Your Funniest Joke

[ArthurW]

Do you have a funny joke? Would you share it with us?

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

Went to my doctor.

He told me "You need to stop masturbating."

I ask "Why?"

He said "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

 

[ArthurW]

Twiggy

What was Twiggy's bikini?

Three postage stamps.

 

[SithLordSexyPants1]

Johnny went to the doctor and said "Doc, I"m scared my penis is turning orange"
The doctor examined Johnny and then said "You need to stop eating Cheetos when you masturbate."

 

[ashik09]

My friends pooled their money together to buy me a car for my birthday.

It wasn't a very nice car, but obviously I couldn't complain after the trouble they'd went to.

It was a Fiat Accompli.

 

[Sundayschild]

A lady asks the barman for a cocktail called an Innuendo. So he gives her one.

 

[done_got_old]

I shared it in the thread Laughter is Contagious.

 

[Iceprincess12]

It isn’t mine, but I laugh every time I read it.

Today was not a good day.
I decided to go horse riding today as I haven't been for a while.
It turned out to be a big mistake!!!
I got on the horse and it started out slowly, then it started to speed up; before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse can go.
I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop!
Finally the manager of Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine.
Yet he had the nerve to take the rest of my change so I wouldn't attempt to ride the elephant.