Your Most Resented Holiday Moment

[shereads]

Runner Up:

After being delayed by a full day because of a car problem, making repeated phone calls to request that the family not alter their plans for Christmas Day because of my late arrival, I drive all night, check into my motel, and arrive at my sister's house in the late afternoon, unload gifts from the car, and prepare to act happy despite not having slept for 27 hours.

She hands me my present and snaps, "After what you did to my dinner plans, you're lucky to get anything at all."

Winner:

I mention that the dog is showing signs of age, and is sometimes disoriented. A family member says, "Well you're just being selfish to keep the thing alive."

Neither of these can compete for pure entertainment value with this Kodak Moment from a previous Christmas get-together: A cousin is showing off her new baby. Her sister-in-law says, "His head so big, there's got to be something wrong with him."



Spill it, pornsters. What ticked you off over the holidays? It had better be good, because if I'm the only one whose family behaves like this I'm going to feel even worse.

 

[Guest]

Bless you, she. Car problems positively ruin everything.

But you're not alone with the other things - we have family issues as well.

My family members are rabid-fire Republicans.

My parents, my sister and her hubby were having a lovely discussion about current events (which always tend to be a bit misguided since they only watch FOX NEWS!!!!!!)

My husband and I, amazingly so, bit our lips and continued to play with our children on the floor with their new toys. Love them Legos, don't you? And I was working very hard to unpack the mini Bratz convertible from all those little wires.

My husband and I caught each other's eyes, let them widen just a bit, but we said NOTHING!

I think our self-control was incredible, don't you?





(edited to add - It was either be quiet or kick the ever-loving shit out of my sister and her husband. We thought that would be bad, considering the holiday cheer we were attempting to foster.)

 

[RobertEdwardLee]

At the door to the Alzheimer Unit, mom said,

"Who are? I don't want to go in there."

I resented that I was there.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Try opening a bag with your name on it and pulling out a really cool antique wax stamp for sealing envelopes with melted wax, only to have it removed from your hand as you're declaring how cool it is and how you've always wanted one and given to the intended recipient because your aunt placed it in the wrong sack by mistake.

Come to my house next year. Vella's gonna fix a huge seafood dinner just like she did this year and there will be lots to drink, lots of porn and lots of kink. Bring a friend....or three!

~lucky

p.s. I'll swing by and pick you up, lest the Honda has other ideas about your prompt attendance.

 

[shereads]

Bless you, she. Car problems positively ruin everything.

But you're not alone with the other things - we have family issues as well.

My family members are rabid-fire Republicans.

Ditto. Walled enclave. Six golf courses. Fox News. Framed photo of handshake with GWB. Like you, I had to control the Larnyx of Death when I was informed that most soldiers are happy to serve extended tours of duty, and that if the reservists lose their jobs it won't matter because Sears has pledged to hire more veterans.

Golly. That is good news for the survivors, especially the ones who are hoping for minimum-wage jobs when they get out of rehab... I think I will have a slice of that fruitcake, after all. Got a hacksaw I can cut it with?

Love them Legos, don't you? And I was working very hard to unpack the mini Bratz convertible from all those little wires.

You got the Bratz convertible? Cool.

You, your husband and I are all to be commended for surviving a Fox News Christmas without resorting to violence. I get extra points for eating fruitcake.

 

[shereads]

Try opening a bag with your name on it and pulling out a really cool antique wax stamp for sealing envelopes with melted wax, only to have it removed from your hand as you're declaring how cool it is and how you've always wanted one and given to the intended recipient because your aunt placed it in the wrong sack by mistake.

Come to my house next year. Vella's gonna fix a huge seafood dinner just like she did this year and there will be lots to drink, lots of porn and lots of kink. Bring a friend....or three!

~lucky

p.s. I'll swing by and pick you up, lest the Honda has other ideas about your prompt attendance.

Can I bring my dog and her life support system?

 

[shereads]

At the door to the Alzheimer Unit, mom said,

"Who are? I don't want to go in there."

I resented that I was there.

My mom's new home is a tiny apartment in a retirement village that I keep trying not to call "the Home." It was depressing, but nothing like what you had to face. I was luckier than I thought I was.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Can I bring my dog and her life support system?

I thought you were taking her to the Fun-House at the local carnival so she could work on that disorientation thing she's got going... ?

I mean, I know how you live to torture the ol' bitch and all.

Of course you can bring her! She'll have a fumbling, stumbling, haven't-I-peed-in-this-corner-already GOOD TIME with our dog who, by that time, will have her ass end strapped to a little tiny cart because her hips are shot and we refuse to let her go....

~lucky

p.s. Cleo is a staunch democrat. Do you think there'll be any issues over your pooch's obsession with the squeaky head that shall remain nameless...

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I get extra points for eating fruitcake.

Yes, you're Special with a capital 'S'!

 

[shereads]

Of course you can bring her! She'll have a fumbling, stumbling, haven't-I-peed-in-this-corner-already GOOD TIME with our dog who, by that time, will have her ass end strapped to a little tiny cart because her hips are shot and we refuse to let her go....

If I were a Physically Challenged Canine-American, I'd love one of those little carts. Just keep Cleo away from hills until she's had plenty of practice.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

If I were a Physically Challenged Canine-American, I'd love one of those little carts. Just keep Cleo away from hills until she's had plenty of practice.

Practice? Nah... I think she can handle it. You outta see the way she hikes her ass-end up in the air and descends the stairs on only her front paws.

It's the coolest!

A little hill ain't got nuthin' on her! Snake hill, otoh... Yes, perhaps a little training is in order after all. I'll handle it.

Say, maybe they could race down the hill! Your dog and ours, I mean. I've got five on Cleo. Sorry, Sher, but aimlessly running in circles isn't likely to get your pooch down the hill very fast.

~lucky

 

[Guest]

You, your husband and I are all to be commended for surviving a Fox News Christmas without resorting to violence. I get extra points for eating fruitcake.

Yes, you do.

I don't do fruitcake. Those teeny little oddly-colored things quite frankly scare the hell out of me.

I wonder how many other families (well at least 49% of 'em) had to control the Larynx of Death over ridiculous and misinformed discussions? I swear my parents and sister and her hubby are intelligent - college educated all - why the fuck can't they use their god-given brains?

Anyway.

OH - and you can't complain about having to work at Sears because you lost your job just because you're a reservist being held over for duty too long.

Because you know, you don't go to work with the job you want, you go work with the job you might want or wish to have.

Sears.

By the way, Lady Kenmores suck.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

By the way, Lady Kenmores suck.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

~lucky

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Uneventful except for having to visit my grandmother. "Oh, how horrible that the Alpaca doesn't like visiting its grandmother," you say. My grandmother is the boogieman that drama queens warn their children about. Her husband (who she nagged at constantly while we were there) and my mother are the only ones in our immediate family who like the woman. She went to the emergency room after rousing my mother at 1 a.m. because she had . . . a cold.

 

[Guest]

You say that like it's a bad thing.

~lucky

Mmmm - it's from Bull Durham, sweetie -

Love your new pic!

(Makes me feel all warm and snuggly!)

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Mmmm - it's from Bull Durham, sweetie -

Love your new pic!

(Makes me feel all warm and snuggly!)

Sorry, I saw Lady and Suck in the same sentence and...erm...forgot myself? Yeah, that's it.

Thanks, hon. (There's room for you, ya know?)

~lucky

 

[Guest]

Sorry, I saw Lady and Suck in the same sentence and...erm...forgot myself? Yeah, that's it.

Thanks, hon. (There's room for you, ya know?)

~lucky

This quote from your sig line - "Lucky is enough to make a straight girl rethink her sexual orientation. ~ McK" - is quite apt, you naughty girl!

*sigh* Now how do I explain this to my husband?

 

[lucky-E-leven]

This quote from your sig line - "Lucky is enough to make a straight girl rethink her sexual orientation. ~ McK" - is quite apt, you naughty girl!

*sigh* Now how do I explain this to my husband?

I dunno, babe, but I miss McKenna and it makes me smile to see it down there and remember our convo.

Hand him the camera, tell him to take a seat and BE QUIET!!



~lucky (off to bed, beautiful)

 

[Guest]

I dunno, babe, but I miss McKenna and it makes me smile to see it down there and remember our convo.

Hand him the camera, tell him to take a seat and BE QUIET!!



~lucky (off to bed, beautiful)

Goodnight, sweetie -

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Goodnight, sweetie -

Your box is full... Help?

~lucky

 

[Guest]

Your box is full... Help?

~lucky

I'm sorry - there's room now!

 

[cloudy]

Every year I'm hoplessly optimistic that this year will be better, and every year I'm sadly disappointed.

The only one in the family that gets any gifts are the kids, and the two oldest wouldn't get anything if I didn't fight tooth and nail to be able to buy them gifts (they're not my husband's kids, don't you know).

I get nothing - if not for my mother, I wouldn't get a Christmas gift at all.

Then, me and kids head to mom's, sans butthead, and my mom feels badly because he didn't go, figuring it's something she's done, when it's nothing of the sort. She even insists on me bring a plate home for him, along with a pecan pie she made just for him, and of course, the food sits in the refridgerator and spoils because, for some reason known only to his twisted little mind, he won't eat it.

*sigh*

 

[Guest]

Every year I'm hoplessly optimistic that this year will be better, and every year I'm sadly disappointed.

The only one in the family that gets any gifts are the kids, and the two oldest wouldn't get anything if I didn't fight tooth and nail to be able to buy them gifts (they're not my husband's kids, don't you know).

I get nothing - if not for my mother, I wouldn't get a Christmas gift at all.

Then, me and kids head to mom's, sans butthead, and my mom feels badly because he didn't go, figuring it's something she's done, when it's nothing of the sort. She even insists on me bring a plate home for him, along with a pecan pie she made just for him, and of course, the food sits in the refridgerator and spoils because, for some reason known only to his twisted little mind, he won't eat it.

*sigh*

 

[cloudy]

The good news is this past Christmas will be the last Christmas I spend this way.

 

[BlackShanglan]

"Oh, how horrible that the Alpaca doesn't like visiting its grandmother," you say.

Actually, I thought "Oh, how lovely, the Alpaca will have more time to spend helping me teach all twelve verses of 'The Good Ship Venus' to those nice young men down at the naval base. With visual aids and life re-enactments."

Shanglan