ubertroll
So always to tyrants.
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2003
- Posts
- 11,822
You think we should err on the side of life, unless the life in question is one that a conservative judge has ruled forfeit. Then, fuck the appeals process.
You think a fertilized egg is sacrosanct, but have no problems with spattering the brains of a deer across a rock for fun.
[Not direct parody of DT's thread]
You don't know what the word sacrosanct means.
[/]
You think that liberal Jews control Hollywood and journalism, because the conservative Jews in Hollywood and journalism told you so. And their motives are pure as the driven snow.
You think a momentument of your Christian movement's version of the Ten Commandments in eumenical, forgetting atheism is itself a religion.
[parody of the second part of DT's original thread]
You think aborting unwanted pregnancies is murder, but that teaching kids how to not GET an unwanted pregnancy in the first place is doubleplusungood.
[/]
[not a direct parody, again]
You don't know what doubleplusungood means.
[/]
You support marriage incentives as a part of the welfare reform bill. Unless it's a gay marriage.
You believe homosexuality is a choice, but fascism and spouse abuse are rational inevitabilities.
You think AIDS is caused by divine wrath against gay people. Even when it strikes the unborn you think the abortion of whom should be criminalized.
You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose John Kerry but dangerous fanatics when they oppose the death penalty and cuts to federal programs helping the poor.
You are convinced that proponents of legislation aiding the poor hate America, but zealots who bash Jews, gays, liberals, Catholics, and protestants in different denominations than your own are what ALLOWED this to happen [to reference what Reverend JF said shortly after 9-11].
You attribute every correlation between race or national origin and something bad to superiority of Western race and culture, but can't explain why every serial murderers are almost always--and disproportionally--white.
You think the black middle class supports Republicans.
You don't understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else's employment or education opportunity to get your kid into a college he's not qualified for because he's a legacy.
You see no correlation between entrenched religious dogmas codified into temporal law and warfare, but you're absolutely sure that Reagan invented the Truman Doctrine responsible for the USSR's destruction.
You think those child-abusing, religious fanatics at Waco had it coming, and the same level of destruction should be applied to "First Iraq, then Chirac".
You own something that says something flattering about Bush and still display it.
You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on what you KNOW God wants.
You've ever said, "We really should do something about this," while brandishing, indicating, or cocking a firearm.
You believe that a few hundred species of animal will surely evolve to fill the void caused by extinction, but that rural school districts should be allowed to teach about the 'problems' with evolution.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Rugged individualism" while wearing a suit Daddy's money paid for.
You've ever argued that with just one more year of massive deficit spending, utopia and fantastic wealth with soon belong to ALL of us.
You think Garth Brooks was a brilliant social commentator.
You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category who are Republicans, and haven't yet hit a prime number in any of them.
You believe our government mustn't do it because everyone in the rest of the civilized world does.
After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "Thank goodness Daddy's stiped keeps be in the six figure range."
You think the rich can get richer off little elves.
You've named your guns "Stardust" or "Moonbeam." Or named them anything else, actually.
You've tried to argue that all of societies problems are based on the fact that black people, by law, have to be paid for doing menial labor.
You utter the phrase "There ought to be a law" in reference only to things that your religious authority says that the New Testament say IS a law.
You have ever used the phrase "protecting the rights of the unborn" as a justification for abridging the rights of the unborn.
You find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone finally said it right" watching Fox "News".
You've ever referred to the "Liberal wing of the democratic party" during a conversation to refer to a centrist Democrat who isn't cowed.
You know you never laughed as a kid, except at someone else's expense.
[Your friends told you how much fun you had at the Phish show, but your not sure what year you saw them. ] <== This was in DT's, but I think this is pretty universal. But, then, I've never seen Phish.
You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating that your guns are subject to federal laws requiring their serial numbers NOT be filed off.
You've ever argued that "you can legislate morality".
You've referred to the Founding Fathers' intent as something you, personally, are intimately familiar with. And you don't have a Ph.D that says you are.
You argued that a few more months of sanctions and Sadam Hussein would have eighteen thousand ICBMs with plutonium-shell warheads.
You know more than 2 people who have a gun with no rational reason for having one, other than 'terr'rists' who have never launched or plotted an attack within 200 miles of your present location.
You've ever said "But look at all the good George Bush has done for the country!" to an unemployed person who lost a relative in Iraq or Afghanistan.
You blame things on "The Clintons."
You believe that Bart Simpson only needs a little more Christ.
You argue that the only flaw with Marx is that Groucho was a liberal Jewish America-hating pussy.
You've ever called anyone a Commie.
You argue that the Second Amendment's stated precondition that a militia is neccessary to the security of a free State still applies, and regularly suggest to your friends that you see how good buckshot does against an Abrams.
You view Oliver North as a courageous hero with strong convictions.
You've ever referred to anyone as "Godless."
You believe it because "Bill O'Reilly wouldn't lie about something in the No-Spin Zone."
You ever told a child that Big Bird "is a Godless Heathen" because of his emotional vulnerability.
You are outraged that Baseball Players need to do endorsement deals to make millions and the poor clerk at the Bodega clears fully fifty bucks a day after taxes that should go to a REAL American.
[original DT: You think that Al Gore macherena thing was a laugh riot.]
[parody: You think that that's the correct spelling of the dance]
[Author's note: the Al Gore dancing thing WAS funny, and you know it]
You feel that Greenspan is misunderstimated.
You've ever stated "Jesus hates fags" but forget he also hates the rich, and particularly the patrician class, and that the statement that "From him according to his capabilities to him according to his needs" is paraphrased from Acts.
You can't talk about foreign policy without using the word evil-doers.
You think Ralph Nader should run EVERY election. But don't vote for him.
You think solar energy is pie-in-the-sky. And don't realize it's a fusion pie.
I finished after the "pie in the sky" line about solar energy, because I figure I already did 50 times the work DT did C&Ping, and I'm bored.
But, except where indicated, this is an itemized lampooning of DT's list.
You think a fertilized egg is sacrosanct, but have no problems with spattering the brains of a deer across a rock for fun.
[Not direct parody of DT's thread]
You don't know what the word sacrosanct means.
[/]
You think that liberal Jews control Hollywood and journalism, because the conservative Jews in Hollywood and journalism told you so. And their motives are pure as the driven snow.
You think a momentument of your Christian movement's version of the Ten Commandments in eumenical, forgetting atheism is itself a religion.
[parody of the second part of DT's original thread]
You think aborting unwanted pregnancies is murder, but that teaching kids how to not GET an unwanted pregnancy in the first place is doubleplusungood.
[/]
[not a direct parody, again]
You don't know what doubleplusungood means.
[/]
You support marriage incentives as a part of the welfare reform bill. Unless it's a gay marriage.
You believe homosexuality is a choice, but fascism and spouse abuse are rational inevitabilities.
You think AIDS is caused by divine wrath against gay people. Even when it strikes the unborn you think the abortion of whom should be criminalized.
You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose John Kerry but dangerous fanatics when they oppose the death penalty and cuts to federal programs helping the poor.
You are convinced that proponents of legislation aiding the poor hate America, but zealots who bash Jews, gays, liberals, Catholics, and protestants in different denominations than your own are what ALLOWED this to happen [to reference what Reverend JF said shortly after 9-11].
You attribute every correlation between race or national origin and something bad to superiority of Western race and culture, but can't explain why every serial murderers are almost always--and disproportionally--white.
You think the black middle class supports Republicans.
You don't understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else's employment or education opportunity to get your kid into a college he's not qualified for because he's a legacy.
You see no correlation between entrenched religious dogmas codified into temporal law and warfare, but you're absolutely sure that Reagan invented the Truman Doctrine responsible for the USSR's destruction.
You think those child-abusing, religious fanatics at Waco had it coming, and the same level of destruction should be applied to "First Iraq, then Chirac".
You own something that says something flattering about Bush and still display it.
You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on what you KNOW God wants.
You've ever said, "We really should do something about this," while brandishing, indicating, or cocking a firearm.
You believe that a few hundred species of animal will surely evolve to fill the void caused by extinction, but that rural school districts should be allowed to teach about the 'problems' with evolution.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Rugged individualism" while wearing a suit Daddy's money paid for.
You've ever argued that with just one more year of massive deficit spending, utopia and fantastic wealth with soon belong to ALL of us.
You think Garth Brooks was a brilliant social commentator.
You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category who are Republicans, and haven't yet hit a prime number in any of them.
You believe our government mustn't do it because everyone in the rest of the civilized world does.
After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "Thank goodness Daddy's stiped keeps be in the six figure range."
You think the rich can get richer off little elves.
You've named your guns "Stardust" or "Moonbeam." Or named them anything else, actually.
You've tried to argue that all of societies problems are based on the fact that black people, by law, have to be paid for doing menial labor.
You utter the phrase "There ought to be a law" in reference only to things that your religious authority says that the New Testament say IS a law.
You have ever used the phrase "protecting the rights of the unborn" as a justification for abridging the rights of the unborn.
You find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone finally said it right" watching Fox "News".
You've ever referred to the "Liberal wing of the democratic party" during a conversation to refer to a centrist Democrat who isn't cowed.
You know you never laughed as a kid, except at someone else's expense.
[Your friends told you how much fun you had at the Phish show, but your not sure what year you saw them. ] <== This was in DT's, but I think this is pretty universal. But, then, I've never seen Phish.
You file suit against the mall rent-a-cops for posting signs stating that your guns are subject to federal laws requiring their serial numbers NOT be filed off.
You've ever argued that "you can legislate morality".
You've referred to the Founding Fathers' intent as something you, personally, are intimately familiar with. And you don't have a Ph.D that says you are.
You argued that a few more months of sanctions and Sadam Hussein would have eighteen thousand ICBMs with plutonium-shell warheads.
You know more than 2 people who have a gun with no rational reason for having one, other than 'terr'rists' who have never launched or plotted an attack within 200 miles of your present location.
You've ever said "But look at all the good George Bush has done for the country!" to an unemployed person who lost a relative in Iraq or Afghanistan.
You blame things on "The Clintons."
You believe that Bart Simpson only needs a little more Christ.
You argue that the only flaw with Marx is that Groucho was a liberal Jewish America-hating pussy.
You've ever called anyone a Commie.
You argue that the Second Amendment's stated precondition that a militia is neccessary to the security of a free State still applies, and regularly suggest to your friends that you see how good buckshot does against an Abrams.
You view Oliver North as a courageous hero with strong convictions.
You've ever referred to anyone as "Godless."
You believe it because "Bill O'Reilly wouldn't lie about something in the No-Spin Zone."
You ever told a child that Big Bird "is a Godless Heathen" because of his emotional vulnerability.
You are outraged that Baseball Players need to do endorsement deals to make millions and the poor clerk at the Bodega clears fully fifty bucks a day after taxes that should go to a REAL American.
[original DT: You think that Al Gore macherena thing was a laugh riot.]
[parody: You think that that's the correct spelling of the dance]
[Author's note: the Al Gore dancing thing WAS funny, and you know it]
You feel that Greenspan is misunderstimated.
You've ever stated "Jesus hates fags" but forget he also hates the rich, and particularly the patrician class, and that the statement that "From him according to his capabilities to him according to his needs" is paraphrased from Acts.
You can't talk about foreign policy without using the word evil-doers.
You think Ralph Nader should run EVERY election. But don't vote for him.
You think solar energy is pie-in-the-sky. And don't realize it's a fusion pie.
I finished after the "pie in the sky" line about solar energy, because I figure I already did 50 times the work DT did C&Ping, and I'm bored.
But, except where indicated, this is an itemized lampooning of DT's list.
