Writer and Author, wishes to know what YOU expect from an erotic tale?

[Pervosuxx Marina]

Hello, I am a new author to literotica and have recently posted my first two chapters of my tale 'The Chronicles of Erica Bradson'. I was very glad with the feedback that was given to me, and comments that you fine people have written to me. Since I am in the process of writing both new chapters and some light ideas of other types of genre I wanted to ask you, what would you expect from an erotic tale?

Fetish? situations? passion? feelings? Whatever you feel like wanting from an erotic tale I ask you to post your desires on this thread, so to give not only myself but other writers a source of inspirations.

I hope you respond and if any of you wishes to read my two chapters they are marked right under this message.

My story is an interracial infidelity tale, it has been quoted as being very well detailed. So I hope you enjoy them even if you are not a fan of the genre.

Also I would love it if any writer would comment on my chapters if they have time, and suggest to me any stories you wish me to comment back on.

Thank you and hope to hear you soon.


Chapter 1
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=472262

Chapter 2
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=473751

 

[D_K_Moon]

Hello Bulletproof,

First and foremost, I want to be entertained. I want the characters to draw me into the plot of the story. If you're wanting to discuss plot ideas, I suggest that you may wish to explore the Story Ideas Forum.

I read your first chapter. Your paragraphs are quite long, and should be broken up. I'm of the camp that favors showing over telling. Your first chapter was basically just the narrator's voice. I think you could have made it pop more with dialog.

I'm guessing by some the phrasing that English isn't your first language. And that's not a problem, I think it adds a unique character to your writing. I'll take a peek at your second chapter a bit later.

And welcome to the Story Feedback Forum!

 

[bwallard]

I agree with Moon. You tell too much.

And much of what you tell is irrelevant to your story. Or no, maybe the husband's career becomes relevant but if so then we need some suggestion that it will. In the forest of detail in that paragraph it's too difficult to tell which tale we are going to follow. Brian's troubled (with minor! troubles) academic career?

It's good that you know these details. They will inform your characters. But don't tell us everything.

I just thought: every interesting character is at least two characters. And Erica is at least two. She contradicts herself sometimes in a single sentence. That's interesting! But I do not feel that you, the author, understands those contradictions. So I'm not drawn in. I think "This is crap!"

You have to show your hand a bit, too. Is what I'm saying.

 

[Silkenvoice]

First, these chapters read like a True Confessions type of story, which isn't my personal favorite.

Second, stop being so afraid of dialogue. Conversation furthers a story in far fewer words, and grabs the reader's attention.

Third, too much prelude. Yes, for your benefit you need to flesh out the characters, to know who they are, etc, so you can write them realistically -- but do we need all the boring details? No. If you are using more than a paragraph to frame the story, you need to prune. Drop in the details we need as we need them, and not beforehand.

Fourth, cut to the chase. Start in the thick of things. Start with Erica running into Malik in his towel, with all her naughty thoughts, and then surprise the reader with the knowledge that he is her son's friend.

Fifth, writing literary erotica is challenging. We all know what is going to happen. The challenge is in making something we've been doing for years-beyond-counting interesting and explicit while also being literate.

And lastly, you might want to ask someone to proof-read for you, someone with an understanding of grammar and the distinctions between the use of your/you're, then/than, accept/except, etc. At present your mis-use of these elements is distracting from the story as a whole.

 

[D_K_Moon]

And hello again, I've just looked at chapter two. Yikes! Your paragraphs are much too long, especially for reading online.

A sentence should express an idea, and a paragraph should be made up of sentences of similar ideas. An easy rule of thumb is to change paragraphs with changes in character or subject.

This is the first paragraph from Chapter 2.

Two weeks passed since my obscene experience with Malik and we had not spoken since. I returned to my duties as a mother and a wife, hoping that my sinful act would be erased by time. The morning is my favourite time of the day, my husband, my two sons and I gather together for breakfast. It is the only time of the day where we are all together and can talk about the day ahead of us and our plans. It is also the only time when I feel no remorse. I make two eggs to my husband with no bacon a cup of freshly made coffee and a glass of cold orange juice to start of his day while he reads the newspaper. My sons on the other hand prefer pancakes, as they have grown accustom to them ever since they were 5. A glass of orange juice to Brian and a glass of milk to Peter to set up their day. It is during this time of day that I feel happy and relieved as I see my family bustling with energy, no other thoughts and no other feelings but for my family. The gathering breaks up when my husband and my sons leave for work and school, and as I watch them go out the front door the feeling of vulnerability engulfs me.

This is how it should look.

Two weeks passed since my obscene experience with Malik and we had not spoken since. I returned to my duties as a mother and a wife, hoping that my sinful act would be erased by time.

The subject has changed from your feelings to the morning, so it should begin a new paragraph
The morning is my favourite time of the day, my husband, my two sons and I gather together for breakfast. It is the only time of the day where we are all together and can talk about the day ahead of us and our plans. It is also the only time when I feel no remorse.

New subject, what you're cooking, so, new paragraph.
I make two eggs to my husband with no bacon a cup of freshly made coffee and a glass of cold orange juice to start of his day while he reads the newspaper. My sons on the other hand prefer pancakes, as they have grown accustom to them ever since they were 5. A glass of orange juice to Brian and a glass of milk to Peter to set up their day.

Again, you've changed the subject, so again, a new paragraph.
It is during this time of day that I feel happy and relieved as I see my family bustling with energy, no other thoughts and no other feelings but for my family. The gathering breaks up when my husband and my sons leave for work and school, and as I watch them go out the front door the feeling of vulnerability engulfs me.

So, your first paragraph should have been four paragraphs. Your whole tale is like this. I would encourage you to find an editor to help you.

As I said for your first chapter, you need to get away from just the voice of the narrator and allow the characters to tell their tale. It will make the story more interesting and more erotic.