"You made me do it!"

[BLoved]

Several times in these discussions we've heard people try to blame the behaviour of the trolls on how one person (me) behaves.

"You made me do it!"

I am reminded that spousal abusers often make similar accusations, blaming the abuse on something the abused is alleged to have done.

"You know how it makes me angry when dinner is late. I don't want to do these things to you but you make me do it!"

It occurs to me such individuals would be a poor choice for any bdsm situation.

Adults take responsibility for their own behaviour.

Presumably when an adult chooses to behave in an abusive and immature manner, they are prepared to take responsibility for that behaviour.

Blaming the victim only demonstrates their irresponsibility.

You expect that from abusers ...

 

[Leopald]

I don't believe this topic belongs on the bdsm board.

I'm sure if you talk to the mods, you can get a "bloved's bitching board".

 

[Ausus_girl13]

This topic really is better suited to the general board. I think it really would, um, make a difference there.

 

[neci]

yes. come over to the general board. pretty please.

 

[tan43215]

a free hug 4 BLoved - you seem to be having a weird week

 

[FloggingMolly]

So now we're all domestic abusers too

 

[Ausus_girl13]

So now we're all domestic abusers too

Apparently, along with trolls, and what else.. I know I am forgetting something!!

Oh Flogging Molly.. I LOVE your handle.. fave band ever, double entendre.. awesome.

And I now return us to Bloved's regularly scheduled rant.

 

[FloggingMolly]

Lets not!!

Its getting akin to my grandads genuine 1920s trilby.

 

[BLoved]

a free hug 4 BLoved - you seem to be having a weird week

~smile~

Thank you.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I love you, man.

 

[Noira]

Though abusers may be drawn to the BDSM situation, it seems to me that only the most mature, controlled people can make good dominants. Though "you made me do it" could make for a fun scene, and blaming a sub can be fun... hey, some subs DID make me do it. They know perfectly well what they're doing, and they enjoy it too.

If it's concentual both ways, it's not abuse, and well... let me talk theoretically here. Say I asked a sub to get me a sandwich. She goes and makes me a sandwich, but instead of bringing it to me, she throws it at me, giggles at my mayo-covered face as tomatoes drip from my hair and I gingerly pick a slice of ham off of my head, turns around and smacks her ass and runs off.

If I go and grab her and smack her ass and drag her off, she definately made me do it.

There's definately a great many subs who delight in making their dom "do it", in good humor.

When it comes to you, personally, BLoved... I wonder if you're not like those subbies who post knowing perfectly well they're annoying the doms/trolls/lurkers who have a sadistic streak. The ones coming out of the woodwork were probably already lurking the BDSM board... like me, I read it nearly every day, and simply rarely post. Your posts lit a fire in them that made them post.

So yes, you made them do it. Someone else could make them do it too. It's just how lurkers come to post. It is the nature of the internet.

Soooo, someone wanna make me a sandwich?

 

[BLoved]

When it comes to you, personally, BLoved... I wonder if you're not like those subbies who post knowing perfectly well they're annoying the doms/trolls/lurkers who have a sadistic streak. The ones coming out of the woodwork were probably already lurking the BDSM board... like me, I read it nearly every day, and simply rarely post. Your posts lit a fire in them that made them post.

So yes, you made them do it.

Reminds me of the typical rape defense.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Reminds me of the typical rape defense.

Why did you go there? From spousal abuse to rape? I mean for a man who is mourning the loss of his wife, sub whatever, you sure are filled with a lot of anger. I suggest therapy.

Though I might be wrong. And this is your therapy, and each of us in our own small way are part of your healing. I can only hope this is the case, and you truly aren't this much of an asshole in real life. If you are, then I humbly submit, that I feel for you wife, she must have been a saint to put up with you.

But do not, bring rape to this discussion, for I do not think you understand the implications of what you do. There are those of us who have had our lives deeply affected by sexual assault, either directly or indirectly.

I ask this knowing that you aren't a respectful person, and you will of course trample over what I ask merely to make your own point and to bring the conversation back to your own demented reality.

I feel for the entire board today. That this man stands over us, to enthrall our attention, until we tire of him. Perhaps, what can be the best model here is to ignore him. If he craves attention like a bratty submissive, we do, what is so often done, and collectively move past this nonsense.

 

[LaRocha]

BLoved wouldn't last ten minutes over on the General Board. I'd love to see the responses to any of his threads from those lunatics.

 

[sb2009]

what about plain old natural consequences? You know, like when my kid is acting like a little diva and then complains to me that no one will play with her.

"Of course no one will play with you honey, you are bossing them around, not taking turns with the ball, and whining about how it's not fair when they win a game..."

so her little brain starts to work and she thinks a bit and the next time she plays with the other kids, she waits her turn, cuts down on the whining and only listens a bit before telling everyone what to do...and IMAGINE THAT...they all play and have a fun time at the part. And I get to read my book in peace.

 

[BLoved]

what about plain old natural consequences? You know, like when my kid is acting like a little diva and then complains to me that no one will play with her.

"Of course no one will play with you honey, you are bossing them around, not taking turns with the ball, and whining about how it's not fair when they win a game..."

so her little brain starts to work and she thinks a bit and the next time she plays with the other kids, she waits her turn, cuts down on the whining and only listens a bit before telling everyone what to do...and IMAGINE THAT...they all play and have a fun time at the part. And I get to read my book in peace.

Need I explain to you that there is a difference in what we expect from children, and what we expect from adults?

Adults ought to know the world is a big place and there are lots of people who are not going to share their cherished beliefs.

Live and let live.

What defines these trolls as immature and abusive is their need to control what is said on this board so that no one disagrees with their cherished beliefs.

That is fanaticism.

 

[FloggingMolly]

Need I explain to you that there is a difference in what we expect from children, and what we expect from adults?

Adults ought to know the world is a big place and there are lots of people who are not going to share their cherished beliefs.

Live and let live.

What defines these trolls as immature and abusive is their need to control what is said on this board so that no one disagrees with their cherished beliefs.

That is fanaticism.

Pot, this is kettle, can I have a colour check?

Why can you only agree these things when it's your own opinion uber alles?

 

[sb2009]

I have entered some sort of alternate universe it seems. Bloved preaching acceptance of differing views.

 

[LaRocha]

Guy, honestly, you haven't expressed any of your beliefs coherently. Likely because you're uneducated and haven't dipped your toe in the study of rhetoric. It's really apparent when someone can't get across their meaning, they keep repeating themselves, ad infinitum.

You're really going to try and frame yourself as a victim of abuse? After people have spent weeks trying to get you to make a coherent statement about your beliefs? That is, beyond 'Love is all you need/anything that's not love is abuse!'

 

[BLoved]

I have entered some sort of alternate universe it seems. Bloved preaching acceptance of differing views.

Live and let live is not the same as acceptance.

I am not likely to ever accept the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', but I do not feel the need to stalk and hound those who do.

As you can see, they do not share this pov.

That is the difference between what a reasonable adult does, and what fanatics do.

They will not stop till I'm silenced.

 

[LaRocha]

So far I haven't seen any zeal for politics or religion displayed on these stupid threads. Your use of 'fanatics' is inappropriate for the context.

 

[chy_girl]

Need I explain to you that there is a difference in what we expect from children, and what we expect from adults?

Adults ought to know the world is a big place and there are lots of people who are not going to share their cherished beliefs.

Live and let live.

What defines these trolls as immature and abusive is their need to control what is said on this board so that no one disagrees with their cherished beliefs.

That is fanaticism.

I need you to really listen to my words now... I understand that you're upset and that you think people aren't hearing you, but you need to remember that if you want people to be nice to you, you have to be nice to others. If you're not nice to people they aren't going to want to play with you because other's don't like being treated mean any more than you do. Now, are you ready to go play nice or do you need more 'Think-About-It' time?

Yeah. That right there is talk I've given the kids my family. As well as more than a few adults I've had to deal with in a professional capacity. In some things (like playing nicely with others) I expect the same of my children that I do of other adults - the only difference being the children get more "practice time" and reminders than the adults.

There are more than a few things that apply to both adults and children.

 

[BLoved]

I need you to really listen to my words now... I understand that you're upset and that you think people aren't hearing you, but you need to remember that if you want people to be nice to you, you have to be nice to others. If you're not nice to people they aren't going to want to play with you because other's don't like being treated mean any more than you do. Now, are you ready to go play nice or do you need more 'Think-About-It' time?

Yeah. That right there is talk I've given the kids my family. As well as more than a few adults I've had to deal with in a professional capacity. In some things (like playing nicely with others) I expect the same of my children that I do of other adults - the only difference being the children get more "practice time" and reminders than the adults.

There are more than a few things that apply to both adults and children.

~smile~

Yet more evidence of obsessive-compulsive harassment.

Expect this from the casual community.

 

[chy_girl]

~smile~

Yet more evidence of obsessive-compulsive harassment.

Expect this from the casual community.

*rolls eyes and wonders off to find something new and competent to read*

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

BLoved wouldn't last ten minutes over on the General Board. I'd love to see the responses to any of his threads from those lunatics.

Been there done that with the whole 'I asked you to delete my stories and you didn't promote them to the top of the list of things to do so now you're publish my shit without my consent' thing.

Last a couple of posts then came back here.