doing anything anyway." My ex takes this as her queue to really jack hammer my girlfriend, and my girlfriend keeps her eyes locked with mine as though she doesn't notice anything happening. This is not sexy. There is nothing sexy happening, and I have two girls naked and hands everywhere. Also I am way too dumb to fix this situation. I am convinced that everything will be fine and don't want to stop.
So this goes on for a really terrible amount of time when my girlfriend starts pretending to come (I say to myself as an adult™. realizing that wasn't actually happening) and I look at her and say "Yeah, come baby." Because of that whole idiot thing I was telling you about.
So, and really, here's where everything turns into a Monet; I think the whole thing is hot (because naked girls) and come hard, my ex keeps tugging even harder (obviously indicating that she thought it was hot too, of course) and my girlfriend catches a small drop right in her eye. She screams, my ex slaps me and they run in an almost synchronized fashion into the bathroom together where the tribunal begins discussing my fate.
Skipping more boring details, I become single, I can't tell my friends about my first threesome and God is laughing himself blind.
So, what's your thing you promised you wouldn't tell anyone?
