Your Confidence boosting tricks

[underbraust]

Ok now, If your the kind of person that ends up not knowing what to say, or where to put your hands sometimes then this could be for you. I want everyone's favourite confidence boosters please. like so:

Martial arts!
Yoga
meditation

Posting your photo in the picture forum to be ogled by the lovely lit people

write a story. Just write something ridiculous. I bet you never realised just how ridiculous you could be before.

Run somewhere you would normally walk

Hug somebody. (they dont bite and sometimes they smile)

Smile

 

[Cakegirl]

Having some great, supportive friends, who know you well enough to always say the right thing to boost you up when you need it.

(And I 2nd "martial arts"!)

 

[cmmots]

Speaking out loud to the positive. Saying "I am going to have a great day" That has been proven to help you have a good day. Sounds corny i know but it is true.

 

[MissTaken]

Finish something you have been putting off.

Rearrange your living room.

Make your immediate surroundings and life more comfortable.

Tell off a troll!

 

[intelligencenazi]

My two cents...

This may sound silly, but fake the confidence for a while, until it becomes real. Eventually it will.

I have to agree with MissTaken about telling off a troll. lol I always feel great after telling off someone who deserves it!

 

[Socal22]

i agree with intelligencenazi that faking confidence and eventually it will become real, kind of like false motivation is better than no motivation.

It also feels great to make a list of things to do and finish them so you can cross them off, great feeling

and hooking up with someone you know you can make moan and drive crazy, cause who isnt empowered by making someone else feel good, that goes with anything to make someone else feel better

 

[Ansi]

IMHO, there *aren't* any tricks for boosting confidence. Either you have confidence in yourself, or you don't.

If you honestly believe in yourself, then great, you're all set to be mentally and socially stable for the rest of your life. If you *don't*...well, there's not much to be done about it.

People talk about using self-affirmations, 'fake' confidence, and other such mechanisms to "change your point of view" about yourself. To be honest, I don't think these methods work, at least in the way people would have you think.

It is my opinion that such ideas only work if you have the 'seed' of confidence already within you. These are people who already *do* have confidence...just not very much. This includes both 'confidence neophytes' who're new to the whole business but have the potential to believe in themselves, as well as people who once already had confidence, but lost it for some reason. For people like these, confidence can be (re)attained through concentrated mental and social effort.

However...I also believe that there is another, less fortunate group of people for whom true self-confidence simply cannot be obtained by themselves. These are people who, for whatever reason, find it impossible to raise their self-confidence without some external means of support (i.e. friends, loved ones, etc.). Self-affirmation and other such methods do not work for these people; their mindsets are far too cynical. They can't honestly *believe* anything positive about themselves unless it comes from someone (or something) else.

I believe there are people like this, because I believe that I myself am one of them.

As much as I would *like* to believe positive thoughts about myself to make me feel better and more confident...I just can't do it. Something in my mind is hardwired to automatically discount any such ideas *because* they come from my own mind...because there's no external evidence to back them up.

The only times I have ever truely felt *good* about myself is when some sort of ego-external source 'proves' my worth. You know how you feel proud when you win a contest, or when someone you know tells you something they like about you? That's what I mean. These are confidence boosters that you can *trust*...you know for certain that they're real, and not just invented by your brain to soothe your wounded ego.

Of course, there's a huge negative to this sort of mindset...the inevitable failures a person experiences in real life can damage these 'cynical' people's self-confidence just as easily as sucesses can boost it. When you rely completely on external evidence of your self-worth, a failure or humiliating experience on your part can cause a massive drop in self-esteem, as the person has no 'mental feel-good buffer' to lessen the impact. A person with low self-esteem seeking proof-of-worth outside of himself can be sent even farther into self-doubt by even a small negative experience. And, of course, as the cynic's sense of self-worth diminishes, their need for external proof-of-worth expands, causing them to seek out more opportunities to prove themselves...which naturally presents more opportunities for failure.




...uh...sorry about that. I'm starting to sound like an excerpt from some psychology magazine.

Anyway, you get the point (I hope). There are some people out there (like me) who simply can't self-repair their confidence. These are people who NEED loving friends and family for their own mental health, moreso than almost anyone else. If left without anyone to support them, these cynical types quickly spiral into self-doubt and depression.

Of course, the Catch-22 in this premise is that these types of people are the ones least likely to risk their confidence seeking out new friends. I know I was...for a long time, I was too afraid to try and befriend anyone (especially those painfully-cute female classmates of mine), even though I wanted to more than anything in the world...I just couldn't bring myself to risk what little self-confidence I had left.

I got lucky...I met a friend (maybe more...?) by coincidence, and her company and support have helped me make long strides along the road to recovery. Every day, I give silent thanks to her, because I don't believe I'd ever have come out of my funk without her help.


So...what can these 'cynics' do to help themselves regain their confidence, if they don't have anyone to lean on? As scary as it might seem, the most effective option seems to be to bite the proverbial bullet and go make some friends. For most people, confidence is what enables people to go out and make friends...for these types, it seems that making friends *first* is a needed step towards recovering self-confidence. Ain't that a bitch?


If you're like me, and simply can't get over your fear of putting your ego on the line socially to make friends, try placing yourself in what I call a 'low-risk' scenario. Find a place, club, group, or activity that attracts people who share your personality traits, or at least your favorite activities. Trying to make friends in such a situation is *much* easier, since it A) automatically gives you something in common with the other people (the activity itself, at the very least), and B) gives you a non-social excuse to interect with those people to begin with, allowing you to build up to less formal interactions gradually.

Clear as mud, right?



And, if you're *really* strapped for confidence and friendship, try this...join up with (or start) a confidence support group! You'll be able to interact with people with the exact same problem as you in an unpressured environment...you'll be meeting new people AND working on your lack of confidence at the same time.





(P.S: I actually thought about doing this before...I considered starting a "Shy Persons' Club" at my college, both to meet people like myself and help such people (and myself) overcome their problems. I ended up abandoning the idea, though, then I realized that I didn't have a clue how to effectively run a club. D'oh!)


(P.S.S: Just to clarify, I don't mean to make the unconfident people who might read this feel hopeless...I'm just going off on my thoughts on the subject. Feel free to shoot me for being pessimistic.)

 

[underbraust]

Wow Ansi. I cant see that you are lacking any confidence. Thanks for the post.
The shy peoples club actually sounds like a nice idea. Although i get the feeling that by the time i've organised it, i wouldn't be feeling very shy anymore.

I am taking some part time courses on web design and programming shortly. I havent done any before, but i'm hoping it will be a healthy experience in this context. Getting out and meeting people, what have you.

 

[zhukov1943]

I think you're right on the mark, Ansi. I'm one of those for whom all positive stimulation has to come from "outside"...

It was pathetic - last year, I went through a whole bunch of bad stuff. You know what made me feel better about myself? Winning my "fantasy football" league...