You know you're a Republican when...

[overthebow]

You know you're a Republican when...

...Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

...trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

...A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

...Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

...the best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

...providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

...global warming is junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

...being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

 

[FinePhilly]

You know you're a Democrat when:



You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.

You are convinced that Frank Capra films and Norman Rockwell paintings are lies and distortions but "Platoon," "Dances with Wolves" and "The Day After Tomorrow" are realistic

You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values-neutral.

You think marriage is obsolete - except for homosexuals.

You believe homosexuality is genetically determined, but fascism and spouse abuse aren't.

You think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.

You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics trying to legislate their theology when they defend the right to life.

You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative action hate minorities, but AIDS activists who bash the Pope and People for the American Way types who go psycho over Protestant "fundamentalists" are guardians of democracy.

You attribute every minority problem to entrenched, institutional racism and the legacies of slavery and segregation.

You think the black middle class is a myth created by Republicans.

You don't understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else's employment or education opportunity to assuage your guilt.

You see no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency and surging crime rates, or addiction and an entertainment industry that glorifies drug abuse. But you believe a Bush President is responsible for everything horrible that's happened in the past quarter-century.

You own something that says, "Dukakis for President, " and still display it.

You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..."

You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."

You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."

You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.

You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.

You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."

 

[bisexplicit]

Well, being a liberal myself, I found the first list to be funny and the second somewhat insulting.
However, probably both ended up being offensive to almost everyone...

 

[overthebow]

More Republican tests:

You know you are a Republican When:

You believe in smaller government, but support that largest government expansion in 30 years.

You believe in fiscal responsibility, but support the largest budget deficit in history.

You believe in personal responsibility, except when you become the President or a cabinet level appointee.

You believe in the rights of the individual, expect when they want an abortion.

You believe in states rights, except when a state wants to allow gay marriage.

You believe in basic freedoms and civil liberties, but those bastards at the ACLU have gone too far.

You believe that the sun shined out of Ronald Regan's ass, even when he was selling arms to Arab terrorists to fight an illegal war in South America.

You believe that what is good for big business is good for America even when big business sends your job to China.

You believe in protecting the environment except when it means actually doing some thing about it.

You believe in the fighting men and women of the US Military, as long you aren't one of them.

You believe in avenging the deaths of innocent Americans killed on 9-11, even if you have to invade a county that wasn't behind the 9-11 attack to do it.

You believe that America is a safer place, even though most Arab countries now hate us and our allies hate us too.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

You know you are a Republican when:

Everyone else is doing better in school than you are and your mommy blames it on the communist bias of the teachers.

You and your parents are all in the same English class.

You profess to be a patriot who supports the troops but then express a strong hatred for the workers who made your country great, refuse to care if the troops drop dead because of a lack of body armor in hot spot situaitons, and you tell wounded vets who return to America that they can go cry to charity if they want benefits.

 

[FinePhilly]

OOohh...the battle of the ass AV's....

Ok, my turn!


You know you're a democrat if:


-You think that if someone is getting richer, someone, somewhere, must be getting poorer.

-You believe that more federal regulations will make your life better.

-You believe that even though the top 20 percent of taxpayers pay 80 percent of income taxes, that the rich are not paying their “fair share.”

-You think that Rush Limbaugh’s listeners are mindless “dittoheads,” but you have never doubted anything that you heard from Michael Moore.

-You believe in global warming today just as firmly as you believed in global cooling back in the 1970s.

-You believe that the network news is a better indicator of what “real” news is than talk radio, Internet news sites, and blogs.

-You believe that there was never, ever a problem with biased news coverage until Fox News went on the air.

-You believe that Mikhail Gorbachev deserves more credit for losing the Cold War than Ronald Reagan deserves for winning it.

-Your parents gave you an acre of preserved rain forest for your first birthday.

-You mentally subtract 100 points from someone’s IQ if the person speaks with a Southern accent.

-You think that Dan Rather got a raw deal.

-You panic if you discover that you’re out of chick peas.

-You think that the phrase “separation of church and state” is in the Constitution.

-You pride yourself on your global awareness, global sensitivity and global outlook, but can’t name your state legislator or school board representative.

-You are dedicated to helping the poor, the downtrodden and the less fortunate, but you have never given blood.

-You believe that a woman should make it on her own, without depending on her husband (except for Hillary Clinton).

-You believe that professional, working women should never be judged on their appearance (except for Katherine Harris).

-You believe that rich people should not be allowed to contribute so much money to candidates for office (except for George Soros).

-You believe that government should make a special effort to hire members of traditionally oppressed groups, such as African-Americans (except for Clarence Thomas, Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice).

-You feel a deep sense of common cause with oppressed groups, such as Hispanic immigrants (except for Cuban Americans fleeing Castro).

-You think people in south Florida, who can’t figure out how to work a butterfly ballot, ought to have the final say in choosing the president of the United States.

-You have no problem with Hollywood movie starts flying around in private jets to give speeches on the evils of SUVs.

-You deplore prejudice and bigotry in all its forms, but think that everyone in the “red states” is an idiot.

-You are more concerned, more often, with the rights of convicted felons than you are with the rights of small business owners.

-You are more concerned with Vice President Cheney’s links to Halliburton than with Saddam Hussein’s links to international terrorism.

-You have used the phrase, “in Europe, the government pays for health care and vacation,” without irony.

-You are worried about how the French view Americans.

-You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography “only has to look the other way.”

 

[overthebow]

-You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography “only has to look the other way.”

I believe that you are also a Republican if you think this posting on Lit GB is ironic, not hypocritical.

 

[FinePhilly]

I believe that you are also a Republican if you think this posting on Lit GB is ironic, not hypocritical.

Oh.....I forgot....Republicans aren't supposed to like sex.

Guess I'd better turn in my membership card then.

Do you ALWAYS agree with every platform of your chosen political party?

 

[breakwall]

Canadians will find this thread really funny.
...no, wait...sad.

Well, kind of funny and sad, "like when a clown dies".

 

[Alt]

Are overthebow and FinePhilly twins?

 

[hydrex]

You know you are a Republican when:

Everyone else is doing better in school than you are and your mommy blames it on the communist bias of the teachers.

You and your parents are all in the same English class.

You profess to be a patriot who supports the troops but then express a strong hatred for the workers who made your country great, refuse to care if the troops drop dead because of a lack of body armor in hot spot situaitons, and you tell wounded vets who return to America that they can go cry to charity if they want benefits.

Yeah you voted for Bush too. Now you're talking shit about yourself? What an idiot.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

You know you're a Republican if:

You flirt and cyber fuck around on your spouse while they're risking their ass in Iraq.

You believe Pagans are wicked and ungodly but by your magic wand you can make oil infinite and that pollution doesn't exist

You are a woman and yet you opposed the Equal Rights Amendment

You support the Draft but have never signed up for service, or are exempt from service, and don't care that Reagan despised the Draft

You won't even chip in for Rush Limbaugh's painkiller prescription

You live in America but hail Singapore's sweatshops as an example of hard work and innovation

You believe in clean burning coal

You believe that deregulation actually made the price of electricity cheaper

You discount any story that comes from network news but take right wing blogs as gospel

You bleat about the stupidity of Hollywood but voted for Arnold Schwarzenneger for Governor

You are more concerned about finding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and unconcerned about nukes about to be tested in North Korea

You can't wait to see the proof of an Al Qaeda link to Saddam Hussein but argue vehemently that there was no link between Bush Sr. and Saddam Hussein

You can't wait to get Mexican illegals into the US to force everyone to compete for lower wages but you want robo-turrets at the border to keep Al Qaeda out

You have a get tough policy on crime except when it comes to Ken Lay

You have to cut and paste Democrat insults from someone else's bag of insults (hi SlimePhilly!)

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Oh.....I forgot....Republicans aren't supposed to like sex.

Guess I'd better turn in my membership card then.

Yeah, before Jerry Falwell has you accidentally burned as a witch when he catches you browsing here.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Yeah you voted for Bush too. Now you're talking shit about yourself? What an idiot.

Your mother and I have 1 thing in common: we both admit we made a mistake once. I, on the other hand, did not make it twice.

 

[hydrex]

Your mother and I have 1 thing in common: we both admit we made a mistake once. I, on the other hand, did not make it twice.

translation: LT only has one illegitamate child he doesn't support.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

translation: LT only has one illegitamate child he doesn't support.

Ok, I'm busted. I owe your mother tens of thousands of dollars in back support. Time to change my name again.

 

[hydrex]

Ok, I'm busted. I owe your mother tens of thousands of dollars in back support. Time to change my name again.

Don't worry I'll tell my step brother you still care about him. Trash talking my mom isn't going to do you any good. I hate her myself dufus.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Don't worry I'll tell my step brother you still care about him. Trash talking my mom isn't going to do you any good. I hate her myself dufus.

Awwwwww, poor baby, even your own mother didn't love you. I knew I shouldn't have said anything when I mistook your face for an orangutan's ass at birth. She's been abusing you ever since, the little hussy.

 

[hydrex]

Awwwwww, poor baby, even your own mother didn't love you. I knew I shouldn't have said anything when I mistook your face for an orangutan's ass at birth. She's been abusing you ever since, the little hussy.

No the whore stoppped the abuse when I was 12. Too bad she didn't stop smacking you around yet though.

Oh and mom would never sleep with a black guy, she's prejudiced that way, so you're out of luck there boy.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

No the whore stoppped the abuse when I was 12.

Ah yes, that was when she started earning enough to pay income tax again. It's still amazing to me what happened to your mother's attitude toward you when you suddenly transformed from a community eyesore to a dependent/tax write off.

Too bad she didn't stop smacking you around yet though.

Well I did owe her 12 years of child support by then so she had a reason to smack me around.

Oh and mom would never sleep with a black guy, she's prejudiced that way, so you're out of luck there boy.

That's what she kept telling you, LOL!!!

 

[RoryN]

Bumping consecutive ancient threads is against forum rules.

 

[butters]

aj is back as this weak-arsed twat? covid'll do that to ya

 

[butters]

Bumping consecutive ancient threads is against forum rules.

bumping them not for the good memories but for board disruption is, aye

 

[StepMomSteph]

When you brush your teeth with Trump cum.

 

[butters]

When you brush your teeth with Trump cum.

i think i just threw up a little in my mouth, damn yer eyes!