Would love some feedback on what I've written if you don't mind

[Skogman]

Hi, so I've been attempting to write a story for every category available on the site and while I do have a suspicion that this approach is a poor one, as previous readers of mine might dislike my more recently published stories and vice versa, I would really like to check in to see if there's some other issue at hand with my stories as their ratings only seem to go down over time, which is demotivating.

https://www.literotica.com/authors/Skogman/works/stories

I would love to hear what you lovely people think I'm good at and what I do poorly, as I really want to improve as a writer. I don't really know what more to say, other than that I feel like I need to improve at taking negative feedback as well, so don't hold back I guess. I might need a bit of a trial by fire.

 

[AG31]

Hi, so I've been attempting to write a story for every category available on the site and while I do have a suspicion that this approach is a poor one, as previous readers of mine might dislike my more recently published stories and vice versa, I would really like to check in to see if there's some other issue at hand with my stories as their ratings only seem to go down over time, which is demotivating.

https://www.literotica.com/authors/Skogman/works/stories

I would love to hear what you lovely people think I'm good at and what I do poorly, as I really want to improve as a writer. I don't really know what more to say, other than that I feel like I need to improve at taking negative feedback as well, so don't hold back I guess. I might need a bit of a trial by fire.

So far you don't seem to have hit a category I'm interested in. Lemme know when you try out BDSM.

 

[AlinaX]

You have five stories in different categories, all about a page in length. It's far too soon to be talking about old readers vs new readers. If you consistently write in one category and readers follow you for content in that category, they might get frustrated if you deviate, but you haven't done that.

Different categories have very different readerships with different ways of voting, liking and commenting.

As someone who often peeks into Toys & Masturbation, I've seen your story there (A Winged Observer: A fairy comes across a masturbating woman & decides to look.), but the description really didn't grab me. The description says to me that it's some weird crossover between Exhibitionist & Voyeur and NonHuman. But also, I'm more into the toys than the masturbation, so I'm not your target audience anyway.

Glancing at Recommendations Of A New Science, I do think it's worth being a little more careful with your grammar and research. One obscure point is the British Honours system: "His title was that of lord, sir Harry Honderson, and he had recently taken the hand of a woman in marriage. She was now dame Hazel Honderson and she..." Probably no one on Lit really cares (and I'm not saying they should) but capitalisation is important and there are all sorts of rules about how to use the titles, thus if he is Sir Harry Honderson, she could choose to be Lady Honderson. Dame is an odd one because it depends when the story is set...

... and when is it set, exactly? The language makes it feel like a period piece, but the story seems anachronistic if so.

But anyway. Stop worrying and keep writing.

 

[Skogman]

But anyway. Stop worrying and keep writing.

Honestly, that's probably the best advice I could hope for. If I just keep at writing I'll get better at it, but the lack of comments I get still disturb me.

 

[AlinaX]

Comments are rare, although depends on category. Publish in Loving Wives and you might get a storm of comments.

Pour your heart into a story, and someone comments, "It was okay."

Sigh.

 

[Skogman]

Comments are rare, although depends on category. Publish in Loving Wives and you might get a storm of comments.

Pour your heart into a story, and someone comments, "It was okay."

Sigh.

I mean, I think I'd enjoy those types of comments though. It'd give me a feeling that actual humans are reading my stories, that's a little lost through the ratings.

 

[cally420]

I gave your Starship Captain story a quick read.

Honestly, I found it a bit muddy and scattered. The prose is somewhat stilted. You haven’t really given us something to root for with the captain… there’s no clear stakes for him.

Big picture, I think you’d benefit from an editor’s attention. Not just spelling and grammar - someone to give you story and structure feedback.

You might also be able to use ProWritingAid or Grammarly to help address this.

Another note: structurally, this story is a collection of medium sized paragraphs. You may want to mix things up a bit.

Overall I thought the idea was interesting but the execution was messy.

I’m being more blunt than I might otherwise be, because you note that you want to cope with negative feedback.

The best way to improve as a writer is to keep writing. Write tons of stuff. Write different kinds of stuff. Take courses. Read books about writing. Try some writing exercises.

The mere fact that you’ve written and subbed 5 stories already is AMAZING. You’ve already done more and better than TONS of people. Don’t worry about what other people say. Don’t worry about the ratings or comments.

If you like writing, keep writing.

 

[Skogman]

Thanks for the advice, I don't know how I'd feel about having computer program do more than spellcheck what I've written and I don't feel confident enough to take up someone else's time with my writing, but the point about varying paragraph length is probably a god one. I'll keep in mind to try and use different paragraph lengths depending on the situation looking forwards.

 

[PrimalDual]

The one tiny bit of advice I'd offer (which I am far from qualified to do) for Skogman is to, at some point maybe in the second or third draft, decide for sure what reaction you want from your readership. Stories sometimes take on a life of their own and you can't be sure during the first draft - the motif expressed in the title of my newest story didn't even exist until I noticed it and expanded on it late in the creative process. In your story about the fairy, "vaginal tract" kind of broke the mood for me. I figure you were actually aiming for dreamy or contemplative - not clinical. But I was skimming.

 

[Skogman]

The one tiny bit of advice I'd offer (which I am far from qualified to do) for Skogman is to, at some point maybe in the second or third draft, decide for sure what reaction you want from your readership. Stories sometimes take on a life of their own and you can't be sure during the first draft - the motif expressed in the title of my newest story didn't even exist until I noticed it and expanded on it late in the creative process. In your story about the fairy, "vaginal tract" kind of broke the mood for me. I figure you were actually aiming for dreamy or contemplative - not clinical. But I was skimming.

Doing a third draft at all is probably a good idea, yes. All the stories I've uploaded, except my latest one, are second drafts. In truth I tend not to think about the language in front of me, but on describing what I'm imagining, the mood always just flows ut of that. Maybe I should try my hand at poetry to get better at conveying a consistent mood?

 

[ElectricBlue]

In truth I tend not to think about the language in front of me, but on describing what I'm imagining, the mood always just flows out of that. Maybe I should try my hand at poetry to get better at conveying a consistent mood?

If it doesn't come naturally I wouldn't do that. The best way to write about mood, I reckon, is to concentrate on those things that conjure mood and feeling - intimacy, empathy, conjuring the spell of the moment, the humanity in your characters.

One of my favourite comments is:

I love these two. They feel so desperately human. I'm very jealous of them. I can't wait to explore more of their sumptuous relationship. Although I will, because your stories have a lovely way of filling the mind for a good long while.

That's a comment from a story which has virtually no plot, but mood in spades.

 

[PrimalDual]

That's a comment from a story which has virtually no plot, but mood in spades.

It says you have 130 stories. Care to narrow down my search, so I can see what you mean?

 

[Gamblnluck]

If I just keep at writing I'll get better at it, but the lack of comments I get still disturb me.

That is due to the categories. Some provide little feedback. But you have to tell the stories you want to write. Unfortunately, you write in categories I rarely read so I am no help there.

 

[PrimalDual]

That is due to the categories. Some provide little feedback. But you have to tell the stories you want to write. Unfortunately, you write in categories I rarely read so I am no help there.

It can be worse than that. The stories I like to write tend to contain twists that subvert any given genre I happen to start out with. I try to provide good reading. Most readers want something more specific than that, and subversion can be a capital crime.

 

[ElectricBlue]

It says you have 130 stories. Care to narrow down my search, so I can see what you mean?

The comment was left on the second part of these two.

Garter Belts and Whiskey

Garter Belts and Cigarettes

Or this one, that started out as a 750 Word Anthology story, then slowly grew until the payoff in chapter six. It was an experiment of sorts, but only about 9k words in total:

A Girl on the Bus

 

[PrimalDual]

A Girl on the Bus

A nice start, but you left out the part where you and she shag.

 

[ElectricBlue]

A nice start, but you left out the part where you and she shag.

Read on. The pay off is in Part 6.

It was a deliberate experiment, to see how far I could drag readers along with a sequence of short chapters. The answer: once the hooks are in, a long way.

 

[PrimalDual]

Read on. The pay off is in Part 6.

Apologies, my friend, for perhaps not signaling my little attempt at deadpan humor better. I do know how to use a smiley face icon. Your story is complete where you ended it.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Apologies, my friend, for perhaps not signaling my little attempt at deadpan humor better. I do know how to use a smiley face icon. Your story is complete where you ended it.

That's twice now in two days that folk have attempted humour in a response and I took it literally. That's probably on me, needing emojis for guidance. And I never ever thought I would say that .