Women why do you??????????????

[driver775]

I know that I will probably catch hell for this, but here it
goes anyway.
Scenario: A woman has the choice of two men. First man
is a gentleman and knows how to make a woman feel loved,
beautiful, and alive, etc... Second man is a total jerk. thinks
women are just here for his personal use to have sex with
and teats them like shit.
The woman decides to get involved with the asshole, man
#2 and decides she doesn't like the way he treats her and
starts complaining to her friends about him. Eventually she
gets wise and dumps him. Does she learn from her mistake
and make a better choice in men next time and go after
man #1? Noooo. She gets involved with a man similar to man
#2. Al the while complaining she can't find a man that will
treat her like a lady and love her, etc... Now meantime the
kind of man she says she wants is in front of her all this time.
He is man #1. But yet she still gets involved with men that
are jerks, all the while complaining that men are jerks.
Why not stop complaining and go after what she says she
wants? I have seen a lot of women do this and have never
been able to figure this out. I have even asked my women
friends this and they don't have a rational answer. Women,
if you want a man that will be loving, romantic, sexual, etc..
then go after that kind of man and stop going after the jerks.
Or at least stop complaining and saying all men are pigs.
Note: I am not accusing any ladies here at Lit per se'
It would be more correct to say all the men she has dated
were jerks, but that would reflect on her own abilities
in judgement of charecter, etc....


Well that is my bitch of the day. Folks here at Lit, ya all
have a nice weekend and be safe.

My brothers in trucking, keep the hammer down and
be safe and DON'T FEED THE BEARS.

 

[MissTaken]

Why do we..?

Who, me?

Admittedly, my judgment sucks with regard to men, but heh!

I am working on it.

Is this another one of those nice guys finishing last questions?


Love is a chemical reaction among other things.
We dont' always control who we care about.

I know some very nice men who just don't do it for me.
I know some assholes who really don't do it for me?

Hell! Right now, no one does it for me!

AT least I am honest ?

 

[Wiggles]

I would imagine there'd be a lot of different concious and subliminal factors going into her choice.

Sometimes when a womans father is a dick, she's goes after dicks. It's her idea of love, and her idea of what a man's supposed to be.

Usually the woman doesn't even see the patterns and cycles she's moving in. She really doesn't get it. And it's not because she's stupid, it's because it's hard to see our own behaviours through someone elses eyes. It's just as hard to step back and try to break the cycle.

Maybe she feels like she doesn't deserve this guy. I turned down quite a few 'good' guys during high school because I just didn't feel worthy of that.

Has man #1 even asked her out on a date? Or is he being the typical 'nice guy' and just standing meekly by while the rough guys put on the moves?

Or maybe it's just because life isn't fair? Fuck if I know.

*Hug* hope your night gets better.

 

[Blackbich]

Of course, you're going to catch hell for saying that.

I think it's because, um, well...

Hell, I don't know. For the women who consistently do that, it's something in them that feel they don't deserve any better.

I can honestly say that I don't do that. I run from all men cause the nice ones turn into the jerks once they think they 'have' you.

 

[LadyBlueMoon]

Driver, I certainly don't mean that this fits you, and it is true that there are women who bounce from one jerk to another, seemingly trying to fullfill some masochistic need...
On the other hand, many guys who wind up second immediately deem the winner a 'jerk', perhaps to protect their own bruised ego. I know a lot of nice guys with wonderful women, my husband included!

 

[medjay]

I have several female friends who habitually date assholes. Some have no good excuse, others have moronic excuses and a couple actually have an acceptable reason.

Here's a little compilation of factors based on personal interviews I've conducted over the years:

#1 - Women like the challenge of turning a bad boy into a prize. They see a "Diamond in the rough". Of course, if any man actually changes his rougish ways to accomidate his lady, she will immidiately lose interest in him because no woman wants a man who doesn't stand up for himself.

#2 - "Yeah, he acts crazy, jealous and posessive but that just shows how much he really loves me."

#3 - "Nice, sweet guys are boring. I like excitement."

And the winner is: "All my boyfriends have less education and money than me. I only date thugs and idiots because I know in my heart that I'm better than them and they know it too. That way I have control."

Once a woman gets burned enough times she may grow up and realize what see really wants. Until then, good eligible men will keep hearing lines like the ones above.

 

[Mischka]

OK, time to turn the tables. Mr. Mischka has a single friend that is constantly bugging me to set him up with my single law school friends. He wants to meet an intelligent, funny, attractive woman with similar moral values and interests. Kinda a tall order, but not outside the realm of possibility. He's a decent guy, funny, kind, and pretty intelligent. He's not the most attractive, according to my standards, but he's definitely a good guy all around.

He's tagged along to several law school and firm happy hours. I told him I would introduce him to my friends, but I wasn't going to set him up. Without fail, he gravitates towards the most beautiful of the bunch, and completely ignores the women that may not be covermodels, but are awesome people. I've even introduced him twice to several of the women with whom he shares loads in common. He didn't remember he'd met them before, but he's asked me several times about the woman I know that looks like Tiffany Amber Thiessen. He knows nothing else about her, except what she looks like.

So there you have it. Some guys - just like some girls - may give lip service to wanting to find a good person to date, but they're really not at that point yet.

 

[Blackbich]

OK, time to turn the tables. Mr. Mischka has a single friend that is constantly bugging me to set him up with my single law school friends. He wants to meet an intelligent, funny, attractive woman with similar moral values and interests. He's a decent guy, funny, kind, and pretty intelligent. Kinda a tall order, but not outside the realm of possibility. He's not the most attractive, according to my standards, but he's definitely a good guy all around.

He's tagged along to several law school and firm happy hours. I told him I would introduce him to my friends, but I wasn't going to set him up. Without fail, he gravitates towards the most beautiful of the bunch, and completely ignores the women that may not be covermodels, but are awesome people. I've even introduced him twice to several of the women with whom he shares loads in common. He didn't remember he'd met them before, but he's asked me several times about the woman I know that looks like Tiffany Amber Thiessen. He knows nothing else about her, except what she looks like.

So there you have it. Some guys - just like some girls - may give lip service to wanting to find a good person to date, but they're really not at that point yet.

Thank you, Mischka. I, apparently, didn't get my point across as eloquently since I got a pointed pm about my post. Thank you for saying what I tried to say.

 

[Lost Cause]

You're on target, driver....

You decribe 90% of the females I know up here! They pursue that path, and I have to listen to the whine session, or pick them up from jail, because I'm the "nice guy" (read that-"sucker!")
That's part of the reason I am not looking at this time for a new female, because I don't want to have to listen on a date what an asshole their last boyfriend was!
It may be that only 10-30% of the total female populance is that way, but they're the ones I run into!

*Love is a misused word for "lust", they just don't want to be perceived as someone who needs to be, "Screwed, blued, and tattooed!"

 

[medjay]

After several years of being the "Nice guys", my friend and I decided to conduct a sociological experiment. We both adopted asshole, alpha-male personas and hit the streets to see what would happen.

When meeting females, we threw caution to the wind and engaged in the most boorish bevahior we could imagine.

The results?

We ended up meeting more women and having more sex in one summer than either of us previously managed in a whole year! One of the girls still calls me even though I've repeatedly told her I'm no longer interested. We stopped because we just didn't have the energy or desire to keep up the charade.

We've since retired our alter egos, retaining just enough of the confidence and bravado necessary to keep from being the "nice guy" wall flowers women tend to dismiss.

I guess it's all about striking that perfect balance. Confidence is everything.

 

[PacificBlue]

I agree with Mischka.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

that would reflect on her own abilities
in judgement of charecter, etc....

Driver, I am guilty of this too, but I consider myself fortunate. I woke up a few years ago and decided that I was deserving of a loving relationship that included being respected by my lover. All I can say is those who forget the past, are doomed to repeat it.

 

[driver775]

women

With all of these things being said, all of you have made excellent points. The thing is though these women still complain
about guys being jerks, a few of you have discussed this. There have been times that being their friend I guess I used what some people called tough love and told them to either do something to stop this cycle they were in, or stop whining. I really caught hell for asking one lady friend if she wanted cheese and crackers with her whine. hehehe I am not insensitive, but after repetedly going through this, fuck it.
As for me, I am far from being a wimp, and I am not exactly a saint. I just don't treat women like shit. But part of the issue I was pointing at was that women do this and then complain. My tough love, did it work? Don't know, got fed up after befriending her for the umteenth time. Yeah I know a true friend never turns their back. Hey it gets old after a while.

 

[driver775]

women

With all of these things being said, all of you have made excellent points. The thing is though these women still complain
about guys being jerks, a few of you have discussed this. There have been times that being their friend I guess I used what some people called tough love and told them to either do something to stop this cycle they were in, or stop whining. I really caught hell for asking one lady friend if she wanted cheese and crackers with her whine. hehehe I am not insensitive, but after repetedly going through this, fuck it.
As for me, I am far from being a wimp, and I am not exactly a saint. I just don't treat women like shit. But part of the issue I was pointing at was that women do this and then complain. My tough love, did it work? Don't know, got fed up after befriending her for the umteenth time. Yeah I know a true friend never turns their back. Hey it gets old after a while.
By the way, yes some guys do this too, and then complain
about women.We can be just as fucked up as women
psychologicaly. I have seen nice guys go after total bitches.

 

[medjay]

Some guys - just like some girls - may give lip service to wanting to find a good person to date, but they're really not at that point yet.

Everyone has their patterns. If a person's pattern is to constantly attract someone who is bad for them then they will keep doing it until they decide to stop. This goes for men and women.

I know plenty of guys who swear up and down that they want a nice, smart, supportive woman but constantly look for them in places where nice, smart, supportive women aren't likely to be. I know plenty of guys who date beautiful yet vapid and self-centered women. Guys are also guilty of trying to "change" a woman who they think might have the potential to fit his preconcieved mold.

Also keep in mind the fact that a lot of men are intimidated by self-assured women even though they claim that's what they want. The bottom line is: men and women need to mature to the point where they really know themselves and what they want out of another person. Most people have no idea.

 

[Mischka]

Also keep in mind the fact that a lot of men are intimidated by self-assured women even though they claim that's what they want. The bottom line is: men and women need to mature to the point where they really know themselves and what they want out of another person. Most people have no idea.

Good point, medjay.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

It gets old from my point of view as well, when I have to listen to girlfriends who complain bitterly about wrongs done to them by jerks. I want to yell Wake up Woman!!! Get a life and move on with it!!
And Driver, I don't think you were insensitive with your remark of "Want some cheese with your wine?" Have used it myself.
Maybe these women like the pity party they can host, I dunno. I tend to avoid these type of people now.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Everyone has their patterns. If a person's pattern is to constantly attract someone who is bad for them then they will keep doing it until they decide to stop. This goes for men and women.

The bottom line is: men and women need to mature to the point where they really know themselves and what they want out of another person. Most people have no idea.

A very good point! And to carry it further, some people never get a clue.

 

[perks]

let me preface this by saying I didn't read the whole thread...

now my answer.

You may think guy number one is the gentleman, romantic perfect guy, but that guy needs to get some charisma, some balls, some attitude.

You know why chics go for the second guy, the asshole? We're biologically trained to go for the most virile guy available.

It's Survival of the Fittest, baby.

that's only one part of it.

I'm so tired of guys saying "ohhhhhhhh, I'm the nice guy, she doesn't want me cause I'm the nice one, the romantic one."

You know what, that's bullshit. I don't want you cause you're smarmy. You think that all that cliche bullshit is what makes you nice. It's not, sugah.

As for the guy you think is an asshole. Yeah he might seem like an asshole to you, but obviously if he has allllllllllll those women he knows what he's doing, right? He knows how to turn on the charm, he knows how to give her what she wants when he's with her so she keeps running back, right?

Now, as for me, I don't go for the classically attractive boys. I go for the intense men with the intellect, the originality, the sexual depth and a spiritual fulfillment. He's strong, and he's a bad boy, but he's all bad for me. Get it? That's incredibly good in my book.

that whole good guy, bad guy thang. It's trite, and no one person fits in that box. I've never known a guy that fits perfectly under either one of those labels.

 

[medjay]

It gets old from my point of view as well, when I have to listen to girlfriends who complain bitterly about wrongs done to them by jerks. I want to yell Wake up Woman!!! Get a life and move on with it!!

I don't listen to any of the whine sessions anymore. I usually just cut them off and say "Isn't it about time you grew up? If you start acting like a woman instead of a little girl you might meet a man intead of another boy."

The funny thing is, they alway hang their heads and say I'm right then go out and do the same thing all over again.

 

[medjay]

let me preface this by saying I didn't read the whole thread...

now my answer.

You may think guy number one is the gentleman, romantic perfect guy, but that guy needs to get some charisma, some balls, some attitude.

You know why chics go for the second guy, the asshole? We're biologically trained to go for the most virile guy available.

It's Survival of the Fittest, baby.

that's only one part of it.

I'm so tired of guys saying "ohhhhhhhh, I'm the nice guy, she doesn't want me cause I'm the nice one, the romantic one."

You know what, that's bullshit. I don't want you cause you're smarmy. You think that all that cliche bullshit is what makes you nice. It's not, sugah.

As for the guy you think is an asshole. Yeah he might seem like an asshole to you, but obviously if he has allllllllllll those women he knows what he's doing, right? He knows how to turn on the charm, he knows how to give her what she wants when he's with her so she keeps running back, right?

Now, as for me, I don't go for the classically attractive boys. I go for the intense men with the intellect, the originality, the sexual depth and a spiritual fulfillment. He's strong, and he's a bad boy, but he's all bad for me. Get it? That's incredibly good in my book.

that whole good guy, bad guy thang. It's trite, and no one person fits in that box. I've never known a guy that fits perfectly under either one of those labels.

That's all great because apparently you don't complain about the guys you meet. We're talking about women who say they want one thing and go after the opposite.


Other than that, your comments all make sense. Charisma, balls and attitude are all very important and you can posess those without being a dickhead. No woman wants a pantywaist guy, no matter how "great" he is or thinks he is.

 

[perks]

okay, then why do guys want to be with the girls that keep doing that?

Ya know what I mean, sugah?

 

[lilpriss]

We all want what we can't have...

example... put a sign on a bike... "free bike" will anyone take it? NOPE.

Now, just leave the same bike out and look away for about, oh, 30 seconds... it's history.

It's like this... the "nice guys" have zero self assurance... otherwise they wouldn't want to know why they always finish last.

I dated a nice guy for a very long time. I realized that we have similar future hopes but that was it... zero intierests that meshed at all.

So, it's not necessarily the good guy/ bad guy whine... the simple fact is you may not hear about all the GREAT things the asshole does for her, because you're too busy being self piteous to hear what she's saying...

She may want you to say,"You know what? You don't need him, You need someone like me... now take off your clothes, so I can fuck the shit out of you." Yeah I didn't think you would that's the point... the "asshole" would.

We don't want to have to do all the work, and when a nice guy starts in with his self deprecation we just roll our eyes...

I want someone who knows what he wants and how to get it... not someone I have to lead like a puppy... unfortunately people who know what they want and how to get it can be assholes...

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

I know that I will probably catch hell for this, but here it
goes anyway.
Scenario: A woman has the choice of two men. First man
is a gentleman and knows how to make a woman feel loved,
beautiful, and alive, etc... Second man is a total jerk. thinks
women are just here for his personal use to have sex with
and teats them like shit.
The woman decides to get involved with the asshole, man
#2 and decides she doesn't like the way he treats her and
starts complaining to her friends about him. Eventually she
gets wise and dumps him. Does she learn from her mistake
and make a better choice in men next time and go after
man #1? Noooo. She gets involved with a man similar to man
#2. Al the while complaining she can't find a man that will
treat her like a lady and love her, etc... Now meantime the
kind of man she says she wants is in front of her all this time.
He is man #1. But yet she still gets involved with men that
are jerks, all the while complaining that men are jerks.
Why not stop complaining and go after what she says she
wants? I have seen a lot of women do this and have never
been able to figure this out. I have even asked my women
friends this and they don't have a rational answer. Women,
if you want a man that will be loving, romantic, sexual, etc..
then go after that kind of man and stop going after the jerks.
Or at least stop complaining and saying all men are pigs.
Note: I am not accusing any ladies here at Lit per se'
It would be more correct to say all the men she has dated
were jerks, but that would reflect on her own abilities
in judgement of charecter, etc....


Well that is my bitch of the day. Folks here at Lit, ya all
have a nice weekend and be safe.

My brothers in trucking, keep the hammer down and
be safe and DON'T FEED THE BEARS.

The day that you guys can figure out the mind of a woman, I will take my dress off and show the world. (oh hell, I might do that anyway, since everyone else here shows their own AV) I don't even know why women do this.

Maybe because innately, we all want what we can't have. Even though this woman can have the nice guy, it's too easy a bag. I don't mean that to sound so trite, but that's the best I can come up with right now. I have a friend that I work with. She's gorgeous, has a GREAT body and when we go out, I see all the men stare at her with lust in their eyes. She could have any man she wanted in any place we go. She goes home to a guy that is a jerk. I mean total pompous ass. He cheats on her left and right and yet, she won't let him go. He's wanted a divorce for months, and yet, she BEGS him to stay. His mistress and his wife talk daily on the phone trying to out-do each other... I mean it's sick just witnessing this. The more I've gotten to know her, she has very low self-esteem, and I think this is part of the problem. Maybe she fears she doesn't deserve any better. I'm not sure. Talking with her about him, I can see her insecurity, but she thinks things are just fine between her and him. She purposely got pregnant by her husband in the hope that he would put off the divorce for a while, although she is SO worried about what this pregnancy will do to her body (shallow and materialistic)

It's true sometimes that the good guys finish last. I don't know why that is or why women need to feel that they aren't worthy of a nice guy who treats them right and would do anything to make them happy. They just don't have enough confidence in themselves to think they deserve happiness. JMHO of course.

 

[medjay]

okay, then why do guys want to be with the girls that keep doing that?

Ya know what I mean, sugah?

I don't want them! That's because I do know what I want and a flake isn't it.

Other guys, though, always want what they can't have. That platonic female friend is the ultimate tease. They will always be pining for her no matter what she says and does.