KillerMuffin
Seraphically Disinclined
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2000
- Posts
- 25,603
R.F. is exploring the alternate ending for a story we'd recently put through our mills here. What do you think? Let him know!
From the Author
note: In his critique of “Love on the Levee” TheEarl, while helpful and kind, mentioned it wasn’t his type of story and that the ending annoyed him. This got me to wondering if I could write an entertaining but more explicit ending similar in tone and style to the original story which is in the Romance category.
And If you think this submission is bad, you should have seen it before bridgetkeeney took pity of poor, unsuspecting Lit readers and helped me knock off some of the rough edges.
For those too lazy, sorry, no-account, slothful, and/or indifferent to check out the original story, which is at, http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=104055 here is a brief sketch.
Time: afternoon in the summer of ‘68
Place: the levee of the Mississippi River in Baton Rouge, La.
Following a “hippie” wedding, Mike Floyd and Debbie Rankin, life-long “best friends” are sitting alone on the levee. A few months before, during a party at this same spot, the two college students got into a make-out session. Now, while waiting for another couple to show back up after making love, they talk about that night and try to sort out their relationship.
For continuity, this ending picks up a few paragraphs before the end to the original story. Any thoughts about how to whip this sucker into shape will be appreciated.
Rumple Foreskin
--
Love on the Levee – the r-rated ending
They gazed at one another until Debbie noticed she was biting her lower lip. Surprised, she looked out at the river and tried to think. If she wanted Mike as more than just her best friend, and she did, she’d have to make the first move and pray it worked.
Taking a deep breath, she got up from the log and moved in between Mike’s outstretched legs. Wrapping her fingers around the back of his neck, she whispered, “You’re right, Michael Henry Floyd, we do like each other, a whole lot, and it does feel very, very good. But since that night we kissed, I haven’t been able to think of you as just a friend. You mean a lot more to me now. So what I want to know, what I need you to tell me, is whether I’ve become more to you than just a friend.”
A startled look flashed across Mike’s features. Then he slid his arms around her slender waist and pulled her close. “You always did have more guts than me. Deb, I fought falling in love with you all summer. And believe me, the night we went skinny-dipping I damn near lost. But now I surrender, unconditionally. Lady, I love you so much it hurts.”
“Oh Mike, I love you, too,” said Debbie, as she wrapped her arms around him.
They held each other close, kissing slowly, their lips giving testimony to their new relationship. When the kiss finally ended, it seemed by mutual consent. As Debbie stared into Mike’s eyes, she began unbuttoning her blouse. When it fell open, she took his hands in hers and gently pressed the palms against her breasts. “You know me, I never do anything half-way. I’m yours, now and forever. But I’m greedy, Mike. I want all of you, all the time, for all time.”
Mike nodded. The deal had been struck. He was hers, she was his, and Rene was history. Nodding toward the spot where they first kissed, she said, “Let’s go over there and pick-up where we left off. Only this time, if you really love me, if you want me, don’t you dare stop.”
A smile slowly spread across his face. “Best idea I’ve heard in this lifetime.” His fingers gently rolled her hard nipples and for a moment Debbie forgot how to breathe. Mike’s voice seemed to come from a fog. “Just one thing. I want you forever, not just now. So Debbie, will you marry me?”
“Oh my God, yes,” she cried, throwing herself back into his arms. They hugged until she leaned back and laughed. “Where’d that stupid preacher, the Boo-Hoo, where’d he go?”
“We don’t need him or anyone else, Deb. In every way that really counts, we’re already married. Now please hush so I can kiss my bride.” Cradling her head in his hands, he sealed their union with a long, gentle kiss. When their lips parted, he looked down into her eyes and smiled, “Now let’s go find that spot.”
They walked over arm in arm and then, by unspoken agreement, took turns undressing each other. Neither wanted anything between them for what both sensed was their destiny, and knew was their desire. Behind the pile of driftwood, Mike spread their clothes on the smooth, sandy soil, creating a makeshift pallet.
When he turned to face her, Debbie stepped forward and pressed her nude body against his. The feel of his flesh against hers, knowing they were about to make love, that this man loved her and that she’d be in his arms for the rest of her life—it was all so overwhelming, Debbie began to cry. Why hadn’t she realized how much she loved Mike? And how close had she come to losing him?
To Mike’s credit, he didn’t make a joke. Instead, he held her close and softly stroked her long, red hair until the emotional storm began to pass. Before she could say something about feeling dumb for crying, he placed a fingertip on her lips and gently eased her down.
Mike already had her heart and her soul; now she wanted him to touch, to kiss, to possess every inch of her body. When his lips encircled her nipple and he began to suck, she felt her body levitating up to meet his mouth. Her legs opened to him the moment his fingers brushed over her silken pubic hairs.
A finger slipped inside her body and Debbie gasped with pleasure. She felt his lips leave her breast and trace a path down her torso. When Mike’s tongue replaced his finger, a jolt of passion raced through her body. His tongue was soon driving her wild. She trembled and heard herself moaning Mike’s name. Moments later her hips jerked upward as a powerful orgasm exploded from deep inside her writhing figure.
It was incredible—like nothing she’d ever experienced. But it wasn’t enough. She wanted Mike inside her. And she wanted him there, now.
“Please, Mike,” was all she could say while reaching down for him. He nodded and let her guide him into position between her long, outstretched legs.
“Lady, I do love the way you lend a helping hand. But, you know, if we practice a whole lot, someday I may be able to get there all by myself.”
Debbie laughed, “You idiot. Damn, but I love you so much. Now please, let’s start practicing.”
For just a moment, they looked into each other’s eyes, sharing the moment, knowing the significance of what they were about to do. Then their hips moved toward one another and the bodies of the two old friends fused into one new being.
They worked together in a harmony of love and passion. Debbie’s joy felt overwhelming. Her body thrilled to the feel of Mike's hardness. For her, there was no time other than this moment; no man other than this one, the man she’d known all her life, the man she loved so much, the man who was now taking her towards the brink of total ecstasy.
Desire, need, lust, longing, plus totally unrestrained love pounded through every fiber of her being. The sound of Mike’s breathing, the smell of his after-shave, the way his hair was mussed, it all seemed so familiar. And yet, everything was different.
The body she’d known all her life, had wrestled with as a kid, had danced with in high school, was now naked and entwined with hers. But the real difference was Mike being inside her; uniting their bodies in a way she’d never imagined before the night they first kissed. She wanted nothing more than to keep making love with Mike Floyd for the rest of the day, and then for the rest of her life.
Another tidal wave of passion soon began building within her until it finally broke in a long, exquisite orgasm. Although stunned by the erotic explosion, her mind and body were still in synch with the rhythm of Mike’s movements.
As she reeled from the force of her own climax, Mike began slamming into her with almost savage thrusts. He moaned, “Oh, Deb,” and buried himself deep inside her trembling body.
She luxuriated in the feel of his shaft throbbing in time with her own excited pulse. When his body finally relaxed, Debbie pulled him close and wrapped him in her arms.
They lay together, spent and happy, their moist bodies entwined in a lover's knot, savoring their first moment of shared, post-coital bliss. Debbie would have been willing to lie there all day, just looking up into the clear, late afternoon sky while holding Mike in her arms. But the moment ended when someone yelled for them.
“Hey, where’d y’all go?”
The driftwood that protected their hiding place from prying eyes also blocked their view. However, Debbie recognized the voice of her cousin Linda. Apparently she and Frank had finished their own lovemaking.
“We’re over here,” shouted Debbie.
“Where’s over here and just what are you two doing?” There was a note of uncertainty in Linda’s voice. For years she’d tried to talk Debbie into making some sort of move on Mike. Before now, she’d known only failure.
Mike turned his head and yelled, “Tell us what y’all were doing, first.”
Debbie could almost see Frank grinning as he said, “Oh, you know, this and that.”
“Well, this and that’s what we’ve been doing,” said Mark.
“Are you serious?” The tone of Linda’s voice was a mixture of excitement and incredulity. “I mean, the two of you, have you really been doing it?”
“We’re getting married.” Debbie’s announcement brought a squeal of pleasure from Linda.
“She’s wrong,” said Mike. He turned and looked down at Debbie, who grinned as his hips began grinding into her. When he spoke again, his voice was just loud enough to let Linda and Frank eavesdrop. “We’re already married. Husband and wife, it’s even been consummated, the whole nine yards. We just haven’t gotten around to a wedding ceremony.”
“That’s us,” said Debbie. “We’ve gone from being old friends to being an old married couple.” She wrapped her arms around Mike’s neck and tried to pull his head down to hers.
Before she could get his mouth within reach, Mike said, “Hey Frank, you engaged young people make yourself comfortable. Us old married folks have some more consummating to take care of.”
From the Author
note: In his critique of “Love on the Levee” TheEarl, while helpful and kind, mentioned it wasn’t his type of story and that the ending annoyed him. This got me to wondering if I could write an entertaining but more explicit ending similar in tone and style to the original story which is in the Romance category.
And If you think this submission is bad, you should have seen it before bridgetkeeney took pity of poor, unsuspecting Lit readers and helped me knock off some of the rough edges.
For those too lazy, sorry, no-account, slothful, and/or indifferent to check out the original story, which is at, http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=104055 here is a brief sketch.
Time: afternoon in the summer of ‘68
Place: the levee of the Mississippi River in Baton Rouge, La.
Following a “hippie” wedding, Mike Floyd and Debbie Rankin, life-long “best friends” are sitting alone on the levee. A few months before, during a party at this same spot, the two college students got into a make-out session. Now, while waiting for another couple to show back up after making love, they talk about that night and try to sort out their relationship.
For continuity, this ending picks up a few paragraphs before the end to the original story. Any thoughts about how to whip this sucker into shape will be appreciated.
Rumple Foreskin
--
Love on the Levee – the r-rated ending
They gazed at one another until Debbie noticed she was biting her lower lip. Surprised, she looked out at the river and tried to think. If she wanted Mike as more than just her best friend, and she did, she’d have to make the first move and pray it worked.
Taking a deep breath, she got up from the log and moved in between Mike’s outstretched legs. Wrapping her fingers around the back of his neck, she whispered, “You’re right, Michael Henry Floyd, we do like each other, a whole lot, and it does feel very, very good. But since that night we kissed, I haven’t been able to think of you as just a friend. You mean a lot more to me now. So what I want to know, what I need you to tell me, is whether I’ve become more to you than just a friend.”
A startled look flashed across Mike’s features. Then he slid his arms around her slender waist and pulled her close. “You always did have more guts than me. Deb, I fought falling in love with you all summer. And believe me, the night we went skinny-dipping I damn near lost. But now I surrender, unconditionally. Lady, I love you so much it hurts.”
“Oh Mike, I love you, too,” said Debbie, as she wrapped her arms around him.
They held each other close, kissing slowly, their lips giving testimony to their new relationship. When the kiss finally ended, it seemed by mutual consent. As Debbie stared into Mike’s eyes, she began unbuttoning her blouse. When it fell open, she took his hands in hers and gently pressed the palms against her breasts. “You know me, I never do anything half-way. I’m yours, now and forever. But I’m greedy, Mike. I want all of you, all the time, for all time.”
Mike nodded. The deal had been struck. He was hers, she was his, and Rene was history. Nodding toward the spot where they first kissed, she said, “Let’s go over there and pick-up where we left off. Only this time, if you really love me, if you want me, don’t you dare stop.”
A smile slowly spread across his face. “Best idea I’ve heard in this lifetime.” His fingers gently rolled her hard nipples and for a moment Debbie forgot how to breathe. Mike’s voice seemed to come from a fog. “Just one thing. I want you forever, not just now. So Debbie, will you marry me?”
“Oh my God, yes,” she cried, throwing herself back into his arms. They hugged until she leaned back and laughed. “Where’d that stupid preacher, the Boo-Hoo, where’d he go?”
“We don’t need him or anyone else, Deb. In every way that really counts, we’re already married. Now please hush so I can kiss my bride.” Cradling her head in his hands, he sealed their union with a long, gentle kiss. When their lips parted, he looked down into her eyes and smiled, “Now let’s go find that spot.”
They walked over arm in arm and then, by unspoken agreement, took turns undressing each other. Neither wanted anything between them for what both sensed was their destiny, and knew was their desire. Behind the pile of driftwood, Mike spread their clothes on the smooth, sandy soil, creating a makeshift pallet.
When he turned to face her, Debbie stepped forward and pressed her nude body against his. The feel of his flesh against hers, knowing they were about to make love, that this man loved her and that she’d be in his arms for the rest of her life—it was all so overwhelming, Debbie began to cry. Why hadn’t she realized how much she loved Mike? And how close had she come to losing him?
To Mike’s credit, he didn’t make a joke. Instead, he held her close and softly stroked her long, red hair until the emotional storm began to pass. Before she could say something about feeling dumb for crying, he placed a fingertip on her lips and gently eased her down.
Mike already had her heart and her soul; now she wanted him to touch, to kiss, to possess every inch of her body. When his lips encircled her nipple and he began to suck, she felt her body levitating up to meet his mouth. Her legs opened to him the moment his fingers brushed over her silken pubic hairs.
A finger slipped inside her body and Debbie gasped with pleasure. She felt his lips leave her breast and trace a path down her torso. When Mike’s tongue replaced his finger, a jolt of passion raced through her body. His tongue was soon driving her wild. She trembled and heard herself moaning Mike’s name. Moments later her hips jerked upward as a powerful orgasm exploded from deep inside her writhing figure.
It was incredible—like nothing she’d ever experienced. But it wasn’t enough. She wanted Mike inside her. And she wanted him there, now.
“Please, Mike,” was all she could say while reaching down for him. He nodded and let her guide him into position between her long, outstretched legs.
“Lady, I do love the way you lend a helping hand. But, you know, if we practice a whole lot, someday I may be able to get there all by myself.”
Debbie laughed, “You idiot. Damn, but I love you so much. Now please, let’s start practicing.”
For just a moment, they looked into each other’s eyes, sharing the moment, knowing the significance of what they were about to do. Then their hips moved toward one another and the bodies of the two old friends fused into one new being.
They worked together in a harmony of love and passion. Debbie’s joy felt overwhelming. Her body thrilled to the feel of Mike's hardness. For her, there was no time other than this moment; no man other than this one, the man she’d known all her life, the man she loved so much, the man who was now taking her towards the brink of total ecstasy.
Desire, need, lust, longing, plus totally unrestrained love pounded through every fiber of her being. The sound of Mike’s breathing, the smell of his after-shave, the way his hair was mussed, it all seemed so familiar. And yet, everything was different.
The body she’d known all her life, had wrestled with as a kid, had danced with in high school, was now naked and entwined with hers. But the real difference was Mike being inside her; uniting their bodies in a way she’d never imagined before the night they first kissed. She wanted nothing more than to keep making love with Mike Floyd for the rest of the day, and then for the rest of her life.
Another tidal wave of passion soon began building within her until it finally broke in a long, exquisite orgasm. Although stunned by the erotic explosion, her mind and body were still in synch with the rhythm of Mike’s movements.
As she reeled from the force of her own climax, Mike began slamming into her with almost savage thrusts. He moaned, “Oh, Deb,” and buried himself deep inside her trembling body.
She luxuriated in the feel of his shaft throbbing in time with her own excited pulse. When his body finally relaxed, Debbie pulled him close and wrapped him in her arms.
They lay together, spent and happy, their moist bodies entwined in a lover's knot, savoring their first moment of shared, post-coital bliss. Debbie would have been willing to lie there all day, just looking up into the clear, late afternoon sky while holding Mike in her arms. But the moment ended when someone yelled for them.
“Hey, where’d y’all go?”
The driftwood that protected their hiding place from prying eyes also blocked their view. However, Debbie recognized the voice of her cousin Linda. Apparently she and Frank had finished their own lovemaking.
“We’re over here,” shouted Debbie.
“Where’s over here and just what are you two doing?” There was a note of uncertainty in Linda’s voice. For years she’d tried to talk Debbie into making some sort of move on Mike. Before now, she’d known only failure.
Mike turned his head and yelled, “Tell us what y’all were doing, first.”
Debbie could almost see Frank grinning as he said, “Oh, you know, this and that.”
“Well, this and that’s what we’ve been doing,” said Mark.
“Are you serious?” The tone of Linda’s voice was a mixture of excitement and incredulity. “I mean, the two of you, have you really been doing it?”
“We’re getting married.” Debbie’s announcement brought a squeal of pleasure from Linda.
“She’s wrong,” said Mike. He turned and looked down at Debbie, who grinned as his hips began grinding into her. When he spoke again, his voice was just loud enough to let Linda and Frank eavesdrop. “We’re already married. Husband and wife, it’s even been consummated, the whole nine yards. We just haven’t gotten around to a wedding ceremony.”
“That’s us,” said Debbie. “We’ve gone from being old friends to being an old married couple.” She wrapped her arms around Mike’s neck and tried to pull his head down to hers.
Before she could get his mouth within reach, Mike said, “Hey Frank, you engaged young people make yourself comfortable. Us old married folks have some more consummating to take care of.”
-Lego
