You know, I hate to complain about my relationship...

[Marquis]

but I'm going to.

There are typically three reasons I don't like to kravetch about my relationship on the BDSM forum.

1. My sub reads my posts.

It's funny, she used to say, "Are you sure you want me reading lit? I want you to have a place where you feel like you can be totally honest and not have to worry about what I think."

Which, naturally I interpreted as sub-speak for "Since I'm going to read your posts anyway, I want you to think that I'm not reading them, so I'll get to hear what you REALLY think."

Well, in any case, this is what I really think. There's nothing in this thread that I wouldn't or haven't said to her face anyway.

2. I don't want to make it seem like I don't appreciate my relationship.

I know, I'm so whipped. But in all seriousness, I have an incredible and awesome relationship. Probably one of the best relationships I know. Maybe the best actually. My sub has tremendous amounts of my love and respect, but that doesn't mean she doesn't drive me crazy sometimes.

3. I can't stand the slack jawed yokels.

It's funny, it's like, any social group alive will always have these pervasively annoying characters who "rep" a certain activity/belief/whatever way beyond what they actually live, just to feel special and important and recognized. Or maybe just to feel like they belong, I really couldn't tell you.

All I know is the BDSM community seems to be in no shortage of posers and wannabes. I'm not talking about the "fake" doms who just want to get their dicks sucked and aren't really "dominant" because they....... don't love their subs or whatever, I can never figure this part out. I'm talking about the guys who have a philosophical answer three pages long about how to handle a situation they've never been anywhere close to being in, I'm talking about the women who can tell you what kind of leather a flogger is made of by looking at a jpeg but has no idea what it smells like or feels like.

I'm talking about people who read and write a lot, and don't do shit. Then they come and tell the people who do do shit what we're doing wrong.

The real life vs. online BDSM thing is old as antiquity, I'm not even getting into it. Online BDSM people know about online shit. If I had a question about how to punish a slave online, I'd want your perspective. When I'm talking about real life shit, you keep your mouth shut.

You don't know JACK SHIT about the things that drive a person like me, or my sub, about the challenges and pleasures we share.

Let me tell you, you may think you are "right there with us", but you are not. You may be able to fool the other people with no real world experience that your opinions are informed and your premises are valid, you may even be able to fool yourself, but you don't fool us.

So the last fucking thing I need is to start a thread complaining about how my bitch won't do the dishes anymore and have some frigid keyboard jockey tell me that:

"her willingnes to do the dishes is a sign of her submission to You. If she is unwilling to submit in this manner, i would say this is a sign of a deeply rooted dissatisfaction in the relationship. You need to communicate. Commuuuuuuuuuuuuunicate."

In any case, this is my rant thread to bitch about my bitch.

My contentions will range from understandable to ludicrous.

 

[O'Mac]

Wow, now THAT was a tad ranty. Honestly though, I do understand what you're talking about. To me (and maybe it's just the way I look at things) there does seem to be an awful lot of dominants and subs who can certainly get quite poetic on particular topics. And by poetic, I mean long-winded and headache-inducing.

I haven't really seen any instance (here at least) where people have posted a question and received the sort of negative feedback you're reffering to. Admittedly if I think someone is wrong (not morally or ethically, but factually and whatnot) on a certain topic, then fuck it, I'm going to point that out. And I think that's the norm with most people here as well.

But yeah, the overt gushing and pseudo-physchology is getting old. Common-sense is obvious, but like you said, if people are giving any sort of in-depth and thoughtful response to a situation they probably have no idea what it's truly about, then they should be totally called out on that.

No worries, though. Rants are cool.

 

[catalina_francisco]

for Marquis, and for a special lady. Hmmm, she won't do dishes anymore....lol, she is just human like the rest of us and having one of those moments when it just doesn't seem to make sense why she should....it happens, it passes, though sometimes the passing can be painful for both. Seems to me you two have a fairly together thing happening which withstands outside influences and shit well.

Catalina

Oh, and yes, I totally agree with the online/RL thing as it seems it happens here often and unless called on it, many are more than willing to word posts to sound as if they are really living it RL and have experience when truth is they don't. Imagination and fantasy are great, but they don't compare to doing it for real and dealing with the shit as well as the gold on a regular basis. I have no problem with those who are only online or wishing they had something more, but would like it if they were clear about where their advice is coming from instead of this psuedo experience driven posting when relating to someone in a RL face to face relationship.

 

[Marquis]

Alright, it's late, but I'm going to log the following complaints:




1. We're slightly mismatched in terms of some of our kinks and our interest in BDSM.

Now, all in all I think we share a good baseline of BDSM interest, our differences are more superficial. Well, superficial might be too strong a word, but they're not overwhelming differences.

For one thing, given my fantasies, it really is almost ridiculous for me not to be with a bisexual girl. My sub is what I would call bi-compliant, which is better than nothing. She'll try to deny it, but I can even see the lesbo look in her eyes when we're with someone she really likes or is comfortable with. Maybe it's not so much that she isn't more enthusiastically bisexual, but just that she's such a girl prude? No, it's both.

For another thing, we come from slightly different angles on the S&M thing. In a pattern that's present throughout many areas of our relationship, I appreciate how healthy and stable she is, but also get a bit frustrated with it sometimes. She's very open to suggestion and willing to put up with a lot for me, but sometimes I think it'd be nice for her to have maybe a streak of that psycho masochistic shit in her. I want her to cuddle up to me one day and look up at me with the doggy dinner bowl eyes and say, "You know Sir, if you wanted to like... punch me in the face sometime, we could do that."

It seems that if anything, time is revealing her more dominant/sadistic side, which I am actually all for cultivating as long as it doesn't interfere with her submission and as long as the avenues for these desires are hot young girls and not her boyfriend.





2. The bitch is constantly late.

Look, I know I'm not fucking "work" or "class" and I don't "start" at a certain time, but if you tell me "I'm leaving in 15 minutes, I will be there in 45" and you show up in three hours that is a problem. I don't give a fuck what country your parents come from or what their custom is. That may seem humorous to you, but you did not spend 2hrs and 15 min waiting for your ass. Treat my time with respect!

And when you say, "are you ready?" you better fucking be ready yourself bitch! Don't have me waiting at the door like a jackass while you check your make up or use the bathroom!





3. Enough with the racial shit, seriously, for crying out loud.

Look, I was born in Brooklyn. I lived in Africa, suburban US and went to an elite college. I am Haitian and Jewish. I know all about the racial shit. I've seen it, experienced it, etc. Talking about racism and racial issues is OK. It's more ignorant to deny they exist.

But can 10 minutes go by without some racial shit being brought up? Can we have a solid hour without you complaining about how racist white people are, or how racist I am, for that matter?

Let me tell you the saddest part is listening to someone claim how racist another culture is, when everything is classified in terms of "black stuff" and "white stuff".

Examples?

Black stuff - dancing
White stuff - skateboarding

And just for the record, yes, it is shameful for a black person to engage in "white stuff," although it is only embarassing for white people to engage in "black stuff" since they are not capable.

Oh yes, and black people, while unappreciated by the world, are the most attractive, most athletic, most intelligent, most artistic and generally genetically and spiritually superior.

Funny how she'd end up with a guy with such a straight nose, eh?




4. Stop FUCKING complaining about your weight if you're not going to do anything about it.

This is the exact pattern we go through.

"Sir, do you think I've gained weight?"

"Yes, you've gained weight."

"Well, do you think it makes me more or less attractive. All my black friends were telling me my ass was filling out nicely."

"I think you're still smoking, but I like you a few pounds thinner and more defined."

"Asshole! You need a white girl! A real black man would kill for a body like this!"

"...."

"You know, I could lose this real fast, I just need to jog."

"Jogging would definitely help, but I'll tell you that fitness experts all agree that a good diet is a much more significant contributor to body composition than exercise. It's way easier to control what you put into your body than what you do with it, but doing both is optimal of course."

"I eat good, I just need to jog."

"You eat 'well', and no you don't. You eat carbs like a fucking marathon runner, and you're addicted to sugar. You're lucky to have an amazing metabolism, but that isn't going to last forever."

"You're an asshole, I just need to jog"

-later that week-

"You ready to go to the party?"

"No, I'm too fat."


Just as an aside, I want to point out, officially, that my girlfriend has a smoking hot body, not the kind of body you grow to like because you like the person, but an insanely, ridiculously, out of control hot body. I'm happy to post pictures for any who haven't seen.

She's just around 140 right now and I want her at about 130, so sue me.




5. It'd be nice if she dressed up a little more.

I tell you, in some ways, we really take the reverse of the usual gender roles in our relationship. Dressing up is always a hassle to my sub. Dressing up for a good party is an almost panic attack inducing experience.

My little girl is very fortunate in that she can fill out a pair of jeans and a tight t-shirt very nicely. That's awesome, but I gotta be honest, the whole "girl next door" thing really holds a lot more emotional than aesthetic attraction to me. I'm not asking for you go to great expense, just dress like a cheap slut every once in a while, is that so hard?

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, well have to say there is no perfect match where both are 100% in tune in every way, but you already have that figured. Could comment on most you have mentioned from our own experience, but we are on the way out in a moment so will only mention the weight issue. F and I go through this....he likes my body the way it is though for health reasons he would like me to lose a little though not as much as I want to lose. I don't feel good about it but annoyingly seem to seek his approval over and over even though I question it continuously and hat that I do that. I have good intentions, and they some times pan out into actual action, but what I really think I am trying to get from him is a more direct hands on interest in my losing weight. By that I mean micro managing me for a bit in that area and devising consequences for me if I do not keep to them. Why? Probably because it helps motivate me, it makes me feel he is really interested one way or another, and it makes me feel valued enough to care.....even though I already know those things are true. I know I can do it alone, I have in the past with incredible results in a very short time, but damn it, I want him to be involved even though I see that as being a demanding and whining bitch. Maybe it is a female thing.

Catalina

 

[chris9]

Even though I shouldn't be here, seeing that I have no, not even online experience with BDSM, I can't help saying that numbers 2-5 don't sound particularly BDSM-y at all. More like stuff that happens in almost every relationship, or at least can happen.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[Marquis]

Even though I shouldn't be here, seeing that I have no, not even online experience with BDSM

Wait.........


Wait for it........


Wait for it........

I can't help saying that numbers 2-5 don't sound particularly BDSM-y at all. More like stuff that happens in almost every relationship, or at least can happen.

exactly.

 

[Marquis]

Dude, any time you're too tired of her, I'll take her off your hands! She IS smokin'--and "bi-compliant" is just another term for "hasn't tried Quint yet."

Levity mode off. Lurk mode activated.

Of course, lure her in with Quint, so the dastardly T can have his way, I know these tricks Quint.

I invented these tricks!

 

[Marquis]

LOL, well have to say there is no perfect match where both are 100% in tune in every way, but you already have that figured. Could comment on most you have mentioned from our own experience, but we are on the way out in a moment so will only mention the weight issue. F and I go through this....he likes my body the way it is though for health reasons he would like me to lose a little though not as much as I want to lose. I don't feel good about it but annoyingly seem to seek his approval over and over even though I question it continuously and hat that I do that. I have good intentions, and they some times pan out into actual action, but what I really think I am trying to get from him is a more direct hands on interest in my losing weight. By that I mean micro managing me for a bit in that area and devising consequences for me if I do not keep to them. Why? Probably because it helps motivate me, it makes me feel he is really interested one way or another, and it makes me feel valued enough to care.....even though I already know those things are true. I know I can do it alone, I have in the past with incredible results in a very short time, but damn it, I want him to be involved even though I see that as being a demanding and whining bitch. Maybe it is a female thing.

Catalina

You know it's funny you should say this. My sub has made comments about wishing she had a "personal trainer" and I've made some comments about how I should personally train her (hee hee), but it never seems to come together. I should accept the job, it'd be good for both of us, but I'm lazy and I really hate to argue.

For example, I believe doughnuts are filled with sugar, whereas she believes doughnuts are made of a special kind of wheat protein and packed with important amino acids in the glaze.

I don't have the energy to dispute this stuff.

 

[Xelebes]

I'm not reading that shit.

 

[ammre]

I found this very entertaning.


as for the weight thing, exercise would probably be better then dieting if you had to choose. Exercise adds tone, works the heart and builds stamina. All good things especilaly for a marathon sex session.

 

[Xelebes]

IT's all about marathon sex.

 

[Marquis]

I found this very entertaning.


as for the weight thing, exercise would probably be better then dieting if you had to choose. Exercise adds tone, works the heart and builds stamina. All good things especilaly for a marathon sex session.

I'm sorry ammre, but if you want to take it from a guy who went through the grueling process of losing 70 pounds of body fat and gaining 10 pounds of muscle, I will tell you that you're wrong. Feel free to pick up a book on bodybuilding if you don't believe me.

Exercise does all the things you mentioned (although "adding tone" is one of those semi-meaningless terms that really just refers to the universal goal of adding lean tissue and removing fatty tissue), that's true. But what you eat (not just how much you eat) has a profound effect on your bodies metabolism. Not to mention that it is a LOT easier to eat an extra 1000 calories than it is to burn an extra 1000 calories.

 

[ABX]

3. Enough with the racial shit, seriously, for crying out loud.

Look, I was born in Brooklyn. I lived in Africa, suburban US and went to an elite college. I am Haitian and Jewish. I know all about the racial shit. I've seen it, experienced it, etc. Talking about racism and racial issues is OK. It's more ignorant to deny they exist.

But can 10 minutes go by without some racial shit being brought up? Can we have a solid hour without you complaining about how racist white people are, or how racist I am, for that matter?

Let me tell you the saddest part is listening to someone claim how racist another culture is, when everything is classified in terms of "black stuff" and "white stuff".

Examples?

Black stuff - dancing
White stuff - skateboarding

And just for the record, yes, it is shameful for a black person to engage in "white stuff," although it is only embarassing for white people to engage in "black stuff" since they are not capable.

Oh yes, and black people, while unappreciated by the world, are the most attractive, most athletic, most intelligent, most artistic and generally genetically and spiritually superior.

Funny how she'd end up with a guy with such a straight nose, eh?

It's funny how the people who decry racism the most always seem to also be surprisingly racist. I've been noticing that more and more lately - it never really used to be an issue for me, being a white guy from a town that's 98% white. I've moved town now, to a FAR more ethnically diverse area, and the most racist people I know always seem to be the ones who can't keep their mouths shut about how racist people are.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Marquis, I love your honesty & I'm truly in awe of your power to get away with saying what a lot of us real lifer doers really think about the lengthy, deep & meaningful twaddle written by the fantasisers.

I don't have experience with racial stuff, but a former girlfriend was in a wheelchair. Every conversation ended up referring to the rights & difficulties of the disabled, & I do mean EVERY conversation. Eventually it became too tedious to continue the friendship as it spoiled every outing. Don't know what you can do about it though, it tends to be a personal obsession & they seem to be totally unaware of what a downer it is to everyone else.

LATE - I HATE late people. It's just plain rude. The only way to fix that is to refuse to wait. They are then either ready on time or they miss out.

Weight issues. OK, I say this from the view of a naturally slim person. There are no real excuses, if you eat too much you put on weight. If you don't like it, stop eating so much. It's not your problem, it's hers & her responsibility to do something about it. Let's be really honest here, very few people find flabby fat attractive. If she wants to keep you, she'll keep her own weight under control herself. Just tell her you don't want to hear any more about it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, I don't think I would class C as anywhere near flabby. As to weight being solely caused by over eating...perhaps you haven't heard of the long list of medical issues, including medications, which can cause weight gain, not to mention genetics and cultural tendencies which are outside the skinny anglo saxon stick figure mode. Both my daughter when she was a child, and myself when in my 30's became subject to changes overnight (and yes it was withoin days of taking the stuff for both of us) due to medical interventions we were not warned would cause such problems until after it had happened and we were then told it was a side effect in some people which they had not thought was important to mention when asked initially what side effects could be expected....and unfortunately where once we were slim and not a care in the world where weight was concerned, after taking these medications it seems our metabolism and genetics have been permanently altered so it is a continuous battle to remain reasonable. Forunately, F is one of those men who actually prefers women who are not slim and without and extra padding, and my daughter is finding she also has many men who admire her generous curves, especially in the over 25 yo age group.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

You know it's funny you should say this. My sub has made comments about wishing she had a "personal trainer" and I've made some comments about how I should personally train her (hee hee), but it never seems to come together. I should accept the job, it'd be good for both of us, but I'm lazy and I really hate to argue.

For example, I believe doughnuts are filled with sugar, whereas she believes doughnuts are made of a special kind of wheat protein and packed with important amino acids in the glaze.

I don't have the energy to dispute this stuff.

You know it's funny you should say this. My sub has made comments about wishing she had a "personal trainer" and I've made some comments about how I should personally train her (hee hee), but it never seems to come together. I should accept the job, it'd be good for both of us, but I'm lazy and I really hate to argue.

For example, I believe doughnuts are filled with sugar, whereas she believes doughnuts are made of a special kind of wheat protein and packed with important amino acids in the glaze.

I don't have the energy to dispute this stuff.

If my husband would personally train me, I'd hate him and love him for it. I see our bodies doing resistance work together as very appealing. I see having someone who cares and wants the best for me watching over me as very effective and important. He doesn't want to do so though. The closest we've come to it was our nightly walks after candle light dinners. Those were wonderful.

Now I don't usually give out this information but I'm really a scientist of some renown who has been researching donuts (and other food stuff) for years. I'm going to tell you this only because I like you and your lady so much and I'm anonymous here. I can always deny I said anything at all, you see. I can always say it's some fantasizing slut on a porn board who is off her meds . . .you see.

Shh, just between you and me, she is absolutely right about donuts. This is very sensitive information so don't tell anyone else, only a few top scientists and law enforcement knows this. If more people ate donuts there would be more heroes with not only tons of energy but actual super powers. I have no idea how she learned of it. Kept it under your hat, okay?

Fury

 

[Marquis]

6. Her driving.

I avoid being a passenger in my sub's car as often as possible, but my car doesn't have a tonof room or get the best gas mileage and it would be nice if every once in a while, as necessary, I could ride with her without fearing for my life.

Doing 100 miles an hour on the highway is something you do on quiet interstates to try and cut down the travel time of long road trips. Going 40 miles over the speed limit on crowded highways is dangerous and unnecessary. Rushing off at every green light, screeching to a halt at every red light and careening through every corner at maximum velocity is not appropriate for a japanese compact sports utility vehicle. These things tip over often enough as it is without pretending we're in a Formula 1 race.

We don't have a roll bar, I'm not in a flame retardant suit. It's all fun and games until we get into an accident that we easily could've avoided. Why does that actually have to happen before we decide that driving more safely is a good idea?

And as if driving with her isn't tense enough, she blows her top at any driver that isn't driving aggressively enough for her. Poor old women and immigrants get cursed out and cut off like they committed a crime by doing the speed limit.

 

[satindesire]

Christ!

Take the keys? Drive her car yourself? Your -her- Dom, I'm sure she wouldn't be TOO against it?!

God knows I'm not the best driver in the world. I tend to be -too- cautious and stick to the speed limit, which ticks more aggressive drivers off. I let my Sir drive ALL the time.

 

[Netzach]

So the last fucking thing I need is to start a thread complaining about how my bitch won't do the dishes anymore and have some frigid keyboard jockey tell me that:

"her willingnes to do the dishes is a sign of her submission to You. If she is unwilling to submit in this manner, i would say this is a sign of a deeply rooted dissatisfaction in the relationship. You need to communicate. Commuuuuuuuuuuuuunicate."

In any case, this is my rant thread to bitch about my bitch.

My contentions will range from understandable to ludicrous.

Fuck yeah. FUCK yeah.

 

[Netzach]

5. It'd be nice if she dressed up a little more.

I tell you, in some ways, we really take the reverse of the usual gender roles in our relationship. Dressing up is always a hassle to my sub. Dressing up for a good party is an almost panic attack inducing experience.

My little girl is very fortunate in that she can fill out a pair of jeans and a tight t-shirt very nicely. That's awesome, but I gotta be honest, the whole "girl next door" thing really holds a lot more emotional than aesthetic attraction to me. I'm not asking for you go to great expense, just dress like a cheap slut every once in a while, is that so hard?

It's good to be King. As Chris said this all seems very normal, except for the punch me in the face bit but substitute "cum on my face" or whatever some people think is way out there (what do most people think way out there?) then this jumped out at me. Seriously - this one screams "you have the power" to me so bad.

Make it happen, man! Take all the clothes you do not want worn AWAY before going where you want to go. It's there for you. Two choices: I haul your naked ass around on a leash or you wear this. You KNOW I am terminally lazy, but this one I can always seem to get the energy up for. It's simple, fun, and you'll both love it.

 

[Netzach]

6. Her driving.

I avoid being a passenger in my sub's car as often as possible, but my car doesn't have a tonof room or get the best gas mileage and it would be nice if every once in a while, as necessary, I could ride with her without fearing for my life.

Doing 100 miles an hour on the highway is something you do on quiet interstates to try and cut down the travel time of long road trips. Going 40 miles over the speed limit on crowded highways is dangerous and unnecessary. Rushing off at every green light, screeching to a halt at every red light and careening through every corner at maximum velocity is not appropriate for a japanese compact sports utility vehicle. These things tip over often enough as it is without pretending we're in a Formula 1 race.

We don't have a roll bar, I'm not in a flame retardant suit. It's all fun and games until we get into an accident that we easily could've avoided. Why does that actually have to happen before we decide that driving more safely is a good idea?

And as if driving with her isn't tense enough, she blows her top at any driver that isn't driving aggressively enough for her. Poor old women and immigrants get cursed out and cut off like they committed a crime by doing the speed limit.

I drove around with a friend who was a bike messenger and he drove like this. I say either you drive or score some valium, eeek!

 

[Netzach]

Can I steal your thunder and air my complaint while we're coming out of the closet?

Is counterstrike really better than kissing my ass? I think not. Nonetheless when I want my ass kissed I find I have to compete with the game at times. Freaking geek boys.

 

[Marquis]

Can I steal your thunder and air my complaint while we're coming out of the closet?

Is counterstrike really better than kissing my ass? I think not. Nonetheless when I want my ass kissed I find I have to compete with the game at times. Freaking geek boys.

Feel free to contribute, but yo, on some real shit...

counterstrike is pretty phat.