Would appreciate some feedback

[ScottishChieftan]

Feedback appreciated on these two vampire stories...

Hello,

Just a quick note to request feedback on my stories. Always like to know if folks relate to or appreciate the content of my stuff.

My horror stuff tends to be a little "out there", so I like hearing from people as to their feelings on it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=100473

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=100617

I have other stuff posted, too. Regular erotica, but what interests me most is feedback on my horror stuff. I suppose you would say vampire stories........

I have tons more, but these are the first two I have posted here.

 

[sachiaiko]

Please please post a link for us, its not always easy to find you in the story area so a link to your page would be excelent


Nikki

 

[sachiaiko]

Okay, So, First let me start out by saying that Horror erotic fiction is not generally my thing. But here goes my attempt at any rate.

I read - The Reading

Okay, first off, i thought for the most part it read pretty well. But i didnt feel as if i understood what was going on in the very begining enough to really snag my interest. Mystery turned into confusion for me.

The other thing i had a hard time with was that you used very little actual dialog, and to me dialog is a huge part of creating a story and characters that you can identify with. I felt that you did your characters a great diservice in not actually writing out what the reader was telling the main character. It would have involved the reader much more in the story line, it would have gotten them closer to both characters, and maybe it would have mademore sense why he murdered and ate her at the end. As it was, it all seemed... i guess a little abrupt for me, like *why* did he kill her, *what* was he? *why* did she feel so excited about having his power. what did she know that we never found out?

I dont think it was a bad story, but i felt like it was more... a blurb the the whole story, like you cut it short. I dunno, thats what i felt like. I hope that helps a little in the critique department and i of course had no intensions of being harsh. I'm NOT a big grammar person, but i am pretty good with how stories read. So, keep writing

Nikki

 

[ScottishChieftan]

Thanks for the input! As for it not feeling complete, it isn't. They are just sort of charactor "teasers", I guess you would call them.

I have a "vision" of a charactor and jot down a baseline idea, or charactor teaser. Then I explore the charactor to see if it is something worth developing. Most of them aren't really intended to do more than tease you on a charactor and see if he interests you.

The other parts of what you said are just the type of input I am looking for. Dialogue and charactor development etc. I am just exploring my passion for writing and trying to see if I can interest a reader and that sort of thing.

I very much appreciate your guidance!

Respectfully,

Bodie