Worst story ever.

[BiscuitHammer]

What have you read that was quite simply the most mind-churning, sensibilities-grating dreck you have ever had the misfortune of reading?

I'm not necessarily talking about stories on here, but anywhere online. Erotic or otherwise, but usually those attempting to be erotic/smut are the worst by default.

Stories so awful that even Dr Forrester of MST3K will not go near them.

As I mentioned in another thread, probably the worst that immediately springs to mind is 'Rini's Special Moment With Serena', a fanfic published in the late 90's by some mugwump named Darren Schivo.

His grasp of anatomy was so tenuous that the best you can say is he successfully differentiated between males and females. The story was bipolar in its pacing, frenzied one moment, then suddenly about as perky as a hamster swimming in a bucket of Thorozine.

The plot wandered like your 90 year-old grandmother after she escaped from the backyard and forgot her meds. Forgetting the Sailor Moon base for the story, there were in-story references to the characters visiting Clark Kent in Metropolis, the folks in TV show Knott's Landing, along with a few others.

Underage sex abounded, given the age of the titled characters.

Oh, and bestiality with sentient cats.

My friend and I were so weirded out by the magnitude of this opus' excesses and violations of decency that we went and got inebriated, read it again, and then gave it the MST3K treatment. At least that eased the blow.

That was one of endless horrid stories I exposed myself to in the name of comedy. How about the rest of you? What cosmic horrors have you been subjected to?

 

[NotWise]

"The Eye of Argon" is reputedly the worst story ever published. You can Google "Worst story ever written" and it will come up. It was written in 1970 by a 16-year old boy name Jim Theis and published in OSFAN. It's a Conan-like fantasy.

Here is an image-free Youtube recording of two men trying to read it aloud to each other without laughing.

 

[RejectReality]

https://www.literotica.com/s/lst3k-ep-01-the-tale-of-benjamin

There are 11 more in the series for your brain damaging amusement.

Turn down your lights. ( Where applicable )

 

[Gentleman_G]

There's plenty of stories like that, but I honestly don't know what the worst one is. I assume that I simply reject that story as having read in the first place, leaving me only with memories of less bad stories.

 

[lovecraft68]

I think the worst book I read was partly because of who wrote it and how brilliant most of their work is so how bad it was really got to me.

Desperation by Stephen King, what an absolute abysmal nonsensical train wreck. Ever here of 'scrapple'? Its some type of meat that looks like it was made by rolling a sticky ball through a slaughter house. Little bit of this, that and any other thing it rolled over. That was desperation

There was another book the regulators which was part rehash, part sequel and all time bad as Desperation at least according to my daughter who braved it despite her agreeing with me on how bad Desperation was.

 

[JasonClearwater]

There's plenty of stories like that, but I honestly don't know what the worst one is. I assume that I simply reject that story as having read in the first place, leaving me only with memories of less bad stories.

The best, and most hilarious I've come across, is the book 'Belinda Blinked' by 'Rocky Flintstone', as read aloud by the author's son and friends in the podcast/YouTube series 'My dad wrote a porno'

It's so unintentionally funny that I've referenced lines from it a couple of times in my stories, just for fans (of his). 'A youngish man' pops up from time to time. That's one of Rocky's, and there've been a few other instances in my earlier stories where I couldn't help take the piss out of what I was writing. But you'd have to listen to the podcast to really comprehend the true awfulness.

In addition to referencing a literal 'steaming cunt' and 'vaginal lids' popping open, I was listening to it with a couple of friends, and there's one memorable line about one of the men in the story grabbing the protagonists cervix that got quite a reaction from the women in the room.

There's also another great line where nipples are compared to a very specific type of rivet used on the Titanic.

The whole thing is just brilliantly wrong.

 

[Kojak01]

I think the worst book I read was partly because of who wrote it and how brilliant most of their work is so how bad it was really got to me.

Desperation by Stephen King, what an absolute abysmal nonsensical train wreck. Ever here of 'scrapple'? Its some type of meat that looks like it was made by rolling a sticky ball through a slaughter house. Little bit of this, that and any other thing it rolled over. That was desperation

There was another book the regulators which was part rehash, part sequel and all time bad as Desperation at least according to my daughter who braved it despite her agreeing with me on how bad Desperation was.

The Regulators and Desperation are in fact the different approaches of King and his alias Bachman to the same story. From that pov I found them actually quite interesting.

 

[KindofHere]

................

 

[lovecraft68]

The Regulators and Desperation are in fact the different approaches of King and his alias Bachman to the same story. From that pov I found them actually quite interesting.

They're the same person and suck is suck and it shows both his ego, and the fear editors have to ever tell him something sucks.

I stopped reading his work a long time ago as he's pretty much a self indulgent rambler at this point selling off his name.

His son is better than him already...or at least as good as King was in his prime, but I think JR is going to over take him providing he doesn't get caught up in the BS you mentioned in those two books.

 

[Handley_Page]

"The Eye of Argon" is reputedly the worst story ever published. You can Google "Worst story ever written" and it will come up. It was written in 1970 by a 16-year old boy name Jim Theis and published in OSFAN. It's a Conan-like fantasy.

Here is an image-free Youtube recording of two men trying to read it aloud to each other without laughing.

Magic.
It reminds me of "twas a dark & stormy night".

 

[Zeb_Carter]

So many to chose from ... oh! ... Do you mean other than my own?

 

[oggbashan]

Back in 2003 the Authors' Hangout wrote a Worst Chain Story Ever. I had the task of writing the first chapter:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-worst-chain-story-ever-ch-01

In the same year the DurtGurl consortium produced their masterpieces:

https://www.literotica.com/s/patty-makes-the-team

https://www.literotica.com/s/moms-submarine-anal-birthday-surprise

An extract:

Now, maybe I should explain to you that I have a 10 and 1/2cock. It's in great shape too because it works out at the gym twice, maybe three times a day, lifting these little penis weights, and doesn't have an ounce of fat on it. But despite my best efforts I had still yet to know the thrill of romance by plugging my youthful yet manly scumbone into some girl's dripping slopslit until I spewed sperms. Which meant that I was still a version. So I was unhappy. My balls were large and attractive though, without an ounce of fat on them.

 

[JasonClearwater]

An extract:

Now, maybe I should explain to you that I have a 10 and 1/2cock. It's in great shape too because it works out at the gym twice, maybe three times a day, lifting these little penis weights, and doesn't have an ounce of fat on it. But despite my best efforts I had still yet to know the thrill of romance by plugging my youthful yet manly scumbone into some girl's dripping slopslit until I spewed sperms. Which meant that I was still a version. So I was unhappy. My balls were large and attractive though, without an ounce of fat on them.

That is... bloody brilliant.

 

[lovecraft68]

Back in 2003 the Authors' Hangout wrote a Worst Chain Story Ever. I had the task of writing the first chapter:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-worst-chain-story-ever-ch-01

In the same year the DurtGurl consortium produced their masterpieces:

https://www.literotica.com/s/patty-makes-the-team

https://www.literotica.com/s/moms-submarine-anal-birthday-surprise

An extract:

Now, maybe I should explain to you that I have a 10 and 1/2cock. It's in great shape too because it works out at the gym twice, maybe three times a day, lifting these little penis weights, and doesn't have an ounce of fat on it. But despite my best efforts I had still yet to know the thrill of romance by plugging my youthful yet manly scumbone into some girl's dripping slopslit until I spewed sperms. Which meant that I was still a version. So I was unhappy. My balls were large and attractive though, without an ounce of fat on them.

My new writing goal is to use scumbone in a sentence.

 

[oggbashan]

From DurtGurl's 'Patty Makes The Team':

"Shut the fuck up, and let the next guy in mothua fucka! said Shaquille." And he pushed Myron, and Tyrone with a straightarm out of the way to let Booger Red a 6'6" redhead slid in behind Patty to line up his 11 inch beer bottle thick prick with the still gapping cum smeared poop chute of the blond head cheerleader.

Booger rasped, "Baby, you gonna remember this moment for the rest of your life," as he eased his flag pole into Patty's snug, well lubed rump hole.

"AAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!! Patty screamed as her mind fried in the pain that shuttled from her butt to her brain and back and forth again when her ass hole was stretched open wider than ever. Booger Red's dick felt like it was somebody's whole arm and it was as big as some full grown ones.

 

[Blind_Justice]

"Thanksgiving Delight", ebook by one Rich Rubin.

I had been asked to review this. The cover doesn't bode well, it has the appeal of a bad MS Word clip-art. The author can't even get the names of his characters straight in the teaser text. The "story", of a frustrated husband who "accidentially" ends up in bed with his wife's sister, is a badly written, unedited mess of forced happenstance, unlikable characters, stilted dialog and anti-sex. As in sex scenes so abysmally written, they not only kill arousal, they turn you off sex for a day or two.

That piece of trash wouldn't have made it through Laurel's vetting on grammar, punctuation and word use, but this dude wants people to actually pay for it. Worst weekend of my life, having to deal with this mess.

 

[Jada59]

A book called We The Animals. My daughter was assigned to read this for a college course. The author is a friend of the teacher's. Daughter knew that the story was about a gay male who is half white and half Latino. The teacher told them this much. But the book made no sense to her.

I said I would read it. I read quickly. I skimmed the entire book in less than an hour and got nothing out of it.

Sometimes there were great climactic build ups but then it all fell apart. The book was written mostly in English but sometimes he would lapse into Spanish and then sometimes use weird slang that perhaps only a Latino gay male would know.

There were actual sex scenes in this book. One took place on a bus. My daughter told me that. But... Everything about sex was conveyed in weird euphemisms that were so vague! That's a lot of why the book made no sense.

Only things I knew for sure after reading the book were that the dad lost his job, there were fights, the mom tried to run away with the boys but wasn't able to, and someone died.

I also know (only because I was told) that his family had him locked away in a mental ward for being gay.

This is actually a true story but the guy who wrote it should have hired a writer. I'm sure it would have been a sad story but worthwhile read had it been told in a far less convoluted way.

Oh... I don't care for Hemingway either. Just not my style.

 

[JasonClearwater]

There were actual sex scenes in this book. One took place on a bus. My daughter told me that. But... Everything about sex was conveyed in weird euphemisms that were so vague! That's a lot of why the book made no sense.

This has been my own personal conflict... how to best write 'sex' so that it's erotic. As someone who never considered sex much of an important plot point in a novel other than implying it happened, I read as much as I could [for research, you understand] before I started giving it a go, but I've been corrected a number of times on bad technique, based on what I thought was expected, or preferred.

I'm still figuring out what I prefer to write. Wouldn't be surprised if this chap had the same issue.

 

[lovecraft68]

"Thanksgiving Delight", ebook by one Rich Rubin.

I had been asked to review this. The cover doesn't bode well, it has the appeal of a bad MS Word clip-art. The author can't even get the names of his characters straight in the teaser text. The "story", of a frustrated husband who "accidentially" ends up in bed with his wife's sister, is a badly written, unedited mess of forced happenstance, unlikable characters, stilted dialog and anti-sex. As in sex scenes so abysmally written, they not only kill arousal, they turn you off sex for a day or two.

That piece of trash wouldn't have made it through Laurel's vetting on grammar, punctuation and word use, but this dude wants people to actually pay for it. Worst weekend of my life, having to deal with this mess.

Hey, you really need to stop holding back and tell us how you really feel

 

[BiscuitHammer]

I kinda wanna try and write intentionally awful erotica now, and put it in Humour/Satire.

 

[Blind_Justice]

Hey, you really need to stop holding back and tell us how you really feel

Heh, if my real feelings were a US TV show, you'd be hearing 45 minutes of "BLEEP", interspersed by three ad breaks. That above was me being... what's the word? Diplomatic.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Half-Life: Full Life Consequences

It's a half-life fanfiction written by somebody whose first language is probably not English. You can watch it act it out in the video game itself you're on this YouTube video.

https://youtu.be/ULWgEnnmcv4

 

[SimonDoom]

This isn't easy, because if I really hate something I usually don't finish it. But I did finish this all-time turkey: Terror on Planet Ionus, by Allen Adler. It's a pulpy sci fi novel from the 1950s about a monster called Karkong that comes from the planet Ionus and . . . I don't even remember what he does. The plot is childish, the characters are cardboard cutouts. The monster is killed by a guy in a super-sonic boat, if I recall. WTF? And if I remember right it's anti-intellectual. The female lead is if I recall in a love triangle between the nerdy scientist and the tough guy who pilots the super sonic boat. Tough guy wins. Just pure dreck.

I would put the third 50 Shades book up high on the list. Besides all the bad writing, and the repetition of cliches that by this time make you want to drive knitting needles into your brain, it completely betrays the erotic promise of the first novel, such as it was. In the end Christian is just another romantic hero with a bad childhood saved and tamed by the heroine, who has no interesting qualities. Yawn.

 

[Wifetheif]

Worst Story ever

Fiction I honestly don't know.I've read "Eye of Aragorn" and it is pretty bad but it kind of transcends it badness to gain a kind of goofy charm.
Nonfiction? No contest "Angel's Haunted Halo" by a talentless Canadian Hack named Danny Gallagher. Man where to start with this thing? It is a collection of baseball "tragedies" in the National Enquirer vein. Badly researched and idiotically written, it inspired me to be an author. As I read it it was clear, "I am a better writer than this guy!" and "If this idiot can get published, so can I" I owe my award-winning baseball book to this guy's bad example. My favorite bit of the crap was when he related the tragedy of Donnie Moore, whose life fell apart because of one bad pitch. Moore shot his wife and then killed himself. As a result of this violence, Moore's daughter refuses to date, black men. At this point, Gallager issues a shout out to the black girlfriend he had in college! Laughingly bad!

 

[Jada59]

This has been my own personal conflict... how to best write 'sex' so that it's erotic. As someone who never considered sex much of an important plot point in a novel other than implying it happened, I read as much as I could [for research, you understand] before I started giving it a go, but I've been corrected a number of times on bad technique, based on what I thought was expected, or preferred.

I'm still figuring out what I prefer to write. Wouldn't be surprised if this chap had the same issue.

That could be. I think I tend towards erotic even when I'm not writing about sex. I have to work on that and try to tone it down sometimes.