Your Friends, Family and Your BF/GF

[PredatorSmile]

How are things between you, your family and your significant other ?

My father knows that I am bi, as do my brothers. They've never been thrilled about it but they accept me for who I am. In the past, they've met the girls that I dated. Yeah, for a long time, everyone (including myself) thought that I was a lesbian. Two years ago, I met a tall, handsome young college athlete. We had similar interests. Both of us had military dads. We were both handy with rifles and loved contact sports. We became friends.

It was weird. Here I was, the Queen of the campus GLBT scene and I was hanging out with a jock who was part of a fraternity and had macho-type buddies. Needless to say, our two worlds weren't ready to mingle. It got even more confusing when I found myself attracted to him. We had sex and I liked it. More importantly, I liked him. This was a no-no with my friends. You'd be surprised how anti-hetero some GLBT people can be. My lesbian friends looked at me like I was a traitor. I felt so damn confused. My whole life, I've loved women. I've dated women. And suddenly, I had all of these intense feelings for a man.


The man of my dreams turned out to be more like me than I thought. Yes, my macho-looking jock boyfriend was a closeted bisexual. It didn't bother me one bit. We continued to see each other. No one except for me knows that he's bi.


When my family learned that I was seeing a man, everyone started treating me differently. My female relatives treated me like a human being for the first time instead of "the family dyke". My father has met my BF and they had a lot in common. My brothers also thought he was a cool guy. It's weird. I have to explain to my family that even though I love him, I still like girls. Yeah, I'm a bisexual woman. I have to explain to my queer friends that even though I am still one of them, and I still care for GLBT issues, I still love my man and have no intention of giving him up. It's a hard thing for both sides to wrap their heads around.


Why ?

 

[OlderBiMan]

There's a lot of ignorance in this world, darlin'. it dont matter if they're str8 or gay. if they're ignrant, they're gona stay dat way. enjoy your time with your bf. been reading up on ye. sounds like a good match. best wishes to both of ye.

 

[LoboBoy]

Why ?

Because people (including ourselves) like to be able to pin other people down, pigeon hole them...there's a need to be able to file or sort out where and what other people are, and through this filing system, they get to understand where they think they fit.

It's about how they see themselves in accordance with their observations of others...you just messed up their understanding of who fits in which pile. So if you don't belong in the pile they thought you belonged too...are they in the right pile? You've upset their perception of balance lol

 

[fingermagic]

My family does not know and I keep it that way. Why? It is simply none of their business. None of us discuss our sex lives at all with each other. And actually, we all live at different ends of the country and are not really close anyway. If they knew about my escapades they would not be able to handle it anyway. I have always been bi ever since I was a teen. I went through all the self loathing and thinking I was pretty weird thing and all that and successfully worked through it, however, trying to explain all of my feelings is just too much work and stress. I just love and need both men and women and get different emotional needs fullfilled from both. I can see them reacting differently to you because you have some how swung into their vision as moving back to "normal". I think normal is to love both sexes because after all, we are all bisexual wheather or not we want to recognize or suppress it. You are really quite normal to me my dear.

 

[BitterIchor]

I have very little family left. Just my brother, basically. Before my parents died, they both knew. My mother (who died when I was in my late teens) was the first person I came out to and she was wonderful about it. My dad also knew since then, but he had some issues with it. We drifted apart and we never spoke much until he died last year of a heart attack. It was sad that we never had the chance to see past our differences, but that's how life is. Life isn't a disney movie with a happy ending. Most of the time, life hands you a shit sandwich and forces you to take a bite, and it's up to you to chew and swallow.
So, in essence, I haven't got any family problems. I haven't got a girlfriend either, though, since she found her bisexual side too and is doing the suburban family thing. No suck luck on my part, I'm afraid.

My brother is great, though. He treats me as he always has, even before he knew I was gay. Which is the best reaction to a coming out, if you ask me.
My attitude towards people who react negatively to me being gay has always been either indifference. Someone who can't deal with it doesn't deserve my attention.

 

[hoodooman]

It's a funny thing..I once had a lesbian best friend ...we slept together all the time..but always in underpants and tees...I became friends with lots of her friends..I enjoyed their company and they enjoyed having me around and after a while even the girls at the girl bars were relaxed and friendly towards me..

One day a guy walked up tp me and started a conversation...my friend immediately acted pissed...like someone was messing with her property.."What was that all about ?" I asked her...she explained "just some faggot"..I asked why she was miffed and why she would use such a derogotory word like that..

she actually had a cultural bias against gay guys...it was the only bias against strangers I ever heard from her...

I was becoming aware that I wanted to experience sex with a guy but I never told her a word...I pretty much knew she would blab it all over...

I realized she couldn't remain an intimate friend...it makes me sad...I miss the fun we had ...but it seems most people have a great deal of trouble putting themselves in someone else shoes (metaphorically speaking...I know about men in high heels...smile)

 

[hoodooman]

 

[temp256]

I have no one in the way of partners (or friends...), but I'm going to be a girl soon. My family knows (some of them), and they are fine with it. They are even more casual about it than me. I still can't talk to them about it, even though my mother has tried on a few occasions.

I have the best environment someone like me could hope for, but it doesn't make it any easier. It's hellishly difficult. I feel so alone and depressed...

(I could alleviate some of this frustration if only my damned vibrator would get here. Stupid online shopping.)

 

[erdave]

family and friends

I grew up believing my penis was probably a clit…. just too big. “Too small for a penis but too large for a clit.” If that makes since. I am 6-1 and 224 but barely a 4.5 and thin when erect. I have had a fetish for wearing panties since high school. My mom was aware and took me to physicians for hormone therapy…lol….that didn’t work.

I believe my sister and her both believed I would turn out gay or bi, however I got married and have enjoyed heterosexual sex for 16 years. I still love being in panties and continue to feel I have a clit sometimes. My wife and mines lovemaking is great….obviously I'm better at oral than intercourse and we have some positions that allow my size to be utilized for the greatest comfort.

It was only lately that we have begun mfm sex and all with same guy and yes! I love watching her respond to his size. At her prodding I have performed oral on Mike once and enjoyed it. Still new to me…our sexual enjoyment is important to the both of us and we are both very much in love with each other.

We live in rural Mississippi and we farm on a large scale and she is a teacher. We also are active in our church and have two children. I supplement our income by being a nurse in the ER occasionally.
If our activities were to become public, even just a gossip, it would be a terrible blow to us. In this small town we would probably have to sell the farm and move. That’s how stereotyped this rural area is.We have to be so careful and discreet and that’s the reason we have kept the mfm to just one person. We have thought of trying some other activities but just too afraid. Society still has too many bullshit standards…. Enjoy your day dave

 

[PredatorSmile]

Your story is quite touching. You must have a lot of courage and you sound as though you are true to yourself. In an age where countless people lie to themselves daily. Good for you.

 

[Etoile]

I'm lucky, I guess - my whole immediate family is fine with it. My aunt and uncle pray for me every day, I'm sure, but they know about it and still love me. My partner's family is all fine with it too.

 

[CuriousityKill]

Personally

Edited

 

[CuriousityKill]

Personally

My mom knows I'm bi, and she's completely fine with it. In fact, she's glad that I like girls.

 

[ILCHANTILLY]

Enjoy exploration

Dave,

Don't ever let your exploration die thru others hatreds

I grew up believing my penis was probably a clit…. just too big. “Too small for a penis but too large for a clit.” If that makes since. I am 6-1 and 224 but barely a 4.5 and thin when erect. I have had a fetish for wearing panties since high school. My mom was aware and took me to physicians for hormone therapy…lol….that didn’t work.

I believe my sister and her both believed I would turn out gay or bi, however I got married and have enjoyed heterosexual sex for 16 years. I still love being in panties and continue to feel I have a clit sometimes. My wife and mines lovemaking is great….obviously I'm better at oral than intercourse and we have some positions that allow my size to be utilized for the greatest comfort.

It was only lately that we have begun mfm sex and all with same guy and yes! I love watching her respond to his size. At her prodding I have performed oral on Mike once and enjoyed it. Still new to me…our sexual enjoyment is important to the both of us and we are both very much in love with each other.

We live in rural Mississippi and we farm on a large scale and she is a teacher. We also are active in our church and have two children. I supplement our income by being a nurse in the ER occasionally.
If our activities were to become public, even just a gossip, it would be a terrible blow to us. In this small town we would probably have to sell the farm and move. That’s how stereotyped this rural area is.We have to be so careful and discreet and that’s the reason we have kept the mfm to just one person. We have thought of trying some other activities but just too afraid. Society still has too many bullshit standards…. Enjoy your day dave

 

[Etoile]

My mom knows I'm bi, and she's completely fine with it. In fact, she's glad that I like girls.

LOL, that was what my mom said too. "Well at least we don't have to worry about you getting pregnant!"

 

[amysecret]

Because of this board I am starting to wonder about my SO and weather or not he is too conservative for me.

My friends don't really know about the way my mind wanders. I do have a couple of fringe friends that know but none of my closest friends.

My family has no clue.

 

[Samuelx]

Because of this board I am starting to wonder about my SO and weather or not he is too conservative for me.

My friends don't really know about the way my mind wanders. I do have a couple of fringe friends that know but none of my closest friends.

My family has no clue.

My family might suspect something, but no one talks about it, at least not with me, and I certainly don't volunteer any info. Only my cousin Ivan knows and he's cool with it. He's even read some of my bi-themed Literotica stories, and enjoys those. Sometimes I wonder about him. I know he likes girls, and he's admitted to being "intrigued" by shemales but what is he ? I don't much care. He's my cousin and he's cool.

 

[Etoile]

I know he likes girls, and he's admitted to being "intrigued" by shemales but what is he ? I don't much care. He's my cousin and he's cool.

Great sentiment, even though "shemales" made me twitch.

 

[Samuelx]

Great sentiment, even though "shemales" made me twitch.

Sorry. I first discovered transsexuals through the internet. I'm learning to change my words as to not offend them. My cousin has discovered them through the internet too and still doesn't use the proper
name. I'll have to remind him. Sorry about that. Good night.

 

[OlderBiMan]

My friends and family know that I am bi. My wife (deceased) knew. I'm fairly open about it now. After my wife died, I was celibate for a long time but got brought out of it by a feisty dame I dated for some time.
She moved out of the country recently, that ended the relationship. Currently, I have a thing going on with a younger man, a doctor, if you
can believe that.

 

[Wolfman1982]

I have a thing going on with a younger man, a doctor, if you
can believe that.

Hmmm a doctor ? hmmm don´t get me started Sir (just teasing you Sir).

 

[miamee]

everything goes well with my family right now except with my mom, she's a little upset coz her father (our grandfather) died yesterday...but she's ok now...and with my boyfriend, everythings works fine, we're both open with our families which i think is a good one in terms of relationship...

 

[Ma Petite]

From my expierence I have to agree that you upset the balance those you know have adopted in thier life. It also could be you going back to a sociatal normal rather than being what they see as normal or true for you. But it could also be that, from what i've seen and been told, being bi is like sittin on the fence and swinging for both teams. Not really making a decision just trying to reap maximum benefits without reguards to anyone else. Its dumb, i know, but that's what i've been told by gay and streight people i've met. *sigh* I personally wish i could tell my family. but my mother terrifies me so that will never happen and well, until my little brother is 18 and i can discuss his being gay with him, that wont happen. I've been bi my who life (mostly lesbian with heterosexual tendencies) and i just was so damn afraid to admit it to myself.

People, no matter what your sexual preference, are going to suck. Very few ever accept you for who you are completely. Hang in there and shrug it of. Ignorance is an ever growing weed.

Ok, i think i've rambled enough. Its 3 am perhaps i'll try and actually fall asleep again...

 

[Etoile]

From my expierence I have to agree that you upset the balance those you know have adopted in thier life. It also could be you going back to a sociatal normal rather than being what they see as normal or true for you. But it could also be that, from what i've seen and been told, being bi is like sittin on the fence and swinging for both teams. Not really making a decision just trying to reap maximum benefits without reguards to anyone else. Its dumb, i know, but that's what i've been told by gay and streight people i've met. *sigh* I personally wish i could tell my family. but my mother terrifies me so that will never happen and well, until my little brother is 18 and i can discuss his being gay with him, that wont happen. I've been bi my who life (mostly lesbian with heterosexual tendencies) and i just was so damn afraid to admit it to myself.

Interesting that the way you describe bi life is with what you've heard from gay and straight people. Like a white person describing what it's like to be black, or a hearing person describing what it's like to be deaf, a gay or straight person cannot know what it's like to be bisexual. The conversations I have had with bisexuals have led me to the opposite conclusion...they are not fence-sitters or greedy, but rather people who know exactly what they want and feel secure in their identities. Unless I have misunderstood and you meant to describe stereotypes gay and straight people have of bisexuals, in which case your description sounds right.

People, no matter what your sexual preference, are going to suck. Very few ever accept you for who you are completely. Hang in there and shrug it of. Ignorance is an ever growing weed.

I don't really agree with this. Pretty much everyone in my life knows who I am and accepts me the way I am. I may be overly optimistic, because my experience may be unique, but I feel people are generally good at heart, and the ignorant and intolerant are very much the exception rather than the rule. It in unfortunate that they are sometimes more vocal (witness the right wing of American politics), but I do think they are the minority and most people do accept others for who they are.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Etoile, I want to thank you. Your post was very refreshing. Myself, I've been accused of being "confused" and a "fence-sitter" after my last relationship with a woman ended and I began dating my current guy. It hasn't been easy. I used to have tons of female friends who were also lesbians. Not anymore. They were VERY opposed to my dating a member of the opposite sex. How monosexist of them ! They also opposed me when I became the vice president of our GLBT Alliance. The president, a gay male friend of mine, was the only one among my pals who accepted me for who I am, regardless of the gender of the person I loved. Yes,
the lesbians on campus don't like watching an openly bisexual woman in charge. I'm not popular with the straight girls either, and I get hit on by
way too many guys who think that since I am now dating a guy, then I must be into "any" guy. Go figure. My best pals are my gay male buddies. More open-minded and accepting people cannot be found on
campus.