Your feedback please on TV story

[Alexandra_CD]

I've started writing a story for the lit. Can you give me feedback on what I've got so far and let me know if it is worth continuing?

"It's been a long time since we've had Alex around. What do I need to do to get her back?"

I was astonished. Kari had always been accepting of my crossdressing, but this was the first time she had ever acted like she wanted me to do it. Dumbfounded, "I don't know" was all I could think to say.

She pressed on. "Talk to me, Andy. We've been so disconnected for months."

It was true. I had been in a fog for months, caught up in work. I was barely home when I was home, and at the office far too much. Even our vacation had been cut short by two days because I just couldn't get away from the office.

I mumbled something about the fact that she was right, but couldn't think of anything more coherant to add. I knew that I hadn't been much to her lately, but was still trying to connect it back to Alex.

Alex, short for Alexandra, is our name for me when I am crossdressed. More than that, it is my persona when I'm dressed -- almost like a completely distinct personality within me. Kari was right, Alex had been absent from both our lives for quite some time.

"You haven't been yourself lately, and I think you need to find Alex again to find yourself."

I thought that she was right, but didn't know what to say. For all my life Alex had been something I tried to avoid. Although I heard her words, I couldn't believe that she wanted Alex around.

"But you don't like Alex..." I stammered.

"Sweetheart, that's not fair! I don't dislike Alex...I enjoy spending time with her."

"But I thought..."

"Sweetie, just because I'm not attracted to you sexually when you're Alex doesn't mean I don't like her," Kari said. "I like to be around her, and what's more I like to be around you much more when she's in our life."

That sounded ominous. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Just this: You're not yourself lately. You're short tempered with me and the kids. You aren't taking care of the house. You've let your appearance go. Sweetie, I want you back and I think that the only way to get you back is though Alex. I want to see her tonight."

"But..." I objected.

"No buts. The kids are with their grandparents; tonight is just for you and I...or rather, for Alex and I. I'm going out. I don't want you to be here when I get back."

She left before I could say anything further. It had been a long time since I had dressed as Alex -- almost a year -- and I wasn't sure what to do.

The fact was, I had put on some weight and wasn't as attractive as I had been when Kari and I had gotten married. I didn't like the way that I looked and I knew that I would like myself even less as Alex. Still, Kari's instructions had left very little wiggle room.

I headed upstairs and drew a warm bath, adding a little of Kari's lavender bubble bath to the steaming water. The smell of the lavender was suggestive of femininity and helped to put me in a better mood for what was to come.

When the bath was full, I stripped down and lowered myself into the water. It was very relaxing and sensual; still, I was possessed of a tension that I could not easily discard. I really didn't know what to expect with Kari's return, and could scarcely believe that she wanted me to crossdress.

For the time being I settled in to the bath and enjoyed the warmth of the water on my skin. I lowered my face into the water to soak my facial hair. For all my other shortcomings as a crossdresser, my facial hair grew very slowly and sparsely and was light in tone. With the help of the warm water of the bath, I gave myself a clean, close, shave.

I left my body hair as is, not knowing what Kari would like. In times past when I had shaved my chest she had complained about the stubble being irritating after a couple of days and I didn't want to create a problem.

As I bathed, the warmth of the bath water and the scent of the lavender brought something of Alex to the surface of my psyche. She had been gone quite a while, but she was peeking 'round the corners of my perception and making herself at home once more. Eventually, the bath grew cold and I pulled myself out of it. As I got out of the tub and looked into the bathroom mirror I saw her -- briefly, but she was there. Hidden in the mirror image of my eyes and mouth was Alex. I could see her, though not clearly, for the first time in months.

I grabbed my groomer and eliminated some unsavory hairs from my nose and ears. I couldn't believe how icky I had let myself get and was glad to be looking at myself with new eyes, so to speak. I grabbed the tweezers and set to work on my unruly eyebrows all the while admiring the eyes in the mirror that I had inexplicably not seen for months.

After my tweezing, my eyebrows were much better. They framed my eyes nicely and had a nice lift in the, though they weren't overly femme.

Though I wasn't wearing a stitch of clothes, I could see her in the mirror -- Alex was there, looking back at me. Her penetrating green eyes compelled me to take this as far as I could and to bring her to life, in a sense.

I grabbed my makeup (we had kept my collection of makeup separated in the bathroom for years) and headed for the bedroom.

I began first with my eyes. A dark brown eyeshadow in the crease of the eyelid followed by a lighter brown to the browbone and an even lighter shade of tan on the eyelids in front gave my eyes a sensual look. Black eyeliner and a dark black mascara completed the eyes, making them quite stunning.

I did the rest of my face much more subtly, adding foundation, contour shading and blush where needed. Finally, I lined my lips in a deep plum followed by a deep red lipstick and a light lip gloss.

I pulled on my red wig and looked at the results in the mirror. I didn't have a runway model body by any means, but my face was at least pleasant to look at. I didn't know how long I had till Kari got home so I rushed upstairs to pull on my bra and panties, settle in, and await her return.

 

[Irish_JL]

Your writing is clear and structured. Shows alot of promise.

 

[Boxlicker101]

The story does show promise. I am not at all into TV but I can appreciate the detail as you describe getting ready. I am into detail. To pick a nit, in the last paragraph, you say you rushed upstairs to get dressed. Earlier, you were in your bedroom. Wouldn't you get dressed in the bedroom?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I know next to nothing about TV, how it's done or what it feels like or what the thrill is, and this was a great introduction. I'd really like to see more. Go for it.

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

I didn't read the story, but jumping on the wagon.

Brrr. It's good. Brrr. More. Brrr.

 

[lipgloss_clare]

Hiya, just chanced across this, lovely. Well written and interesting. Write more. Or have you?

 

[Alexandra_CD]

I finally took the time to dredge this back up and finish (?) it.

I didn't see any volunteer editors that work in TS & CD. I've not submitted anything before...should I submit the story?

All comments appreciated.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I have downloaded the story and I will go over it and let you know what I think. I am not an expert on the subject but I liked the start earlier.

 

[Alexandra_CD]

Thanks!

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hi, Alexandra. Here are my suggestions for this story. They are in boldface and some of them are corrections of typos and some are suggestions for words that I believe, for one reason or another, would work better.

I am going to have to go over this because it didn't come out as it should have.

Okay, here it is:

"It's been a long time since we've had Alex around. What do I need to do to get her
back?"

I was astonished. Kari had always been accepting of my crossdressing, but this was the
first time she had ever acted like she wanted me to do it. Dumbfounded, "I don't know"
was all I could think to say.

She pressed on. "Talk to me, Andy. We've been so disconnected for months."

It was true. I had been in a fog for months, caught up in work. I was barely home when I was home, and at the office far too much. Even our vacation had been cut short by two days because I just couldn't get stay away from the office.

The second sentence in the paragraph is a bit confusing. It might be better as “Even when I was home, I was just barely there, and I spent far too much time at the office.” The last sentence should probably be changed too. You were able to get away; you just couldn’t stay away as long as you wanted.

I mumbled something about the fact that she was right, but couldn't think of anything
more coherent to add. I knew that I hadn't been much to her lately, but was still trying to
connect it back to Alex.

Alex, short for Alexandra, is our name for me when I am crossdressed. More than that, it
is my persona when I'm dressed -- almost like a completely distinct personality within
me. Kari was right, Alex had been absent from both our lives for quite some time.

The last sentence should have a semi-colon rather than a comma.

"You haven't been yourself lately, and I think you need to find Alex again to find yourself."

I thought that she was right, but didn't know what to say. For all my life Alex had been something I tried to avoid. Although I heard her Kari’s words, I couldn't believe that she wanted Alex around.

To avoid possible confusion, use the name in the last sentence rather than pronoun. Do you really mean that for all your life you were trying to avoid being Alex? I always thought a TV got a thrill out of cross-dressing.

"But you don't like Alex..." I stammered.

"Sweetheart, that's not fair! I don't dislike Alex...I enjoy spending time with her."

"But I thought..."

"Sweetie, just because I'm not attracted to you sexually when you're Alex doesn't mean I don't like her," Kari said explained. "I like to be around her, and what's more I like to be around you much more when she's in our life."

You don’t really need a dialogue tag here but if you want one, “explained” works better than “said”.

That sounded ominous. "What do you mean?" I asked.

You don’t need a dialogue tag here either.

"Just this: You're not yourself lately. You're short tempered with me and the kids. You aren't taking care of the house. You've let your appearance go. Sweetie, I want you back and I think that the only way to get you back is though Alex. I want to see her tonight."

"But..." I objected.

"No buts. The kids are with their grandparents; tonight is just for you and me I...or rather, for Alex and I me. I'm going out. I don't want you to be here when I get back."

You should use “me” instead of “I”. Kari sounds reasonably educated and I don’t think she would be making that mistake.

She left before I could say anything further. It had been a long time since I had dressed as
Alex -- almost a year -- and I wasn't sure what to do.

The fact was, I had put on some weight and wasn't as attractive as I had been when Kari and I had gotten married. I didn't like the way that I looked and I knew that I would like myself even less as Alex. Still, Kari's instructions had left very little wiggle room.

I headed upstairs and drew a warm bath, adding a little of Kari's lavender bubble bath to the steaming water. The smell of the lavender was suggestive of femininity and helped to put me in a better mood for what was to come.

When the bath was full, I stripped down and lowered myself into the water. It was very relaxing and sensual; still, I was possessed of a tension that I could not easily discard. I really didn't know what to expect with Kari's return, and could scarcely believe that she wanted me to crossdress.

For the time being I settled in to the bath and enjoyed the warmth of the water on my skin. I lowered my face into the water to soak my facial hair. For all my other shortcomings as a crossdresser, my facial hair grew very slowly and sparsely and was light in tone. Unfortunately, that meant that I gave myself license to go days, even whole weeks without shaving, and the results were unkempt and messy. With the help of the warm water of the bath, I gave myself a clean, close, shave.

Clean and close in the last sentence is something of a cliché.

I left my body hair as is, not knowing what Kari would like. In times past when I had shaved my chest she had complained about the stubble being irritating after a couple of days and I didn't want to create a problem.

If your facial hair is as you describe, your body hair would not be much of a problem.

As I bathed, the warmth of the bath water and the scent of the lavender brought something of Alex to the surface of my psyche. She had been gone quite a while, but she was peeking around the corners of my perception and making herself at home once more.
Eventually, the bath grew cold and I pulled myself out of it. As I got out of the tub and looked into the bathroom mirror I saw her -- briefly, but she was there. Hidden in the mirror image of my eyes and mouth was Alex. I could see her, though not clearly, for the first time in months.

I grabbed my groomer and eliminated some unsavory hairs from my nose and ears. I couldn't believe how icky I had let myself get and was glad to be looking at myself with new eyes, so to speak. I grabbed the tweezers and set to work on my unruly eyebrows all the while admiring the eyes in the mirror that I had inexplicably not seen for months.

In the third sentence, you shouldn’t repeat the word “grabbed”. Try “With the tweezers, I set…”

After my tweezing, my eyebrows were much better. They framed my eyes nicely and had
a nice lift in the middle, though they weren't overly femme.

Though my very male body was uncovered nude, I could still see her in the mirror -- Alex was there, looking back at me. Her penetrating green eyes compelled me to take this as far as I could and to bring her to life, in a sense. I grabbed picked up my makeup (we had kept my collection of makeup separated from Kari’s in the bathroom for years) and headed for the bedroom to sit at the vanity and do my face.

“in the bathroom” in the last sentence is redundant and awkward.

I began first with my eyes. A dark brown eye shadow in the crease of the eyelid followed by a lighter brown to the brow bone and an even lighter shade of tan on the eyelids gave my eyes a sensual look. Black eyeliner and dark black mascaracompleted the eyes, making them quite stunning. I admired them – Alex’s eyes have always been her best feature: large, clear and colored an unusual shade of green.

In the first sentence, “first” is redundant. “Dark” is also redundant.

I did the rest of my face much more subtly, adding foundation, contour shading and blush where needed. Finally, I lined my lips in a deep plum followed by a deep red lipstick and a light lip gloss.

I pulled on my red wig and looked at the results in the mirror. I didn't have a runway model body by any means, but my face was at least pleasant to look at. I didn't know how long I had till Kari got home so I got up and went to the wardrobe to to select a bra and panty set, settle in, and await her return.

Typo in the last sentence. The last part seems out of place because you wouldn’t settle in and wait until you had gotten dressed. Would you wear a padded bra or would you wear falsies?

I pulled on my undies and a little gauzy peignoir, all in black, and looked at myself in the floor-length mirror. I smiled! There was Alex, back after a long absence. Now that I had on the other lingerie, I definitely needed stockings and shoes. I got the rest of the look together and went downstairs to fix myself a drink.

Andy’s drink of choice was just vodka on the rocks or a glass of wine. Alex went for more creative and colorful drinks, so I mixed myself a Cosmopolitan (in a stylish martini glass, naturally) and put on a little music.

I settled in to the couch in the living room listening to Natalie Cole belt out pop standards from a simpler time. I let myself get lost in the music away from cares and the day-to-day demands of modern life and just let myself be at home with my alter-ego for a little while.

Now is the time for you to be settled in. You can omit “let myself” in the last sentence.

The music was a little loud and I didn’t hear Kari come home, but she came into the living room and sweetly kissed me on the cheek.

There was a devilish grin in her eyes as she said “Welcome back, Alex. Would you like to have some fun?”

I smiled and nodded yes. There seemed to be no end to Kari’s surprises – she seemed to be hinting at intimacy, but she typically wasn’t all that interested in Alex. She told me to get her a drink and meet her upstairs. Mutely, I nodded.

She headed up the stairs and I sauntered to the kitchen to fetch our drinks. I made my way back upstairs, already more than a little excited by Kari’s forwardness.

She had some music going – some kind of instrumentalLatin music – and some incense was burning. The lights in the bedroom were turned down low. She had arranged all of the throw pillows against the headboard of our bed, and told me to lie on the bed which, of course, I did. I settled [/b]in in [/b]an upright position and smiled at her.

You used the word “some” three times in the first line. Try to eliminate at least one of them.

“You look great, Alex. It’s good to see you,” she said as she circled the bed to my right side. “I think we’re going to have fun tonight.”

She Kari climbed up into the bed and straddled my thighs. She leaned down and gave me a long slow kiss. She was more physically assertive than usual, pressing her lips forcefully into against mine. I submitted to her physicality; my body passively beneath her as our tongues teased one another. Moving her kisses to my neck, she slipped her hands under my bra and teased my nipples. She opened the front closure and continued the journey of her lips down my body, sucking and nibbling at my nipples as her hands caressed the length of my torso.

You started three consecutive sentences with “She” and all were very short. The second and third can be combined as: …slow kiss, being more physically assertive than usual and pressing… Later, I think it would work better to say: …physicality, my body passive…

She stayed at my nipples for quite some time – they’ve always been quite highlysensitive and she knew that her ministrations were definitely arousing me. One of her hands found its way to my mouth and offered me a finger to kiss, nibble, and suck.

As I was sucking her finger, her attention to my nipples stopped and I could feel her watching me, though my eyes were closed. She pulled the finger away and pushed up on her hands and knees. “Hold that thought,” she said, as she rose from the bed. She started to walk away, and then turned back, leaned over and kissed the front of my panties, where there was clear evidence of my arousal. With a devilish grin she said “Hold that thought, too.”

She left the room and I just lay there, completely relaxed. After a minute, I rolled over and took another sip of my cosmopolitan. I gave myself permission not to try and analyze Kari’s uncharacteristic behavior and instead just tried to enjoy the moment.

The music had changed to a powerful percussion rhythm and my shoulders were unconsciously moving with the unusual beat. I was feeling the vodka from the cocktails, and I was as relaxed as I had felt in ages. I heard Kari’s voice call out to me to close my eyes, but they were already closed.

She draped something over my head which covered my eyes and told me not to look. I could feel her climb back into bed and then suddenly her lips were at mine again, kissing me with a passion and a power that I wasn’t used to. One of her hands reached down and pulled my cock and balls out of my panties and began to stroke me.

“I’m going to take you in my mouth, but there’s something you have to do first.”

I nodded. Oral sex from Kari was not infrequent but and was always wonderful.

I could sense feel her weight shifting slightly in the bed, and then something large and rubbery was brushing against my lips.

“Show me how you want it done.”

I responded instantly. My lips parted, allowing the dildo to pass through between them as I caressed the latex member with pressure from my lips. I moved my lips up and down the length of the shaft while teasing the underside of the realistic toy with my tongue, though of course Kari couldn’t see me doing that.

You are repeating the word “lips” too often. It might work better like: “…pass between them. As I caressed the latex member, moving my lips up and down the length of the shaft, I teased the underside of the realistic toy with my tongue. Of course, Kari…”

“Turn your head to the side, and you hold the toy,” she said. “I want to watch you.”

I did as she said, and fellated the dildo with long, slow thrusts into my mouth, occasionally running my tongue along its underside or placing a series of gentle kisses along the shaft. As I was doing this, she returned to my nipples, gently teasing and biting them, squeezing my “breasts” and giving each nipple a playful twist for good measure.

After a bit of this Kari moved down to my midsection, and began emulating my actions on my cock. Her soft lips and warm mouth on my erection were heavenly, and she copied my slow, gentle strokes attentions. For several long moments we continued this, each giving loving attention to the cock at hand. My hands held the toy, while hers were free to pull and lightly snap my garters and to run her hands and fingernails up and down along my nylon encased legs.

Would snapping your garters actually be erotic? You didn’t mention them when you were getting dressed.

She copied my actions and pace for several minutes, taking my cock deep within her mouth as I moved my lips down to the base of the dildo and licking and kissing me as I did the same. When not caressing my sleek thighs, her hands held my shaft and testicles, giving gentle pressure to each as her lips and tongue worked their pleasurable magic.

She halted her oral attentions for a short while briefly to give my cock a strong squeeze. Starting at the base, her hands firmly grasped my cock shaft and then moved the squeeze up to the tip. I felt her move towards the head of the bed and lean where she leaned in to give me a kiss. When I took the dildo out of my mouth I felt her touch it and then slowly guide it back into my mouth, in, and then I understood. Tasting my precum on the tip of the dildo intensified the fantasy of the moment, and allowed me to increase the passion of my attentions.

…bed, where she leaned in to give me a kiss…back in and I understood.

Taking the cover off of my head, Kari gazed at my face. She said, “Don’t stop, okay?” I mumbled an “um-hmm” that she successfully interpreted as an enthusiastic approval. She remained there, just watching me for a while as I continued my oral attentions to the toy. After a moment, she sighed.

“You really are a beautiful woman, you know.”

I was beyond blushing at the moment, but the comment warmed me inside. It was true.
With my face made up just so, I was a very striking woman, with eyes and mouth much more flattering to a female face than a man’s.

My eyes were closed for the most part, lost in the moment, but they did open long enough to see her open the drawer of her bedside table and retrieve the KY. In moments, she was back at my waist, her slick hands stroking caressing my erection with firm fast strokes.

I felt myself quickly rapidly approaching climax, and shifted my hips a little to lessen the pressure. Kari sensed this and said “Don’t fight it, just let it happen.” I did. My hips started to thrust in time with the percussive beat, almost beyond my control.

Kari increased the pressure from her hands and the pace of her stroking and in no time at all,almost immediately I was gone. With one more strong thrust of my hips I came, leaving my body tensing and quivering in the after moments of orgasm. Quickly Kari moved, rubbing both hands on my wet, sticky, cock and putting one of her legs between mine. Leaning forward, her thigh put warm pressure on my now-spent penis while with her hands she took back the dildo, just for a moment.

“Open up Alex, I’ve got something for you,” she said. Breathlessly, I parted my lips. She brought the dildo back to my mouth, now coated with the semen from her hands. Sensuously, she rubbed the semen covered tip of the toy along my lips, tracing a wide circle around them and on my face, before thrusting the toy back through my full red lips for me to clean. Having the cum-covered cock thrust into my girlish mouth intensified the sensations of the fantasy, and the final waves of pleasure from my orgasm were even more intense.

After a moment or two, the dildo was set aside the blindfold was removed, and Kari nestled in next to me to snuggle.

The next day I arose early, and put myself together in my more usual way. Sadly, the wig and lingerie would have to wait for the next opportunity in our busy lives to come out again.

In the days that followed, I felt much more relaxed than I had in a long time. Kari and I spent some wonderful (albeit non-sexual) time with one another – more than we had in months on end. A week later was the first time that she raised the subject again.

Why would the “wonderful times” not be sexual, at least some of them?

”It seems like you’re feeling pretty good this week. I think we’re going to have to find a way to make Alex a more frequent guest in our bedroom.”

“If you’re waiting for me to object, you’re going to be disappointed,” I replied with a smile. “But, what we did the other night, was that fun for you too?”

“Actually, yeah, it was. It surprised me some, but I did like seeing you that way, and having Alex there to do whatever I said. We may have to try some other new things with her.”

We left it at that. I didn’t know where Kari would want to take this after all these years, but I was excited at the possibilities. I was whole again.

Should I assume that one of the next times it would be a strapon in your ass? Would this be a sequel?

Generally, I enjoyed the story, even though I am not much into TV. If I were, though, I think I would get a thrill out of reading the details of putting on makeup and otherwise getting ready. One of the main components of my stories is the sexual details I include, although some people find them to be somewhat repetitious. I have a question, though. I have almost been under the impression that a TV is not usually bi or gay. Would you have really enjoyed sucking off the dildo and tasting your own semen? I’m not saying you wouldn’t, just wondering.

 

[Stefani]

Alex,

I am sure your story will be a welcome by the many married crossdressers out there in the world. Imagine... a wife that actually encourages their husband to dress up. Wow, now there's a true fantasy!

In all the years that I've lived this life, 99% of the women I've ever met hate men that crossdress. Heterosexual women marry men because they want a man, not a guy in a dress. Over the last 15 years I've met exactly two women that ever actually encouraged me to dress. The vast majority of people that prefered me this way were men.

Some comments about your story...

What about the poor wife? She pleasures her crossdressing husband. What does he do for her? Hate to say it, but this seems like the typical male mind at work - where it's all about his pleasure. I end up feeling sorry for her. Poor girl, she's married to a typical man, who thinks only about himself. For him to be a more sympathetic character, I'd make him a little more concerned about pleasing her.

Something else. You describe the main character as overweight. Not to be mean, but there is nothing sexy about a hairy, overweight crossdresser. Find it very hard to imagine a woman finding that attractive. I'd slim him down a little, give him a more feminine body, and have him shave his legs and WAX his chest (no stubble that way). That'll make him look a little more appealling to the general reader. If you want to go a step farther, get rid of the wig, and give him long hair. Blame it on his busy work schedule, but he's been unable to get a haircut and it's gown long.

Too, as it is now the story is about the CD getting dressed. Why not involved the wife? Some of the most fun I ever had with women who accepted me as a TS was gettind dressed together, doing each other's hair and makeup. Have the wife do his hair. Have them both pick out sexy lingerie together. If the story becomes a bit more shared and mutual, it won't seem so selfish and one-sided.

Not meaning to pick on your story. Just giving you some feedback.

Steffie