Writing in First Person

[SteamyChik]

I recently posted a story in first person and would be interested in feedback on if I was able to write it so that the story flowed and could keep reader interest. I don't normally write in first person. Thanks for any feedback, suggestions or comments.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=74981

 

[Weird Harold]

I recently posted a story in first person and would be interested in feedback on if I was able to write it so that the story flowed and could keep reader interest.

I just scanned the first page, but I didn't see that you fell into the most common pitfalls of first person. You included a bit more descriptive detail than I would have, but that's not a fault per se, just personal preference on my part.

 

[SteamyChik]

Thank you! Out of curiosity, and to make sure I don't make the most common mistakes, would you mind telling me what those are? Thanks again

 

[Weird Harold]

Thank you! Out of curiosity, and to make sure I don't make the most common mistakes, would you mind telling me what those are? Thanks again

The two most common are, Talking to the reader, and Slipping into an omniscient viewpoint (detailing others thoughts and feeling.)

"Talking to the reader" is fairly easy to spot -- the story reads like a "letter to penthouse."

There is a fairly long thread here about using first person that goes into a lot more detail.

 

[DarlingNikki]

first person

Weird Harold, do you remember where that thread is about using first person? I tried doing a search but got too many results. I just submitted a story in first person and am wondering if I fell into the pitfalls... thanks.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: first person

Weird Harold, do you remember where that thread is about using first person? I tried doing a search but got too many results. I just submitted a story in first person and am wondering if I fell into the pitfalls... thanks.

No, sorry. I don't remember the thread title -- it was one of the several discussions on which POV to use if that narrows your search down some. KillerMuffin had some very good comments on why she generally doesn't like First Person that detailed most of the potential flaws.

 

[Octavian]

Thread in question

It might have been 'Malignant First-personism' initiated by Dr_mabeuse. It is to be found on the second page of the Author's Hangout listing.

I hesitate to cross swords with Weird Harold but he implies that when writing in the first person it is a mistake to talk to the reader. The first words of Herman Melville's great novel, 'Moby Dick' are 'Call me Ishmael'. They are clearly directed at the reader.

___________________________________________________
If you can keep your head whilst all around are losing theirs, you don't understand how serious the problem really is.

 

[TheEarl]

All great writer break the rules though. If they're good enough, they'll get away with it. Most of the writers on Lit can't get away with it, which is why Harold told us not to talk to the reader at all. Because then you run the risk of the infamous "What I did on my sumer holidays" style.

The Earl

 

[DarlingNikki]

Thanks, Octavian. I found the thread... it was interesting.

SteamyChik, I didn't mean to hijack your thread - I read your story and I thought it was really well written. It definitely kept my interest writing-wise. I couldn't really get down with the whole stalker angle, but the first person aspect worked for me.

 

[Octavian]

'What I did on my Summer holidays' stle.

Earl

I do not understand what you mean by this style---sorry.

I wrote my story in the first person and there are a two or three asides to the reader. I didn't mention my holidays once!

But seriously can you enlarge on this point.

Octavian

 

[deliciously_naughty]

Re: 'What I did on my Summer holidays' stle.

Earl

I do not understand what you mean by this style---sorry.

I wrote my story in the first person and there are a two or three asides to the reader. I didn't mention my holidays once!

But seriously can you enlarge on this point.

Octavian

What I think he's getting at with the idea of "what I did on my summer vacation" style story is that often a first person story becomes a litany of "and then this happenned" followed by "and then this happened". Too much description, not a lot of plot type action or story line. Often it's hard to identify with the first person narrator.

but what do I know...a large number of my stuff is first person, including the new story highlighted in my sig line

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Read your story. It was very good. I'm one of those people who often find fault with first-person, and I don't see where you made any of the obvious errors. In fact, if you hadn't told the story in first person, there wouldn't have been much of a atsoyr there. Telling it as a personal experience often substitutes for a weak or non-existent plot. In truth, your story is basically a seduction, which isn't much of a plot.

I wonder about the accuracy of your observations in some places. You say thayt she's new to the city, and try to show it by the way she seems oblivious to thgings around her. But, having lived in big cities most of my life, I can tell you that's exactly how urbanites act. Oblivious. It's the newcomers who gawk at everything.

Another thing that bothered me is: don't you think the fact that your narrator broke into her apartment and went through her stuff is kind of creepy? It is to me. The fact that he's so casual about this had me thinking that this guy is definitely psychotic. I don't know if you intended us to feel that way about him. I tend to think you didn't. You wanted him to be an average,. likable guy, more or less. Well, he wasn't for me. As soon as he followed up to her place I stopped being on his side. He made me nervous.

That''s another pitfall of first person: that the reader just will not care for the narrator. This happens to me a lot when I get narrators who tell me what a stud/babe they are, or start cracking wise or just does things you personally don't like. I've left a lot of stories because I just didn't like the narrator.

Check your first or second paragraph (I forgot which) You have a string of 'subject-verb-object' sentences which grate on the ear.

But I wouldn't worry about your use of first person. That was fine. Very good dialog too, by the way.

---dr.M.

 

[SteamyChik]

Thanks to all!

The feedback has been very helpful! I'm also going to do a search and look through the POV threads. First person is not something I use and this was a first, and probably last! LOL.

I had this story banging around inside my head and one night pounded it out so I could move on to other things.

The entire scenario IS creepy. The photographer/stalker breaks into the girls apartment, ewww. Then instead of raping her, he decides he likes her and seducers her instead. This story began as one thing and ended as another and I really didn't have much say in it - I just typed it. It took off on its own! LOL

Again, thank you everyone for your feedback. I have been gone for a while and it's nice to know that the board is still a friendly helpful place to visit.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Thread in question

It might have been 'Malignant First-personism' initiated by Dr_mabeuse. It is to be found on the second page of the Author's Hangout listing.

I hesitate to cross swords with Weird Harold but he implies that when writing in the first person it is a mistake to talk to the reader. The first words of Herman Melville's great novel, 'Moby Dick' are 'Call me Ishmael'. They are clearly directed at the reader.

That is the the thread Iwas thinking of. Thanks for finding it.

 

[BigTexan]

Okay I thought I would just chime in here with my unimportant opinion.

First person is a perfectly good POV for stories that need it. I'm one of those people who believe that each story demands it's own POV and should only be told from that one.

Most of my stories are third person but a few need to be first person. And I'll say it again. KillerMuffin is the only person I've ever seen pull off a second person story.

But as far as hating first person POV, I think that's silly. I do dislike that most beginning writers write EVERYTHING in first person, when most of their stories just beg to be written in third person.

A good way to tell if your story should be in third person is to look. If you ever in the story want to tell the reader something the main character wouldn't know or see then that is one sure tip off. It's not the only tip off, but it is a good one.

BigTexan