Yes another one...told you I was on a roll.

[ABSTRUSE]

This might be a little less disturbing than the vocation challenge. Not my idea but based on a project in the master’s course I was taking.



Choose a person real or fictional or even yourself. Write one of the following or all of the following:

A birth announcement

A graduation speech

An obituary

One person I knew (since this also involved graphics for the project) tied the theme in to her character by having a shooting star appear during these events. Something to keep in mind.

No specific length…..go with the flow.
This should be interesting based on whom you’ve chosen.

 

[domjoe]

We are going to be paid for this, right?

 

[shereads]

We are going to be paid for this, right?

Damn. That was going to be my graduation speech.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

We are going to be paid for this, right?

Yes, I'm printing the money on my computer right now.

hello sher.

 

[Guest]

will be brushing up my obit asap!

 

[ABSTRUSE]

will be brushing up my obit asap!

I can predict you so well.....the advantage of sharing a brain.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Cause I'm a conceited bastard I'll just do me.

Birth: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! IT'S ALIVE! NURSE ELO, BEAT IT TO DEATH WITH A RAKE! QUICK! NO, YOU STUPID COW, YOU LET IT ESCAPE! NOW WE ARE DOOMED! DOOMED!

Graduation: What's with this fucking hat. Looks like shit. Hello, is this on? Well fuck.

So, you're graduating are ya? Good on fucking you. Yeah, it'll all be peaches and cream now that you're graduating. The choir of angels will line up to lick your arseholes. Oh yes, you have a degree. Just like the 3 million mother fuckers sitting next to you. Except they got in something useful. Fucking bastards. All of em are better than you. That's why you poisoned their drinks. You're a right ol bastard aren't you.

Sorry, lost my train of thought. My we have a lot of people puking today. Damn bulemic youth. Anyway, as I was saying congratulations on making it to the machine where whatever scrap of dream you had left is crushed by evil little pixies. Damn fucking pixies. Let me tell you about pixies. The dean apparently doesn't want me to talk about pixies. The dean wants to tell me something. What are you trying to say? You wa-wa-want to write? no rip my turnips-tallyhoes-bunnyfoofoo oh testicles-heh. Let's see, off and sheep-ram them direction? down my copulating throat? Weird. I-ack.

We apologize for the disturbance students. I'm afraid our keynote speaker will be unable to finish his address.

You rip off my balls you bastard. If these didn't reattach I'd be fucking pissed.

So, I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the ceremony and get on with your worthless pointless drone lives-I mean wonderful exciting careers where you'll be the future leaders of America.

Not with Sociology degrees they won't.

Shutup, you fucker. I'll disembowel you with my bare hands if I have to.

Eh, had something better to do anyway.

Obituary: <to music> Ding Dong the witch is dead...

 

[Guest]

Obit

August 21, 2067
Yesterday afternoon at approximately 1:23p.m., Vella Ms, passed away. The apparent cause of her death was ribald laughter (aside from the fact that she was 100 years of age.).

Steven Lynch eulogized Vella just before a huge party given by the Kennedy’s of Hainesport, Cape Cod, “She gave me so many ideas for my comedic song writing. She will be sorely missed.” He then went on to play all the songs Vella had written just for his twisted mind.

“She left me all her material and though I’ve got one leg in the grave myself, I’ll never forget her loud guffaws and penchant for porn,” said the despondently remorse Jon Stewart.

Her surviving children, Katia, hugely popular folk singer/song writer and Thea, supermodel starlet and dramatic actress, were in attendance as well.

Along with family members and Vella’s life partner, many celebrities and comedians converged at the grave side bash in Hainesport. Only laughter and humor were allowed this day. Though some were seen with wet eyes, no one cried openly. Music and dancing, drinking and gluttony were the order of the day.

At the end of the drunken bash, everyone was handed a small baggie of her ashes, tossing them into the cold waters of the Atlantic that she so dearly loved.

“Swimmin’ with the fishes is our dear Vella.” Jeanine Garofalo was heard to lament.

Vella will be missed but always remembered for her contribution to the comedic world, her compassion for stray dogs, for being a perpetual student, and her endearingly toothless grin.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I'm just calling these the Lucifer/vella challenges....LOL> I love you two.

 

[Kassiana]

Obituary

Our family lost its youngest member in a tragic accident at the beginning of 2002. His name was Haleakala.

Hale (pronounced like Holly) brightened our lives in numerous ways. He was always willing to entertain us with his crazy antics and beautiful voice. He learned language quickly. He played hard and long with his many toys. He loved all of us deeply and trusted us with his life.

Sadly, Hale happened to be underfoot one day when we didn't notice. The emergency vets in our area refused to look at him because we'd had our other pet, Liriel, seen by a different vet long before Hale joined us. So Hale didn't get the care he needed for at least two and a half hours after his injury and died the next day, eating popsicles and watching Chocolat with Kass.

We still remember the way he'd play with a plastic fork, his special whistles, the odd pained sound he made when he wanted his head petted (which was often), and the beautiful yellow feathers on his body. Even though we have another male cockatiel, we'll never forget our Hale.

We love you, baby. We always will.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Kass, that was beautiful........have you thought of doing animal obits for a living?

 

[Kassiana]

Kass, that was beautiful........have you thought of doing animal obits for a living?

Hey, anyone who wants to pay me a living wage for doing it can PM me any time. Hell, if anyone wants to pay me a living wage for writing smut, romances, angsty stories, movie reviews, personal ads, or anything else, go ahead! I'm all yours, baby...for a price.

Seriously for once, thanks for the compliment, Abs. I loved our baby 'tiel and I'm glad I got that across in what I wrote.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Hey, anyone who wants to pay me a living wage for doing it can PM me any time. Hell, if anyone wants to pay me a living wage for writing smut, romances, angsty stories, movie reviews, personal ads, or anything else, go ahead! I'm all yours, baby...for a price.

Seriously for once, thanks for the compliment, Abs. I loved our baby 'tiel and I'm glad I got that across in what I wrote.

Hey there's a market for everything!!! See your local pet shop and make up a flyer.

I'm glad you were able to share it, pets mean so much to so many.
I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[shereads]

bump


(That's my story. It's a freeform obituary.)

 

[shereads]

Cause I'm a conceited bastard I'll just do me.

Birth: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! IT'S ALIVE! NURSE ELO, BEAT IT TO DEATH WITH A RAKE! QUICK! NO, YOU STUPID COW, YOU LET IT ESCAPE! NOW WE ARE DOOMED! DOOMED!

I take it we're doomed?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

bump


(That's my story. It's a freeform obituary.)

I take it you were 'bumped off'.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

bump and challenge