You know you're getting old when...

[MagicFingers]

You shave like normal, then trim your nose hairs, then trim your EAR hair!

You go to MacDonalds and they give you the "Senior's Drink", without you asking first!

You'd rather have a back massage than sex.


OK, any more out there?
(Might be the shortest thread ever?)

 

[Ezzy]

You shave like normal, then trim your nose hairs, then trim your EAR hair!

You go to MacDonalds and they give you the "Senior's Drink", without you asking first!

You'd rather have a back massage than sex.


OK, any more out there?
(Might be the shortest thread ever?)

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your back goes out more than you do.

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.

You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.

You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

You start video taping daytime game shows.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they've been on your head all the time.

You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

Happy hour is a nap.

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.

Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You got cable for the weather channel. Old Folks MTV!

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

You don't remember being absentminded.

You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.

You tip more and carry less.

You read more and remember less.

You get propositioned by AARP.

Younger women start opening doors for you.

You begin to become invisible in the dating and mating game.

The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.

You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.

You are no longer 'promising'.

Younger men ask you for advice.

You work on your short game.

Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.

Youthful indiscretions harden into bad habits.

You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.

Your medical expenses go up 50%.

A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.

You learn where your prostrate is.

You develop a knack for wearing hats.

 

[Ezzy]

There, that should make it a little longer!

 

[Guest]

 

[Bandit58]

Your 18 yr old daughter suggests you listen to the new song by so and so.....you find it contains samples of a song you know from 20 years or more ago, or worse still it's a remake of said song complete with hip hop beats

 

[wicked woman]

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

I haven't done this since I was 5! This does NOT make me old. Some of us just aren't floor people.


*I am not getting older! I refuse to get older*

Thanks for the laughs.

 

[midwestyankee]

Does 39 count? If so, I'm in.

You know you're getting old when the younger woman you've looked at with lust is a grandmother.

 

[silverwhisper]

your body protests when you get up. audibly.

ed

 

[footlongish]

I'm 39 and nowhere near old.

I think a lot of people let their bodies get out of shape and they are confusing being out of shape with being old.

I run up steps. I have healthy erections. I cycle 50 miles in one session. I feel good. Why would I be old ?

Should this post be "You know you're getting old when..." or "You know you are out of shape when..." ? A lot of the symptoms of being old are actually symptoms of being out of shape.

 

[bobsgirl]

Does 39 count? If so, I'm in.

You know you're getting old when the younger woman you've looked at with lust is a grandmother.

No I'm not!

 

[Sarojaede]

You realize the incoming freshmen you will be teaching this fall weren't even born when you graduated from high school.

 

[Zaithian]

When someone says "Who is Scooby Doo?"

You are loosing your hair

Kids are more "developed" physically thatn you were back in your days

 

[bobsgirl]

You realize the incoming freshmen you will be teaching this fall weren't even born when you graduated from high school.

OMG. I feel old. You're right. I was already a soccer mom (ugh) by the time they were born.

 

[silverwhisper]

SJ: my sister is an instructor who regales/horrifies me w/ stories along those lines.

ed

 

[Sarojaede]

Incoming freshmen in college weren't alive for the space shuttle challenger disaster, if that puts anything in perspective.

Beloit College puts out a list every year that reference all the things that incoming freshmen won't be familiar with. It's rather intriguing, but also disheartening and scary sometimes. I don't have the one from this year. This is the one from two years ago:

BELOIT COLLEGE'S MINDSET LIST FOR THE CLASS OF 2009

Most students entering college this fall were born in 1987.


1. Andy Warhol, Liberace, Jackie Gleason, and Lee Marvin have always been dead.
2. They don't remember when "cut and paste" involved scissors.
3. Heart-lung transplants have always been possible.
4. Wayne Gretzky never played for Edmonton.
5. Boston has been working on the "The Big Dig" all their lives.
6. With little need to practice, most of them do not know how to tie a tie.
7. Pay-Per-View television has always been an option.
8. They never had the fun of being thrown into the back of a station wagon with six others.
9. Iran and Iraq have never been at war with each other.
10. They are more familiar with Greg Gumbel than with Bryant Gumbel.
11. Philip Morris has always owned Kraft Foods.
12. Al-Qaida has always existed with Osama bin Laden at its head.
13. They learned to count with Lotus 1-2-3.
14. Car stereos have always rivaled home component systems.
15. Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Bakker have never preached on television.
16. Voice mail has always been available.
17. "Whatever" is not part of a question but an expression of sullen rebuke.
18. The federal budget has always been more than a trillion dollars.
19. Condoms have always been advertised on television.
20. They may have fallen asleep playing with their Gameboys in the crib.
21. They have always had the right to burn the flag.
22. For daily caffeine emergencies, Starbucks has always been around the corner.
23. Ferdinand Marcos has never been in charge of the Philippines.
24. Money put in their savings account the year they were born earned almost 7% interest.
25. Bill Gates has always been worth at least a billion dollars.
26. Dirty dancing has always been acceptable.
27. Southern fried chicken, prepared with a blend of 11 herbs and spices, has always been available in China.
28. Michael Jackson has always been bad, and greed has always been good.
29. The Starship Enterprise has always looked dated.
30. Pixar has always existed.
31. There has never been a "fairness doctrine" at the FCC.
32. Judicial appointments routinely have been "Borked."
33. Aretha Franklin has always been in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
34. There have always been zebra mussels in the Great Lakes.
35. Police have always been able to search garbage without a search warrant.
36. It has always been possible to walk from England to mainland Europe on dry land.
37. They have grown up in a single superpower world.
38. They missed the oat bran diet craze.
39. American Motors has never existed.
40. Scientists have always been able to see supernovas.
41. Les Miserables has always been on stage.
42. Halogen lights have always been available at home, with a warning.
43. "Baby M" may be a classmate, and contracts with surrogate mothers have always been legal.
44. RU486, the "morning after pill," has always been on the market.
45. There has always been a pyramid in front of the Louvre in Paris.
46. British Airways has always been privately owned.
47. Irradiated food has always been available but controversial.
48. Snowboarding has always been a popular winter pastime.
49. Libraries have always been the best centers for computer technology and access to good software.
50. Biosphere 2 has always been trying to create a revolution in the life sciences.
51. The Hubble Telescope has always been focused on new frontiers.
52. Researchers have always been looking for stem cells.
53. They do not remember "a kinder and gentler nation."
54. They never saw the shuttle Challenger fly.
55. The TV networks have always had cable partners.
56. Airports have always had upscale shops and restaurants.
57. Black Americans have always been known as African-Americans.
58. They never saw Pat Sajak or Arsenio Hall host a late night television show.
59. Matt Groening has always had a Life in Hell.
60. Salman Rushdie has always been watching over his shoulder.
61. Digital cameras have always existed.
62. Tom Landry never coached the Cowboys.
63. Time Life and Warner Communications have always been joined.
64. CNBC has always been on the air.
65. The Field of Dreams has always been drawing people to Iowa.
66. They never saw a Howard Johnson's with 28 ice cream flavors.
67. Reindeer at Christmas have always distinguished between secular and religious decorations.
68. Entertainment Weekly has always been on the newsstand.
69. Lyme Disease has always been a ticking concern in the woods.
70. Jimmy Carter has always been an elder statesman.
71. Miss Piggy and Kermit have always dwelt in Disneyland.
72. America's Funniest Home Videos has always been on television.
73. Their nervous new parents heard C. Everett Koop proclaim nicotine as addictive as heroin.
74. Lever has always been looking for 2000 parts to clean.
75. They have always been challenged to distinguish between news and entertainment on cable TV.

 

[Guest]

 

[bobsgirl]

You shave like normal, then trim your nose hairs, then trim your EAR hair!

You go to MacDonalds and they give you the "Senior's Drink", without you asking first!

You'd rather have a back massage than sex.

OK, any more out there?
(Might be the shortest thread ever?)

My friend, if I ever get to the point where I'd always rather have a back massage than sex, just throw me in the grave and shovel dirt over my head.

 

[MagicFingers]

I wish I was 39 again. Nope, that's not old.

I'm 39 and nowhere near old.

I think a lot of people let their bodies get out of shape and they are confusing being out of shape with being old.

I run up steps. I have healthy erections. I cycle 50 miles in one session. I feel good. Why would I be old ?

Should this post be "You know you're getting old when..." or "You know you are out of shape when..." ? A lot of the symptoms of being old are actually symptoms of being out of shape.

Actually, a lot of the symptoms of being out of shape are from being old.
I'm 5'10 1/2", 178lbs, so being in shape doesn't fix everything.

YKYGOW:
You remember the movie, "The 39 Steps".

Gas was 19¢ a gallon.

Cars had wing vents to let air in.

You think you can hop onto a skateboard like your kids. Hey, looks easy. (Still recovering from that one - Got a longboard now )

It used to be, when you met a cute but younger woman, you might say, "If you were 10 years older, I'd be on you like bees on a honeycomb."
Now, it's, "If I was 30 years younger..."

You remember when "Bandit" was 38! (Love ya babe. How's Gil?)

Bobsgrl, we'd lust after you even if you WERE a grandma. Oh, I'll always WANT sex, but, man, a massage sounds great right now...

 

[Cathleen]

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

They are no longer called bifocals...they're progressives. I have a pair on order, it's a bi in one eye and a tri in the other. What the hell will I see with these things?

Have you noticed that as we get all those ''old age'' things our parents had, we rename them to be more hip, sort of, well we think it's more hip (ha - hip, knee -- how many man made parts will we all have before we kick it?). Like that progressive thing.

 

[bobsgirl]

YKYGOW

The gray hairs are starting to outnumber the brown. Not me, you understand, but my husband's hair is quite sparkly.

 

[midwestyankee]

YKYGOW

The gray hairs are starting to outnumber the brown. Not me, you understand, but my husband's hair is quite sparkly.

Harrumph....by this definition I've been "old" since before there was a Bush (of any sort, father or shrub) in the White House.

 

[Eilan]

Harrumph....by this definition I've been "old" since before there was a Bush (of any sort, father or shrub) in the White House.

And my 32-year-old ex-husband has been "old" for the past 7 or 8 years.

Kids are more "developed" physically thatn you were back in your days

Isn't that the truth. My kids attend a K-5 school and the physical differences between fourth-grade girls and fifth-grade girls is just . They didn't look like that when I was a kid.

 

[bobsgirl]

Harrumph....by this definition I've been "old" since before there was a Bush (of any sort, father or shrub) in the White House.

No need to harrumph--When there's snow on the roof, there's usually a nice hot fire inside.

Gray hair is very sexy. Just one woman's opinion.

 

[Guest]

 

[Eilan]

They didn't dress like that either

Fortunately, I have at least a year or two before my kids start complaining that their mother dresses them funny.