Worst Songs EVER recorded.

[Guest]

We're thinking Afternoon Delight or perhaps Billy Don't be a Hero or maybe even The Night Chicago Died.

More recently there have been even worse recorded songs.

Suggestions?

(And the rum I've ingested has no bearing on this discussion).

 

[Amy Sweet]

I'm a sucker for bad music, so I couldn't say.

Maybe Muscrat Love?

 

[shereads]

We're thinking Afternoon Delight

AAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE it burns! it burns! Incurable Earwig Alert, call the paramedics.

Puncture my eardrums with the heel of your shoe, or at least kill me. You conscienceless witch!

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Wait, I'm having a vision. Beautiful butterflies. No, one butterfly, and ugly, made out of steel, no, iron. That's it, oh, the horror, it's Iron Butterfly's, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[shereads]

I'll get you for this...

"Watching Bobby Grow" and other song stylings by Bobby Goldsboro.

Ooh! Wait! Worse one:

See the tree how big it's grown
You know it hasn't been too long
It wasn't big
I laughed at her and she got mad
The first day that she planted it
It was just a twig...

And honey I miss you
And I'm bein' goo-oo-ood.
I'd love to be with you
If only I could.

~ "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro

Note the abutted "it's" in the first verse. They don't write lyrics like that anymore.

 

[shereads]

Wait, I'm having a vision. Beautiful butterflies. No, one butterfly, and ugly, made out of steel, no, iron. That's it, oh, the horror, it's Iron Butterfly's, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.

Rumple Foreskin

Now, that's not fair. Without "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," there would have been no 3rd-grade boys with garage bands, and no male participation at all in school talent shows.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Re: I'll get you for this...

"Watching Bobby Grow" and other song stylings by Bobby Goldsboro.

Ooh! Wait! Worse one:

See the tree how big it's grown
You know it hasn't been too long
It wasn't big
I laughed at her and she got mad
The first day that she planted it
It was just a twig...

And honey I miss you
And I'm bein' goo-oo-ood.
I'd love to be with you
If only I could.

~ "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro

Note the abutted "it's" in the first verse. They don't write lyrics like that anymore.

That's a low-blow. Honey--a lugubrious lament about a dead girl and a live tree.

This has to be my last gasp effort for the night: Vicki Lawrence, "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia."

Rumple (shuddering) Foreskin

 

[matriarch]

Being hopeless at remembering song names, I did it the easy way........not sure I agree with all of them.

Worst songs ever recorded

 

[matriarch]

........or maybe........

Worst songs ever recorded.........again


Strange how people take offence at songs I rather liked.

I wonder what that says about me.......ahem....that is NOT an invitation to comment.......thinking out loud.

 

[cloudy]

Achy Breaky heart, without a doubt.

I used to substitute the words "I hate this fucking song" for "don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think it'd understand."

I hate this fucking song
I hate this fucking song
I hate this fucking song, this fucking song...

 

[matriarch]

For inane and meaningless lyrics and a melody that eats away at your brain, Agadoo by Black Lace is my idea of torture. One song guaranteed to send me screaming from the room.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

I met a hula mistress somewhere in Waikiki,
Well, she was selling pineapple, playing ukulele,
And when I went to the girl, "Come on and teach me to sway,"
She laughed and whispered to me, "Yes, come tonight to the bay."

The lovely beach, in the sky the moon of Kauai,
Around calypso sarong we'll all be singing this song.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

And down on the shore they gather romance,
She showed me much more, not only to dance.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

The lovely beach, in the sky the moon of Kauai,
Around calypso sarong we'll all be singing this song.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.

Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.


.....can someone recommend a good way to unclench my jaws ??

Aaaarrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[Seattle Zack]

I'm with Dave Barry on this one. "Macarthur Park" as the worst song of all time. Although Jimmy Webb wrote many good songs ("By the Time I Get to Phoenix," notably) this one was just a disaster. Especially the Donna Summer version.

I know it's supposed to be some metaphor for a failed relationship, but I was never really sure what "someone left a cake out in the rain" meant. Don't you know who left it there? If you baked it, why would you give it to "someone"? Are you just randomly distributing cakes? What's up with that? And why will you never have that recipe again? Did you lose the little card? But then, I wasn't sure what Billy Joe MacAllister threw off the Tallahatchee Bridge.

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
Oh, no
No, no
Oh no!!

Oh no indeed.

 

[Rhys]

We Built this City...Starship.

*shudder*

 

[English Lady]

Saturday Night by Whigfield.

Hate it. refuse to dance to it.

Does my nut in.

 

[shereads]

You're having my baby
What a wonderful way of saying how much you love me
You're having my baby
What a wonderful way of saying you're thinking of me



Indeed.

 

[oggbashan]

Miserable Melodies

Try this - with earplugs close by.

Miserable Melodies

Florence Foster-Jenkins is a must.

Og

 

[carsonshepherd]

Achy Breaky heart, without a doubt.

I used to substitute the words "I hate this fucking song" for "don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think it'd understand."

I hate this fucking song
I hate this fucking song
I hate this fucking song, this fucking song...

Oh, god. I hate that fucking song.

Jimmy Buffet's "Cheeseburger in Paradise" song is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.


Hey- I like the Night Chicago Died.

 

[The Mutt]

In the Year 2525.

I don't know who it's by, but it makes my ears bleed.

 

[The Mutt]

We Built this City...Starship.

*shudder*

It is beyond bad. It is a defamation. A desecration. A defacation.

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Being hopeless at remembering song names, I did it the easy way........not sure I agree with all of them.

Worst songs ever recorded

"One tin soldier" is on that list? I LOVE that song!

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Achy Breaky heart, without a doubt.

I used to substitute the words "I hate this fucking song" for "don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think it'd understand."

I hate this fucking song
I hate this fucking song
I hate this fucking song, this fucking song...

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC LYRICS

"Achy Breaky Song"

You can torture me
With Donnie & Marie
You can play some Barry Manilow
Or you can play some schlock
Like New Kids On The Block
Or any Village People song you know
Or play Vanilla Ice
Hey, you can play him twice
And you can play the Bee Gees any day
But Mr. DJ, please
I'm beggin' on my knees
I just can't take no more of Billy Ray

Don't play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
I might blow up my radio, ooo...

You can clear the room
By playind Debbie Boon
Or crank your Abba records until dawn
Oh, I can even hear
Slim Whitman or Zamfir
Don't mind a Yoko Ono marathon
Or play some Tiffany
On 8-track or CD
Or scrape your fingernails across the board
Or tie me to a chair
And kick me down the stairs
Just please don't play that stupid song no more

Don't play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
You know I hate that song a bunch
And if you play that song
That nauseating song
It might just make me lose my lunch, ooo...

Don't play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
I think it's driving me insane
Oh, please don't play that song
That irritating song
I'd rather have a pitchfork in my brain...

Don't play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That "Achy Breaky" song
I might blow up my radio, ooo-woo...

 

[Guest]

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Rubbeee, don't take my love to town. Ugh, plugh, take his legs and stop him singing.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

In the Year 2525.

I don't know who it's by, but it makes my ears bleed.

Yes! Zeger and Evans! Deserves special mention because it was number 1 for a long time.

MacArthur Park should be up there too just for its pretentiousness, and for the pain of hearing a besotted Richard Harris trying to reach for the high note on "Oh noooooooo".

My personal favorite is a piece called "Son, Don't Go Near The Eskimos" recorded in the '60's, but that one never charted.

If you're a fan of really bad music like I am --truly Godawul what-were-they-thinking bad music -- I fervently recommend this site:

http://www.miserablemelodies.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/miserabl/listall.cgi?arg=Artist

There are some real gems here, including the collected works of William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy, Pat Boone's version of "Smoke On The Water", and Jeff Bridges doing a ditty called "She Lay Her Whip Down".

And don't miss the Portsmouth Sinfonia!

---dr.M.

 

[The Mutt]

Yes! Zeger and Evans! Deserves special mention because it was number 1 for a long time.

---dr.M.

I think what is really special about this song is that they run out of ideas around 4545 but that doesn't stop them. They keep right on going.
AAArrrrggghhhh!!!!