your opinion

[ignorantslut69]

just looking for an opinion on these stories more coming

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1068243&page=submissions

 

[Epmd607]

This is just a quick skim-based opinion, but your stories read a little too journal-like, which is fine sometimes but not easy to pull off. The thing that really sticks out for me is the length, way too short within each chapter.

 

[driphoney]

I agree. Journal-like.

I decided to tell my story. I have explained to several people. So, I thought I would write it out for everyone. I have these posted over at nifty, but I am going to make sure they are as true as I can make them. So, they will change if you find them over there, just not as much...

I understand that you're writing this for yourself. No prob. Most of us do. But the reader is also reading for him/her self, so the above paragraph as an opening is probably not going to grip the reader.

I often have trouble starting out, so I give myself permission to just spit out the facts, kind of like you did. Later, when I'm finished, I often go back and chop my first paragraph or two off. If it really does have pertinent information needed for the story, then I try to tuck those details into the flow of the story.

As a matter of fact, I just did something similar in my Romance Bingo. In my little exercise using the word "stranger" my first three paragraphs are a bit of an info dump. The third (I think it was) paragraph really bothers me. If I were to turn that scene into a story, I would attempt to sprinkle some of information in later and get rid of that paragraph.

It's just a thought from my impression of the beginning of the first chapter. Good luck.

 

[ignorantslut69]

thank you for you kind ideas, I will try to clean up as needed