Would this offend you?

[VelvetSin]

I do pretty much the same thing. I can be hard of hearing, particularly in a noisy environment and so I tend to read lips in addition to hearing a person speak. Most of the time I can maintain eye contact, and just use peripheral vision to watch the lips. The louder the environment, the more I rely on watching the lips to understand the person. I know a few people who's mouths are covered with mustache and beard and I can't hear them for shit most of the time.

I've got another friend who talks to you while looking out the corner of her eye to somewhere else. THAT is a bit annoying, but I love her anyway. And no, I wouldn't call her boss because she was looking somewhere else while she talks to me.

I'm exactly the same. My hearing has been tested and it's been clear for all ranges with the sound beeps, but people still sound "fuzzy" unless I can watch their lips or pay very close attention some other way. I also have trouble picking words out of songs unless the singer is very crisp with how they enunciate or has a voice in a few specific ranges, otherwise the background music overrides the voice and I can't pick it out. Crowds or other loud places are a mess for me. I can never "hear" anyone no matter how close they are unless I can read their lips because all the other noise blurs in. I blame bad connections when I have to make people repeat themselves on the phone. I sometimes wonder if it's more sensory overload then a real hearing issue.

If I can't watch lips, I can't look at them at all (look down at a piece of paper like I'm studiously listening so I can focus more on what I'm hearing and not other distracting input, which I am in fact doing so I can hear them at all), but if that's not an option, I do the tip of the nose thing. So long as you're four or more feet away, they won't be able to tell. If they're closer, I just do my best with peripheral vision. As for it being dire and essential in the business world, that's true to a degree. There are many other ways to use body language and signals to relay that complete and undivided attention is given without staring someone in the eyes like it's an Alpha dog challenge.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I'm exactly the same. My hearing has been tested and it's been clear for all ranges with the sound beeps, but people still sound "fuzzy" unless I can watch their lips or pay very close attention some other way.

Yes, very similar. For me it's almost like my brain doesn't compute what it hears as rapidly as the information come into the ear. It's kind of like a badly dub'd movie, where the mouth/motion are time delayed to hearing the voice over. By reading lips I'm able to compute what's being said much faster. Noise and distraction definitely makes things worse.

There are many other ways to use body language and signals to relay that complete and undivided attention is given without staring someone in the eyes like it's an Alpha dog challenge.

I remember a public speaking course I had back in college. The instructor emphasized eye contact, then relayed that the average length of time that people maintain eye contact during conversation is 3 seconds or less. So, to everyone saying that they want direct eye contact when they're talking with someone, pay attention the next time you're having a conversation to how much time you spend staring someone directly in the eye and how much time either you or they are looking elsewhere. The ONLY time I make it a point to hold prolonged eye contact is during an argument. He who looks away first loses, along with that, pick an eye and don't let it go. If your eyes are wavering back and forth at both of your opponents eyes, you are the weaker of the two. It drives me nuts when I'm watching TV or a movie and some "tough guy" is in an argument and his/her eye's are darting back and forth while they're delivering their "tough guy" lines. We've all had instances where we've talked or argued with someone who seemed to stare into our souls, making us feel like a flea. Remember how they held eye contact. They didn't waver, did they?

I also have trouble picking words out of songs unless the singer is very crisp with how they enunciate or has a voice in a few specific ranges, otherwise the background music overrides the voice and I can't pick it out.

There are very few artists that I can sing along with, partly because I don't listen to music to hear/memorize the lyrics/find hidden meaning or depth to the words, and partly because I just can't understand what most of them are barfing into the microphone, with extreme emphasis on that "barfing" part.

 

[VelvetSin]

I remember a public speaking course I had back in college. The instructor emphasized eye contact, then relayed that the average length of time that people maintain eye contact during conversation is 3 seconds or less. So, to everyone saying that they want direct eye contact when they're talking with someone, pay attention the next time you're having a conversation to how much time you spend staring someone directly in the eye and how much time either you or they are looking elsewhere.

This is true. An easy method to deal with that is to look them in the eye while you're speaking (because they hopefully won't interrupt so there's nothing to process from them other than non-verbal language and that'll get picked up through the eye contact) then shift attention elsewhere (down to a piece of paper or anywhere else), then back up to tip of the nose to watch lips. Looking elsewhere in between is important though, else they'll see your eyes flicker down from their eyes to their nose.

Heh, it sounds so technical graphed out like that, but it works quite nicely and I've never had anyone voice an argument.

The ONLY time I make it a point to hold prolonged eye contact is during an argument. He who looks away first loses, along with that, pick an eye and don't let it go. If your eyes are wavering back and forth at both of your opponents eyes, you are the weaker of the two. It drives me nuts when I'm watching TV or a movie and some "tough guy" is in an argument and his/her eye's are darting back and forth while they're delivering their "tough guy" lines. We've all had instances where we've talked or argued with someone who seemed to stare into our souls, making us feel like a flea. Remember how they held eye contact. They didn't waver, did they?

I don't make it any more of an effort during a disagreement than other times, but I don't argue unless I know I'm right and can rely on strength of argument to override someone's social need for a staring contest. I follow the same pattern of eye contact I do any other time, and state the case clearly and as concisely as possible. It's never been a problem. I don't fake a Dominant role mainly because I know I can't pull it off without being laughable (being that shifty-eyed tough "guy" ). Being clear and firm of opinion without obviously being shifty works just as well for those not naturally dominant of personality. I've climbed the so-called corporate ladder quite nicely following that pattern, and get my way more times than not when I do dig in my heels.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I don't make it any more of an effort during a disagreement than other times, but I don't argue unless I know I'm right and ...

Hey, I'm a nipple muncher, not a fighter!

I don't argue, it is pointless, though on occasion some lout does manage to piss me off enough to give them a few choice words of wisdom.

 

[Justweird]

I seem to have offended a few people in my workplace<customers to be exact> by not looking them directly in the eyes.
I have this really strange habit of looking at peoples mouths when they talk, and not their eyes.
If i look in someones eyes when they talk, its like i cant hear them correctly and seems like they're mumbling. I makes talking on the phone very annoying.
I dont know its weird lol I've done that since i was a kid.

What i'm asking is - would it offend you if, instead of looking directly into your eyes when talking, they kind of read your lips instead?

I'm not deaf and all my hearing tests came back normal.

Not offend me, it would seem and does seem to me that the person is really not connecting with me. I have done counseling for 30 yrs and many times when person does not look in eyes they were lying. Also it is a cultural thing, many cultures see looking at person they are talking to is offfending them especially if they are older than them Take Care RJ

 

[WullieSWMUK]

Just to add in my 2p worth. I'm hearing impaired and people like me *have* to watch lips...

It all comes down to the attitude of the person speaking. Some people can't handle being 'observed' in this way; others are natural communicators and some of those types actually make a greater effort to speak with more diction.

I've had extreme cases of people being freaked out my 'lip-observations'. There's some folk in my workplace would rather speak to colleagues than to me - it only makes it more awkward for THEM when I'm the only one manning the office

My advice? Look where you need to, to help you understand

 

[fatang]

This is so funny! I do the same thing...and have always wondered the same! I've also polled people on numerous occasions about whether they look at someone's eyes or mouth when they listen to them. It has come out 'eyes' overwhelmingly... you are the first 'mouth' I've come across. Too funny!

I seem to have offended a few people in my workplace<customers to be exact> by not looking them directly in the eyes.
I have this really strange habit of looking at peoples mouths when they talk, and not their eyes.
If i look in someones eyes when they talk, its like i cant hear them correctly and seems like they're mumbling. I makes talking on the phone very annoying.
I dont know its weird lol I've done that since i was a kid.

What i'm asking is - would it offend you if, instead of looking directly into your eyes when talking, they kind of read your lips instead?

I'm not deaf and all my hearing tests came back normal.

 

[VanillaLipgloss]

In YOUR culture it implies that, in others it isn't so.

Many NA cultures stress that to look someone directly in the eye is disrespectful, so well-behaved children will never, ever look at an adult eye-to-eye.

So, what you're expressing may be completely true for you, but not for everyone.

Something to remember.

NA as in North American culture? If you do mean North America this isn't so. In North American culture and most Western cultures it is considered rude not to look someone in the eyes when they are talking. It shows lack of interest in the speaker and topic. Also dishonest depending on what's being said. Yes, many Eastern cultures like Korea and Japan, looking someone directly in the eyes, especially someone older or of higher ranking like at work than you, is considered extremely disrespectful. It's seen as a challenge to authority or out of station.

I don't find it offensive, I find it disrespectful to deliberately avoid eye contact. That was the first thing I remember my father teaching me as a child. Always look people directly in the eyes. It's okay to look at someones mouth while they speak, but look at their eyes too. And it's not that you have to stare at the person, but just periodically keep eye contact so that the speaker knows you are paying attention and interested in the convo ^_^

 

[muzicbaby]

I don't see why someone wodul be oddended by that. Some peopel want to bitch about anything. My only questin wodul be can tehy tell you are looking at their moth? If you're a taller guy and looking at a woman's mouth, she may think you're staring at her breasts. Which I would call anyone out on in a place of buisness. Could just be that.

 

[cloudy]

NA as in North American culture? If you do mean North America this isn't so. In North American culture and most Western cultures it is considered rude not to look someone in the eyes when they are talking. It shows lack of interest in the speaker and topic. Also dishonest depending on what's being said. Yes, many Eastern cultures like Korea and Japan, looking someone directly in the eyes, especially someone older or of higher ranking like at work than you, is considered extremely disrespectful. It's seen as a challenge to authority or out of station.

I don't find it offensive, I find it disrespectful to deliberately avoid eye contact. That was the first thing I remember my father teaching me as a child. Always look people directly in the eyes. It's okay to look at someones mouth while they speak, but look at their eyes too. And it's not that you have to stare at the person, but just periodically keep eye contact so that the speaker knows you are paying attention and interested in the convo ^_^

Native American - and yes, it is so.

 

[VanillaLipgloss]

Native American - and yes, it is so.

That's why I asked what NA was. I assumed you probably meant Native American. I don't know anything about Native American culture. That's why I didn't say anything about it. I was speaking strictly about western North American culture. Sorry for the confusion ^_^

 

[Elendariel]

I read somewhere that it's simply how some brains work/are wired ( mine included). It something like a concentration thing. The example I read was talking about young boys in school, and teachers being annoyed with them for not watching/eyes on the teacher. The teachers assumed they weren't paying attention since they wereN't looking at the teacher. It turned out that some people can hear/listen/pay more attention when they focus their ears, and not their eyes. I hope that makes sense. If you are focusing with your eyes intently on someones face, your brain is half dedicated to processing the visual information, and the listening processing suffers. If how ever you turn off the requirement of having to process visually, by looking off into space/refocusing visually, or by looking/locking in on a zone ie the nose lips ect, in the case of the school children, you can put all of your attention on the actual information/communication, in this case the aural conversation. I hope that makes sense?

 

[Aurantica]

You shouldnt be making continuous eye contact anyways. Try looking at their nose or one temple , eyes, then mouth every 7 seconds or so. Be sure to respond to changes in their tone of voice and what they are saying. While on the phone, think about how the persons lips move as they say the words you hear.

 

[londoner2]

I wouldn't be offended but would definitely prefer to be looked in my eyes when they are talking to me, specially in my profession. With my customers, I look at them directly in their eyes when I talk to them and explain them the procedures.

As you're in the medical profession it is probably wise... especially if they are not fully clothed at the time

 

[qrayze]

Stare at the tip of the nose. I am so not shitting you, stare at the tip of the nose until your writing down or entering their order. I was a waitress forever, not actually that long it just felt that way to me. I learned early on, walk to people with a smile on your lips and stare at the fucking nose. The exact phrase I was told, until you are standing toe to toe they can't tell the difference.

Think about it, the tip of the nose is only 3/4's of an inch from the eyes, and less from the mouth. You can watch their lips and they won't know the difference. Especially handy in bars they got loud.

this so works! I use it to win staring contests ^_^

 

[__little_one]

or...

Or just be honest and say you need to lipread. If things sound muffled when you look away then it's effective deafness, whether or not your ears work. There is more to processing sounds than just the aural mechanics.

 

[orgasmsgalore]

Cryforme...I do the exact same thing, I look at their mouth when they are talking. So far no one has gotten offended. I consciously make myself look at their eyes every so often because that is what is normal.