Your thoughts please

[Icecubez]

Hi,

I started what I hoped would be a group of stories about a woman who discovers by accident that she is into exhibitionism.

I wrote the first part : Which is here

This details how she makes her discovery and sets the scene for a future follow up story as well.

I then wrote the second part: Which is here

This details her first try at deliberate exhibitionism

However, feedback that I got for the second part wasn't good.

I have the third part mapped out in my head but I'm not sure whether to go with the situation that I set up in the first story, the situation that I set up in the second story or both to try to end with a bang.

Originally, I was going to go with the second story one on its own and then finish the series off with the first story one.

I'm in a dilemma. I'm not sure if both situations will stand up as seperate chapters but working a transition between the two in one story is proving difficult.

So I thought that I would ask for thoughts....

Thanks in advance.

Icecubez

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Okay. Can someone please wake me up?

This is what you've done with Chapter 1. Where's the dialogue? Who are these people? Those are the questions dialogue answers. You have TOLD us a piece of a story - a snippet. You need to do more to expand and develop your plots. This entire story boils down to - She gets naked in public. Loves it. The end.

You have the same exact problems with Chapter 2. To say nothing of the punctuation and grammar errors. You need to do two things -

1) Read, read and read some more. See what the better writers on Lit are doing and try to emulate them. Let your characters tell their own stories and give them a real story to tell. The best writers on Lit and elsewhere are all voracious readers.

2) Find an editor. He/she will save your writing life.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

You need an editor (not volunteering)

There are numerous mistakes that detract from the flow of the story. At first glimpse it appears to have a solid appearance (paragraphing and such) but at closer look there are many errors that make it a difficult read.

Not sure if you self-edited or used a VE, but you might reconsider your current approach (DISCLAIMER: I applaud VE's for taking time out of their lives to edit, even those that mean well but may miss some things, this is not intended to hurt anyone, just my honest assessment of the story).

That's the best way I know to encourage your writing, while also pointing out the faults. Don't get discouraged and give up. Self-expression is such a vital part of life. You just need a mentor.

<Rolling eyes in surrender>

OK, Ok, or okay, just keep them short like this one.

PM me, I'll help if you're really interested in learning how to write. I'll be more brutal in private, though, but only for your own good. And if not, that's okay too.

I leave the impetus in your control.

 

[Icecubez]

Thank you

Hi,

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. It has been a long and busy month.

That aside.

All of my stories so far have been self edited. So any editorial errors are my own.

I write everything in Word.

If the grammer check doesn't pick it up and it sounds ok in my head then yes I can believe that I can and do miss errors.

This is why I appreciate constructive feedback as it helps me grow as a writer.

I started writing for fun but now I want to get a bit more serious with it. I want one of my stories to be rated as a hot one.

So, I will take the advice about an editor on board and then once it is published I shall return here and seek feedback.

Finally, thank you both for taking time to give me your thoughts.

Icecubez

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Hi,

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. It has been a long and busy month.

That aside.

All of my stories so far have been self edited. So any editorial errors are my own.

I write everything in Word.

If the grammer check doesn't pick it up and it sounds ok in my head then yes I can believe that I can and do miss errors.

This is why I appreciate constructive feedback as it helps me grow as a writer.

I started writing for fun but now I want to get a bit more serious with it. I want one of my stories to be rated as a hot one.

So, I will take the advice about an editor on board and then once it is published I shall return here and seek feedback.

Finally, thank you both for taking time to give me your thoughts.

Icecubez

What you are really missing, Ice, is not just grammar, but character development. You need to make us know your characters, feel for them, empathize, hate, dispise, love them - anything. But make us feel or identify with them. If you make your characters real enough to do that then a lot of errors are forgiven.

You need to think about what you are writing before you begin. When I sit down, every scene is already written in my head. I know the characters. I know where the plot will lead them. And, more importantly, I know how they will react in a cituation, because that's exactly how I would react.

You need to learn how to not tell us the story, but let your characters tell the story for you. You do that with their reactions and dialogue. For instance -

Wanda saw the monster and was terrified. or

"Oh, my God," Wanda screamed at the sight of Felix, the big, hairy monster.

Which is more interesting? Which SHOWS the reader what Wanda feels at the time? Which creates a mental image in the readers mind?

That's how it's done.

All of us have learned not to trust either the spell check or the grammar check in Word. Look at each sentence. Does it have a subject and a verb? Would it read better broken into two sentences? Does the subordinate clause have enough meat in it to make a sentence of it's own? Which is right in any specific case, to, two or too? They are all correct and spell check will not catch them becuase they are spelled correctly. Grammar check may not know which is correct either. But only one is correct in any specific instance.

Give it another try, but read first. Read in the Writer's Resources about plot and character development, how to make your characters speak for themselves and about how to make your story real.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Icecubez, welcome and thanks a bundle for having the courage to come here. You will get good advice, you are in a community that wants to help writers and (don't tell her, Jenny is a softy.

Everything she said was right, you are not writing a story, heck,it's not even a stroke piece. But, you can write. It would take too much here to say, but go and have a dabble in 'Writers' Resources'.

We want to understand your characters, we want to know why they take the choices they do. They aren't real, but we have to either love or hate them - we must care.

What you are writing at the moment is devoid of character. Let your protag carry you away.

You have the ability, just let your imagination soar.