Young, Bi, and Hungry
- Thread starter JTravels
- Start date
It's four in the morning, and I'm once again desperately horny, though I can't fathom why... Though I'm normally straight, tonight I'm being reminded of my latent bi instincts.
I'm a 23 year old white guy, I'm perfectly normal, so why am I dying to jump in bed with a man and woman I barely know? I've been reading Craigslist ads posted by couples seeking bi males, unable to tear my eyes from the screen. As the hours have passed fruitlessly, my desperation has grown along with my arousal. Fleeting, grainy images of nude men and women have been teasing my brain and sending twinges down my stomach, but the teaser pictures are no match for the words I'm reading.
I know it's wrong - these hastily written ads show no intelligence, only various degrees of wanting. Still, I am responding to all of them, unable to stop... A couple in their late 30s are seeking a young bi male. There is no trace of inspiration or playfulness in this ad, only the promise of a man and woman, a dark bedroom, and an encounter where I'll let myself go.
Oh, to find that encounter - to find a couple willing to take me into their bed. Anyone, please! I shaved myself a few hours ago, and my hands continue their ceaseless roaming over my throbbing cock and tight, smooth balls. I can't resist sliding a finger down to my newly smooth anus, rubbing in slow circles as I read more ads. I feel the slick wetness of lube there, guiding my finger in - after shaving, the desire overcame me and I lay back on my bed with a tube of lube and a very lifelike dildo. Even now, hours later, the lube is still wet on my relaxed, hungry ass, and I let my finger dip in with a jolt of pleasure. No, not now. I can't do this again so soon.
More ads await, and the fantasy of that dark room. How tantalizing it is to think of licking a woman, watching her shake in budding arousal before her boyfriend guides his cock to my mouth! How I want to taste a cock for the first time, how I burn to feel him inside me as she pleasures my head and shaft with her warm lips!
Still no responses in my email, leading me to wonder if these photos of my freshly shaved and very aroused genitals are enough to attract the attention of someone who wants to experience all of my pent-up desire. Turning back to one of my favorite ads, I let my hands wander lower to the firm, smooth contours of my crotch once more. This time I succumb to the wanting. Lying back on my bed, I grab my treasured dildo and guide its tip to my lubricated opening, pushing in slowly, savoring the electric shudders of pleasure as I'm stretched and filled.
Pushing farther in, I guide the life-sized penis towards my prostate and relax. Suddenly, BAM - the flared head pushes past the swollen gland. A moan escapes from my lips and I clench up involuntarily as a thick drop of pre-cum gushes from the tip of my painfully hard cock. I stroke my left hand lightly over my shaft and my drawn-up sac, sending shivers up my belly to match the firm, overwhelming fullness deeper within. Slow strokes with the dildo turn into fast, quick thrusts as the head flicks back and forth over my sensitive prostate. My mind is a blur of fantasy and raw desire. Closing my eyes, I imagine a woman toying me with this very dildo as her boyfriend watches, ready to take me for himself.
Oh God - on the brink of orgasm, I hold off and pull the dildo out. The drop of pre-cum has turned into a stream all over my belly. Immediately, I want the toy back inside, but I've got to wait... I'm saving this desperate load for the one lucky couple willing to work for it. Back on Craigslist again, I return to my search. Perhaps tonight I'll be chosen by the ones who will fulfill my fantasy.
I'm a 23 year old white guy, I'm perfectly normal, so why am I dying to jump in bed with a man and woman I barely know? I've been reading Craigslist ads posted by couples seeking bi males, unable to tear my eyes from the screen. As the hours have passed fruitlessly, my desperation has grown along with my arousal. Fleeting, grainy images of nude men and women have been teasing my brain and sending twinges down my stomach, but the teaser pictures are no match for the words I'm reading.
I know it's wrong - these hastily written ads show no intelligence, only various degrees of wanting. Still, I am responding to all of them, unable to stop... A couple in their late 30s are seeking a young bi male. There is no trace of inspiration or playfulness in this ad, only the promise of a man and woman, a dark bedroom, and an encounter where I'll let myself go.
Oh, to find that encounter - to find a couple willing to take me into their bed. Anyone, please! I shaved myself a few hours ago, and my hands continue their ceaseless roaming over my throbbing cock and tight, smooth balls. I can't resist sliding a finger down to my newly smooth anus, rubbing in slow circles as I read more ads. I feel the slick wetness of lube there, guiding my finger in - after shaving, the desire overcame me and I lay back on my bed with a tube of lube and a very lifelike dildo. Even now, hours later, the lube is still wet on my relaxed, hungry ass, and I let my finger dip in with a jolt of pleasure. No, not now. I can't do this again so soon.
More ads await, and the fantasy of that dark room. How tantalizing it is to think of licking a woman, watching her shake in budding arousal before her boyfriend guides his cock to my mouth! How I want to taste a cock for the first time, how I burn to feel him inside me as she pleasures my head and shaft with her warm lips!
Still no responses in my email, leading me to wonder if these photos of my freshly shaved and very aroused genitals are enough to attract the attention of someone who wants to experience all of my pent-up desire. Turning back to one of my favorite ads, I let my hands wander lower to the firm, smooth contours of my crotch once more. This time I succumb to the wanting. Lying back on my bed, I grab my treasured dildo and guide its tip to my lubricated opening, pushing in slowly, savoring the electric shudders of pleasure as I'm stretched and filled.
Pushing farther in, I guide the life-sized penis towards my prostate and relax. Suddenly, BAM - the flared head pushes past the swollen gland. A moan escapes from my lips and I clench up involuntarily as a thick drop of pre-cum gushes from the tip of my painfully hard cock. I stroke my left hand lightly over my shaft and my drawn-up sac, sending shivers up my belly to match the firm, overwhelming fullness deeper within. Slow strokes with the dildo turn into fast, quick thrusts as the head flicks back and forth over my sensitive prostate. My mind is a blur of fantasy and raw desire. Closing my eyes, I imagine a woman toying me with this very dildo as her boyfriend watches, ready to take me for himself.
Oh God - on the brink of orgasm, I hold off and pull the dildo out. The drop of pre-cum has turned into a stream all over my belly. Immediately, I want the toy back inside, but I've got to wait... I'm saving this desperate load for the one lucky couple willing to work for it. Back on Craigslist again, I return to my search. Perhaps tonight I'll be chosen by the ones who will fulfill my fantasy.
G
Guest
Guest
It doesn't work for me.
Being a straight male, into vanilla sex, the story doesn't turn me on. Also, IMHO, sitting in front of a computer to fantasize, reading a story about someone elsesitting in front of a computer fantasizing doesn't resonate with me.
now that I ahve gotten that out of the way, I thik it is well written. Not caring for the subject matter does not mean that I cannot see it's merit. I think that the way you switch between the desires and the ads and the descriptions was just about right. Each time I felt enough was enough you went and changed subject again to keep me interested. Good job. I don't finish reading a lot of what I start here.
Also, I couldn't find any errors. I noticed that you wrote a vignette that had no dialogue. Probably a good call on a first submission. Dialogue kills a lot of us. And we get murdered in the threads for it.
Finally, I liked the way that you left the protagonist hanging at the end, denying pleasure to himself. Nice touch, and I think that it really set it apart from some of the stuff I read lately.
Good luck, and welcome to LIT
~Paul
Being a straight male, into vanilla sex, the story doesn't turn me on. Also, IMHO, sitting in front of a computer to fantasize, reading a story about someone elsesitting in front of a computer fantasizing doesn't resonate with me.
now that I ahve gotten that out of the way, I thik it is well written. Not caring for the subject matter does not mean that I cannot see it's merit. I think that the way you switch between the desires and the ads and the descriptions was just about right. Each time I felt enough was enough you went and changed subject again to keep me interested. Good job. I don't finish reading a lot of what I start here.
Also, I couldn't find any errors. I noticed that you wrote a vignette that had no dialogue. Probably a good call on a first submission. Dialogue kills a lot of us. And we get murdered in the threads for it.
Finally, I liked the way that you left the protagonist hanging at the end, denying pleasure to himself. Nice touch, and I think that it really set it apart from some of the stuff I read lately.
Good luck, and welcome to LIT
~Paul
Thanks for the very well worded critique, Paul. I agree, this isn't the kind of story that would get me hot if I stumbled across it, but it was fun to take the universal experience of erotic frustration on the Internet and give it a few twists. I'll definitely be bringing more and better content to the table as I run into real-life situations to inspire me. Truth is usually better than fiction, IMO.
It's also good to know I haven't forgotten everything from those college writing courses, though my professor is never getting her eyes on this.
It's also good to know I haven't forgotten everything from those college writing courses, though my professor is never getting her eyes on this.
G
Guest
Guest
You know, a story about a female professor reading erotica that was submitted on accident seems like a hell of a story. (there goes that plot bunny again...)
jomar
chillin
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2006
- Posts
- 27,582
Hello, JT. Welcome to Lit.
You have some nice phrases there, but it's not a story. It's a vignette of a guy wishing and wanking. Nothing wrong with that, but to really be a story you have to meet the couple, right? Even then it'll probably be more of a stroker. But nothing at all wrong with that, either.
The first sentence is awkward. I think you were going for funny with the "I can't fathom why" since the guy is 23 and probably thinks about nothing but sex. But it doesn't work for me. Something like this would be less off-putting:
"It's four in the morning and I'm desperately horny. I'm normally straight, but I can't help fantasize about sex with a couple. About sex with a woman. And a man."
Or something like that. Good job on not giving stats like "my washboard abs and 8 inch meat sword."
Keep writing!
You have some nice phrases there, but it's not a story. It's a vignette of a guy wishing and wanking. Nothing wrong with that, but to really be a story you have to meet the couple, right? Even then it'll probably be more of a stroker. But nothing at all wrong with that, either.
The first sentence is awkward. I think you were going for funny with the "I can't fathom why" since the guy is 23 and probably thinks about nothing but sex. But it doesn't work for me. Something like this would be less off-putting:
"It's four in the morning and I'm desperately horny. I'm normally straight, but I can't help fantasize about sex with a couple. About sex with a woman. And a man."
Or something like that. Good job on not giving stats like "my washboard abs and 8 inch meat sword."
Keep writing!
CopperSkink
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2009
- Posts
- 462
I like it. I was able to work past the skeptisism of "oh god, here's another one thinks he can't write." And then hey, he can write. Keep going. It does have a few errors, so don't listen to old Motorcycle Butt. Still, very few errors.
Be sure to drop me a note when you finish anything. I'll look forward to reading when a person can write like you.
Be sure to drop me a note when you finish anything. I'll look forward to reading when a person can write like you.
_Lynn_
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2006
- Posts
- 49,494
It doesn't do a thing for me at all. The piece is too short to learn anything about the main character. And as sr said, it's too clinical.
But don't give up. Instead of a scene, expand it and make it a story. Add dialogue, action, emotion . . .
But don't give up. Instead of a scene, expand it and make it a story. Add dialogue, action, emotion . . .
G
Guest
Guest
Seriously? Motorcycle butt?
(is that a toupee in your lap?)Besides, I didn't say it doesn't have errors, but rather that I can't find them. This is why I am not an editor, because I can't find the errors.
Seriously, though, I thought it was a worthy first effort, much better than my first foray into writing.
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