Would this pass muster?

[slyc_willie]

Yes, I know, I've been here over a year. But I want to be sure about this:

I have a story in which the main character and his sister were abused as children. Wanting to be realistic, the abuse on the part of the sister was sexual. There are no detailed flashbacks, no sexual descriptions of any kind. The most detail I get into is the following passage:

“No matter what, at first, whatever we did wasn’t good enough. Me and Jerri got lashings every fucking day. We’d do the laundry, make breakfast and dinner, keep the yard and house clean . . . but there was always something. And since I was older, it was my responsibility. Wasn’t long before he stopped using his belt and started using his hand . . . and then his fist.”

“Benji . . . .” bemoaned April, squeezing my arm.

I kept going. “But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst was when Jerri did something wrong, and after a while, once she was . . . anyway, she always seemed to screw something up, and dad always took her down to the basement for some ‘private’ discipline.”

I ground my teeth, memories flooding back. “Didn’t matter where I was in the house, or even if I was outside, I could hear her screaming and crying. I’ll never forgive him for that,” I said. “I swear to God, I ever see that asshole again, I’ll tear out his fucking heart and shove it down his fucking throat!” I punctuated my statement by lurching to my feet and throwing my half-empty soda to the ground. It exploded in a dark shower of liquid.

I paced back and forth a moment beneath the shadows of the trees, feeling the spikes of the sun through the leaves. April watched me, letting me calm down on my own. I took out my cigarettes, lit one. I inhaled deeply, let it out.

“I’m sorry,” came April’s voice.

I laughed ruefully. “Yeah. I am, too.”

“. . . Ben.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s gone, right? He’s not around anymore.”

I breathed in through my teeth. “No, he’s not. Mom finally got some sense in her alcoholic brain and divorced the asshole. But just like everything . . . too little, too late.” I laughed rudely. “Maybe I shouldn’t be too hard. He probably raped her, too.”

So, would this passage pass muster for Lit?

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Slyc,

IMHO, it probably would. I have a similar story, "Burying Uncle Hiram's Ghost" that mentions, but doesn't describe, child abuse. I asked Laurel to check it out in advance. She did and said it was okay.

If the last line is changed to something like, "He probably treated her worse than you," I think it's an easy approval.

Just one unrelated item: This is a bit confusing.

“He’s gone, right? He’s not around anymore.”

I breathed in through my teeth. “No, he’s not. (gone - around anymore?)

Rumple Foreskin

 

[slyc_willie]

Slyc,

IMHO, it probably would. I have a similar story, "Burying Uncle Hiram's Ghost" that mentions, but doesn't describe, child abuse. I asked Laurel to check it out in advance. She did and said it was okay.

If the last line is changed to something like, "He probably treated her worse than you," I think it's an easy approval.

Just one unrelated item: This is a bit confusing.

“He’s gone, right? He’s not around anymore.”

I breathed in through my teeth. “No, he’s not. (gone - around anymore?)

Rumple Foreskin

Thanks, Rev. I was thinking the same thing with that last line, which was why I included it.

And thanks for catching that slip-up. I had just changed the line and forgot to read the following paragraph to see if it worked.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Yes. I had something a lot like that in one of my stories, since pulled from Lit and e-published. I did use the word "rape" and had no trouble. "Your stepfather raped you. Is that what you're saying?"I really like your dialogue there. (he does laugh rudely and ruefully in the space of a few lines though. Damn those adverbs.)

 

[slyc_willie]

Yes. I had something a lot like that in one of my stories, since pulled from Lit and e-published. I did use the word "rape" and had no trouble. "Your stepfather raped you. Is that what you're saying?"I really like your dialogue there. (he does laugh rudely and ruefully in the space of a few lines though. Damn those adverbs.)

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's a rough draft.

Thanks.

 

[starrkers]

I think it's fine as it stands. You've never come out and described what was done to the sister, and "he probably raped her too" is direct and far stronger than any other phrase the character could use.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's a rough draft.

Thanks.

I know all about those.

 

[Varian P]

My understanding is that what's disallowed is an actual depiction of minors in sexual situations. Since your excerpt doesn't have that, I believe it should be fine.

I have a story posted here where one character relates to another his past as a child prostitute, including some mentions of his johns' masochistic behavior toward him, but none of it happens on-screen.

 

[slyc_willie]

My understanding is that what's disallowed is an actual depiction of minors in sexual situations. Since your excerpt doesn't have that, I believe it should be fine.

I have a story posted here where one character relates to another his past as a child prostitute, including some mentions of his johns' masochistic behavior toward him, but none of it happens on-screen.

Well, part of the reason I asked was that one of my earliest stories alluded to a couple of characters having, at the least, seen each other naked before they turned on. But none of their previous experience -- fairly minimal since both were virgins -- was explicitly described. Still, it was initially rejected.

I suppose there's a difference if you mention abuse, which is not intended to arouse anyone, as opposed to consensual sex, which could arouse, occuring to or amongst minors.

 

[jomar]

I suppose there's a difference if you mention abuse, which is not intended to arouse anyone, as opposed to consensual sex, which could arouse, occuring to or amongst minors.

I think that makes all the difference. This is from my story Horror, which was accepted:

"Catherine's mother was addicted to prescription medicine and alcohol. She goaded Catherine to hide and retrieve her drugs and drink and made her promise not to tell her father, who paid her money to keep quiet about his own brand of abuse. The unfortunate Catherine was also sexually abused by her older brother, who held certain threats over her timid head. When her parents found out she had been fondled by a neighbor she was questioned then punished and told never to speak of it again. And in this way Catherine was groomed to be submissive and secretive... "

 

[slyc_willie]

That's the difference then, Jomar. Thanks.