G
Guest
Guest
I'm just wondering if any sub here would stop posting if her Master told her to stop. Would you simply stop posting, and would you tell your friends your reasons why you are?
willfulbrat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2001
- Posts
- 847
Yes, I would stop if Sir told me to stop. But I would PM anyone who might miss me and let them know why and give them a way to contact me.
DustyWolfe
Proud Transman
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2002
- Posts
- 6,458
Yes, if my Mistress asked me to stop for a good reason I would. But only after much discussion with her over the reasons why. I would let the ones that I would think would worry about me know that I am okay and why I am leaving.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2001
- Posts
- 20,570
It depends on the degree to which I am involved with a Dom. It it is an online relationship, no. I wouldn't stop, nor would I lie to him about it.
Again, going back to my personal preferences and beliefs about relationship growth.
If it were a relationship which had moved to real time and I had made the commitment necessary on my part to become his sub or slave...yes, I would stop.
Again, going back to my personal preferences and beliefs about relationship growth.
If it were a relationship which had moved to real time and I had made the commitment necessary on my part to become his sub or slave...yes, I would stop.
morninggirl5
Secret Dream Machine
- Joined
- May 6, 2001
- Posts
- 10,647
For me, the important part of such a decision would be simply why am i being asked to do this.
Does my Dom want me to stop posting so that i could devote more of my time and energy to him?
If that were the case, i would gladly give up posting after letting those who would wonder about me know.
Does he want to limit the information i'm receiving and/or all sources of information and support other than him?
In that case, not only would i not stop posting but i would be very wary of continuing a relationship.
I hope things work out for you.
Does my Dom want me to stop posting so that i could devote more of my time and energy to him?
If that were the case, i would gladly give up posting after letting those who would wonder about me know.
Does he want to limit the information i'm receiving and/or all sources of information and support other than him?
In that case, not only would i not stop posting but i would be very wary of continuing a relationship.
I hope things work out for you.
Lancecastor
Lit's Most Beloved Poster
- Joined
- May 14, 2002
- Posts
- 54,670
Seems to me that any Master worth his salt...
....would be just silly to turn off such a great source of ImaginationLubrication for His woman as literotica....but what do I know, right?
The original question, by an unregistered user, could easily be that of a Sub that would prefer not to leave this site, for example...so, as in any "real" dilemna, the answer is "it depends"...right?
Depends on... whether the comminques here are interfering with as opposed to enriching the couple's relationship...a rule of thumb perhaps for everyone.
However, those of us here at LanceCastor Inc tend to think in pink, and if you're thinking pink there's nothing but roses that can cum from a place so moist and yum, chum.
I say....let her stay! don't say "nay", 'kay? Life's too short! Stop being so frickin' midaevil about what's supposed to be a buzz, cous....in!
Lance "The Lighthearted, Loving Dom" Castor
....would be just silly to turn off such a great source of ImaginationLubrication for His woman as literotica....but what do I know, right?
The original question, by an unregistered user, could easily be that of a Sub that would prefer not to leave this site, for example...so, as in any "real" dilemna, the answer is "it depends"...right?
Depends on... whether the comminques here are interfering with as opposed to enriching the couple's relationship...a rule of thumb perhaps for everyone.
However, those of us here at LanceCastor Inc tend to think in pink, and if you're thinking pink there's nothing but roses that can cum from a place so moist and yum, chum.
I say....let her stay! don't say "nay", 'kay? Life's too short! Stop being so frickin' midaevil about what's supposed to be a buzz, cous....in!
Lance "The Lighthearted, Loving Dom" Castor
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
I agree with everyone, too.
I've been banned from the online contacts (MSN msgr or icq or the like) and/or places like this forum for periods of time by my dominant(s) in the past.
I've been assigned to write stories that were then posted to the net as punishments, too, as sort of a reverse net banning thing. (See my story Just Desserts as an example of a punishment story: the first 1/3 is true, the last 2/3 was assigned - i was to write out the worst possible physical punishment i could come up within the framework of our monogamous D/s relationship.)
I've been banned from email, too, for a time.
All those things were punishments.
All those punishments were implemented by my skin-to-skin dominant.
I don't think i would obey an online-only dominant in this matter, if i had one, which i don't (and won't). I wouldn't lie about it, either. Even if it's online-only, the honesty would have to be there, i think, at least on my part, for it to mean anything at all to me.
dream?
Welcome.
Take a deep breath.
Being without a dominant means you can learn what's important to you in this new way of thinking about relationships. It means you can grow a core of real strength and fineness that is *not* dependant on anyone else in the world for its reality and value. Being without a dominant is sometimes an exceeding valueable tool in learning who and what you are as far as BDSM sexuality is concerned.
I've been banned from the online contacts (MSN msgr or icq or the like) and/or places like this forum for periods of time by my dominant(s) in the past.
I've been assigned to write stories that were then posted to the net as punishments, too, as sort of a reverse net banning thing. (See my story Just Desserts as an example of a punishment story: the first 1/3 is true, the last 2/3 was assigned - i was to write out the worst possible physical punishment i could come up within the framework of our monogamous D/s relationship.)
I've been banned from email, too, for a time.
All those things were punishments.
All those punishments were implemented by my skin-to-skin dominant.
I don't think i would obey an online-only dominant in this matter, if i had one, which i don't (and won't). I wouldn't lie about it, either. Even if it's online-only, the honesty would have to be there, i think, at least on my part, for it to mean anything at all to me.
dream?
Welcome.
Take a deep breath.
Being without a dominant means you can learn what's important to you in this new way of thinking about relationships. It means you can grow a core of real strength and fineness that is *not* dependant on anyone else in the world for its reality and value. Being without a dominant is sometimes an exceeding valueable tool in learning who and what you are as far as BDSM sexuality is concerned.
activesense
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 29, 2002
- Posts
- 364
cautiously throwing out an opinion
I'm not a dom or a sub but I have done some work with abuse victims. Controlling and limiting contact with others is a form of a abuse that is quite common. To me, unless it is part of the desired experience in play or part of the self-exploration period needed to become a sub, it seems abusive.
I'm a newbi to this whole thing but this sort of jumped out at me based on previous social work experience.
Activesense
I'm not a dom or a sub but I have done some work with abuse victims. Controlling and limiting contact with others is a form of a abuse that is quite common. To me, unless it is part of the desired experience in play or part of the self-exploration period needed to become a sub, it seems abusive.
I'm a newbi to this whole thing but this sort of jumped out at me based on previous social work experience.
Activesense
Ebonyfire
Ball Stretcher
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2002
- Posts
- 11,729
Re: cautiously throwing out an opinion
I am a Domme, and I take exception to the blanket statement made above.
It is a common mistake to assume that D/s is abuse. Controlling contact with other Doms and/or certain website is not a form of abuse per se. Abuse is abuse, and D/s is D/s.
There are however abusive people in all types of relationships. I restrict tavish from talking to any other dominants and his posting on D/s related websites without my permission. I encourage sissy to talk to other dominants and post where he pleases because I want him to find the type of relationship he needs. Since he is only a part-time sub of mine, I do not concern myself in his life as much as I do tavish who is owned by me and is my slave and SO.
Both my relationships are RL and not exclusively online. I personally would not work that hard with an online only D/s relationship. But that is Me, others may have a different opinion.
Ebony <Mistress to tavish & chrissy snow>
activesense said:
I am a Domme, and I take exception to the blanket statement made above.
It is a common mistake to assume that D/s is abuse. Controlling contact with other Doms and/or certain website is not a form of abuse per se. Abuse is abuse, and D/s is D/s.
There are however abusive people in all types of relationships. I restrict tavish from talking to any other dominants and his posting on D/s related websites without my permission. I encourage sissy to talk to other dominants and post where he pleases because I want him to find the type of relationship he needs. Since he is only a part-time sub of mine, I do not concern myself in his life as much as I do tavish who is owned by me and is my slave and SO.
Both my relationships are RL and not exclusively online. I personally would not work that hard with an online only D/s relationship. But that is Me, others may have a different opinion.
Ebony <Mistress to tavish & chrissy snow>
activesense
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 29, 2002
- Posts
- 364
in response
Ebony,
My comment centered around what was desired as part of the D/s relationship. It was my sense that the original poster was not comfortable with this limitation. Is this someone they really trust?
What I admire about healthy D/s relationships is the level of trust and concern I see for one another, even when harsh things are imposed - it is all still part of a safe relationship.
What I have seen is men in particular, limit women's contact with others as a way of controlling them, against their will and not in their best interest as part of self exploration or anything else.
My appologies for offending you.
activesense
Ebony,
My comment centered around what was desired as part of the D/s relationship. It was my sense that the original poster was not comfortable with this limitation. Is this someone they really trust?
What I admire about healthy D/s relationships is the level of trust and concern I see for one another, even when harsh things are imposed - it is all still part of a safe relationship.
What I have seen is men in particular, limit women's contact with others as a way of controlling them, against their will and not in their best interest as part of self exploration or anything else.
My appologies for offending you.
activesense
Ebonyfire
Ball Stretcher
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2002
- Posts
- 11,729
Re: in response
You wrote:
"My comment centered around what was desired as part of the D/s relationship. It was my sense that the original poster was not comfortable with this limitation. Is this someone they really trust?"
That may be so, but when talking about D/s, you are lumping one type of relationship into a basket where many different types occur. Not all relationships are between male dominants and female submissives.
You wrote:
"What I admire about healthy D/s relationships is the level of trust and concern I see for one another, even when harsh things are imposed - it is all still part of a safe relationship.
You wrote:
"What I have seen is men in particular, limit women's contact with others as a way of controlling them, against their will and not in their best interest as part of self exploration or anything else."
I am well aware of the patterns of male abuse toward women. But I feel compelled to jump in when it is talked about as if this male/female dynamic represents D/s. It does not.
All that I ask is that you be careful when drawing comparisons between mainstream male/female dynamics D/s relationships.
Ebony
You wrote:
"My comment centered around what was desired as part of the D/s relationship. It was my sense that the original poster was not comfortable with this limitation. Is this someone they really trust?"
That may be so, but when talking about D/s, you are lumping one type of relationship into a basket where many different types occur. Not all relationships are between male dominants and female submissives.
You wrote:
"What I admire about healthy D/s relationships is the level of trust and concern I see for one another, even when harsh things are imposed - it is all still part of a safe relationship.
You wrote:
"What I have seen is men in particular, limit women's contact with others as a way of controlling them, against their will and not in their best interest as part of self exploration or anything else."
I am well aware of the patterns of male abuse toward women. But I feel compelled to jump in when it is talked about as if this male/female dynamic represents D/s. It does not.
All that I ask is that you be careful when drawing comparisons between mainstream male/female dynamics D/s relationships.
Ebony
WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
Re: cautiously throwing out an opinion
I can understand your concern. I'd be concerned also if a Dom was shutting off a sub from all contact with the outside world. But I think in most cases it would be either a temporary measure, or not wanting a sub to post on a particular board.
At times we may tie up our subs in the basement, but we don't leave them there. That's only in the movies
activesense said:
I can understand your concern. I'd be concerned also if a Dom was shutting off a sub from all contact with the outside world. But I think in most cases it would be either a temporary measure, or not wanting a sub to post on a particular board.
At times we may tie up our subs in the basement, but we don't leave them there. That's only in the movies
lovetoread
hello daddy
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2001
- Posts
- 42,978
I dont know if ya'll know that my dom is a member of lit.
He does tell me what goes in my sig line and my title line. He allows me to change my av when I like as long as that particular pic stays in my sig line.
If he told me to stop posting, I'd have to.
He does tell me what goes in my sig line and my title line. He allows me to change my av when I like as long as that particular pic stays in my sig line.
If he told me to stop posting, I'd have to.
G
Guest
Guest
It depends
(a) who you are
(b) who your master is
(c) what game you're playing, and
(d) what you perceive in all self-awareness to represent your true will and the course of your soul as manifested by the cosmic bond between the two of you.
Of course, it's always best to be creative.
PS - Any Master worthy of the title is always a step ahead of you. Remember that.
(a) who you are
(b) who your master is
(c) what game you're playing, and
(d) what you perceive in all self-awareness to represent your true will and the course of your soul as manifested by the cosmic bond between the two of you.
Of course, it's always best to be creative.
PS - Any Master worthy of the title is always a step ahead of you. Remember that.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
We've talked about "punishment" many times...
The subject of punishment is a dicey one, always. What is punishment to one of us may not be of any importance to another and may also be percieved as horrifying to someone else. As always, one has to know one's partner.
Always, too, in my mind, is the fact that BDSM punishment, real punishment and not that playacting "i've been bad, punish me good Sir" kinda thing, is unpleasant. It's supposed to be unpleasant. It's not supposed to be fun or erotic or sexy. It's supposed to teach a lesson when the lesson cannot be taught any other way.
Stopping a sub from posting for a time is one thing.
Stopping a sub from posting altogether is another.
Either could be healthy - or bad.
None of us knows the particulars of the case that was asked about in the thread opener. We don't know if this is a sub who has essentially abandoned her life for one lived inside the computer - or if it's a case of the jarring juxtaposition between a few online friends and an unreasonably and threateningly jealous and/or over-controlling dominant. We don't even know if it's really a bdsm relationship. Hell, we don't know if it's at all real - and that's not the point, either.
People become enmeshed in the net for many reasons. Sometimes the net involvement interferes with real relationships.
If a dominant sees that happening and wants to fix it, and if the submissive still wants to continue the relationship, then it's between those two people alone as to how to handle the problem.
So my answer is:
I would stop posting, maybe.
I would ask to tell my friends, yes. If my dominant was at all reasonable (and i've certainly not been attached to any that were not), s/he would grant the time i needed to insure people didn't worry about my leaving the online world for my skin-to-skin world responsibilities.
The subject of punishment is a dicey one, always. What is punishment to one of us may not be of any importance to another and may also be percieved as horrifying to someone else. As always, one has to know one's partner.
Always, too, in my mind, is the fact that BDSM punishment, real punishment and not that playacting "i've been bad, punish me good Sir" kinda thing, is unpleasant. It's supposed to be unpleasant. It's not supposed to be fun or erotic or sexy. It's supposed to teach a lesson when the lesson cannot be taught any other way.
Stopping a sub from posting for a time is one thing.
Stopping a sub from posting altogether is another.
Either could be healthy - or bad.
None of us knows the particulars of the case that was asked about in the thread opener. We don't know if this is a sub who has essentially abandoned her life for one lived inside the computer - or if it's a case of the jarring juxtaposition between a few online friends and an unreasonably and threateningly jealous and/or over-controlling dominant. We don't even know if it's really a bdsm relationship. Hell, we don't know if it's at all real - and that's not the point, either.
People become enmeshed in the net for many reasons. Sometimes the net involvement interferes with real relationships.
If a dominant sees that happening and wants to fix it, and if the submissive still wants to continue the relationship, then it's between those two people alone as to how to handle the problem.
So my answer is:
I would stop posting, maybe.
I would ask to tell my friends, yes. If my dominant was at all reasonable (and i've certainly not been attached to any that were not), s/he would grant the time i needed to insure people didn't worry about my leaving the online world for my skin-to-skin world responsibilities.
G
Guest
Guest
Thank you cym.
Perfect answer. I appreciate everybody whom took the time to answer my question. I knew the answer, I simply needed some clarity.
Perfect answer. I appreciate everybody whom took the time to answer my question. I knew the answer, I simply needed some clarity.
Ebonyfire
Ball Stretcher
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2002
- Posts
- 11,729
That may be so
with some of the folks here, but:
1.) some of us are Mistresses or Dommes, or female dominants.
2.) some of us are not playing games, this is our life and how we live it.
3.) some of Us do not need to "always be a step ahead"... it is neither a chess game or a game of cat and mouse.
So there.
Ebony
The Dragon said:
with some of the folks here, but:
1.) some of us are Mistresses or Dommes, or female dominants.
2.) some of us are not playing games, this is our life and how we live it.
3.) some of Us do not need to "always be a step ahead"... it is neither a chess game or a game of cat and mouse.
So there.
Ebony
Perspective
My Master has told me I am on the computer too much, but He never asked/told me to stop. He is too far away to be here all the time and this is recreation for me. I know He thinks I read too much because I am always coming up with new ideas. This is who I am, and if a Master/Dom (me) wants to limit self-exploration then that is something to consider when considering a relationship. Be careful of strictly on-line relationships. Experience too lengthy to go into.
My Master has told me I am on the computer too much, but He never asked/told me to stop. He is too far away to be here all the time and this is recreation for me. I know He thinks I read too much because I am always coming up with new ideas. This is who I am, and if a Master/Dom (me) wants to limit self-exploration then that is something to consider when considering a relationship. Be careful of strictly on-line relationships. Experience too lengthy to go into.
MotorCitySam
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2002
- Posts
- 195
Re: Perspective
I dont understand why he would not want you coming up with new ideas. If he doesnt like your ideas, he doesnt have to follow through on them, so all he is doing is limiting his own options,isnt he?
shysub said:
I dont understand why he would not want you coming up with new ideas. If he doesnt like your ideas, he doesnt have to follow through on them, so all he is doing is limiting his own options,isnt he?
G
Guest
Guest
Ebonyfire said:
>1.) some of us are Mistresses or Dommes, or female dominants.
Not our poster's Master. Reread the thread starter.
>2.) some of us are not playing games, this is our life and how we live it.
Wrong. You are playing games whether or not you know it, since a game is a symbolic exercise with acceptable and unacceptable moves, rules, and real or imagined stakes. But I shall leave the more philosophical questions as an exercise for the reader.
>3.) some of Us do not need to "always be a step ahead"... it is neither a chess game or a game of cat and mouse.
I said *Master*, and I said *worthy of the title*. Anyone who uses the word "Master" in the bedroom who is not a Master in reality, is just a normal jerk-off. Only superiority is superior. Worship anything less, and you're an idiot.
BTW, you blew your capitalization scheme. Eleven lashes for you.
>1.) some of us are Mistresses or Dommes, or female dominants.
Not our poster's Master. Reread the thread starter.
>2.) some of us are not playing games, this is our life and how we live it.
Wrong. You are playing games whether or not you know it, since a game is a symbolic exercise with acceptable and unacceptable moves, rules, and real or imagined stakes. But I shall leave the more philosophical questions as an exercise for the reader.
>3.) some of Us do not need to "always be a step ahead"... it is neither a chess game or a game of cat and mouse.
I said *Master*, and I said *worthy of the title*. Anyone who uses the word "Master" in the bedroom who is not a Master in reality, is just a normal jerk-off. Only superiority is superior. Worship anything less, and you're an idiot.
BTW, you blew your capitalization scheme. Eleven lashes for you.
G
Guest
Guest
BS - Dragon
I always post when term "Master" is used instead of the more correct term "Dom" or male Dominant. Since dominants come in male and female, I believe it is important to point out the opposing view.
Dragon wrote
"Wrong. You are playing games whether or not you know it, since a game is a symbolic exercise with acceptable and unacceptable moves, rules, and real or imagined stakes. But I shall leave the more philosophical questions as an exercise for the reader."
No you are wrong in my case. You do not know me or my lifestyle. YOu may disagree all you want, but do not discount my experience. I know what I am talking about.
Dragon wrote:
"I said *Master*, and I said *worthy of the title*. Anyone who uses the word "Master" in the bedroom who is not a Master in reality, is just a normal jerk-off. Only superiority is superior. Worship anything less, and you're an idiot."
I read it the first time, and what I posted before still applies.
Dragon wrote:
"BTW, you blew your capitalization scheme. Eleven lashes for you."
As for your little parting shot at my expense, enjoy it, it clearly shows what a jerk you are.
Ebony
I always post when term "Master" is used instead of the more correct term "Dom" or male Dominant. Since dominants come in male and female, I believe it is important to point out the opposing view.
Dragon wrote
"Wrong. You are playing games whether or not you know it, since a game is a symbolic exercise with acceptable and unacceptable moves, rules, and real or imagined stakes. But I shall leave the more philosophical questions as an exercise for the reader."
No you are wrong in my case. You do not know me or my lifestyle. YOu may disagree all you want, but do not discount my experience. I know what I am talking about.
Dragon wrote:
"I said *Master*, and I said *worthy of the title*. Anyone who uses the word "Master" in the bedroom who is not a Master in reality, is just a normal jerk-off. Only superiority is superior. Worship anything less, and you're an idiot."
I read it the first time, and what I posted before still applies.
Dragon wrote:
"BTW, you blew your capitalization scheme. Eleven lashes for you."
As for your little parting shot at my expense, enjoy it, it clearly shows what a jerk you are.
Ebony
