Wives and dildos.....

[Blue_Duck]

I posted this over in the fetish forum as well, your thoughts are appreciated!
Guys, I'm trying to spice up the sex life in my marriage. Currently, I have sex with my wife about once a month...and then it is pretty vanilla when it happens. Recently, I have been trying to incorporate some of her sex toys (dildos) into our play. Typically, I watch as she uses her favorite dildo (a vibrating rabbit I think it is called) which penetrates and stimulates her clit. I often use a cock shaped dildo to penetrate her after she comes using the rabbit. My question is how can i better use these tools to make things more interesting? I enjoy sucking on the dildo combined with some dirty talk. She has not/will not open up to me with any real fantasies. I do enjoy talking about threesomes and watching her pleasure other men when toying with the dildos. Anyway, sex between us is often seldom and does not always include the above stimulation (often it is just missionary and that is it). Do you guys have any recommendations to better use the resources at hand? Thanks much.
bd

 

[SweetErika]

Have you asked HER about how you two might change things up? If not, I'd suggest doing so very gently when you're not in the bedroom. Reassure her that you're wild about her and having sex with her - it's just that you'd like to explore some other things together.

Have you looked through The Blank Manual sticky and suggested some of the ideas in there? There's a whole section on "Spicing it Up," as well as a ton of other activities, ideas and food for thought.

Are the dildos really her thing, or are they yours? What if she's more into vibes, erotic massage, sensation play, anal stimulation, some bondage, domination, or other things?

After you talk to her about trying some different things, could you refer her here, to the forums and/or stories, to browse at her own pace and see what might get her motor running? Women often enjoy the written word more than visual stimulation, so erotica and such can be a good place to start.

 

[Blue_Duck]

Wow, thanks for the link and thoughts Erika!

 

[erotiquegirl]

Ask her. Take a story from Lit and put your names (and looks) in it. Give it to her to read. Buy some erotic books and read them and tell her about them. Could work. I'd start off with the one-on-one fantasies first or go for it. Up to you.

Go on dates. That will spice it up.

 

[Cameo_Fleur]

Call her and ask her out on a date...pick her up at "home" and go out like kids. Have a make out session in the back seat.

Vary the places you make love. Try a different room in your house, try it on the floor, on the divan, in the shower. Go outside and make love outdoors (in a secluded place), the beach or in a green park. Go to a motel and pretend you're hooker and client or that you're having an assignation.

Try oral, both giving and recieving.

Read erotic literature together. Get her into reading Literotica. Try to write an erotic story together....and try out all the sexy things.

Most importantly....communicate. Ask her what's wrong and get her to communicate her needs to you.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Wow, thanks for the link and thoughts Erika!

I would also suggest what SweetE is recommending. While we can give you all kinds of kinks to pursue, ultimately it is up to what your wife prefers, not what you find on the internet.

Have an honest chat with her and ask her what she'd like do to spice things up. Make it absolutely, unequivocally clear that you love her no matter what her answer is, and still, you'd like to bring something fresh to your romance and relationship. My suspicion is that while she may not have any specific suggestions, she will be open to trying some new things. The point is to get the lines of communication open and start exploring. This will likely take several conversations to get things moving along.

In addition to the chat, use your free time to research things in general that women similar to your wife tend to like, and start implementing them into your repertoire. Simple things like no strings attached massages, or drawing her a bath, or doing things for her without being asked.

Take cues from your chats as to what she may or may not be inclined to try. Women tend to be pretty vocal about things they're not willing to try and more coy to admit to things that are intriguing, but they unable to talk about.

It is always best to discuss things with her before you try them in the bedroom, however, you can gently insinuate new things and take cues from her reactions whether to proceed or stop what you're doing.

 

[Money1969]

my husband and I had fallen into a very vanilla missionary routine too. What broke us out of it was when he came home early from work one day and tossed me on the bed. He pulled off my shorts and just licked my pussy until I came... 4 times!!! He took a break and then did it again later that afternoon. I could hardly move after all of it. He never even took his pants off and the next morning he did it again. He kept rolling me over into all different positions too.

After that, I realized that the spontaneous and different things were the things I missed. We fucked like rabbits the rest of the week, and in all kinds of positions and with all kinds of toy play as well.

Some times it just takes a reminder of something from the "good ole days" to get you jump-started and back on track.