You ask a new partner, 'How many people have you slept with?'
- Thread starter Cath!
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Hmm...I'd almost not want to know. I overanalyze. I'm not sure there's a magic number. I guess knowing the cicrumstances behind each lover would mean more to me. That's not to say knowing he/she slept with 200 people wouldn't disturb me.
I like like your av..it was the photo of the day at nerve the other day!
I like like your av..it was the photo of the day at nerve the other day!
JazzManJim
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You know, this is a question I'd never directly ask. It's in the category of "Things I think are gauche, even with someone with whom I've shared bodily fluid". I guess I'm kind of socially conditioned against it sometimes.
But, that doesn't mean I wouldn't figure it out through knowing the person. And as for the number - eh. A number's a number. The only concern it would give me was to make sure the person had an HIV test in the relatively near past. That would depends not only on the number, but on the state of the relationships they had.
But, that doesn't mean I wouldn't figure it out through knowing the person. And as for the number - eh. A number's a number. The only concern it would give me was to make sure the person had an HIV test in the relatively near past. That would depends not only on the number, but on the state of the relationships they had.
I usually ask in the friend stage, it's not so ackward then.
I once knew a guy who had slept with 150 women (or so he said).
Apparently he just camped outside on Coney Island and picked up chicks all day for a whole summer.
I think that's a little over the top.
I'm even with my bf right now. Hopefully we'll stay that way, throughout the time of our relationship. lol.
I think I'd base the number on the age of the person. But I really am naive in these sort of things.
I once knew a guy who had slept with 150 women (or so he said).
Apparently he just camped outside on Coney Island and picked up chicks all day for a whole summer.
I think that's a little over the top.
I'm even with my bf right now. Hopefully we'll stay that way, throughout the time of our relationship. lol.
I think I'd base the number on the age of the person. But I really am naive in these sort of things.
Fly_On_Wall
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Cath! said:
If they have had more partners then I have
lol j/k
PHANTOM5875
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Wolfie69.......................
I agree with you. I consider what is in the past should stay in the past if at all possible.
If we are in a meaningful relationship with someone, we should, in my humble opinion, focus on the present and the wonderful person who is sharing their heart with you right now.
Nowadays, the only real concern, as I think was already pointed by JazzManJim (?) about whether making love to your partner might KILL you!
We all like to think we're not jealous but I know I am. I know I am not the only one out there that would have made a worthy partner for my spouse (much more worthy in many cases, I'm sure).
I try to concentrate on the fact that she chose me and I chose her and when I ponder the unconditional love I receive each and every day from this wonderful person, it sometimes overwhelms me.
Yes, I think just leave the past in the past where it belongs.
That's my $0.02 worth.
I agree with you. I consider what is in the past should stay in the past if at all possible.
If we are in a meaningful relationship with someone, we should, in my humble opinion, focus on the present and the wonderful person who is sharing their heart with you right now.
Nowadays, the only real concern, as I think was already pointed by JazzManJim (?) about whether making love to your partner might KILL you!
We all like to think we're not jealous but I know I am. I know I am not the only one out there that would have made a worthy partner for my spouse (much more worthy in many cases, I'm sure).
I try to concentrate on the fact that she chose me and I chose her and when I ponder the unconditional love I receive each and every day from this wonderful person, it sometimes overwhelms me.
Yes, I think just leave the past in the past where it belongs.
That's my $0.02 worth.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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Like Jimmie, i would never ask anyone with whom i'm drawing close "how many" and would be offended if that question were put to me.
I don't give a flying fuck "how many" came before me. They were then. I am now. I don't often do any kinda casual sex so if i'm talking sexuality with someone, it's because we're investigating the beginnings of a *relationship*.
What i do very much care about is whether they sleep with people at random, if they require love and respect to grow first, if they *like* most of the people they've slept with, if they make a habit of waking upin the beds of people whose names they can't quite remember, if they have ***ever*** had an STD's, if they have current HIV/std test results, and if they know what to do in a bed aside from sleeping and rudimentary rutting.
I don't play with virgins, or even near-virgins. Not interested.
I expect a certain level of sexual expertise and finesse in those with whom i become intimate. One doesn't get that from reading about it and/or practicing solo masturbation while spinning out elaborate fantasies in the privacy of one's bathroom.
I don't give a flying fuck "how many" came before me. They were then. I am now. I don't often do any kinda casual sex so if i'm talking sexuality with someone, it's because we're investigating the beginnings of a *relationship*.
What i do very much care about is whether they sleep with people at random, if they require love and respect to grow first, if they *like* most of the people they've slept with, if they make a habit of waking upin the beds of people whose names they can't quite remember, if they have ***ever*** had an STD's, if they have current HIV/std test results, and if they know what to do in a bed aside from sleeping and rudimentary rutting.
I don't play with virgins, or even near-virgins. Not interested.
I expect a certain level of sexual expertise and finesse in those with whom i become intimate. One doesn't get that from reading about it and/or practicing solo masturbation while spinning out elaborate fantasies in the privacy of one's bathroom.
StondTmplPilot
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That's not a question I would ask. Her life before me is her business. If she wants to share it with me that is fine, but really, I don't care how many partners she has had in the past. All I am really concerned with is how she treats me, and if she enjoys being with me.
notenufsx4me
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Life for some of us reaches through several decades. I became an adult some years before the aids problem arrived.
Sex in the 60's,70's and upto the middle eighties around here was almost worry free. I, like lots of males had as much sex as possible with a many females as possible. I started very young and did not settle down until i was twenty.
Having divorced three times since 76', {still married since 92'} I 've
dated and slept with quite a few ladies. Guessing I'd say under a hundred i think. I never thought about it.
For someone like me how many would be to many? I never tried to run up a score.
I have a brother who went through twice that many before he was twenty one.
Sex in the 60's,70's and upto the middle eighties around here was almost worry free. I, like lots of males had as much sex as possible with a many females as possible. I started very young and did not settle down until i was twenty.
Having divorced three times since 76', {still married since 92'} I 've
dated and slept with quite a few ladies. Guessing I'd say under a hundred i think. I never thought about it.
For someone like me how many would be to many? I never tried to run up a score.
I have a brother who went through twice that many before he was twenty one.
Cathy with a "C":
I think all your old lovers should be able to fit on a bus.
Kathy with a "K":
Yes, but God forbid *you're* on that bus!
It's such a relative number.
I remember reading in a popular magazine that if you've slept with more than a handful of people, simply lie and say "5" when asked by your new lover.
I guess because you can count them all on one hand?
I really don't think it matters.
My lover has been with many, many women; whereas I could fit all my past lovers into a sedan.
A better question, I think.. is whether all these people were all just one night stands, copulation in the supply room of a seedy bar, a quicky in the john of a rest park...stuff like that.
I think all your old lovers should be able to fit on a bus.
Kathy with a "K":
Yes, but God forbid *you're* on that bus!
It's such a relative number.
I remember reading in a popular magazine that if you've slept with more than a handful of people, simply lie and say "5" when asked by your new lover.
I guess because you can count them all on one hand?
I really don't think it matters.
My lover has been with many, many women; whereas I could fit all my past lovers into a sedan.
A better question, I think.. is whether all these people were all just one night stands, copulation in the supply room of a seedy bar, a quicky in the john of a rest park...stuff like that.
Chuckus
'Master' of all things good and pleasurable
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cymbidia said:
I couldn't agree more with what cym said. A number is a number it really to me is about are you CLEAN, because I do not want to die. I am tested once a year (at a minimum) and it is not because I am promiscuous but merely due to the fact that people do lie. I feel fairly certain that I have been safe but I do know that on occasion I might have slipped along the way and am not perfect. I do like to be tested to be sure just for certainty. When I was married and had been with my ex-wife for close to six years though, I quit getting tested after we had been together for 3 years and then did it bi-annually. Since the divorce, I have been tested at a minimum of once a year, and practice safe sex. Sex ain't worth dying for, I love sex as much as the next guy........but it ain't worth dying for.
Nobody Special
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Like tthe song goes... "I don't care if i'm the First as long as I'm the last"
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PacificBlue
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It matters to me. I don't care if it is in poor taste. It gives me a clue as to whether this guy just blows through girls for the sake of having sex or whether he sticks with them. My experience has taught me that a guy who has a high number isn't really a relationship kinda guy. He enjoys having sex and is willing to say a lot of pretty words to get what he wants. I also understand that there is always that exception.
I'm inexperienced. I'm not ashamed of that. I do feel some shame over the two that I have played with and how I will explain that to a future lover. I seriously doubt that I will play again before a marriage commitment. That is just how I'm wired.
I don't think my lack of partners will mean that I'll be terrible in bed in the future. I'm willing, ready, and able to try new things with the right person.
I don't think HIV testing is enough. Getting genital/oral herpes or genital warts for the rest of your life would be just as bad I think. I have made a list of STD's that I will require testing for and paperwork proof of. Most guys unfortunately aren't willing to wait 6 months before having some sort of sexual contact. That window is how long it takes for some STD's to show up in some people after a previous partner. Condoms don't cover everything and I want to continue to spend my life healthy and STD free.
I'm inexperienced. I'm not ashamed of that. I do feel some shame over the two that I have played with and how I will explain that to a future lover. I seriously doubt that I will play again before a marriage commitment. That is just how I'm wired.
I don't think my lack of partners will mean that I'll be terrible in bed in the future. I'm willing, ready, and able to try new things with the right person.
I don't think HIV testing is enough. Getting genital/oral herpes or genital warts for the rest of your life would be just as bad I think. I have made a list of STD's that I will require testing for and paperwork proof of. Most guys unfortunately aren't willing to wait 6 months before having some sort of sexual contact. That window is how long it takes for some STD's to show up in some people after a previous partner. Condoms don't cover everything and I want to continue to spend my life healthy and STD free.
LukkyKnight
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To a teenager the number may seem important
But I did not hatch from my egg with all my ideas and experiences, I had to work my way through life - including relationships - to get to be who and where I am today. We all have a past. I strongly prefer experienced partners for a number of reasons, but it is not a factor of how many lovers they have had.
If there's a reliable test of how crazy they are, I am up for that.
But I did not hatch from my egg with all my ideas and experiences, I had to work my way through life - including relationships - to get to be who and where I am today. We all have a past. I strongly prefer experienced partners for a number of reasons, but it is not a factor of how many lovers they have had.
If there's a reliable test of how crazy they are, I am up for that.
perks
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numbers are relative.
100 people in 2 days vs....100 people over 20 years....ya know what I'm saying?
too many partners is according to your beliefs....I personally think that health is the most important factor....I'd be more worried if one of the number did something better......then I'd want to know how I could do it like that....if the person I was with is able to share something like that ...how to use the experience to the advantage of the relationship...then it doesn't matter...if the experience is just used as a comparative force then...that's when the number is too high. It's what you can handle embracing as the experienced one.
I'm comfortable with my number, but I've been told it's too high...I'm not with the people that said that any more....the reason a number is not accepted is because of preconceived judgements. Which may, or may not be true. Either way, I'd rather be with someone that can accept me and the knowing.
perky
100 people in 2 days vs....100 people over 20 years....ya know what I'm saying?
too many partners is according to your beliefs....I personally think that health is the most important factor....I'd be more worried if one of the number did something better......then I'd want to know how I could do it like that....if the person I was with is able to share something like that ...how to use the experience to the advantage of the relationship...then it doesn't matter...if the experience is just used as a comparative force then...that's when the number is too high. It's what you can handle embracing as the experienced one.
I'm comfortable with my number, but I've been told it's too high...I'm not with the people that said that any more....the reason a number is not accepted is because of preconceived judgements. Which may, or may not be true. Either way, I'd rather be with someone that can accept me and the knowing.
perky
JazzManJim
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Re: To a teenager the number may seem important
Oh God yes. THAT is the test we need.
I need to know whether they're going to throw a rod 18 months or so into things and wig out on me. That's important!
LukkyKnight said:
Oh God yes. THAT is the test we need.
I need to know whether they're going to throw a rod 18 months or so into things and wig out on me. That's important!
well now, PB brings up a great point too.
Knowing does let you understand whether or not they are more prone to a one night stand, or long term relationships.
In my case, there weren't too many that weren't long term, and in fact only one, one night stand. (by her choice, she didn't like comittment). My wife willingly, just out of the blue told me that she's only ever been with 3 other guys in her life, and one of those was for ten years, her first husband, the father of her daughter.
Knowing does let you understand whether or not they are more prone to a one night stand, or long term relationships.
In my case, there weren't too many that weren't long term, and in fact only one, one night stand. (by her choice, she didn't like comittment). My wife willingly, just out of the blue told me that she's only ever been with 3 other guys in her life, and one of those was for ten years, her first husband, the father of her daughter.
