You will never believe this bullshit

[Nobody Special's wife]

The Following Were Actually Taken From Classified Ads In
Newspapers around the country:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

FREE PUPPIES...
PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART STUPID DOG
------------------------------
GERMAN SHEPHERD
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
-------------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE.
BETTER BE REWARD.
-----------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
----------------------------________
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
-------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
-----------------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH
ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
------------------------------
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
-----------------------------------
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
-----------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY
-------------------------------------
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS
--------------------------------------
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
--------------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
----------------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
>----------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
-----------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
-------------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PERHOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLEHOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
--------------------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -
$175.=20
--------------------------------------------
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'SMADE
OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

---------------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
---------------------------------------------
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
--------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTRE PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
-------------------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
---------------------------------------
AND THE BEST ONE
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.
45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00
or best offer. No longer needed. Got married
last weekend. Wife knows everything.

--------------------------------------------------

 

[ToddHwrd]

LMAO Those are hilarious. If you find more pls post them.....LOL

 

[Nobody Special's wife]

any time lol i have jokes fileing out of my putter

 

[LipstickKitten]

I have to admit, you got me chuckling from the first, outright laughing in the middle, and guffawing by the end. Tears are coming out of my eyes. Great post!!!!

 

[RavenStorm]

I loved those. Thank you for the laugh. I needed it. And please post more.

 

[Starblayde]

heard the last one before.... but its so damn funny

 

[Starblayde]

Q: Whats the best way to remember your wife's birthday?

A:Forget it once.




A police officer on a motorbike pulls alongside a man driving around the M25 and flags him down
The policeman solemnly approaches the car.
"Sir, I'm sorry to tell you your wife fell out of the car a mile back," he says
"Oh, thank God," the man replies, "I thought I was going deaf"

 

[SweetBrat73]

LoL Oh I loved those!!! Great post


Brat

 

[OldAllisWD45]

thanks guys for getting my day started with a laugh

now it will be a good day!!