Writing: Help me de-prettify my lead character

[TheEarl]

I'm not a fan of writing extensive physical description, partially because I'm no good at it. However, I've come to the conclusion that it's necessary in this story and so I'm struggling to drop in a few details about one of my leads.

"She was pretty; long blonde hair framing a round face that was dominated by startlingly blue eyes. An expensive looking red dress clung to her curves."

This is what I have so far and I've come to the conclusion that I'm giving the reader the impression of a perfectly gorgeous blonde, which is not what I was going for. My character's pretty, but she's also normal. You'd definitely check her out, but she's not overwhelming. She's a sane weight, rather than half-starved and is cute/pretty, rather than stunning.

My problem is that I cannot seem to write a description conveying these characteristics without making her sound ugly, 30st and child-scaring. Help me find a midrange?

The Earl

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I'd suggest "She was a reasonably attractive woman, but hardly a stunner. She had nice, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a few curves on her figure. She was not exactly a plain Jane, but not model material, either."

Just one possibility.

 

[cloudy]

give her some quirk that's not ugly, but unique: a small gap between her front teeth, a nose that's just a tad too long....something along those lines.

IMHO, I wouldn't say "She was not exactly a plain Jane, but not model material, either." simply because that's a very subjective thing, and not actually a description.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

give her some quirk that's not ugly, but unique: a small gap between her front teeth, a nose that's just a tad too long....something along those lines.

IMHO, I wouldn't say "She was not exactly a plain Jane, but not model material, either." simply because that's a very subjective thing, and not actually a description.

Actually, you've got a point there. One reader will see the character one way, but the author another.

Perhaps a lisp or a stutter, even. A scar, even.

 

[Liar]

I'd try to find some way of getting rid of "She was pretty" or "She was a reasonably attractive woman" and find a way to steer the reader to that conclusion without throwing in an explicit grading of her attractiveness.

Is there an observer? Some prowling guys there? Someone who can perhaps give her a passing appreciative glance, but then turn to oogle the knockout blonde in the other end of the room?

 

[TheEarl]

give her some quirk that's not ugly, but unique: a small gap between her front teeth, a nose that's just a tad too long....something along those lines.

IMHO, I wouldn't say "She was not exactly a plain Jane, but not model material, either." simply because that's a very subjective thing, and not actually a description.

That's the thing; I know this character very well (this being an edit of a 50,000+ word story) and she doesn't have any visual quirks that I can think of, bar slightly rounded cheeks, which is, again difficult to introduce without making her sound horrific.

The problem, I think, is that I don't use much physical description and thus any detail I do pick out is taken as being fairly significant. So, any flaw I might describe gains undue importance by the fact that it's mentioned.

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

I'd try to find some way of getting rid of "She was pretty" or "She was a reasonably attractive woman" and find a way to steer the reader to that conclusion without throwing in an explicit grading of her attractiveness.

Is there an observer? Some prowling guys there? Someone who can perhaps give her a passing appreciative glance, but then turn to oogle the knockout blonde in the other end of the room?

The sentences I've given are off an appraisal by the other (female) main character. It's more her thoughts than actual description, hence the 'pretty', which is the observing character's evaluation.

The Earl

 

[kendo1]

She hadn't shaved today, and the stubble, along with the wart on her nose...

 

[sophia jane]

That's the thing; I know this character very well (this being an edit of a 50,000+ word story) and she doesn't have any visual quirks that I can think of, bar slightly rounded cheeks, which is, again difficult to introduce without making her sound horrific.

The problem, I think, is that I don't use much physical description and thus any detail I do pick out is taken as being fairly significant. So, any flaw I might describe gains undue importance by the fact that it's mentioned.

The Earl

I think you should try to work with Liar's suggestion then, finding a way to show her attractiveness thru the eyes of other people.

 

[impressive]

That's the thing; I know this character very well (this being an edit of a 50,000+ word story) and she doesn't have any visual quirks that I can think of, bar slightly rounded cheeks, which is, again difficult to introduce without making her sound horrific.

The problem, I think, is that I don't use much physical description and thus any detail I do pick out is taken as being fairly significant. So, any flaw I might describe gains undue importance by the fact that it's mentioned.

The Earl

Hmm ... to paraphrase a quote I just heard: Pretty is as pretty does.

Why do your descriptors have to be visual?

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

The sentences I've given are off an appraisal by the other (female) main character. It's more her thoughts than actual description, hence the 'pretty', which is the observing character's evaluation.

The Earl

So my idea might not be so bad, as it might fit the other character's viewpoint.

 

[entitled]

Or, if she were a little on the curvy side, make a remark about how she thought she could lose a few pounds for vanity's sake or something. You know, something along the lines of:

"Those few extra pounds she had been trying to get rid of at the gym clung. The little bit of weight rounded her figure the slightest bit, accentuating the roll of her hips as she walked."

 

[kendo1]

Hmm ... to paraphrase a quote I just heard: Pretty is as pretty does.

Why do your descriptors have to be visual?

Indeed.
She was pretty, but the perfume she wore made him turn his head.

 

[TheEarl]

Hmm ... to paraphrase a quote I just heard: Pretty is as pretty does.

Why do your descriptors have to be visual?

As I said earlier, the 'pretty' is another character's assessment, rather than a descriptor in its own right. That bit can be fairly safely ignored.

The descriptors for this bit need to be visual because I know exactly what this character looks like over the entire 50,000 words and the reader needs to know the visual highlights at least.

Believe me, I wouldn't be using visual descriptors if I didn't have to. This kind of description's like pulling teeth for me.

The Earl

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Or, if she were a little on the curvy side, make a remark about how she thought she could lose a few pounds for vanity's sake or something. You know, something along the lines of:

"Those few extra pounds she had been trying to get rid of at the gym clung. The little bit of weight rounded her figure the slightest bit, accentuating the roll of her hips as she walked."

Oooh, good one.

 

[Liar]

The sentences I've given are off an appraisal by the other (female) main character. It's more her thoughts than actual description, hence the 'pretty', which is the observing character's evaluation.

The Earl

Ah. maybe if you nuance it a little bit then.

"She was pretty, Brünhilde (or whatever) realized. But it was the kind of pretty that you'd have to look twice to discover."

 

[entitled]

Oooh, good one.

Thankee. Though i did write that while others were posting, so it might be null and void as a possibility.

Good idea Liar has, though.

 

[sophia jane]

Okay, I added some stuff, but here's an idea:

She was pretty, but not in that overwhelming way that stops men on the street; her long blond hair framed a round face that was dominated by startlingly blue eyes. An expensive looking red dress clung to her, accentuating her normally unnoticed curves.

 

[Liar]

Thankee. Though i did write that while others were posting, so it might be null and void as a possibility.

Good idea Liar has, though.

I like yours. Maybe they can mate.

 

[kendo1]

I'll just slip out the door quietly.

 

[sophia jane]

Ah. maybe if you nuance it a little bit then.

"She was pretty, Brünhilde (or whatever) realized. But it was the kind of pretty that you'd have to look twice to discover."

I like that.

 

[entitled]

I like yours. Maybe they can mate.

Then they can have Reubenesque, girl next door pretty children and live in a shoe.

 

[Liar]

Then they can have Reubenesque, girl next door pretty children and live in a shoe.

Sweet!

 

[TheEarl]

Thanks for the suggestions all. Nothing's really hitting me right, so I think I'll leave it for tonight and continue thrashing away tomorrow.

Thanks for the help.

The Earl

 

[3113]

Character's P.O.V.

"She was pretty; long blonde hair framing a round face that was dominated by startlingly blue eyes. An expensive looking red dress clung to her curves."

This is what I have so far and I've come to the conclusion that I'm giving the reader the impression of a perfectly gorgeous blonde, which is not what I was going for. My character's pretty, but she's also normal. You'd definitely check her out, but she's not overwhelming. She's a sane weight, rather than half-starved and is cute/pretty, rather than stunning.

My problem is that I cannot seem to write a description conveying these characteristics without making her sound ugly, 30st and child-scaring. Help me find a midrange?

Ah-ha! A subject I can sink my teeth into!

Here's some things you can do, Earl:
1) Nix the pretty line altogether. The reader will know she's pretty or not from the metaphors the character describing her picks. If he says her hair was as like "spun gold" and silky, then we know she's got darn pretty hair. If he says, instead, that's it's straight and ash-blond, then we know her hair isn't that interesting because he's not into waxing poetic about it. Nice, but nothing special.

2) You don't have to go for elaborate metaphors or pages on pages of description, but you do have to decide what the character LOOKING at her sees. What's important to him? What she looks like objectively matters--but I assume we're seeing her though another's eyes--and THAT really matters.

Some guys are leg men. Eyes go right to the legs. And if she's leggy, then he's interested. And if she's got short muscular legs, he's not. Some guys are hair men, some eyes men, and, then, of course, there's the breasts. Where do your eyes go when you first see a girl? What about her captures your attention instantly--or makes you glance away if what you want isn't there? I wrote a story Pretty as a Picture which is all about a photographer obsessed with plus sized girls. When one shows up at his door he can't look away. Everything that SHE would describe as unflattering he finds irresistable.

So what does your guy, the one looking at her, fixate on? You describe the rest plainly, but give emphasis to the p.o.v. character's interest: "Straight ash-blond hair, descent figure. But those eyes. Shit. Those, cool, lake-blue eyes. Frank felt himself drowning in them."

If there is no p.o.v. character, same thing--focus on her most important feature. The one that everyone would remember about her if they remembered nothing else.

3) Last trick: What is she wearing? This is important for a couple of reasons:
a) It tells us a little about her--she's stylish/casual, cares about her appearence/doesn't care but it also....
b) Tells the reader what *she* feels are her best features.

Now maybe she's got no sense of style and she's accenting all the wrong features. Ever watch "What not to Wear"? Women who wear clothes that accent their breasts when they should be accenting their asses and vice versa?

Or maybe she does have style and what she's accenting ARE her best features. So you can use the clothing to your advantage either way:
"She wore a top that was too small and drew eyes to her fleshy tummy..." Or "She wore a cropped top that displayed her the rich, bare curves of her waist and kept eyes off her heavy hips."

Any of this help/inspire?