darlingguy2
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2006
- Posts
- 198
I have a dilemma and would appreciate it if you would lend me your ear and give me some advice. My wife and I have been planning for years to move down to North Carolina and start a new life. I am half way through with my master’s degree in secondary education and have started to look at the market for teachers in the south. I was pleased to see that there are many teaching position open and the salaries are pretty good. Homes are very reasonable also. We seem to like the Winston-Salem area and a great home will cost you about $225k. Here in New York the same home will cost you $700k and teaching positions are getting scarce.
During the holiday my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. My wife and I knew for a long time he was not well but on Xmas day he fell into a deep depression and began to utter a lot of strange things like he killed us all. My mother and sister in-law refuse to believe he is not well. They think he will get better but the doctor has tried to tell them he is only going to get worse. His advice was to get him some real medical and adult care.
My In-laws are both 74 and have been privileged for all of their lives. His home, apartment buildings and great deal of land was given to him by his aunt and uncle. He lived off of the rental income for years and let all of his property fall into a terrible state. When we got married, my in-laws allowed us to live in one of the homes his uncle build. When we moved into the house it was pretty run down. While we have replaced some of the windows, doors, furnace, lighting, floors and the whole shower wall, the house remains a horrible place to live. We are a family of five and the house only has two bedrooms. My three year old daughter sleeps between us, putting a serious damper on our sex life.
I pretty much earned my way onto my college's honors list every semester and hope my hard work will land me a job in North Carolina. Today I found out that my mother in-law refuses to get my father in-law the services that he needs. She does not cook and feeds him the worst of foods. He was found to have very high blood pressure and his doctor told my mother in law to avoid any salt. She instead has been feeding him McDonalds. She has never been a part of any decision making with the rental properties and doesn't know how to pay the simplest of bills. My father in-law pretty much did every thing. The taxes here in New York are very high and before he got ill, he wanted to sell the property and get away. My mother in-law fought to keep the place by bulling him. Now she is running the property and does not have a clue as to what she is doing.
Now my mother and sister in-laws want my wife to give up the plans we created some time back and take care of a falling apart business. My in-laws have a great deal of money and the sale of the property would make them millionaires four times over, but they refuse. They want my wife to take care of the property and my father in-law whose is 300 lbs and in terrible physical shape. My mother in-law is weak physically also but is so stubborn she will not sell anything. My father in-law has been more than good to us and we have stayed here rent free for years until I could finish college. My sister in-law how ever tell my wife we are indebted to them and must sacrifice our lives for her parents. My sister in-law lives in a million dollar home outside Chicago and doesn't have to do anything; her husband makes a good living. She refuses to believe there is anything wrong with her parents and has told my wife to toe the line.
They know I will never allow myself or my kids to live like this but my wife seems to be connected to her family. They use guilt to keep her into staying and living in this run down house. They have told her that they are more important than I am and if I leave her it was all for the best. Now I am just waiting to finish college and leave, but I have no idea if she will come with me or stay with her family. I do have some money for a deposit on a home, but don't own a car. I have not worked for four years because of school, but took care of the house and kids, doing the cleaning, laundry and cooking every day. We have pretty much every thing but a real home.
I am not sure what I should do. New York is so expensive and I feel like we are being pushed out. What would you do? How would you approach this situation? Should I leave and hope she comes with me? If I stay I will destroy my self respect and positive feeling for the future. I don't want their money; I just want to be free of their nonsense. They might have been privilege by other people’s accomplishments, but I just want to enjoy the privilege of being alive.
During the holiday my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. My wife and I knew for a long time he was not well but on Xmas day he fell into a deep depression and began to utter a lot of strange things like he killed us all. My mother and sister in-law refuse to believe he is not well. They think he will get better but the doctor has tried to tell them he is only going to get worse. His advice was to get him some real medical and adult care.
My In-laws are both 74 and have been privileged for all of their lives. His home, apartment buildings and great deal of land was given to him by his aunt and uncle. He lived off of the rental income for years and let all of his property fall into a terrible state. When we got married, my in-laws allowed us to live in one of the homes his uncle build. When we moved into the house it was pretty run down. While we have replaced some of the windows, doors, furnace, lighting, floors and the whole shower wall, the house remains a horrible place to live. We are a family of five and the house only has two bedrooms. My three year old daughter sleeps between us, putting a serious damper on our sex life.
I pretty much earned my way onto my college's honors list every semester and hope my hard work will land me a job in North Carolina. Today I found out that my mother in-law refuses to get my father in-law the services that he needs. She does not cook and feeds him the worst of foods. He was found to have very high blood pressure and his doctor told my mother in law to avoid any salt. She instead has been feeding him McDonalds. She has never been a part of any decision making with the rental properties and doesn't know how to pay the simplest of bills. My father in-law pretty much did every thing. The taxes here in New York are very high and before he got ill, he wanted to sell the property and get away. My mother in-law fought to keep the place by bulling him. Now she is running the property and does not have a clue as to what she is doing.
Now my mother and sister in-laws want my wife to give up the plans we created some time back and take care of a falling apart business. My in-laws have a great deal of money and the sale of the property would make them millionaires four times over, but they refuse. They want my wife to take care of the property and my father in-law whose is 300 lbs and in terrible physical shape. My mother in-law is weak physically also but is so stubborn she will not sell anything. My father in-law has been more than good to us and we have stayed here rent free for years until I could finish college. My sister in-law how ever tell my wife we are indebted to them and must sacrifice our lives for her parents. My sister in-law lives in a million dollar home outside Chicago and doesn't have to do anything; her husband makes a good living. She refuses to believe there is anything wrong with her parents and has told my wife to toe the line.
They know I will never allow myself or my kids to live like this but my wife seems to be connected to her family. They use guilt to keep her into staying and living in this run down house. They have told her that they are more important than I am and if I leave her it was all for the best. Now I am just waiting to finish college and leave, but I have no idea if she will come with me or stay with her family. I do have some money for a deposit on a home, but don't own a car. I have not worked for four years because of school, but took care of the house and kids, doing the cleaning, laundry and cooking every day. We have pretty much every thing but a real home.
I am not sure what I should do. New York is so expensive and I feel like we are being pushed out. What would you do? How would you approach this situation? Should I leave and hope she comes with me? If I stay I will destroy my self respect and positive feeling for the future. I don't want their money; I just want to be free of their nonsense. They might have been privilege by other people’s accomplishments, but I just want to enjoy the privilege of being alive.
