Writing Challenge ~ December 2013 ~ Comments and Reviews

[Britwitch]

WRITING CHALLENGE REVIEW THREAD ~ DECEMBER 2013​

Just a few little rules for this thread:-

• This thread is for comments and reviews only. Submissions go here!

• Please keep your comments focused on the pieces posted for the challenge running from 1st – 24th December 2013 only, this is not really intended to be a thread for conversation/flirting/mayhem and so on (Sorry to be a bore!). Writers should be able to find reviews/comments for their pieces without having to trawl through pages of banter (no matter how amusing/sexy it might be!)

• Readers/Reviewers:- Please keep your comments and reviews polite and, wherever possible, positive. If you have constructive criticism or advice for writers please do give it but be polite about it! You don’t have to like everything you read but if you really don’t have anything nice to say about something then I would suggest you refrain from posting. And if all you want to say is you liked a piece and no more…that’s great too! We all know how writers like to be appreciated!

• Authors:- Please take constructive criticism as it is intended, as an attempt at improving possible flaws/problems/areas of confusion in your piece. They are not (hopefully!) personal attacks on you or your work.

• This is supposed to be a fun way to get to know new writers and potential partners, to exercise our writing brains, it’s not a competition, please keep that in mind!

• One more thing…suggestions for future prompts are very welcome and should be PM’d to me – Britwitch – as a link ideally.

Previous challenges and reviews can be found here.

Happy reading!

 

[Britwitch]

Always nice to see new faces taking up the Challenge!
I really liked the idea behind your piece MausAss, not least because I have a soft spot for penguins. Short, but sweet

And Alice? Bloody hell woman!

whines wistfully

Oh to be able to write like you. Loved the premise, the style, all of it.
Brilliant, lady!

 

[MausAss]

I know this isn’t a competition, but if it were Alice just knocked it out of the ballpark. The merry Christmas at the end of the story, might be the single best merry Christmas I’ve ever read. It made me feel so Christmassy inside. Great read from beginning till the end.

Christmas really is about getting what you want, I see it now. It’s not about the wait, it’s about getting it exactly the way you want it.

Brit, yours were good too, but this was just wow. Thanks for even commentating on my story even after you read Alice's.

 

[saysalice]

Brit: Thank you, but honestly - I wish I could write like you. Yours was lovely and subtle and romantic, with enough left to mystery and the imagination to make it feel kind of magical - much more suited to a holiday challenge. The sense that it was just one glimpse into a love-filled life, and that the love has spanned generations. It made me feel good - nostalgic for experiences I've never had. You make me want to write beautiful things...I've done "twisted" often enough - it would be a proper challenge, to go for a completely different tone. Maybe I'll try it, the next time one of these prompts inspires me.

Maus: Oh - well, thanks... It's definitely not meant to be a competition, and I'm sorry if my 4,000 word brain-fart made you feel that way. I just write until something in my head says: "Stop! You're done now." Sometimes it's a while before that happens.

I don't know if it was the nicest "Merry Christmas" ever...I suppose it could have been a worse one. It was kind of a nasty little story that I tried to fit around the idea of tying up loose ends at the end of the year. I wonder now if I succeeded in telling the story I had in mind. Anyway, thank you. I'm glad you liked it, whatever you got out of it.

Your entry was sweet. I've been that person, waiting with butterflies in my stomach at the airport for my husband to come home (after only a week apart, not six months - I'm seriously hooked on the guy). You really nailed a few of the little things, like not being interested in the penguins, but wanting to listen to her talk. Lots of sentiment packed into that short piece. I found the last bit particularly touching, about waiting six months for December - because around here (Canada), hardly anyone longs for winter!

 

[MausAss]

I’m glad you liked and it seems like I managed to convey what I wanted to with the story. Waiting for something or someone you really want.


Back to your story. I didn’t mean it was the nicest “Merry Christmas.” I it loved for a lot of reason, but not because it was a nice "Merry Christmas."

(Some spoilers)

I loved it because it tied the story together, but even more because it brought the man to life for me. I may have read too much into that short sentence, but anyway. At first he was just a tool to me and maybe even her, a tool to bring her pleasure and give her what her husband couldn’t provide and it seemed that he was happy with being just that.

But that “Merry Christmas” at the end changed that for me. To me it made it seem like he had actually meant all the things he said in the story. He really wanted her to move in with him, child and all. To me that “Merry Christmas” sounded a lot like “I love you,” only he would never say that. It also sounded a lot like he gave up; he realized she was never going to leave her husband. He wanted much more from her than she wanted to give him. He gave her what she wanted, while hiding his true emotion from her, knowing she didn’t love him back.

In the beginning I thought it was on his term, but by the end I realized the entire relationship was on her term. It was about her getting what she wants, that’s why he came to her house and not the other way around. To her it was about sex, to him it was about love. She got what she wanted and he didn’t. He only got a part of what he wanted, but he didn’t want her to know that. He wanted her to keep believing that he was in control, even though he knew he wasn’t.

That’s why I loved that "Merry Christmas" so much. To me it changed everything about the story. It surprised me and it changed the dynamic and as I wrote earlier it brought him to life.

 

[saysalice]

I'm sorry, I misunderstood your first comment then, Maus. That was what I was going for, so I'm glad it came across that way. Thanks again.

fr33k: I love what you do with words. There's poetry in everything you write.

 

[fr33ks33k]

fr33k: I love what you do with words. There's poetry in everything you write.

Thanks, Alice. I rather enjoyed your little tale as well. I always find myself wanting to be the villain in your stories, even though I'm not sure I'd be capable of it.