Would like a little feedback

[Kirk482002]

I've written several stories in the last few months after a lay off of 30 years from college. I posted a story, "Where Am I" the other day, and I seem to have gotten some very positive feedback on the comments postings. The three stories I believe are my personal bests are:

"Aunt May" (Incest)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=112830

"Angelina" (Mature)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=124627

"Where Am I" (Erotic Couplings)

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=127347

And a non-erotic story for the Star Trek fans:

Star Trek TNG: "Grease Monkey"

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=117629

Any feedback on the above would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Kirk482002

KIRK19055@aol.com

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I read “Where am I?” and thought it was very good, very well written, with some lovely touches (Nora’s TV show memories and the wrestling business; “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”, little things like that that are so typically human). It was engaging from the start, and clever, and the style was perfect for the situation you set up: very plain and innocent, just as you’d expect.

You faced a tough task in making the sex matter in a setting that was so bizarre and dramatic, and if there’s any deficiency in the story, I think it might have been here. This is not a criticism as much as it is me wondering out loud what would have happened had you made the sex scenes more detailed and sensual. I’ve done some scenes involving “supernatural” sex, and I’ve found it very effective to focus in on sensual detail to make the sex very real in contrast to the vague, unworldly setting. Especially here, where you’ve got them in a situation that is basically like sensory deprivation, it might have worked to really bring out the sensuality of the sex. But that’s just a suggestion.

It’s very difficult to bring off a scene like this, to strike the proper balance between fear, confusion, and acceptance in the characters when they find themselves where they are, and I think you did it brilliantly, with just the right amount of each.

I don’t think your 30 year hiatus did you much damage. It’s a wonderful story.

---dr.M.

 

[Kirk482002]

dr. M.,

Thank you for your kind remarks.
I had thought seriously about making the sex more sensual than then the norm. Possibly a higher level of human consciousness or lovemaking that never ends. But, being my first truly surreal story, I didn't want to get too far off the track. I didn't want someone reading this and believe it was some kind of drug induced acid trip. I also wanted to keep people guessing where these people were. Maybe aliens abducted them, or they were in the afterlife, or the belly of a whale.
I definitely will take your suggestion seriously on my next "supernatural" endeavor.

Thank you again,
Kirk

P.s.
If you are a Star Trek fan, please read my story!