Would love constructive feedback on my 1st submission

[mynaughtypix]

Hi all, this is my first submission and is going to be the first chapter in a rather longer story about a woman's (mine) experiences as she begins a second career as a pornographer. I'd love any comments or suggestions to improve my style. I've been reading these stories for years and am so excited to have one of my own finally published here!
XOXO-
Pebbles

http://www.literotica.com/s/starting-my-morning-off-right

 

[estragon]

It's hot enough, and the mechanicals are good, and if it's a stroker you were aiming for you hit your target (pun intended). It was one-dimensional, because I couldn't imagine your character; couldn't form a mental image of who she was. But then again, strokers are one-dimensional.

The reference to the topless teens in thongs managed to evade the "no underage" Lit radar. That shows real inventiveness.