Xenolan's Thread

[Xenolan]

Greetings all!

I hope it's not too egocentric of me, but I decided to initiate a personal update thread. This is where I will make announcements regarding my own stories. To find them, click here: .

A little about me:

- I'm married, and in love with my wife, but sexually unsatisfied.

- I fantasize about erotic encounters outside my marriage, particularly with prostitutes or strippers. The reason for that is that I am not seeking emotional fulfillment, which I have already; I just need to get my rocks off. To date, I have never acted on these fantasies.

- I love lesbians. Nothing gets me so turned on as watching two women make love.

- My stories are written for me, not for the audience. I write what turns me on and, if I may be so bold as to say so, I get good ratings on it so it seems to be working.

- I appreciate feedback of all kinds, even if it's negative. Negative feedback will help me to improve my writing, so I do not become upset by it. Of course, I prefer positive feedback


I hope you all enjoy my stories!

 

[Xenolan]

Currently, I am posting a multi-part story called "Dream Vacation". It is a first-person story in which "I" go to an erotic resort and basically have the time of my life. The story is much like a porn movie in that the plot is essentially secondary to the sex, but I'd like to think that there is some plot there to be enjoyed on its own merits.

In this story you will find first-person accounts of sexual encounters between "me" and a number of female escorts. There are twosomes, threesomes, and foursomes. The women are mostly idealized sex objects, and the encounters are based lust rather than love and romance. There are no toys and no anal, because I don't like either of those things.

At this time, the story is up to part 5, and there will be a total of nine. It's all written down, I'm just posting the chapters one at a time and ensuring that each one is approved before submitting the next.

I hope that some of you will take a moment to read my stories, and enjoy them!

Cheers,

 

[drksideofthemoon]

It would help if you included a link to the story you want looked at. I don't have signatures enabled, and I'm too damned lazy to try to track down your stories.

 

[Xenolan]

It would help if you included a link to the story you want looked at. I don't have signatures enabled, and I'm too damned lazy to try to track down your stories.

It has been done. My apologies; it didn't occur to me that some people might have sigs disabled.

 

[tickledkitty]

Hi. Just read part of Dream Vacation Pt. 01. Overall, I think it's well written. There are a few awkward areas, but I don't feel that they disrupt the flow or detract from your story too much.

However, I was put off right away with your bit at the beginning about your characters being "played by" your favorite porn stars. I just don't care. I can figure out what characters look like on my own. As far as looking them up to see what they look like? Forget it. Again, I just don't care.

I was surprised that they took time out from the "meet and greet" for a blow job. Seems like you would want to choose the other woman before the other guys do, especially considering some of your statements about being glad you were able to choose first and wanting them all to yourself.

You mentioned Trina's "rack of D cups." Again, I don't care. How do you know they're D's anyway? They could be DD's or even C's.

Nice how you blame your infidelity on your wife. Then Trina validates it for you. Very convenient.

Your dialogue seems somewhat stilted and not very conversational. "How do you feel about deep tongue kissing?" Would you really ask that? I mean, isn't it a given? If not, maybe you should explain what your motivation is for asking that question. Most of Trina's dialogue seems fawning and insincere. Is that how you want women to talk to you? All those women seemed like a bunch of x-rated Stepford wives. The part where all the guys are introducing themselves seemed fake to me. You're there for the women, right? Honestly, it reminded me of an AA meeting or something. "My name's Earl, and I'm a sexoholic."

And that's where I stopped reading. I honestly didn't care enough about your characters to continue and see what happens to them. They are superficial, and the story is self-indulgent. You said in this thread that you write for yourself, and that is obvious. It occurs to me though that perhaps I'm just giving you a woman's point of view and that guys may think differently, hence, all your red H's.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I have to agree with TickledKitty. I too was put off with your "cast" of characters. I have no idea who they are, what they look like, and have no inclination to find out. Personally, I find this the lazy way of trying to describe a character.

I only read the first page, overall I found the story rather lackluster, and nothing made me want to read any further in Dream Vacation Pt 1, or to continue reading the series.

Congratulations on your red H's, someone must like it.

 

[_Lynn_]

I agree with TK in many of her comments.

A blow-job in the middle of the "meet and greet" instead of going ahead to pick from the best there?

Not enough sex from the wife so it's her fault you cheat?

I picture this room full of talking robots, with no feeling, no personality.

"How do you feel about deep tongue kissing?" I must remember that line for the next time I meet someone new. Then again, maybe not, since I have feelings and a personality.

I have no desire to continue reading more.

 

[Xenolan]

Hm. Well, I guess I've been thoroughly put in my place.

Yes, the story is self-indulgent, and it's written for men, not women. And I'll grant that the characterization has the depth of cardboard. If any of the three responders above had read further, they would have found that these faults increased as time went on rather than decreasing.

If I may explain myself... the story was never meant to be a plot- and character-driven piece. It's essentially porn with words. I wrote it as a means to express my SEXUAL fantasies, not emotional ones. The women in this story aren't supposed to be real, or feel that way to the reader.

Almost all men, I think, have certain sexual fantasies that are expressed in this story, such as -

- physically idealized women whose sole interest is sex
- validation of their carnal feelings, including the ones they "shouldn't" have
- "permission" to indulge themselves however they want to
- multiple female sex partners who perform on command
- complete sexual satisfaction with zero emotional entanglements
- appreciation from women for their sheer prowess in bed.

Shallow? Superficial? Even disgusting? All granted. This story is a direct look into a facet of men which we suppress out of a sense of basic human decency and respect for those around us, particularly women. But I think it's there within all men, whether they will admit it to themselves or not, and I think that's why I've been getting positive comments from the male readers. They can identify with the lead character - on a basic, animalistic level, they want to be him!

I wrote this story to express that purely hedonistic side and let it out to play a little, since it would be wholly inappropriate to do it in real life. I didn't consider that women would likely react with revulsion at the story, but in retrospect, it was inevitable. I think that this is a quality of male sexuality that is very difficult for women to accept. It's not something we're proud of, not if we're men of character and dignity. But it is pointless to deny that it is there.

Thank you all for your honest comments.




(I suppose I shouldn't feel the need to defend myself personally, but I can't help but to say this: please don't confuse what gets me off with what I want out of life. At a later point in the story, you would find my lead character stating that he would rather have his wife than any or all of the women at the resort, and this is true for me as well. I love my wife and have no intention of ever betraying her trust - and when it comes down to it, the reason is not because I made a promise to her. It's because when the chips are down, I don't actually want to.)

 

[tickledkitty]

You're right. You don't need to defend yourself, because this was a critique of your story and not a personal attack. The only reason I referred to you in my comments was because you told the story in first person, making yourself a character.

I am well aware of the difference in attitude between men and women when it comes to sex. We all are. Personally, I think that's a cop out when it comes to writing though. You don't get to choose your audience here.

I'm not into incest at all, but I've read several incest stories (written by a man, no less) that I enjoyed a great deal. I'm not a lesbian, but I've read some really lovely lesbian stories on Lit. My point is that I can read something and see the value and even the beauty of it without being the writer's target audience.

The goal of seeking feedback from other authors is to learn from it and grow as a writer. You're happy with your stories and the feedback you've been getting from readers. That's great.

 

[MarshAlien]

...the story is self-indulgent, and it's written for men, not women.

...the characterization has the depth of cardboard.

... the story was never meant to be a plot- and character-driven piece. It's essentially porn with words.

Shallow? Superficial? Even disgusting? All granted.

- I appreciate feedback of all kinds, even if it's negative.

This, though, is the STORY Feedback Forum, where we try, in our own small ways, to help people become better writers. Since you admit that you write for yourself, and not for an audience, it seems the only person who could possibly help you become a better writer is you. You might appreciate the feedback, possibly along the lines of "the hooters of Girl No. 6 need to be even bigger, dude," but it's difficult to see how it would actually have an effect on your writing.

So you're right, this is simply another narcissistic thread designed to draw attention to your personal fantasies. A sort of Xenolan Reader. I've been guilty of this as well, but maybe we should try to find a way to limit this Forum to people who actually do want feedback from more experienced writers in order to improve their craft.

 

[_Lynn_]

Greetings all!

- My stories are written for me, not for the audience. I write what turns me on and, if I may be so bold as to say so, I get good ratings on it so it seems to be working.

- I appreciate feedback of all kinds, even if it's negative. Negative feedback will help me to improve my writing, so I do not become upset by it. Of course, I prefer positive feedback
I hope you all enjoy my stories!

This is the "Story Feedback" not "Story Self-indulgent" Thread. I gave honest feedback as I always do.

Yes, the story is self-indulgent, and it's written for men, not women. And I'll grant that the characterization has the depth of cardboard. If any of the three responders above had read further, they would have found that these faults increased as time went on rather than decreasing.
If I may explain myself... the story was never meant to be a plot- and character-driven piece. It's essentially porn with words. I wrote it as a means to express my SEXUAL fantasies, not emotional ones. The women in this story aren't supposed to be real, or feel that way to the reader

So your story is written for men only.

I don't read further if I can't stay interested.

All in all, you didn't really want feedback.

You don't want to improve what you think is a good story.

I'm glad you're happy with your work. Good luck.

My opinion only.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Hm. Well, I guess I've been thoroughly put in my place.

Yes, the story is self-indulgent, and it's written for men, not women. And I'll grant that the characterization has the depth of cardboard. If any of the three responders above had read further, they would have found that these faults increased as time went on rather than decreasing.

If I may explain myself... the story was never meant to be a plot- and character-driven piece. It's essentially porn with words. I wrote it as a means to express my SEXUAL fantasies, not emotional ones. The women in this story aren't supposed to be real, or feel that way to the reader.

Almost all men, I think, have certain sexual fantasies that are expressed in this story, such as -

- physically idealized women whose sole interest is sex
- validation of their carnal feelings, including the ones they "shouldn't" have
- "permission" to indulge themselves however they want to
- multiple female sex partners who perform on command
- complete sexual satisfaction with zero emotional entanglements
- appreciation from women for their sheer prowess in bed.

Shallow? Superficial? Even disgusting? All granted. This story is a direct look into a facet of men which we suppress out of a sense of basic human decency and respect for those around us, particularly women. But I think it's there within all men, whether they will admit it to themselves or not, and I think that's why I've been getting positive comments from the male readers. They can identify with the lead character - on a basic, animalistic level, they want to be him!

I wrote this story to express that purely hedonistic side and let it out to play a little, since it would be wholly inappropriate to do it in real life. I didn't consider that women would likely react with revulsion at the story, but in retrospect, it was inevitable. I think that this is a quality of male sexuality that is very difficult for women to accept. It's not something we're proud of, not if we're men of character and dignity. But it is pointless to deny that it is there.

Thank you all for your honest comments.




(I suppose I shouldn't feel the need to defend myself personally, but I can't help but to say this: please don't confuse what gets me off with what I want out of life. At a later point in the story, you would find my lead character stating that he would rather have his wife than any or all of the women at the resort, and this is true for me as well. I love my wife and have no intention of ever betraying her trust - and when it comes down to it, the reason is not because I made a promise to her. It's because when the chips are down, I don't actually want to.)

Well, I a male, and I didn't find your story at all interesting. I don't share your fantasies at all. Maybe I am atypical, I don't really know the answer to that.

And no, you don't need to defend yourself. I suspect most of us are not what we write.

 

[Xenolan]

It is not my opinion that my story is particularly great, only that it is what it is. If someone went to a Steven Seagal movie and said that there was too much fighting in it, I would respond by saying that this person missed the entire point - that's what his movies are about. The story I wrote is of a similar type: pure escapism.

No, I don't have any intention of improving this particular story, for the very good reason that I don't think I can. It's my understanding that once a story is posted to Literotica, one cannot edit it. If I'm wrong, please let me know, because there are some changes I would make based in part on what I've heard here (like getting rid of the cast list at the beginning, for example).

I AM taking these comments to heart. I appreciate that people have pointed out these shortcomings in my writing. I feel I can apply the lessons learned and write for an audience as well as for myself next time (and incidentally, the intended audience next time may also be pre-defined - it's really not possible to please everyone, so I am not foolish enough to try). I DID want this kind of response, because believe it or not all I ever get in my E-mail is positive comments and I knew my stories weren't that great. But I do reserve the right to try to explain myself and defend my story when I think someone is missing the point of it.

Perhaps it is self-indulgent of me to start my own feedback thread, but I find that one gets responses mostly by asking for them. It seems to be working.

 

[_Lynn_]

A story can be resubmitted with changes.

There are places this information can be found quite easily.

Lit has submission guidelines, FAQ's and threads full of information.