Writing whiplash

[SpecterNecter]

I lately keep coming across a writing style in the genre I read for entertainment. It goes something like...you are kind, no I am honest....you are impertinent ..no I'm discerning...it goes on and on and makes me a little nauseated. It's ok at first but at some point it's enough.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Not to be impertinent myself, but it's enough for what?

 

[SpecterNecter]

It's enough already ..it's distracting

 

[SugarStorm]

I think it’s a nice tool to have in your writer’s toolbox. It’s neat, but it needs to be used very sparingly, or perhaps leaned into as a running gag if you’re going for humor.

Otherwise it can very quickly start sounding like a debate exercise rather than two people actually talking to each other.

 

[SpecterNecter]

I think it’s a nice tool to have in your writer’s toolbox. It’s neat, but it needs to be used very sparingly, or perhaps leaned into as a running gag if you’re going for humor.

Otherwise it can very quickly start sounding like a debate exercise rather than two people actually talking to each other.

Exactly! It almost 'feels' like bickering. It wears me down.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Sounds more like banter. Banter can be effective, it shows a familiarity of thought where two people can go back and forth. But I agree with @SugarStorm, it can be taxing if you have pages of it. I've done this, and it can work in specific contexts, but you want to use it sparingly. It starts to read like a sporting match if you have too much of it, so unless that's your intention, best to keep it trimmed and focused.

 

[SpecterNecter]

Sounds more like banter. Banter can be effective, it shows a familiarity of thought where two people can go back and forth. But I agree with @SugarStorm, it can be taxing if you have pages of it. I've done this, and it can work in specific contexts, but you want to use it sparingly. It starts to read like a sporting match if you have too much of it, so unless that's your intention, best to keep it trimmed and focused.

Agreed

 

[mrs_mackenzie]

Sounds more like banter. Banter can be effective, it shows a familiarity of thought where two people can go back and forth. But I agree with @SugarStorm, it can be taxing if you have pages of it. I've done this, and it can work in specific contexts, but you want to use it sparingly. It starts to read like a sporting match if you have too much of it, so unless that's your intention, best to keep it trimmed and focused.

I've read mainstream published books where the author goes for 'banter' and gets it wrong; too cutesy and it's sick-inducing (nobody wants to hear other people's baby/couple talk) but too hostile and you wonder whether these two people actually like each other.

The one story of mine where I tried to include some competitive elements and the banter which comes with it: I got comments saying that the banter was off-putting.

For me it's an element which is only worth focusing on as an author if you think you can do it well or it's really adding something important. Otherwise, as said in this comment, it's best to keep it pared back.

 

[old_prof]

I think I got the banter right in Perfect Sunset. The story had myriad other problems. The banter was definitely the highlight of the story and that was got most of the comments, at least the positive ones.

Banter done well is fun to me. Done poorly, it's awful, but that's true for almost anything.

 

[IsenRae]

The next level up is subtext.
instead of:
“You’re arrogant.”
“No, I’m confident.”

use:
“You always think you’re right.”
Michael smiled. “Do I?”

Same tension, less formulaic. Less mechanical.

 

[anthrodisiac]

The next level up is subtext.
instead of:
“You’re arrogant.”
“No, I’m confident.”

use:
“You always think you’re right.”
Michael smiled. “Do I?”

Same tension, less formulaic. Less mechanical.

Both serve their purposes and work in their own contexts. If you're going with coy flirting, you'd want to do more subtext. If you're going with people who are incredibly familiar with each other and enjoy giving each other a hard time, you go banter.

The real trick is getting witty banter. Banter for banter's sake is fine, but banter that contains multiple layers of wit is really what writers should strive for when writing banter. Terry Pratchett is masterful at this. He can have multiple pages of banter, and it all serves a purpose on top of being hilarious and not boring.

 

[Britva415]

I lately keep coming across a writing style in the genre I read for entertainment

What genre would that be?

 

[SpecterNecter]

What genre would that be?

I read pride and prejudice variations. I've read hundreds. Not really surprising if you see my story list. Probably half are those. It is so much easier going into a new book with most or all of the characters ready to go in your mind.

 

[SpecterNecter]

I think I got the banter right in Perfect Sunset. The story had myriad other problems. The banter was definitely the highlight of the story and that was got most of the comments, at least the positive ones.

Banter done well is fun to me. Done poorly, it's awful, but that's true for almost anything.

I like banter and use it as well. I think what I am describing isn't that though. It isn't playful jabs going back and forth, it's a redefining of something.

That is red
No, it's mauve
Is there a difference
There's a variation
But it's still red
Yes, to a degree

Exhausting!

 

[StillStunned]

I like banter and use it as well. I think what I am describing isn't that though. It isn't playful jabs going back and forth, it's a redefining of something.

That is red
No, it's mauve
Is there a difference
There's a variation
But it's still red
Yes, to a degree

Exhausting!

If the character is supposed to be pedantic or argumentative or just a know-it-all, one or two bits of dialogue like this can help to establish them in the reader's mind.

But otherwise it seems like the writer just wants to write dialogue to spend time with the characters. This can happen when the writer is in love with the characters, and they start to picture them in their mind for endless scenes like this that don't serve the story. The characters are exchanging words without actually saying anything.

 

[MrHereWriting]

I lately keep coming across a writing style in the genre I read for entertainment. It goes something like...you are kind, no I am honest....you are impertinent ..no I'm discerning...it goes on and on and makes me a little nauseated. It's ok at first but at some point it's enough.

What genre would that be?

Hmmm....
It's not Romantic Comedy.
It's not Murder Mystery.

Maybe it's Assumption Correction.