yeah...

[ManusNigrumPoet]

so i posted three segments of random ranting and babbling. but they do have a little story to them. i hope that i can get some positive and negative feed back. mostly the kind of feedback that isnt snobbish and doesnt feel like the kind of stuff you say when you just dont like something. please be smart be real and give a feedback that would correct certain aspects of the writting style used in the story. as well as critique that alllows the author to say thank you to. be mature about your feedback please... thank you and i hope that i would be able to read more of the stories you have written as well. knowing that you folks write better than me i would really like to read your comments. thank you
Manus Nigrum

 

[SexyChele]

Okay, so maybe I'm one of those "snobbish" people, or maybe I'm just stupid, I'll leave that up to the general audience here.

None of these stories you've indicated here are posted at Lit. Are you in the process of having them submitted? Or did you just write them here, looking for feedback?

I don't mind reading them through and giving an opinion, but why not take the plunge and submit to Lit as a story? You admit that they are "segments of random ranting and babbling". I will take a look at the first one and state what I think, however, by stating this upfront it sort of puts me in the mood not to like them. I mean, why should I be concerned with "segments of random ranting and rambling"?

Anway, off to the first one....

 

[Guest]

A nice trilogy. Loved it. I'd vote five, providing that misspellings are corrected.

Question:
Were spelling and grammatical mistakes in *her* writing deliverate? If so, I liked them.

Suggestion:
Play around with formating in order to distinguish *her* writing from *his*. e.g. Italics(personally, I hate it) Change in font size, etc.

Use spelling checker. Plus, there were a few mistakes which does not show up on spell checker.
e.g. 'our passed' in the last paragraph in Diary One. Should be 'past', right?

In Diary One, *She* wrote:his fingers spread my clit open. See the problem?

My opinion on the ending:
Very dramatic, but it made me wonder why *he* didn't make any effort to reconcile with *her*. If not reconciliation, why not an apoligy; why not let *her* know that *he* understood her, that it was his fault. Maybe suicide was *his* way of acknowledging his fault. I wonder *she* understood...

 

[ManusNigrumPoet]

ahem heh yeah

my spell checker is ont he fritz. so im sorry about that and thanks for reading them actually. im pretty much a first time writter in some sense. but yes im trying to figure out how to rework the posted works ive done to correct the spelling and the grammar. but all in all this is my first real working. so i thank you for your comments all of you thank you.