Would like feedback on characters' changing relationship

[ungenderless]

My new chapter features two women whose relationship goes from quite awkward to very loving. In a nutshell, I'd like to know if you, dear reader, feel that I pulled it off realistically.

I've read stories where the nature of a relationship changes abruptly and I'll think, "no, I'm not buying it". So it's important to me that the transition is smooth.

The chapter's less than a page long, so it won't take you long to read.

link to story:
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=280360

Anyone who leaves me feedback gets a free e-hug!

 

[Toa_lin]

First off, I too have this problem with watching a relationship grow too quickly in a story and it can get really annoying. Now on to my critque of your story's progression.

I didn't read it in-depth, just sorta skimmed the surface, and as such i could be wrong, but from the key sentences i did read it feels to me that you went at a pretty good pace. It may be a bit faster then most relationships progress, but it's not to the point where I can't see it happenening. I don't even have a hard time seeing it as more then just possible for that matter.

I feel you did really well, and my speed reading of your story has intrigued me. So once I have the free time; I intend to re-read this for enjoyment rather then constructive criticism.

If you want I'd be more then willing to talk more in-depth via PM.

 

[ungenderless]

(((Toa_Lin)))

Thank you, I appreciate your feedback. And yes, if you have more to say via PM, I would love to hear it.

 

[Toa_lin]

your quite welcome. And i have a little bit more to say, so i've sent ya a PM.