You fuckers don't know shiiit aboot tense!:evil:

[Guest]

This sentence is perfectly fine by me!!!


She loves to see me excited, and that dress, not to mention the thought of her wearing it out in public, excited the hell out of me.

 

[TheEarl]

Apart from the double use of excited, I don't see anything really wrong with that. Was it some random feedback?

The Earl

 

[wildsweetone]

hmmm i don't know much about tense either but at least i can spell 'chit'.

She loved to see me excited, and that dress, not to mention the thought of her wearing it out in public, excited the hell out of me.

i think it depends if the narration from the first person point of view is in present tense or past tense... if it is in past tense then wouldn't 'loves' be better off as 'loved'? heck i'm still learning this stuff.

the last 'excited' makes me think past tense, and i assume that the rest of the narration is in past tense. as an event that has previously happened, then i would expect to see 'loved' instead of 'loves'.

 

[damppanties]

She loves to see me excited, and that dress, not to mention the thought of her wearing it out in public, excited the hell out of me.

According to me, loves relates to she; tells us something about she. Saying she loved to see him excited seems like she loved it back then. Let me know if I'm talking rot.

 

[Diane Marie]

She loves to see me excited, and that dress, not to mention the thought of her wearing it out in public, excited the hell out of me.

The use of the word loves, is present tense, if your story is a recollection, then it should be loved.

She loves to see me excited, and that dress was surely going to excite the hell out of me. Present tense:

She loves to see me excited, and that dress was exciting the hell out of me. Present tense:

She loved to see me excited, and that dress excited the hell out of me. Past tense:

 

[Pookie]

She loves to see me excited, and that dress, not to mention the thought of her wearing it out in public, excited the hell out of me.

If the protagonist is referring to "her" current desire, "loves to see me excited", then the sentence appears correct to me as well.

Words like "excited" and "aroused" can be used in past or present tense. Even though he may have become excited/aroused in the past, he can still be excited/aroused in the present.

"He was aroused."
"He is aroused."

The second reference to excited, "excited the hell out of me" would be dependent on tense. I probably would have used "excites the hell out of me" if speaking in present tense.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Feel better now, CV?

RF

 

[Guest]

Half of Uz R alright: the other halves R fucktards.

The narration is in past tense. However, loves refers to the narrator's wife who remains to be the narrator's SO to the day of narration.

Would the use of past tense loved not imply that the wife is either dead or estrainged at the time of narration?

 

[wildsweetone]

okay some might say i have an odd sense of humour...


if you killed her off, you could maybe get rid of the whole sentence and write a different story...? thus saving the hassle of listening to me waffle on about something i'm still learning about.

ta dah!

(okay blame it on the coffee then )

now i know KillerMuffin would know the answer straight up to this one... i get this creepy crawly feeling in the back of my neck and i can just tell she'll know the answer

but i'm going to stick my neck out on the block.

She loves to see me excited, and that dress, not to mention the thought of her wearing it out in public, excited the hell out of me.

hmm to be perfectly honest i would add 'that day' to the end of the sentence.

 

[Quasimodem]

Is this not an exercise in futility? To try to impose rigorous grammar rules upon that which, as written, is a sentence cast in vernacular speech?

I mean, "excited the hell out of me," is not the employment of the most formal voices, of which English grammar is capable.

To correct the tense, would require a more complete selection from the story. Unless one can see what the writer intended to say, one cannot properly correct the mistake - granting that a mistake was made.

If this were not true, any of us could run the sentence through a Grammar Checker and give the proper answer. As it is, the best any grammar checker can do is suggest (1) if you meant . . . then use . . . (2) if you meant . . . then use . . .

Even then, the odds are eight to five that the Grammar Checker will be wrong.

Faulty changes of voice, tense, and number, often require a large chunk of the piece from which it is quoted, because so much depends upon what the author intended to say.

NOTE: I do NOT say that whatever the writer wrote is correct, but rather, whatever is supposed to be implied, controls the correctness of the example.

 

[Quasimodem]

Half of Uz R alright: the other halves R fucktards.

Your spelling and grammar are only exceeded by your charm.

 

[Quasimodem]

 

[Guest]

She loves to see my excrement, I would not mention the thought of her wearing out her dress in public. I excised the hell out of myself.


I loved to see her, and her dress, not to menthion her dress, her worn-out exit, the hell with me.


She loves me, excited, her dress worn outside, the hell with it, the exit from it, her dress...


Any of the above is preferable to itself. Chilled, you aren't as absinthe minded as you used to be.

 

[NoJo]

Fucktard

Sorry:My last post

 

[Diane Marie]

Speaking of tense, I find it much easier to write in the present and keep track of the present, past and future tense. If I’m writing something true, like ‘What I did last summer’, (wink KillerMuffin, I was just teasing you the other day, I do find what you say interesting) again I find it easy to keep track of tense, it’s a past happening, I think of it in the past.

What I do find much harder, it must also be for others, as mistakes seem common, is the write a story as if it were a past happening. My own feeling is that this becomes harder because although we’re writing this story as a past event, in our own mines, it new, it’s a just happening.

if you killed her off, you could maybe get rid of the whole sentence and write a different story...? thus saving the hassle of listening to me waffle on about something i'm still learning about.

Not to get off the subject, which of course means I want to, I really don’t like that sentence at all. It does convey that the "She" likes to excite you. How? Does she like giving you present, exciting you that way, or maybe it’s a special meal. Some men can get very exciting over a home cooked meal. I’m assuming sexually, but only because I’m here at literotica. Although I could easily write a story where, I excited a man by asking him to my place for a home cooked meal, then later sexually exciting him.

I know the idea of her wearing this dress in public excites you, why I really don’t know, I can assume but I don’t really know. I suppose I can infer that it has something to do with others seeing her in that dress, but why? The color looks great on her? Maybe it makes her look thin?

Then there is "and that dress’, do men generally get excited about a dress? I’ve, against my better judgment, taken men shopping with me, I can’t remember any of them getting real excited about a dress hanging on a rack. Depending on the dress, some have gotten a little excited when I’ve tried it on. Could she have been wearing the dress at the time? Maybe the idea of seeing her in that dress? Maybe the idea of seeing any woman in that dress? If so what about that dress would make her or any other woman exciting. If it was the dress itself, I’d be very interested in a sentence or two devoted to just that, maybe even a whole book.

Of course, the rest of your paragraph may have explained all of this to me, making the items I’ve covered quite reasonable. The part I like the least is "excited the hell out of me", that phase conveys nothing to me. I have no idea what excited as hell means to you. Did you have a hard on? Did you feel a stirring in your penis, cock if you prefer? Oh my god, I just realized how stupid I am, you men do feel your first signs of sexual arousal in that region of your body, don’t you? I think I always just assumed you did, I’ve never really asked.

Maybe you men are all the same, excited as hell, means the same to all of you, I don’t believe that in a minute. Lets just assume men are, that still leaves one half of us wondering just how excited you were. If I’m excited sexually, I may not even be sexually aroused, I may just be horny. I can be a little horny, or I can be so horny I ache for sexual satisfaction. Horny as I define it, is a state of wanting to be sexually aroused. On the other hand I could be sexually excited in a way that my body is sexually aroused.

My state of physical arousal can rage from a flutter in my stomach, to an actual physically feeling in breast. For me that usually follows this path, starts as a longing but it’s physical, I feel a flush of heat, a general increased feelings in my vulva, then I lubricate, my heart seem to beat harder, then this very physically feeling in my breast, a real craving for them to be touched. The exact order can very, if I’m bra less and what ever I’m wearing can rub my nipples, I may feel my breast first. As a matter of fact, I’ve been aroused just because of that. Most of the time I’m not going to be that aroused unless it’s become physical but there have been times I’ve been that aroused without being touched. Anything past that point has to be flesh to flesh physical.

Of course the physical is never separated from the mental, so as my arousal increases my thoughts become more sexual, coupled with a desire to have a sexual encounter. What ‘excited as hell’ tells me is nothing. Were you horny, if so give me an idea of how horny, or were you actually sexually aroused, if so how sexually aroused. I’m sure men can somewhat relate, but I really don’t understand how your arousal relates to my own. I need to know that for your story to interest me. Tell me what your feeling, what makes you tick, if you don’t tell me, how can I know.

 

[Guest]

Jesus, Mary, and Josef Stalin, U can talk crap!

New problem:

There were many hazards in the city, quite enough to keep Nanny watchful. The swift rocket cruisers that swept along, carrying businessmen to work. The time a bully had tried to hurt Bobby. One quick push from Nanny's starboard grapple and away he went, howling for all he was worth. And the time a drunk started talking to Jean, with heaven knows what in mind. Nanny tipped him into the gutter with one nudge of her powerful metal side.

Are the punctuations and grammar fucked up?

 

[wildsweetone]

i would respectfully suggest you figure it out for yourself. i certainly don't need to sit in on a thread and watch people call each other names.

is there such a word as 'punctuations'?

 

[Quasimodem]

ChilledVodka

Who hired you as a Grammar Teacher? It was not I.
I never train under people who refer to students as "fucktards."

My final response:

Both: "The swift rocket cruisers that swept along, carrying businessmen to work." as well as: "And the time a drunk started talking to Jean, with heaven knows what in mind." are sentence fragments.

These are often acceptable in fiction, especially in action sequences. They are not acceptable in rigorously, formal grammar.

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the answer, motherfucker!

 

[damppanties]

Are the punctuations and grammar fucked up?

Yes.

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

According to me, loves relates to she; tells us something about she. Saying she loved to see him excited seems like she loved it back then. Let me know if I'm talking rot.

:
Basically correct. It's a matter of how the "present"
is actually used in English. Seldom (which is not
equivalent to "never") is the present used to convey *now*.
Instead, we use it to convey "always."
"She (always) loves to see him excited."

 

[damppanties]

Thanks Uther_Pendragon. For me, grammar is usually what feels right, so I was... wondering.