Your pleasure or your partner's?

[Nezhul]

So, I've been thinking today about how I personally view sex, and decided to create this poll.

Now, to keep things a bit simpler, I will ask you to consider only heterosexual sex, i.e. 1 boy and 1 girl, where you are one of them and your partner is the other. I have nothing against homosexuality, I just want to simplify the question a bit.

So, the poll is - what do you concentrate on more during sex? Is it your pleasure and experience, or your partner's?

And to clarify: It's not a question on weather you are a considerate lover who aims to satisfy your partner. The question is what aspect gets you excited more - your inner feelings, or your partner's?

If you are a guy, do you mostly think about how good her pussy feels and how full ehr tits are to the touch, etc
OR... Do you think a lot about how good your girlfriend must be feeling right now, and how to make it even better?

Similarly for women - do you concentrate on your own feeling and emotions, or do you imagine your partner's experience a lot?

Now, this is an anonymous poll, so you may just vote and say nothing, or you may make a post.

For me, it's #2. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all the feelings of sex, but it's her pleasure and experience what really gets me going. I often try to imagine how sex feels for her, and try to enchance that experience as best as I can.
In fact, I can give up my part of pleasure half of the time if only I can play with the girlfriend and make her feel really good.
That said, I happen to be a dominant person, interested in BDSM among other things. So I can't attribute it to my submissiveness - I can be a sub in bed, but only if SHE really wanted that and that would make her feel good.

Other example - I can have a perfect blowjob given to me, and it feels good but I can hold off from cumming easily.
Put a vibrator to the girl's pussy, or let me lick it to make her cum - and even mediocre stimulation will make me cum eventually, because I just get so much hornier.

Well, there was my two cents, what about you?

 

[frozenland]

It is always about her...

 

[JamesRTickit]

Always

Your partner comes first.

 

[Bigspurt]

She Gets To Cum First, Always!

The title pretty much says it all. It's my belief that a woman who has had one or more orgasms is a better sex partner after those events and so.......

 

[RacyWilde]

For me, it's #2. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all the feelings of sex, but it's her pleasure and experience what really gets me going. I often try to imagine how sex feels for her, and try to enchance that experience as best as I can.
In fact, I can give up my part of pleasure half of the time if only I can play with the girlfriend and make her feel really good.

Ok, I'm just offering a different perspective here:

A guy interested in her pleasure is very noble and all, but the stress put on a girl is amazing. If a guy's pleasure is based on hers, and she knows this, and it is naturally hard for her to reach organism (which is the case for a lot of girls) she is going to feel like she has to perform and reach climax in order for him to enjoy himself. Now, of course it isn't as simple as this, but for this discussion, I'm making it this simple....lol.

I think most girls naturally care about the guy having a great experience with her, and they are well aware a guy wants them to enjoy themselves (even selfishly). But most girls can't come so easily, (10% don't come at all) and so the pressure to enjoy themselves for the sake of the man's pleasure actually sucks the fun out of sex. It can make a girl/woman/wife feel like a failure if she doesn't come/cum/squirt/scream and therefore might avoid sex altogether (until she knows she is definitely horny enough to get there), or worse, fake it.

Now, I know what you are thinking - sex isn't a destination, it's a journey... But, how many people like watching a movie without a climax? Without a climax there is no resolution. (Which means the audience - aka participants - are left unsatisfied.)

There was one time I had already orgasmed two times that day and that night I had a new guy with me. I so wanted to organism with him but it was so hard. He was being the gentleman, waiting for me to go first - he wanted to watch me 'enjoy' myself - but with the pressure of orgasming, it just took ages. Thank god I finally did as it always makes the first time with someone new feel 'successful'...lol.

So my advice: Take the pressure off by placing none of your expectations on her, not even expecting her to enjoy herself/making her enjoyment the centre of your focus. Just have fun playing. Otherwise sex becomes one more stress a girl doesn't need.

 

[Nezhul]

I don't really place any expectations as such, and I definitely don't bring the matter up for her to think about. When I have sex I just have sex.

It's just I was walking toway and thought to myself that every time I have sex or watch porn - I rarely think things like "Her ass is great", "her pussy feels good", "She has such a great skin/voice/tits/whatever".
No. Instead I think things like "she really must be enjoying herself", "It must feel so good for her" etc.

I was thinking about a porn clip I watched recently and these were my thoughts when I masturbated to it. And then I thought - hey, I rarely think different things. I do care if a girl is pretty, but when someone squeezes tits on the screen - I never imagine how they feel. I always imagine how that feels for her, if you get what I mean.
In sex it's a bit of both, but that's why it's my hands that are squeezing the tits. I don't need to imagine the sensation. But I still imagine how it feels for her and if she likes the feeling.

As for the points you make - instead of putting the pressure on the girl to cum, a man who really likes to see his partner orgasm can invest a bit of time into foreplay and maing her horny. That's what I do when I have a first-time sex and don't really know her all that well. I believe it works - hey, it definitely doesn't hurt.

 

[RacyWilde]

I don't really place any expectations as such, and I definitely don't bring the matter up for her to think about. When I have sex I just have sex.

It's just I was walking toway and thought to myself that every time I have sex or watch porn - I rarely think things like "Her ass is great", "her pussy feels good", "She has such a great skin/voice/tits/whatever".
No. Instead I think things like "she really must be enjoying herself", "It must feel so good for her" etc.

I was thinking about a porn clip I watched recently and these were my thoughts when I masturbated to it. And then I thought - hey, I rarely think different things. I do care if a girl is pretty, but when someone squeezes tits on the screen - I never imagine how they feel. I always imagine how that feels for her, if you get what I mean.
In sex it's a bit of both, but that's why it's my hands that are squeezing the tits. I don't need to imagine the sensation. But I still imagine how it feels for her and if she likes the feeling.

As for the points you make - instead of putting the pressure on the girl to cum, a man who really likes to see his partner orgasm can invest a bit of time into foreplay and maing her horny. That's what I do when I have a first-time sex and don't really know her all that well. I believe it works - hey, it definitely doesn't hurt.

Yeah, but when a girl has sex, she is usually not just having sex...lol. Especially for the first time with a new guy, she is thinking/worrying about all sorts of things...lol. Not getting carpet rash on her knees for work the next day... Hoping the guy doesn't jizz on her new pretty lingerie... Wondering if he'll make her squirt and then she'll have a soaking-wet bed to sleep in...lol. (yes, these are from personal experience...lol. )

 

[Nezhul]

Yeah, but when a girl has sex, she is usually not just having sex...lol. Especially for the first time with a new guy, she is thinking/worrying about all sorts of things...lol.

Well, when you put it like that - it's totally true for men too. We worry, although I must admit that I don't worry about the soaking bed thing as much. I never thought of it actually, it's a good point. I mean, when I invite the girls home, do they worry about soaking my bed? Probably, if they squirt, although I don't have a personal experience with squirters, really.

anyway, I can see what you are getting at. For men it's a lot of worries too - performace anxiety for instance. My ability to last long enough depends greatly on the day and my mood and arousal. With someone new the arousal's often so over-the-top, that I really worry if I can last. If the girl is understanding if I don't and is willing for round 2. If my dick and body is to her liking. If the sex with her is satisfying at all - it's a strange things to say but some women in my life just didn't cut it for me (maybe because I didn't do well enough for them, but whatever the reason).
There's naturally a ton of worries to be had for both sides, but that's the nature of any sex.

 

[CharityLynn]

****************

 

[mbrownp1]

Her first then me...almost always. On rare occasion I just take her and get off...she likes that sometimes.

 

[suckonsimon]

I voted #2, and I have read Racy's very well expressed note on this issue. In my case I am still entirely comfortable with my stance on this, as I make love with just the one woman who is my wife, she gets to whole body orgasm by penetration most times we have sex and, though it is a long build to that, it is an entirely pleasurable build for her as well as for me and I know she feels no pressure to please me by getting pleasured well, because ... for us it happens. There are plenty times - like one in four of our sex sessions perhaps? - when we both know early on that she's not going to go the distance to an orgasm. On those occasions with both enjoy the difference of most of what we're doing being for my prowess and satisfaction and we both have huge joy about that.

A note about the oldies on this one: Now we're turned 60, sometimes we neither of us go to climax, even though we are enjoying penetrative sex. So, that's a different kind of mutual pleasuring, and I suppose says something about the joys of the journey without reference necessarily to the destination.

 

[live4thebj]

Didn't vote for my vote would be: both.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

I didn't vote either because my answer is kind of both.

I am submissive so my first concern is pleasing him. I am happy to provide pleasure to him without him reciprocating every time.

That being said, sometimes what he wants is to see my pleasure. In that case, I concentrate...well not really concentrate, more like 'allow' myself to be swept up in the pleasure I'm receiving. That makes us both happy, so I'm still not sure weather the answer would be my pleasure or his. Ultimately, I would say I place his pleasure first though.

To respond to some of the other comments...as a girl, I've never been 'nervous' about sex or worried about trivial things. And knowing that the guy was focused on pleasing me did not put extra pressure on me to enjoy it. I just damn well enjoyed all his effort! Even if something wasn't exactly to my liking, I just readjusted or 'assisted'. But that's just me...I don't stress the small stuff.

 

[Asian_Flower]

My focus is on both mine and my husbands pleasure. Sorry but I just dont think this is a very good poll.

 

[numeniusa]

My focus is on both mine and my husbands pleasure. Sorry but I just dont think this is a very good poll.

I agree. I understand the OP's intention, but I just don't think it can be simplified to this level. Not for me, anyway.

 

[Daddysfatwhore]

I'm all about men's needs and pleasure, mine is unimportant and really I'm not interested in cumming.

 

[TheWhiteBull]

The title pretty much says it all. It's my belief that a woman who has had one or more orgasms is a better sex partner after those events and so.......

I agree. I make sure my partner is satisfied but from a selfish desire to make sure they feel the same about me.

 

[Farawyn]

My focus is on both mine and my husbands pleasure. Sorry but I just dont think this is a very good poll.

I agree. I understand the OP's intention, but I just don't think it can be simplified to this level. Not for me, anyway.

I picked 4, but I agree.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I picked 4, but I agree.

Me, too.

I think at different times it may be different things, or a mix of both. Pleasing him, or bringing him pleasure, brings me pleasure.

 

[american_beauty]

So I answered (c) that I am a girl focussed on my feelings 'cause the way I see it, if I don't like it neither will he and when I am really enjoying it I am making sure he is too

 

[crashD]

i think the more effort you put into your partners pleasure the more pleasure you get back..

win win type of thing..

 

[luv2bfkd]

I'm a girl, I concentrate on my feelings

I admit that I do put my pleasure first. I want my multiple orgasms, leaving me feeling like a barely coherent limp pile of bones, and that wonderful feeling of getting my brains fucked out. Fortunately, my bf knows just how to push my buttons and make that happen.

Yet, it is important for that he get a great deal of pleasure as well. I do want him to utterly enjoy fucking me, and have the opinion that I am very good pussy. I try to show him that I am woman, I am pussy, made for taking his cock, made for him to fuck and satisfy his sexual needs. I try to show how I love having him inside me, fucking me, mastering me and showing me that I belong to him. When he goes into me completely and stays, grinding against my clit, I’ll squeeze my Kegels. Eliciting those deep guttural groans from him lets me know that he’s enjoying the soft silkiness of my pussy caressing and milking his cock. I like to think my having those multiple orgasms helps me provide him that manly satisfaction of totally mastering me with his cock and fucking me senseless.

When it’s time for his release, I try to show him how I’m needing his sperm in me, often urging him on and begging him to shoot it deep inside me.

 

[Tnt69]

Mrs. T ALWAYS cums 1st, and 2nd, and 3rd and 4th and 5th and MrT really could care less if he cums or not. Unless of course if MrsT insists on a mouthful, he will always give up his seed.Thats just the way it works with us, and it works fine!

 

[The_gladiator]

I think it really depends on partner and situation. The way the pole itself is worded makes the responder feel like a selfish lover if they pick their own feelings, its not unless you read all the posts do you get an idea of what the OP really meant to ask. Which is essentially do you get more pleasure from being pleasures or pleasuring. The problem is that doesn't take into account everything else. I had partners I enjoyed pleasuring more than others and others I'd rather pleasure and focus on their pleasure because they did not pleasure me as well and vice versa its too complicated, and excluding m/m or f/f sex in the pole is also a terrible idea IMO.