Xxxx

[KinkStevens]

Xxxxx

 

[robertreams]

Anus' new roommate? Ocean liner? How big was this female dick?

Receiving end? Drilling for oil? Grinned and barred it (bore)? Was this meant to be humor?

lots of punctuation errors, misspellings, odd constructions, changes in tense. You need to submit your work to an editor. Before publishing. The story might have gotten me quite hard if it hadn't been for the frequent interruptions by the author. If you stuck to telling a straight (no pun intended) story, easily quickly, and tersely, with a bit more description, you could do well. Your ability and talent are there, but well hidden by (I think) misguided attempts at humor and lazy writing.

 

[KinkStevens]

Anus' new roommate? Ocean liner? How big was this female dick?

Receiving end? Drilling for oil? Grinned and barred it (bore)? Was this meant to be humor?

lots of punctuation errors, misspellings, odd constructions, changes in tense. You need to submit your work to an editor. Before publishing. The story might have gotten me quite hard if it hadn't been for the frequent interruptions by the author. If you stuck to telling a straight (no pun intended) story, easily quickly, and tersely, with a bit more description, you could do well. Your ability and talent are there, but well hidden by (I think) misguided attempts at humor and lazy writing.

Thanks for the feedback! Humor? No just descriptors. I agree the punctuation could be better, but what you call misguided attempts at humor are just analogies and metaphors.

Thanks again