Your First Time

[ChibiFangirl]

Sorry If it seems that I'm in a confessional, but recently a lot of playmates have asked me why I have stayed a virgin. And my response was like, 'I'm not that old...." Like I know you can loose your virginity (consentually or not) at any age but I haven't had the desire to until recently.

Lets clear things up, I was sent to a school where it was meant for speacil ed kids in the middle of my sophomore year due to countless acts of bullying. I had no need to be there other than I was slower than normal students my age. The school I went to was hell (or I like to call it the asylum) I had no friends to talk to there. Romance and sex wasn't an option.

Once I graduated, I went to a community college for three semesters that was huge. I was like a fish out of water. I had feelings towards one guy in my japanese class, who treated me like shit and yet I'd still be the dumbass who'd chase after him. I transfered schools the spring semester, where I now live on my own....and still remain a virgin.

I'd like to lose it one day, but I'm also not in a hurry. I'm one of those dorks who want their first time to be speacil. And I don't mean romance novel speacil, I mean in the sense where there is enough passion and a strong bond between me and my partner rather than having a one night stand and moving on.

I'm not ashamed of being a virgin....just being on this site, it makes me feel awkward. Not to say I don't like it here, I've made all sorts of friends. But it feels weird being a virgin on a sex based site. So I guess the question to you (male or female) what age did you loose your viginity and what was it like>

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I think sex begins with breast feeding and physical contact with parents, others. Then develops with all the other interactions we experience with others.

But the first vaginal contact reminded me of when I was thrown into a swimming pool with zero swimming skills. At the time I thought, IT DIDNT KILL ME! and I was soon ready to go again.

Sex is like cooking and attire and haircuts and vocational choices, plenty of it doesn't work well, and you learn what works...for you.

 

[fire_breeze]

Sorry If it seems that I'm in a confessional, but recently a lot of playmates have asked me why I have stayed a virgin. And my response was like, 'I'm not that old...." Like I know you can loose your virginity (consentually or not) at any age but I haven't had the desire to until recently.

Lets clear things up, I was sent to a school where it was meant for speacil ed kids in the middle of my sophomore year due to countless acts of bullying. I had no need to be there other than I was slower than normal students my age. The school I went to was hell (or I like to call it the asylum) I had no friends to talk to there. Romance and sex wasn't an option.

Once I graduated, I went to a community college for three semesters that was huge. I was like a fish out of water. I had feelings towards one guy in my japanese class, who treated me like shit and yet I'd still be the dumbass who'd chase after him. I transfered schools the spring semester, where I now live on my own....and still remain a virgin.

I'd like to lose it one day, but I'm also not in a hurry. I'm one of those dorks who want their first time to be speacil. And I don't mean romance novel speacil, I mean in the sense where there is enough passion and a strong bond between me and my partner rather than having a one night stand and moving on.

I'm not ashamed of being a virgin....just being on this site, it makes me feel awkward. Not to say I don't like it here, I've made all sorts of friends. But it feels weird being a virgin on a sex based site. So I guess the question to you (male or female) what age did you loose your viginity and what was it like>

Some people think that virginity is something (I don't like the term 'losing'; you don't lose the first time you ate chocolate, right? Or your first kiss? It's an experience. How can you lose a state of being before the experience?) that is holy of holies. Others think virginity is a burden. Unfortunately, you find some vocal ones who fall in the latter category and they are usually douches. There has been many virgin posters on these hallowed boards, and they have been open about their decisions, for whatever reasons. Sex is empowering. It should be, however, be empowering to how you feel comfortable.

I know some people who had their first sexual encounter (consensually) earlier, whereas others were in their early twenties. For the majority of them, it was plainly because they never got around to it: they didn't really date in high school, and then didn't find anyone that they particularly liked enough to date or sleep with. None of them who had their first encounter on their terms, even if it was a bit later, regretted that decision. Why? Because it was on their own terms.

If anyone gives you grief about your decisions about your own sexuality*, then it is usually a huge indicator what kind of person they are, no? I mean, if they cannot respect your decision on what you do with your body, then how can they fully respect you? It's one thing to politely ask questions and to engage in conversation (for example, some people may not get pain in sex, and they are more than welcome to ask questions about it), it's another thing to pass judgement altogether (such as: it's sick to like pain. Or you're not empowered because you choose to have sex with a partner you like).

The point is, you have your sexual encounter, whether it is your first one or your eleventy billionth time, when YOU want it. Fuck what others say. You are entitled to have sex on your terms, and how you want it. If you are not in a hurry and prefer to get to know the individual to make sure you have some connection, then that is your prerogative. On the other hand, if you want to get down and dirty with all willing individuals in the bar then that too, is your prerogative. That is the beauty of feminism: you are in charge of your body, your sexuality. It is your responsibility to treat yourself and others with respect. That's it.
Anyone who pressures you otherwise isn't exactly empowering or respectful, right?

/rant.

I hope that this little rant addresses your concerns. Bottom line: you don't have to explain to anyone your decision to want to have sex with someone you like. Not everyone is hardwired to fuck any adult that moves - and yes, you can enjoy being a sex board whilst being sexually inexperienced. It's a good way to explore.

*within reason, and ensuring that legal-age consensuality, safe, sane and no pressure is upheld, of course.

 

[ChibiFangirl]

The point is, you have your sexual encounter, whether it is your first one or your eleventy billionth time, when YOU want it. Fuck what other says. You are entitled to have sex on your terms, and how you want it. If you are not in a hurry and prefer to get to know the individual to make sure you have some connection, then that is your prerogative. On the other hand, if you want to get down and dirty with all the willing individuals in the bar then that too, is your prerogative. That is the beauty of feminism: you are in charge of your body, your sexuality. It is your responsibility to treat yourself and others with respect. That's it.
Anyone who pressures you otherwise isn't exactly empowering or respectful, isn't it?

Thank you, this quote makes my morning. ^.^

 

[jehoram]

What fire breeze said is pretty much my take on it as well.

What's more important is connecting with yourself sexually before taking it on the road. Find out what turns you on, and give yourself permission to do it and enjoy it. You probably won't learn that from a partner, unless that partner is unusually empathetic and willing to teach and to learn. And if your eventual partner is as sexually inexperienced as you are, that probably ain't gonna happen.

But once you know yourself, it makes it easier to connect with a partner and teach that partner what you'd like and what you need. It makes that first time much less stressful. And your partner, when that person comes along, will be grateful.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Fire Breeze said it beautifully and eloquently.

I was rather young when I first had sex, but that was me. For what it is worth, it was special and all these years later I still think very fondly of her.

 

[letitallgo2014]

ChibiFangirl - You aren't the only virgin on here. Don't let anyone make you feel less than the amazing person I'm sure you are for choosing to wait. And actually, studies show that the trend is to wait until later in life to have sex so you aren't alone in general.

Fire Breeze - Thanks for saving me the time and ranting on my behalf. A standing ovation is being sounded from here in the UK at what you said.

Can't share a first time experience because I don't have one either. But that doesn't mean a girl can't dream and wonder.....

 

[krissive69]

I'm not even sure what lost virginity means in the context of human sexuality. On one level, it might be when you have your first orgasm. On another level, it might be when you help someone else have one. Beyond that... (shrug)... virginity seems to carry more "moral" weight than it should I think...

 

[Cumference]

As always (sigh, little left to say) Fire_B says it very well.

The only thing I can add, is that there are quite a few threads about the very subject around here, and they are worth reading.






.... Furthermore, I consider that virginity is over-rated.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[kauen]

My advice take all the time you need, my first time was a load of crap. I can look back on it and laugh but I would have liked it to have been at least somewhat better.

I know your probably not looking for candles, sappy music, full moons and all that rom novel stuff but just something nice and intimate and special. That is very easily attainable with a guy (or girl) you like and who care about you equally in return. Rushing into it and a one night stand in particular is a sure fire way to lose it but likely not in a particularly good way.

So you wait for Mr or Mrs right

 

[Cumference]

I have felt I have 'relost', or regained, some experience of newness, fragility, uncertainty, excitement and indeed, trepidation with not each, but the partners I have valued. To me that is not overrated. The physicality? Neither here nor there I think.

I can second the emotional part.

Learning to know new people never grows boring.

 

[ChibiFangirl]

ChibiFangirl - You aren't the only virgin on here. Don't let anyone make you feel less than the amazing person I'm sure you are for choosing to wait. And actually, studies show that the trend is to wait until later in life to have sex so you aren't alone in general.

I had mentioned earilar, that I am not ashamed of my virginity. i feel like that one person at a huge circle of friends, who has little in common with the rest of the group. Its more awkward than it is embarrassing for me. I really do appericate all your adcice.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

D(.)(.)

Dollie--------------- I'm not really allowed to say it here. I'll just say mine was stolen long ago against my will.

 

[pplwatching]

So I guess the question to you (male or female) what age did you loose your virginity and what was it like>

I was in my late twenties when I first had sex. It was several months after I had broken up with a girlfriend whom I had adored for several years, but hadn't tried to bed. We never had a discussion about not having sex, we just didn't. That was an awkward relationship for a lot of reasons, but I was smitten and just loved being with her.

Fast forward those months and I met an older woman. Even though I owned my own home by then and we had been seeing each other for a while, my first time was with her in the back seat of a very small car parked next to a local park after dark. It was cramped and uncomfortable, and the windows were cold, but it was also flirty and fun. I wrote a story about it. I owe one or two of my kinks to her.

 

[Bones_Alone]

I was 28, not a lot of experience (or too much according to some). My then-current girlfriend and I had been seeing each other since early in my second year of graduate school. Our physical relationship had progressed to spending a lot of time making out, having oral sex, etc. but never actually "doing it". We were at her house, in her room on New Years's Day, watching a football game while lying naked on her bed. Frankly I couldn't have cared less about the score on the screen.

Apparently neither did she, but at least she waited for halftime, when she turned toward me, gently pushed me onto my back, straddled my hips and guided my erection into her very wet pussy. It was over a little sooner than I would have hoped, and a little awkward after, but a thorough pleasure.

 

[NightL]

Even though I owned my own home by then and we had been seeing each other for a while, my first time was with her in the back seat of a very small car parked next to a local park after dark. It was cramped and uncomfortable, and the windows were cold, but it was also flirty and fun. I wrote a story about it. I owe one or two of my kinks to her.

ha - you still managed to start at the beginning - may have been a bit later than wished for - I am sure steamed up windows of a small car is where many have their first "I found my thrill..."

In the end you didn't miss out on anything at all - I think it wonderful you shared that pplwatching and important for some younger people to read. No one has to be in a hurry - if the time is not right now it does not mean all the chaos silly fun stuff won't happen down the track.

 

[pplwatching]

Car sex is fun, but I'm not as flexible now as I once was Have to put a mattress in the back of a pickup truck.

In the end you didn't miss out on anything at all. No one has to be in a hurry - if the time is not right now it does not mean all the chaos silly fun stuff won't happen down the track.

Good thoughts, and I agree completely.

 

[suckonsimon]

I took my time going the whole way, and in part because of that I have great memories of making out and really hot tangles and stuff with girls in a context where we both knew I would be keeping my pants on. I was as sexually switched on through those years as I was in my first years of making love all the way with my woman. So, ChibiFanGirl, you belong here as much as anybody else does.

Direct answer to your question: we were both 23. It was our wedding night. It was delightful, but not nearly as good as the next morning and 4,000 times plus since. Back in 1976 that was not so very unusual, and taking that particular road into sexual maturity has proved a very happy one for me and for my wife.

 

[Hypoxia]

It was so long ago. But, which first time?

The first willing-to-fuck time was a total disaster -- neither of us knew how to fit what into where. We did not last long after that.

The first actual time was far away with a total stranger -- my first completion, not theirs. It was electrifying -- literally. (In the midst of a violent thunderstorm, static electricity provoking every hair.)

The first procreational time was uncalled-for and ultimately tragic. We were so wrong.

The first meaningful time? Fuck, I don't know. Did any of it mean anything?

 

[someoneshusband9090]

I was 23 on my first time with my then girlfriend who is now my wife and the only person i have been physically intimate with.

It lasted longer than i thought it would because she had already given me a hand job earlier on that night.

It wasn't her first time but she didn't know it was mine - i confessed a couple of years later and she was a bit annoyed that i didn't say at the time as she would have made it more special. She did say that she couldn't tell it was my first time though so that gave me a nice ego boost!

 

[mterrence]

.....

 

[Learin]

So I guess the question to you (male or female) what age did you loose your viginity and what was it like>

16. And Painful. And when I thought it was starting to feel good, he came.

Now that I think about that day, it totally sucked.

Just one word of advice, don't do it unless you don't want to. It's a big deal for a lot of people, especially women. It doesn't matter if you're twenty or fucking forty. Do it when you want to do it. And do it with someone who you know will be understanding and considerate.