Rumple Foreskin
The AH Patriarch
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2002
- Posts
- 11,109
Greetings,
As hard working, dedicated writers, (that is what we are, isn’t it?) we often face the problem of communicating to the reader some nuanced usage of an otherwise common word. Think of the vast permutations of the word, “FUCK.”
Let’s FUCK.
FUCK off, you little FUCKER.
Well, FUCK you.
Don’t FUCK with me, FUCK WAD.
What the FUCK’s wrong?
FUCK if I know.
You’re FUCKING weird.
The inconsistent usage of many English words is a challenge for all writers, especially beginners and those for whom English isn’t their “mother tongue.” As a special service of “No Hope Enterprises” Rumple Foreskin, CEO (chief erotic obsessive), here is a short list of words women often use, and the “real” meanings.
--
WORDS WOMEN USE
******************************
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not ! faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
--
Lit. additions:
UH HUH, RIGHT (contributed by Impressive)
Kiss my ass, dickhead.
WHATEVER (contributed by Cloudy)
Accompanied by the rolled eyes - self-explanatory
HMMMM (contributed by Lou of Twat Thread fame)
I will not comment on this further because you have pissed me off beyond words now and if I said anything I'd only be repeating myself. You just don't get it, do you??? (With the voice getting louder as the tirade continues.)
WERE YOU PLANNING...? (contributed by Fogbank)
As in: "Were you planning to wear that tie?"
"Were you planning on staying out all night?"
"Were you planning on just flipping channels for the next half hour?"
note: "YES" is never, ever, the correct answer.
As hard working, dedicated writers, (that is what we are, isn’t it?) we often face the problem of communicating to the reader some nuanced usage of an otherwise common word. Think of the vast permutations of the word, “FUCK.”
Let’s FUCK.
FUCK off, you little FUCKER.
Well, FUCK you.
Don’t FUCK with me, FUCK WAD.
What the FUCK’s wrong?
FUCK if I know.
You’re FUCKING weird.
The inconsistent usage of many English words is a challenge for all writers, especially beginners and those for whom English isn’t their “mother tongue.” As a special service of “No Hope Enterprises” Rumple Foreskin, CEO (chief erotic obsessive), here is a short list of words women often use, and the “real” meanings.
--
WORDS WOMEN USE
******************************
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not ! faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
--
Lit. additions:
UH HUH, RIGHT (contributed by Impressive)
Kiss my ass, dickhead.
WHATEVER (contributed by Cloudy)
Accompanied by the rolled eyes - self-explanatory
HMMMM (contributed by Lou of Twat Thread fame)
I will not comment on this further because you have pissed me off beyond words now and if I said anything I'd only be repeating myself. You just don't get it, do you??? (With the voice getting louder as the tirade continues.)
WERE YOU PLANNING...? (contributed by Fogbank)
As in: "Were you planning to wear that tie?"
"Were you planning on staying out all night?"
"Were you planning on just flipping channels for the next half hour?"
note: "YES" is never, ever, the correct answer.
Last edited:
