FGB
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2013
- Posts
- 7,366
Yes I shamelessly ripped them off!
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You Might Be A Swinger If:
1. You are running out of reasons to tell your friends, family and coworkers why you can't go out with them this weekend.
2. You know most of your friends' names only as couples (Rich and Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don't know their last names.
3. You go on vacation with three huge suitcases, yet are wearing the same outfit when you return as on you did when you left.
4. You have already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.
5. You can't remember the last time you had all your pubic hair.
6. Before traveling somewhere on business or for fun, you look up couples in the area.
7. You worry about explaining to your neighbors what went on last weekend at your house.
8. You never open your garage door until you're in the car with the doors closed.
9. Your gynecologist wonders why you're asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.
10. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
11. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
12. Your spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room talking with friends.
13. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join your foursome.
14. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's thong.
15. You've hugged your friends goodnight while naked.
16. The word "slut" has become a term of endearment.
17. Going to a vanilla bar or on a vanilla vacation ranks right up there with a root canal.
18. You've taken your vibrator with you to a dinner party.
19. The term Vanilla isn't just a flavor to you anymore.
20. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends' houses.
21. You panic when your friend's digital camera goes missing.
22. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.
23. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.
24. After 10+ years of marriage, people ask if you're newlyweds.
25. You've taken photos of yourself with your head out of frame; And it was on purpose.
26. You can't decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear this weekend.
27. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people.
28. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.
29. You're still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
30. You come home with that, "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle.
31. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives.
32. In the gym shower you're the only guy with shaved balls.
33. Half of your vacation photos were taken in your hotel room.
34. You can expertly identify the tactile differences between every type of breast implant ever created.
35. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.
36. On vacation you set aside time to stage a bunch of photos that are acceptable to show to your family.
37. You've become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.
38. You're in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.
39. Before introducing them to your visiting family or friends, you pull your play friends aside and say, "OK, here's how we know each other..."
40. You start having withdrawals after two days without internet access.
41. When someone asks where you're staying on your trip, you pretend that you can't remember the name of the resort.
42. You ask a girlfriend to teach you: "That thing you do with your tongue that my husband enjoys so much."
43. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom.
44. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.
45. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
46. You've handed out business cards to people, but the cards have nothing to do with your occupation.
47. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you're on your period.
48. You erase your computer's browser history and cache every time you leave your computer.
49. You've had sex with more people since you've been married than you did when you were single.
50. You spent twice as long on your online profile than you did on your resume.
****************************
You Might Be A Swinger If:
1. You are running out of reasons to tell your friends, family and coworkers why you can't go out with them this weekend.
2. You know most of your friends' names only as couples (Rich and Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don't know their last names.
3. You go on vacation with three huge suitcases, yet are wearing the same outfit when you return as on you did when you left.
4. You have already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.
5. You can't remember the last time you had all your pubic hair.
6. Before traveling somewhere on business or for fun, you look up couples in the area.
7. You worry about explaining to your neighbors what went on last weekend at your house.
8. You never open your garage door until you're in the car with the doors closed.
9. Your gynecologist wonders why you're asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.
10. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
11. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
12. Your spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room talking with friends.
13. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join your foursome.
14. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's thong.
15. You've hugged your friends goodnight while naked.
16. The word "slut" has become a term of endearment.
17. Going to a vanilla bar or on a vanilla vacation ranks right up there with a root canal.
18. You've taken your vibrator with you to a dinner party.
19. The term Vanilla isn't just a flavor to you anymore.
20. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends' houses.
21. You panic when your friend's digital camera goes missing.
22. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.
23. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.
24. After 10+ years of marriage, people ask if you're newlyweds.
25. You've taken photos of yourself with your head out of frame; And it was on purpose.
26. You can't decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear this weekend.
27. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people.
28. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.
29. You're still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
30. You come home with that, "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle.
31. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives.
32. In the gym shower you're the only guy with shaved balls.
33. Half of your vacation photos were taken in your hotel room.
34. You can expertly identify the tactile differences between every type of breast implant ever created.
35. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.
36. On vacation you set aside time to stage a bunch of photos that are acceptable to show to your family.
37. You've become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.
38. You're in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.
39. Before introducing them to your visiting family or friends, you pull your play friends aside and say, "OK, here's how we know each other..."
40. You start having withdrawals after two days without internet access.
41. When someone asks where you're staying on your trip, you pretend that you can't remember the name of the resort.
42. You ask a girlfriend to teach you: "That thing you do with your tongue that my husband enjoys so much."
43. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom.
44. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.
45. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
46. You've handed out business cards to people, but the cards have nothing to do with your occupation.
47. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you're on your period.
48. You erase your computer's browser history and cache every time you leave your computer.
49. You've had sex with more people since you've been married than you did when you were single.
50. You spent twice as long on your online profile than you did on your resume.
